Advice needed...
Jul 31st 2016, 11:28 pm
#16
`
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 38,613
Re: Advice needed...
I am hoping the BE member I have pinged will pop by as they have been through all of this for real.
When it comes to CARCASS, they will look at what is in the child's best interest. Not yours and not her Dads.
I believe that at age 16 she is considered old enough to make up her own mind but that would give you 4 years to wait which may seem a long time now BUT when it comes to all the years of a life , it is no time at all.
Of course a 16 year old teenager may well simply wish to remain with her peers & not all teenagers settle into a brand new life when they are just about to spread their wings in their old life.
If the ex is on the birth cert. & he has regular access, then you do need his permission as you know. Is it joint custody or sole custody?
Keep it civil and friendly with your ex. Try not to let any of this come to your 12 year olds ears as the child doesn't need the weight of responsibility for this & keep talking with your ex.
I actually know of someone in real life where the Dad remained in Oz and the Mum returned to the UK. Their only child together spends every UK summer school holidays in Oz with her Dad and the rest of the year with her Mum. This happens every single year without fail.
One person on here was not able to gain permission to emigrate with her child. She waited until the child was 16. They took a joint decision then and happily emigrated.
Another person had the ex be adamant that the child would not emigrate . Then one year later his life had also moved on and he finally gave permission & an arrangement was made.
Life has a way of changing so keep the lines of civil communication open.
... and welcome to BE. It doesn't say so in my profile but I emigrated to New Zealand 12 years ago.
When it comes to CARCASS, they will look at what is in the child's best interest. Not yours and not her Dads.
I believe that at age 16 she is considered old enough to make up her own mind but that would give you 4 years to wait which may seem a long time now BUT when it comes to all the years of a life , it is no time at all.
Of course a 16 year old teenager may well simply wish to remain with her peers & not all teenagers settle into a brand new life when they are just about to spread their wings in their old life.
If the ex is on the birth cert. & he has regular access, then you do need his permission as you know. Is it joint custody or sole custody?
Keep it civil and friendly with your ex. Try not to let any of this come to your 12 year olds ears as the child doesn't need the weight of responsibility for this & keep talking with your ex.
I actually know of someone in real life where the Dad remained in Oz and the Mum returned to the UK. Their only child together spends every UK summer school holidays in Oz with her Dad and the rest of the year with her Mum. This happens every single year without fail.
One person on here was not able to gain permission to emigrate with her child. She waited until the child was 16. They took a joint decision then and happily emigrated.
Another person had the ex be adamant that the child would not emigrate . Then one year later his life had also moved on and he finally gave permission & an arrangement was made.
Life has a way of changing so keep the lines of civil communication open.
... and welcome to BE. It doesn't say so in my profile but I emigrated to New Zealand 12 years ago.
Aug 1st 2016, 6:53 am
#17
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 15
Re: Advice needed...
I am hoping the BE member I have pinged will pop by as they have been through all of this for real.
When it comes to CARCASS, they will look at what is in the child's best interest. Not yours and not her Dads.
I believe that at age 16 she is considered old enough to make up her own mind but that would give you 4 years to wait which may seem a long time now BUT when it comes to all the years of a life , it is no time at all.
Of course a 16 year old teenager may well simply wish to remain with her peers & not all teenagers settle into a brand new life when they are just about to spread their wings in their old life.
If the ex is on the birth cert. & he has regular access, then you do need his permission as you know. Is it joint custody or sole custody?
Keep it civil and friendly with your ex. Try not to let any of this come to your 12 year olds ears as the child doesn't need the weight of responsibility for this & keep talking with your ex.
I actually know of someone in real life where the Dad remained in Oz and the Mum returned to the UK. Their only child together spends every UK summer school holidays in Oz with her Dad and the rest of the year with her Mum. This happens every single year without fail.
One person on here was not able to gain permission to emigrate with her child. She waited until the child was 16. They took a joint decision then and happily emigrated.
Another person had the ex be adamant that the child would not emigrate . Then one year later his life had also moved on and he finally gave permission & an arrangement was made.
