bourbon-biscuit

OK, well I had considered just drifting away from BE but I’ve changed my mind for now. It will probably be a surprise to most reading this to hear that we have been back in NZ a few weeks now. I won’t be sharing the particulars of what happened but a couple of things conspired together and our choices in the UK were very, very bleak—it was excruciating to realise that, despite really enjoying the UK, our lives there were going to be so very different to how we envisaged them and that our best option by a very long chalk was to return to NZ and call the chapter an OE. I had a whole week where I didn’t sleep but for zoned out naps in the middle of the day and I actually lost weight without any intention- total first for me! We have been fortunate that we’ve just niftily reassembled our Kiwi lives (apart from not having our own home) including the kids’ schooling, husband’s job (well, a better one), hobbies, etc., and we can just carry on for the next two and a half years until our oldest finishes high school and I have finished honours year—then we reconsider our options. It was hard for the children to leave but they have been thrilled to be back and they both gained so much from their UK adventure that despite the difficulties, none of us regret having done it. I bitterly regret selling our home and stuff but I have to remain philosophical about it because of course if we’d known then what we know now, we would have rented it out but I doubt there’s a person on the planet who wouldn’t have done stuff differently with the benefit of hindsight.

I want to reassure anyone planning to return to the UK that although of course there were frustrations and gripes with Blighty, there was nothing there that we were moving away from—it was wonderful to find that actually the UK was much more enjoyable and pleasant to live in that I was expecting; if you have enough money to make it work there then it’s a fantastic place to live and raise kids. My children loved the schooling, loved travelling to Paris, loved visiting family ‘just for a cup of tea’, loved the countryside, the weather (seriously!!!), the museums & culture, the feeling of connection to the world, and so on, and on. Fortunately we all love NZ too and love what it offers us, albeit being different in almost every way! It has broken my heart to leave my family again—especially the newest additions who for a precious few months I thought I was going to be closely involved in the lives of—but ultimately I am accountable to my own two children and just as it did over six and a half years ago, NZ offers us shelter and the ability to do well by our children in a way our particular circumstances do not allow in the UK. I’m not depressed, I’m not unhappy to be in NZ and it’s lovely to be back with all our dear friends because I missed them very much. I know I have a future here and that is a huge relief after what we faced in the UK but my heart is broken, and I don’t think I’ll ever be quite the same again. We had one chance to return in their childhood and to be central in our families and that chance meant enough to us to go “all in”, but that chance is gone—I know I will never have the relationship with my sisters that they have with each other living near each other and raising their kids as close cousins. My children will have a bond with their grandparents that will be different (weaker) to the bond their cousins have with them. NZ is wonderful- I know regular readers will be aware of my fond love of NZ- we have lovely lives here and I can’t regret coming (now or nearly 7 years ago) because of our particular circumstances, but I would caution anyone thinking of emigrating to consider deeply the lifelong implications of emigrating half way round the world, and if we were financially and career-wise able to, we would have remained in the UK with the fondest memories of lovely NZ.

BEVS

Hey. It's lovely to see you.
Never be a stranger BB.

MrsFychan

good luck BB

here have a bag all to yourself

RobDon

+1

ExKiwilass

awwww virtual hugs. you sound like you need it.

dannigirl

Oh BB I am in tears. I sooooooo know how you are feeling and so much resonates for me.

Blimmin' lovely to have ou back on NZ shores though. Big hugs all round for you all

luvwelly

Ouch...you almost made me cry too....I can feel the bittersweetness from here - BB and Danni you have much in common right now. Kind of ruined my Sunday morning to read your post BB....I had such high hopes for you all. Que sera sera.

pintaguiness-pickledegg

Dear BB, this also gave me a lump in the throat to read you are broken hearted. All the best laid plans can turn to custard in a very short space of time, can't they!
Very brave of you to bite the bullet, let your head rule your heart and move back again to NZ.
Really hope it all works out for the best for you and your family, chin up!

burbschook

Thank you so very much for your eloquent post. You touched on many points that may help those thinking of moving away.
It was poignant to read your posts leading up to going to the UK & equally so now that you're back.
With such understanding of your inner feelings & your amazing ability to write them in such a way to comprehend the enormity of the situation, I wish you well for the future.

Welcome home.

Trinamch

I am sorry to hear about what happended. I remember reading about you moving back to the UK, when I had just joined back in the spring, I think. I grew up in Devon but am at the moment not enjoying the environment that we live in.. I would love to be back in the country but we cannot actually afford to have that lifestyle... We were so hoping that we would be able to afford a more rural lifestyle in NZ, more space, bigger garden, maybe some land.. of course this depends on where we end up I suppose. You were living with family weren't you? Did u find that you could not really afford to live the life you really wanted in the UK? I am glad that you were able to regain the ties that you had, and that you have a support system in NZ. I hope the pain will ease in time... XXX

bourbon-biscuit

It's been five weeks or so (I'm not counting- it could have been more) and in some ways I am living in a sort of fog; time is moving us further and further away from our lives in the UK and the kids say it feels like they never left, or that they lived in the UK years ago. I know it'll get easier, I know in time I will reconcile to my life here and that this period, painful though it is now, will pass if I let it. I know the key is not to wallow, not to allow my feelings of loss and longing to seep out and taint everything else, but sometimes that is hard. It's funny, I don't think I felt this way when we first emigrated, possibly because I was pretty naive about the implications of emigrating and probably partly because I was carried along on the excitement of the novelty.
So, I am taking one day at a time and trying to do something each day that moves me toward acceptance and peace. Today is sorting some voluntary work; I'm going to drive myself loopy if I don't get some perspective and do something purposeful.