Sally Redux

Yes. I was sort of thinking that as I wrote it. I think getting older here still looks very unappealing.

Regarding grown sons, mine will call but usually to ask for something, to be honest (a bit like Hyacinth Bucket's on 'Keeping Up Appearances' ) He has his own life already, we are a back-up for him, which is nice to have, but we do have to think of ourselves as well.
It will not be easy either way. Hope it works out for you.

morayeel

I am a dual citizen. I married young. Came to the U.S when I was 19! My daughter has duel citizenship too.

morayeel

Thanks Sally. I can't really even be a back up with no money to barely support myself!I can't help my daughter financially even if she needed it.

Novocastrian

^This. And 180 miles is nothing. We'll be leaving two sons here in Canada, both 30+. We left the UK when we were 27 and 25 respectively and expected nothing from either set of parents at that age. I hope and believe that we've done our bit for the kids (rather well I think) and now it's up to them to capitalize on that.

(I just hope neither of them pops a grand-sprog before we leave though, I might have to pry the Mrs. out of here with a crowbar then).

rebeccajo

My goal likewise. Get the heck out of here before there are grandbabies!!

Spacecake799

Hi,
I left my 19year old daughter in New Zealand. We all wanted to leave but she didn't want to leave her boyfriend. I talk to her everyday, she messages to say she's gone out, when she's back, who she's with etc. Obviously its not the same but at the moment its the best we can do.
It can work. Good Luck

morayeel

quoll

Yup. It's what we are doing at the mo but we are self sufficient financially. We have son and 2 granddaughters in Aus also one son and soon to arrive grandson here in UK. Going to be split no matter what. Is it easy? Sort of but I'm not enmeshed with the grand kids. I dislike Skype and the kids aren't that enamoured either but we have occasional contact. Being a carer is no picnic either unfortunately and you may resent your loss of independence.

morayeel

Yes, I know that being a carer is not going to be easy.. I can only imagine though cause I have not been one before. I did go back on two occasions to help my mum after hip surgery and shoulder surgery. It was tiring but I enjoyed it. I couldn't live with her though!! she can be very demanding so I would help her with her shower, clean her house tend to the small back garden etc. I like the U.S but I cannot make it here financially. My car is about to break down so only using it the past few months for work and that's about it. I like Skype (without the camera part LOL) my family and I use it a lot. My daughter here is grown and she is encouraging me to go. She doesnt' want rid of me, but thinks I will be better off in the U.K, at least medically..

Shard

If your husband is willing to to go to the UK it does sound as though you would be in no/not much worse financial position by moving back. However, do bear in mind that there is now a 3 month residency requirement prior to claim many benefits, and the applies to full UK citizens as well. On the emotional side, only you can tell, but a move back to care for your mother does not necessarily need to be permanent (if you miss US family too). Also, if you have dogs and belongings, consider taking the QE2 over, I had a friend in that situation who found that was the best method.

Jerseygirl

The kennels on the QM2 tend to be booked up a year in advance. Although at least one of our members managed to get a cancellation.

morayeel

Thanks for the information about the dogs. I think I am going to go ahead and find accommodation that takes dogs. I have been e mailing some landlords about this. Then my husband can take the dogs and ship them to Glasgow. From the little I have read so far they cant fly out of Gulfport MS but it has to be New Orleans. I have been so busy with work and babysitting I have been too busy to do much research but I have cut down on my babysitting to twice a week and so will just have my evening job so will have more time now, whew! I understand about the 3 months habital residency requirement. I will have enough money saved for deposit etc and my mums social worker has explained that I should get housing benefit and 61.oo pounds per week to look after her. I know I am going to miss much about America, mostly my grandson but we have arranged to Skype. My husband said maybe he could come thru Ireland eventually. That remains to be seen.. At the moment with him not working and being in my mind selfish its time for me to look after myself and here with my jobs and car falling apart and my medical its just not feasible.

feelbritish

Hi don't want to be a dampener on your posting but how are you going to survive on £61/pounds a week? There also may be a long waiting list for housing as you won't be on top of the list so to speak. I would live with your mother in the interim and leave your dogs behind with husband until you are sure it is what you want to do and can finance yourself in your own place. Would you be also allowed to do another part time job to make extra money while getting the carer's fee? No good arriving in UK to find that your situation is no better and then have no children either!

spouse of scouse

Hi morayeel. Life's a bit crap for you at the moment and for what it's worth, I think a change of scenery would do you the world of good. Not just 'scenery' of course, but a life in which you don't have the constant stress of worrying if your car will last the distance, the cost of your lab work, working two jobs.

If you add that to the fact that your relationship with your husband isn't giving you a lot of joy at the moment, and that your Mum needs some help, it sounds as though some time in the UK would be a good move. It's great that your husband is so understanding, that makes things a lot easier!

As others have said, it doesn't necessarily have to be a permanent move, it's great that you have dual citizenship and the choices that go with that.

Of course you'll miss your daughter and grandkids, but as you said, they have their own lives and you will stay in touch.

I'm quite excited for you! Best of luck with the planning and remember - you have a right to be happy.

spouse of scouse

Stop being so sensible!

I thought (probably wrongly!) that morayeel would have another source of income to supplement the allowance for caring for her Mum. If not then yes, 61 pounds a week probably won't cut it.