Life has a way of changing so keep the lines of civil communication open.
... and welcome to BE. It doesn't say so in my profile but I emigrated to New Zealand 12 years ago.
When it comes to CARCASS, they will look at what is in the child's best interest. Not yours and not her Dads.
I believe that at age 16 she is considered old enough to make up her own mind but that would give you 4 years to wait which may seem a long time now BUT when it comes to all the years of a life , it is no time at all.
Of course a 16 year old teenager may well simply wish to remain with her peers & not all teenagers settle into a brand new life when they are just about to spread their wings in their old life.
If the ex is on the birth cert. & he has regular access, then you do need his permission as you know. Is it joint custody or sole custody?
Keep it civil and friendly with your ex. Try not to let any of this come to your 12 year olds ears as the child doesn't need the weight of responsibility for this & keep talking with your ex.
I actually know of someone in real life where the Dad remained in Oz and the Mum returned to the UK. Their only child together spends every UK summer school holidays in Oz with her Dad and the rest of the year with her Mum. This happens every single year without fail.
One person on here was not able to gain permission to emigrate with her child. She waited until the child was 16. They took a joint decision then and happily emigrated.
Another person had the ex be adamant that the child would not emigrate . Then one year later his life had also moved on and he finally gave permission & an arrangement was made.
Life has a way of changing so keep the lines of civil communication open.
... and welcome to BE. It doesn't say so in my profile but I emigrated to New Zealand 12 years ago.
Thanks for that.
I think i will have to go speak to my solicitor before i start anything else. My daughter is only 8, turning 9 in september so id have to wait a while for her to turn 16 haha. Although it would fly by im sure if we wasnt granted the court order!
Thanks again 😀
Aug 4th 2016, 7:33 am
#18
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jan 2008
Location: Pakaraka
Posts: 3,264
Re: Advice needed...
Yup, as BEVs says it'll be an uphill battle. Do try to keep things civil with your ex and don't sound off to your daughter about her dad, he is after all HER dad. It is possible, and if you have to wait then so be it. It took us about four years in all, and in the end I had to 'buy' our way out of the UK by giving their dad $12000.
Oh, and be prepared for the mud slingers too, they'll want a say in this too.
Feel free to PM me and I'll try and give you the heads up if I can. Good luck, stay positive and don't let the buggers get you down
Aug 9th 2016, 8:26 pm
#19
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 15
Re: Advice needed...
Here I am!
Yup, as BEVs says it'll be an uphill battle. Do try to keep things civil with your ex and don't sound off to your daughter about her dad, he is after all HER dad. It is possible, and if you have to wait then so be it. It took us about four years in all, and in the end I had to 'buy' our way out of the UK by giving their dad $12000.
Oh, and be prepared for the mud slingers too, they'll want a say in this too.
Feel free to PM me and I'll try and give you the heads up if I can. Good luck, stay positive and don't let the buggers get you down
Yup, as BEVs says it'll be an uphill battle. Do try to keep things civil with your ex and don't sound off to your daughter about her dad, he is after all HER dad. It is possible, and if you have to wait then so be it. It took us about four years in all, and in the end I had to 'buy' our way out of the UK by giving their dad $12000.
Oh, and be prepared for the mud slingers too, they'll want a say in this too.
Feel free to PM me and I'll try and give you the heads up if I can. Good luck, stay positive and don't let the buggers get you down
I am not in the slightest trying to be vindictive to my ex as i no how important it is to have a relationship with your father, the whole story from us breaking up though is so complex & detailed i couldnt write it all down. He has alot of issues & is still very immature. Ive had to collect her on many occasions due to him kicking off & being drunk or trying to walk the street with her during early hours. One new years eve he got arrested & dragged my daughter out of bed i had to collect her out of the back of a police van at 4am. I no everyone isnt perfect & i dont claim to be either but i honestly hope that the courts will go in my favour as my daughters dad isnt much of a role model.
