itsanewday

I haven't read all the replies, just can give you my situation. I married an american 19 years ago and the plan was after the military we would move back to the UK to settle. I followed him around the world, then he told me he had no intention of moving to the UK. I was hurt and angry. I stayed with him for a long time after that though due to threats he gave me about the kids but over this last Christmas (yet another away from family) I decided enough was enough and filed for divorce. What I am trying to say is follow your heart while you are still young.
I am 46 and going back within the next few months but I feel as if I never want to date another man as long as I live so that isn't a concern to me!! I am excited about the future though even though I am so ancient!! Good luck with whatever you decide!

vikingsail

To the OP I would say this is very sound sage advice. As another who now I can say in retrospect 'resented' pretty much from the beginning because of a failed understanding/compromise - it does not ever go away and truly does fester.

I would move forward you never know what is a round the next corner and it could be more beautiful than what you have now. I have found this to be true so many times.

Beccarose

leila33, I was in a pretty similar situation as you, except for the fact that I do have kids with my husband and it's a different country situation, but I have to say what came through clear for me is I think you feel a lot like I felt for years. An almost constant anxiety over 'not being able to sort it all out'.
I love my husband, and knew I wanted to do what I could to keep it together with him, but the fact remained that I felt almost blackmailed. The plan was never to permanently stay in the country we were, it was always to be temporary, but then all my efforts at following through with the original plan (which was pretty much the only thing holding me together- knowing we would be leaving) kept getting pushed to the back burner.
I felt betrayed and so sad, and yes, anxiety.
Ultimately what worked for me was once and for all laying it all out for him. It was not an ultimatum and was not a threat or possessive way of getting him to do what I want- it was just simply my telling him how it all is for me. Cut and dry and clear. Took a while, lots of frustration but he finally came around and decided that my dislike of staying outweighed his desire to stay- his love for me and our family meant more than being able to stay where he liked being and seeing my unhappiness was not worth any of it to him. We came up with a compromise.
In the end, is your husband going to see your true need to leave as more important than his need to stay, or will you possibly see his desire to stay as more important than your need to leave? From what you said it doesn't sound (and rightfully so, you have very strong feelings about this and need to listen to them) like it will be you, but if no one can bend then like anything else that does not bend, it breaks.
I encourage you to follow your heart- pay attention to it. You will have greater regrets later on down the line having not listened to your inner self rather than the regrets of giving up on a relationship that could not make it through this.

ldollard

I'm going to get so much aggro for this. But please be careful about giving advise from a the aspect of bitter divorce. This is a general statement. Not to anyone in particular.

Beccarose

Idollard, could you expand on that post? I don't get what you mean. I don't see where anyone gave any advice that should have been more carefully written or even censored...

leila33

I really appreciate all the input. I am still tied up in knots but I think I am aware of what I need to do x

Snap Shot

Not to anyone in particular ? You mean not to anyone in particular that has contributed to this post ? As 'anyone in particular' is a bit pointless unless they have contributed to this specifically.

For the record I am neither bitter (yes really) nor divorced. Anyone experienced in these matters will be speaking from experience. A far more helpful contribution than either of your posts which did not address the OP's thread.

Anyway,

tomkent45

I just want to let you know that you are not too old. Many people make a huge change to their life even later. I will give you one example. A friend of mine (35) left Spain to live in London. He has been living there for 9 months
and now he is moving to South Africa!... And before that he lived in the USA.

So as you see there is always the possibility to make a change, maybe you could come back to UK and after some months you might realise that you prefer Australia, but you will be still able to change again. It isn't easy,
but it is possible!

Search for your happiness.

Penny45

Hi Leila,
I so empathise with your situation. I moved to Aus (for second time) just over two years ago with husband's job. I REALLY didn't want to go but we had an agreement that he would look for another job elsewhere and we could move before my PR visa ran out (next month). Last January he told me he had no intention of leaving Australia or looking for another job. I felt so betrayed and manipulated by him. I think he thought I would never leave as would all be too hard.
Well, I'm 41 and been back in Wales just over a week with my two teenage girls. Although I'm homeless (well staying with parents) and basically penniless (arguing over house proceeds/child maintenance at the moment), I feel absolute confidence I have done the right thing!
I probably haven't had more than 6 hours sleep a night in the last two months and keep waking with pains in chest due to stress so I know how stress and anxiety can wear you down.
Although giving an ultimatum sounds harsh when you love someone, I think you should decide on when you want to leave and tell him you're going with or without him. Then arrange flights/shipping etc so he knows you're serious. Hopefully your relationship means enough to him to come with you. My marriage wasn't fabulous to start with but I'm sure we could have limped along until the children were older if we were not in Australia.
At 33 you still have a lot of great years to meet someone and start again - if you stay until you're 36 then it's not so great.
Really hope you can find a solution that makes you happy

Rhino1

If you want my honest opinion.. Follow your heart and go back to the UK.

I've been going over and over my decision to go back recently and I'm just waiting for a last few pieces to fall in place (or not) and will then take the decision based on that. But, I know I am ready whatever happens. The UK is a beautiful place to be.

leila33

Hello all
I know this thread is old at this point but I just wanted to pop back in and say thank you.
You don't know how much of an outlet this thread was for me at a time when I really needed it.
I took the plunge and returned to the UK. And I feel like a five tonne weight was lifted from me. And six months later, I am so god damn happy.
So, thank you

Brigette

YAY! Congrats so happy for you wish you continued success

mikelincs

Congratulations, a number of epople who have returned say the same thing, just look at the 'Betty boomerangs back' thread, she posted earlier in your thread, and has also since returned ot the UK with the same reaction.

NiHao

So lovely to read your update! Put a real smile on my face to read how happy you are. I hope you are proud of yourself for taking the plunge despite all the fears, go you!!

curleytops

Congratulations Leila, it's good to hear you're settled and happy, very best wishes for the future