ChrisCDN

Yesterday I dropped a bit of a bombshell on my wife, and told her I was homesick and I wanted to go back to England.

We moved to Canada almost 5 years ago, and finally settled in NS 18 months ago. Financially, living here has been a struggle, and despite having a good income (by UK standards) we've lived paycheque to paycheque for most of our time here.

I've never felt homesickness before, but lately, I find myself longing to be back home. Everything about living here seems to frustrate me at the moment, but especially how expensive everything is. How much red tape there is. How far you have to drive to get anywhere. Having to "make do" with crappy equivalents of things that are available better/cheaper in UK/US.

We live in a nice house, with lots of land, with beautiful scenery around us. Personally, I kinda feel like I dont fit in here. We have a few friends that we know from school, and most of them are English. They're not what I would call close friends though. I have a decent job, which allows me to work from home, but I'm finding it very hard to "break in"

I'm confused really, as I dont know what's brought this on. My wife is very upset at having heard all this, as it's really taken her by surprise. She's happy here, and doesnt want to move back. I dont want to move if it'll make her unhappy, but I dont know if I'm going through a normal phase, or if I've simply scrathed the itch and had enough.

Sorry for my rambling.

Anyone gone through something similar?

Tigger1

My boyfriend has felt like that. We met here (I'd already been here for 3 years), at the time I told him if he really wanted to go back we would. It was a little different for us though in that he didn't have his PR at that time, and I suggested it would make sense to at least wait for that.

I also suggested he try to integrate himself more with life in Vancouver, he joined a couple of clubs in interests he likes and I planned lots of things for us to do as well. I don't know what the options are for getting out in NS so apologies if that's not a useful piece of information!

It is better for him, but I have told him that if he needs to go back we will. The situation in the UK at the moment, is holding him back (he earns more here and we do have a better standard of life). But I'm not ruling out a return.

Not sure if that helps in anyway, I guess it's about personal experience. I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone!

Mummy in the foothills

It is a bit of a bombshell if you hadn't made any previous comments about moving back. Give your wife a bit of time for it to sink in before having a talk about the future.
She probably had a knee jerk reaction with it being a shock revelation, I know Dh had a similar reaction years ago, and now we are getting ourselves ready for the move. So all hope isn't lost.

ldollard

Can you afford to go back for a couple of weeks. That might help with homesickness part.

curleytops

Hi Chris, welcome to the forum. I think what you're going through is not unusual at all. For starters, I'd have to say that crappy finances and those bloody awful Canadian winters (I lived there for 45 years) alone would be enough to put many people in the doldrums. You also say you've had a somewhat recent move within Canada and that is costly and frustrating anywhere.

You don't mention if you've been back to UK for a holiday at all since arriving in Canada but as one poster suggested, if there's any way you could swing a holiday over here I think it could do you a world of good and I say this for several reasons:

After returning to UK shores you may very well find out that you've become more assimilated to Canada than you realize and that you like living there after all. I went to Canada as a child (therefore no choice in the matter) and for almost four years in my mind Canada couldn't hold a candle to England. You might say "yes but you were a kid" but quite honestly I did a lot of growing up during that time and was wise beyond my years. When I returned to England for a visit I got a bit of a shock - all of a sudden things weren't as great as I remembered and I guess I experienced frustrations similar to what you describe with life in Canada. Although I loved seeing my grandparents & other family & friends etc. I realized perhaps I was better off on the other side of the pond after all. I returned to Canada & was reasonably well settled there for another few years.

I know what you're saying about feeling like you don't fit in. That hits some of us big time and yet others don't have a problem. In my own case, looking back, I never felt like I fit in and gradually became a loner so it stands to reason that the new found contentment I had after that first visit home gradually waned over the years. Eventually I wondered if I belonged anywhere (they call it the curse of the ex-pat). I had resigned myself to spending the rest of my life in Canada because that's where my family is but never feeling like I belonged when fate stepped in about 5 years ago. My path crossed with a lad I'd known in my first class in the infants school via "Friends Reunited" and two years ago I returned to UK to marry him. Coming back worked for me and even after all these years I've jumped right back into life in England with a sense of peace and contentment I've not known in years - I can finally be me again.

That being said, everyone is different. My slightly younger sister is very much assimilated into the Canadian way of life and I'm not sure she'd ever even come back here to visit. This is something you have to find out for yourself and why I strongly recommend coming back for a holiday if at all possible to see how you feel. None of us knows what the future holds; you may decide

- Canada is indeed your forever home or

- Decide you want to pack up and return to the UK asap or

- Even as I did a few years down the line that you want to settle back over here after all.