I am so un decided as to whether to take the plunge & apply for the order or not as so many people wrote on here it would be doubtful it would go my way. Argh so hard to decide as i dont want to out my daughter through any stress.
Aug 10th 2016, 2:41 am
#20
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jan 2008
Location: Pakaraka
Posts: 3,264
Re: Advice needed...
Hi 😀 so good to have people who have been in a similar situation voicing their views. I have been to see my solicitor today for abit of advice and ive got another appointment tomorrow so he can go through costings & how likely it would be that we would be successful in the court order to take her with us.
I am not in the slightest trying to be vindictive to my ex as i no how important it is to have a relationship with your father, the whole story from us breaking up though is so complex & detailed i couldnt write it all down. He has alot of issues & is still very immature. Ive had to collect her on many occasions due to him kicking off & being drunk or trying to walk the street with her during early hours. One new years eve he got arrested & dragged my daughter out of bed i had to collect her out of the back of a police van at 4am. I no everyone isnt perfect & i dont claim to be either but i honestly hope that the courts will go in my favour as my daughters dad isnt much of a role model.
I am so un decided as to whether to take the plunge & apply for the order or not as so many people wrote on here it would be doubtful it would go my way. Argh so hard to decide as i dont want to out my daughter through any stress.
I am not in the slightest trying to be vindictive to my ex as i no how important it is to have a relationship with your father, the whole story from us breaking up though is so complex & detailed i couldnt write it all down. He has alot of issues & is still very immature. Ive had to collect her on many occasions due to him kicking off & being drunk or trying to walk the street with her during early hours. One new years eve he got arrested & dragged my daughter out of bed i had to collect her out of the back of a police van at 4am. I no everyone isnt perfect & i dont claim to be either but i honestly hope that the courts will go in my favour as my daughters dad isnt much of a role model.
I am so un decided as to whether to take the plunge & apply for the order or not as so many people wrote on here it would be doubtful it would go my way. Argh so hard to decide as i dont want to out my daughter through any stress.
I imagine the Courts will appoint your daughter a Solicitor of her own, she will then probably have to see a psychologist - as will you and her dad - and the Court will pass the buck on making a decision to them. Don't get me started on what they can be like. My daughter now studies psychology and can't believe what the court appointed 'Expert' got away with back then.
Sorry to be disheartening but you're better not to get your hopes up.
If it's what you really want, you'll get here in the end. Good luck
Aug 10th 2016, 2:50 am
#21
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 38,613
Re: Advice needed...
j19fmm.
Is the better way to try and gain permission from the ex before going the court route. Come to an agreement.
Is there a mediation possibility where both sides meet at the table but the child is seen independently to give her free view and feelings.
If the child wishes to go , then the Dad may hear this.
Once court is involved it seems to me it is a hamster wheel one cannot get off .
Is the better way to try and gain permission from the ex before going the court route. Come to an agreement.
Is there a mediation possibility where both sides meet at the table but the child is seen independently to give her free view and feelings.
If the child wishes to go , then the Dad may hear this.
Once court is involved it seems to me it is a hamster wheel one cannot get off .
Aug 10th 2016, 7:28 am
#22
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jan 2008
Location: Pakaraka
Posts: 3,264
Re: Advice needed...
j19fmm.
Is the better way to try and gain permission from the ex before going the court route. Come to an agreement.
Is there a mediation possibility where both sides meet at the table but the child is seen independently to give her free view and feelings.
If the child wishes to go , then the Dad may hear this.
Once court is involved it seems to me it is a hamster wheel one cannot get off .
Is the better way to try and gain permission from the ex before going the court route. Come to an agreement.
Is there a mediation possibility where both sides meet at the table but the child is seen independently to give her free view and feelings.
If the child wishes to go , then the Dad may hear this.
Once court is involved it seems to me it is a hamster wheel one cannot get off .
Mediation can work towards this end too. Really depends how the ex'es get on and whether they can face each other across a table without mud slinging.
From my experience the child's wishes don't really come into it until they are 16. It's also a very hard thing for a child to tell one parent - I love you but I want to live thousands of miles away.
