FLExpat13

Hi, I've never posted on this forum before but have been using it on and off over the past 2-3 years and it's helped answer many questions I've had, on relocating a family of 5 to the US (Florida) from Scotland, UK.
In short (ish!), we moved December 2015 with our 3 kids. They all settled well and are now 14, 11 and 10. Our original assignment here with my husband's work was an 18-month stay, however, they needed him longer and we decided it wasn't quite time to go home so we extended our stay by a year (basically we couldn't decide if we wanted to stay or go home). Soooo now is crunch time and we need to decide what to do. Neither myself or my husband can decide, I am very homesick and miss family and friends massively. He's busy with work during the week and kids activities at the weekend so doesn't feel the same really, and more work opportunities for him here. The problem is, our 3 kids all feel differently. My eldest at 14 absolutely does not want to go back to Scotland. He loves it here. My middle child at 11 wants to go home and misses friends and family like me. The youngest is thriving here too, but misses family so I think at 10 he would be okay no matter what we do.
The issue really is education. The 14 yo started High School here and if we go back he would be 15 and slot into having to take exams in subjects he has not studied. The younger 2 would be ok being in lower years, however, I really worry about my eldest as he would already be blaming us for taking him away from his friends etc in the US, and I worry he would struggle to fit back into the UK school system. They are all bright kids with A's and B's, it's just the fact the eldest would have to go straight into exams that I am so worried about.
Has anyone been through this? If we did decide to stay here and buy a house (renting at the moment with our property back home rented out), my 2 younger ones would not be happy at least initially and to be honest, I worry so much about how I would be able to cope with the homesickness knowing it's now a definite staying here. If anyone can advise how they dealt with moving kids back or making this decision, albeit you do what is best for your kids and not necessarily what you want? Any and all advice welcome!

petitefrancaise

oh, that's a tough one and one that I've struggled with too. The first thing I'd like to know is can you work here? It sounds like you have an L2 visa -not just have you got your work authorisation but can you get a job doing what you want to do?
Do you have green cards? Or are the employers prepared to sponsor you for them?
The advice that I would give to you will depend on the GC situation

FLExpat13

Hi, thanks for responding. Yes my husband is on an L1 visa so me and the kids are attached to that. In answer to your question, I am not 100% sure about working with regards to visa's etc, my situation with the kids makes it near impossible, I have 3 in 3 different schools so my free time in the day is very limited. I took an online course when I came here for the first year, to allow me to possibly work from home however I haven't yet done anything until we decide what we are doing! My husbands work are in the process of getting our green cards so yes, that is not a problem and they will sponsor it. We decided to start the process anyway a while back as we know it takes so long. Also if we do go back to UK it would allow the kids some flexibility when they are older I think? One day I am going back and the next I'm looking at houses to buy here! Losing the plot lol. Want to please everyone, and to be honest if the kids are happy I will be fine with it, but them wanting different things is so hard. I guess we are the adults and have to make a decision and stick with it .... hmm...

petitefrancaise

Get the GCs. As you say, nothing to lose by doing that and it will help you feel more settled. Look at houses to buy. Think about volunteering somewhere ( kids' schools?, library? homeless shelter? local park?

My middle child was also not keen on staying in the USA. He has gone to Amsterdam for university. I am keeping his options open by maintaining his GC status (BTW, you can't just move back to Scotland and keep the GC) . However, he was older than your middle child when we moved here and whilst he had a really good time here, he didn't want to go to college here. He may or may not stay in Europe but that'll be up to him when he finishes college/uni in 3 years' time.

Apart from anything else, we all get homesick from time to time. The trick is to concentrate on right now and making the most of it here. I find the kids take their cue from you, your middle child might feel more settled if they aren't worried due to picking up on your concerns. Buying a house might well help everyone there.

Moving your eldest back to scotland will be problematical in terms of his education as you point out. Do they still do highers in Scotland at a younger age?

I'm sorry, I don't know if I've said anything new to you. It's a really common dilemma and there is no easy answer.

FLExpat13

Thanks, yes we are going ahead with the GC's. Forgive me, I am not too up on the ins and outs of how that all works, guess I kind of buried my head in the sand with that and left it up to my husband. I'm actually pretty busy so working or volunteering isn't really the issue, I help a lot with kids soccer/gymnastics etc, and am pretty involved with my own activities and have friends through soccer. It's more just being generally homesick which I know everyone feels and it is getting easier!
You are so right I think about my middle child, my daughter definitely is a carbon copy of me so yeah, I do make sure I stay unbiased and try to let them see benefits of staying here for them, education is so much better, they are excelling in their sports, and they're off the streets! (my sons' friends back home hang around bored whereas he isn't interested in doing that - phew)
Yes moving a 15 year old is so tough, they don't have highers its now Nat5's but I'm a bit out of touch so would need to do some research on that.
And I know there's no easy answer, I keep waiting for a lightbulb moment which realistically isn't going to come!
Thanks again

FLExpat13

Oh, did your son go to Amsterdam after finishing High School in the US? What age was that at? Good for him, I guess you are still in the US? My kids are all excited at the prospect of college here, while it terrifies me - the cost!!!

petitefrancaise

Yes, he did HS here - the IB diploma. The rest of us are all here- eldest goes to UT Austin and will applying for jobs in the US. Youngest is 10th grade.
The cost of US colleges is indeed scary. Lucky for us eldest got a scholarship and has had very well paid internships that have paid most of her expenses. Amsterdam is way cheaper. We just have youngest to sort out.

jjmb

is there a post missing from this thread? PF seems to be replying to a question that isn't here.

Rete

Yes, her count is 4 but records only show that there are 3 posts visible. You can see this if you click on the user's name and go to find posts by them.

FLExpat13

on my phone i also don't see my original post but on my pc it shows them all. Strange!

Rete

I'm on a PC and your original doesn't show for me either.

It has just appeared.

Jerseygirl

Maybe a can help shed light on the missing post. Because we had been under attack from spammers...hundreds of spam threads per day...IB techies unapproved certain words to avoid the spammy threads being seen. This happened with the OP's opening post....I therefore approved it. The OP then edited the post and it was again automatically put in the mod queue for mod approval. Which means the opening post could not been viewed.

Sorry I know it has made this thread confusing and I have reported the problem to IB.

Rete

Well getting your green cards would be helpful emotionally as just being here on any other type of visa doesn't give you any true stability in making long term plans for the children. Jobs become redundant and oft times with no notice whatsoever and then you are forced to up sticks and leave the US within a few weeks or so. One reason why purchasing a home might not be a good idea until at least the green cards have been applied for.

It's tough missing home and the familiarity of activities, friends and family. If you do stay in the US and get green cards, there is always the option of naturalization 5 years done the line. This would give you the option of being able to return to Scotland and return to live or visit the US whenever you wished. In particular, this is ideal if one or more of the kids decide to stay in the US for schooling and/or for a career.

FLExpat13

Thank said. My husband is actually still contracted through his uk office in order to keep the uk terms and conditions therefore they cannot just force us to up and leave if anything happens, he is protected that way. However if we stay and are no longer on Assignment then he would be paid and contracted out of the us and that would again provide more stability for us (not to mention help financially as the exchange rate is a killer!!)
Thanks Rete for the naturalisation info. I’ll look into that.

mrken30

Not sure if this is relevant, but I think there is a 3 year residency requirement in Scotland to get help with Uni costs.