Hope you can find the answers you're looking for, all the best

alexisatk

My husband is having the same problem after almost 3 years.

I am Canadian and we met when I was in Scotland on a working holiday visa. We live in NS as that is where I am from (although I have also lived in ontario as a child). My family moved around a lot whereas his family stayed in the same tiny village outside of Glasgow his whole life.

At the moment, I believe things are worse as his job is really stressful and he doesn't want to go out or socialize as much as he normally would.

I would definitely move back to the UK, but we are not really in a position that we could for at least 1 year. We have also planned a trip back over the summer.

I have no idea how to help him.

smitp11

I am going through the same feelings as you and I did this time last year also. The winter doesn't help, and I agree with your comments about NS. Were in our 6th year and I feel that financially we have taken a step back 10 years. My job is good and the people I work with are great, the pay is okay, enough to get by. However, I feel that if I were to be made redundant, we'd be screwed and we would have to move out of province for me to get another job.

Moving back to the UK would increase our financial well being and we would have some disposal income again. That's something that we do not have here, but something we had before we moved here. My kids are still young enough to deal with a move, however the kids and the wife are very happy here and they don't want to move back, the kids don't know the UK as we moved here when they were young

I miss quite a lot about the UK, more than I ever thought I would. The ability to go somewhere every weekend and see something new, the fact that you have good access to Europe and it does not cost an arm and a leg to travel anywhere, not having to use the car for everything...

Don't get me wrong, I don't regret coming here, I have enjoyed it for the most part, I just feel that my time here is done and I want go home....

ChrisCDN

Thanks all for the comments.

FWIW, we've been back to the UK a few times since moving to Canada in 2008. My dad (53) died from a brain tumour last February, so we spent the best part of 3 months there last year. We went back the Christmas before too.

At the time, it didn't really make me miss much (except proper sausages , but it's only the last few months where I've started to feel unsettled.

Both me and my wife have close families, and were raised similarly in that respect. Whilst we skype every weekend, it's not the same. I want the kids to have sleepovers at the grandparents house, etc.

I'm sure the kids would move back tomorrow, given the chance. They're 5 & 7, and have said as much on many occasions. Having said that, I know they're happy here too, and doing well in school.

We'll see how things develop, I guess. My wife really doesn't want to go back, although has said she will if it's making me unhappy. I'd rather see if things change, than move back, and risk her being unhappy.

Thanks once again, and happy to chat further if anyone else in the same boat wants to let off some steam!

mandianna

If he needs another Scot to talk to about it im here Im in the same boat too Im from Glasgow living in NY and want to go back so much my husband does too but we cannot afford to right now

mandianna

Im in the same and ive only been in NY for 10 days and im so homesick I was hoping it would make me feel better about being in America but it has quite the opposite effect . I never really said it out loud for a long time I have been here 6 years but when I did if felt good and it turned out my husband wanted to go too. I have never really fitted it being here I tried but miss my friends from home so much here I only have aquintances. We just dont have the money to apply for my husbands visa with the new change in the a law so we need to figure out all that.

scot47

The place you left 5 years ago has changed and so have you. Life is not "Back to the Future" where you can just turn a switch and resume life as it was. Migration transforms us - not always for the better !

MKGIRLINSB

We too are going home. We've been in Santa Barbara for just over 2 years now. We relocated as the company my husband works for provided this opportunity. The first 6 months were fabulous and the company were paying for just about everything. Then as from last March we were on our own. My hubby is paid a huge salary by UK standards, but here, it's pay check to pay check in a rental house we pay a lot for which is 25 years overdue a refurb. We have friends but it's not the same. So we are now saving anything we have in order to head back. Luckily we still have our house over in the UK. I am looking forward to restarting my life again. It feels it's been on hold for the past 18 months.
Good luck with your decision. At least you gave it a go! Not many people take the chance. No regrets.

MKGIRLINSB

I should have said, it's me that's pushing to go. Hubby loves his job and would stay, but I REALLY want to leave.

ldollard

I'm in the same boat, paid a very good salary, if it was the UK equivalent i'd be living the high life, but i'll never make this much in England and i don't care, which goes to show my motives for moving back are good.

sile

Curleytops....WHAT A GREAT STORY...YOU MARRIED A GUY YOU KNEW AS A LITTLE GIRL? I love that! Can you share a little more about this, if it isn't prying...? it sounds so wonderful and romantic.

P.s. I don't mean to derail this thread.....