Court is hideously expensive and takes forever.
And if I'm sounding bitter then yup, sorry, still bitter here (that's the kids too!!)
Aug 10th 2016, 7:56 am
#23
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 15
Re: Advice needed...
j19fmm.
Is the better way to try and gain permission from the ex before going the court route. Come to an agreement.
Is there a mediation possibility where both sides meet at the table but the child is seen independently to give her free view and feelings.
If the child wishes to go , then the Dad may hear this.
Once court is involved it seems to me it is a hamster wheel one cannot get off .
Is the better way to try and gain permission from the ex before going the court route. Come to an agreement.
Is there a mediation possibility where both sides meet at the table but the child is seen independently to give her free view and feelings.
If the child wishes to go , then the Dad may hear this.
Once court is involved it seems to me it is a hamster wheel one cannot get off .
Aug 10th 2016, 8:00 am
#24
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 15
Re: Advice needed...
OK so I'm not a lawyer, but from my experiences the Courts are very aware of public feelings and you'd be incredibly lucky to get permission from them. He is seeing his daughter, he does have a relationship with her. You, we, whoever may thing it's the pits of a relationship but it's still there.
I imagine the Courts will appoint your daughter a Solicitor of her own, she will then probably have to see a psychologist - as will you and her dad - and the Court will pass the buck on making a decision to them. Don't get me started on what they can be like. My daughter now studies psychology and can't believe what the court appointed 'Expert' got away with back then.
Sorry to be disheartening but you're better not to get your hopes up.
If it's what you really want, you'll get here in the end. Good luck
I imagine the Courts will appoint your daughter a Solicitor of her own, she will then probably have to see a psychologist - as will you and her dad - and the Court will pass the buck on making a decision to them. Don't get me started on what they can be like. My daughter now studies psychology and can't believe what the court appointed 'Expert' got away with back then.
Sorry to be disheartening but you're better not to get your hopes up.
If it's what you really want, you'll get here in the end. Good luck
Aug 10th 2016, 8:13 am
#25
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jan 2008
Location: Pakaraka
Posts: 3,264
Re: Advice needed...
I can imagine how difficult it will be getting the courts to agree. Thinking along the lines of now just waiting, in hopes that jobs are still available in 7 years time when my daughter is 16. Is there an age limit on people emmigrating? My husband will be 45 in 7 years so may not look as good when applying for visas ?? Im unsure of it all to be honest.
Aug 10th 2016, 7:24 pm
#27
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jan 2009
Location: South Auckland
Posts: 2,228
Re: Advice needed...
I can imagine how difficult it will be getting the courts to agree. Thinking along the lines of now just waiting, in hopes that jobs are still available in 7 years time when my daughter is 16. Is there an age limit on people emmigrating? My husband will be 45 in 7 years so may not look as good when applying for visas ?? Im unsure of it all to be honest.
Aug 10th 2016, 8:16 pm
#28
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 15
Re: Advice needed...
Yes i guess, gut wrenching really as it is such a good oppurtunity for us as a family but i guess it will save alot of hassle. Thanks for everyones input 😀
Aug 10th 2016, 9:55 pm
#29
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 38,613
Re: Advice needed...
I was 50 
The cut off point for a main applicant is 55 . Just ensure that one of you have an occupation that NZ wants and needs.
As jmh says, things and life can change. Your ex may soften towards this as his own life changes.
The cut off point for a main applicant is 55 . Just ensure that one of you have an occupation that NZ wants and needs.As jmh says, things and life can change. Your ex may soften towards this as his own life changes.
Aug 10th 2016, 11:57 pm
#30
It is what it is Member
Joined: Feb 2010
Location: Blockhouse Bay, Auckland
Posts: 2,797
Re: Advice needed...
NZ is for most people a luxury once-in-a-lifetime-if-at-all destination, just because you move here to live doesn't change that for you or the father.
TBH I'd also doubt a bricklayer's wage will support an annual trip to Europe as you are suggesting.