London1947

Hi Cambridgeman, I presume that's where you are from originally me I"m from the next county over Northamptonshire. Anyway I do understand you wanting to come home but it's more than fish and chips. Most of the post's on here are very diverse, however for the most part they tend to talk about the positives and not the negatives of which there are many, far be it from me to attempt to put you off in any way. I left the UK in 1982 for the States and only came back to the UK just over two years ago. So if you want to hear about the
"Glass being half full" let me know.

Cambridgeman

Thanks to each and everyone of you that replied, it really means a lot. London 1947, I would like to hear more.

Londonuck

Blimey mate, 45, must be a culture shock - 1969!

\

Englishmaple

I came back in April this year after 12 years in Ontario, Canada. I now live in SE part of UK. I'm 50 - so not yet retired and still working (and am also on my own). I found a job quite quickly in the UK after months of unemployment in Canada. However in Canada I had my own 1 bedroom apartment (I rented). Here property prices are so high that I rent a bedroom in a shared house. When I came back to the UK there was a sense of returning to something that I had longed for and missed a lot ... but living here day to day one sees everything - warts and all. I don't regret coming back but I wouldn't say I feel at home here yet (and I know it's early days). I see my country differently now having been away for so long. There are also things I miss a lot about Canada (my nice rented apartment for one!).

I think it's such an individual thing returning. I also think the life stage you return at and the financial resources you have make a big difference. If you come back to retire and have the resources to buy your own home then your experience is going to be very different from someone who has to start over again in terms of finding work etc. Also what support network you have can make a big difference too - for example, having supportive relatives and friends can help (I'm on my own so it's a different experience).

For me, things are very mixed at the moment. I like being back and I hate being back. I expect to feel this way for a while - and will review where I am in a year's time and then see how things are in my life. I think it's safe to say that whatever your circumstances, do expect a fair amount of emotional upheaval for a while.

The one thing I definitely do wish I had looked into more now is moving further North - the rents and property prices where I am are very very high - and I think it would have made a big difference to how I feel if I could have rented a 1 bedroom place for myself from the start. I'm not in that position at the moment and am probably going to be stuck with a house share for at least the next year - and it is difficult adapting. However, I was nervous about my employment prospects so choosing the SE felt like a safer bet in terms of finding work - and it has been in that I was able to get work quite quickly. The downside is that the salary is relatively low compared to property prices.

michali

You make some very helpful and realistic points, englishmaple. It certainly can take time to adjust and depends a lot on your support system and financial security. I have found it much easier this time, having returned for two years in 1998, as I am now etired and do not need to work this time. The pressure is off me, at least for the time. We were so lucky that we had bought a small flat in 1992 in London, mostly so our son would have somewhere to live, and now we live in it. There is no way we could now have afforded the same flat with the massive increase in house prices in recent years. We have two very supportive children as well, which helps a whole lot.

Englishmaple, I hope you feel more at home soon. Maybe you could look for employment further north while you are working? The positive side is that you were able to find work relatively quickly. Sharing must not be easy but you are going in the right direction and I am sure things will improve soon with your good attitude. All the best to you.

spouse of scouse

I love your honest and thoughtful posts, englishmaple. You're very resourceful and I hope it's not too long before you have your own space/place, which will make all the difference to your MBTTUK experience.

Englishmaple

Just wanted to say thank you for this encouragement - I really needed to hear it at the moment! The place I live in hasn't quite turned out as I expected and, while it is a nice place in terms of appliances, decor etc. I'm realising that the people I rent from have quite different values from my own.

This wouldn't be so much of an issue if it wasn't for the way that they live them around me ... and I find, at the moment, that it's quite stressful when they are around as I am at a stage in my life where I really need quiet reflective space. One person in particular has quite a negative energy and I find it difficult at times to be around them ... if they were a client I would have a lot of compassion but when you are living with someone and have your own stuff to deal with as well (adapting to a new job, coming back etc), the last thing you want is to be around someone whose way of being drains you more!

I have actually decided to see how the next month goes when I'll have a month of employment under my belt ... and if it proves too hard emotionally for me to continue with my current living arrangement, then I will look around and rent a 1 bedroom flat ... I could try another shared living arrangement but I'm very wary of them and moving is such an upheaval.

If I do this, I will have to finance the difference between my income and rent, bills and living expenses with some of my savings as my salary probably won't cover it all but, it may, in the short term (say a year) be the most optimum thing for me to do health wise. However, I will be looking at paying 695 pounds rent a month for a 1 bedroom where I am plus around 150 pounds utilities - which is a lot when my after tax income will probably be in the range of 1,180 pounds a month. And that doesn't include car expenses - altho' thank God I have got a cheap car to run.

It also means I would have to buy some furniture - altho' I probably would just buy the bare minimum (bed, mattress, table and chair).

I was having a conversation with someone I've become friends with recently and they said how difficult it is now to live on just 1 salary in the SE - they viewed a salary of 30K as a living wage (which my salary falls well short of). I find myself looking at the rental websites to see whether the rents are going to drop on properties - some have been listed for a while in my area, but few of the rents have been reduced. It's almost as if people expect to get a certain level of income from them ... quite depressing really.

And, altho' I am going to look into buying, I really don't want to buy for at least a year, till I'm certain enough I want to stay in the UK. And buying where I am will be very challenging. It's really difficult - particularly as house prices keep going up and up and up.

feelbritish

Sorry about your accommodation situation
I also feel that you will be more settled in your own place. Even a studio or bachelor flat for the time being? Or look to see if there is a "vacation" rental in your area for the winter. Sometimes people rent these holiday lets out over the winter and they are furnished. For furniture I know on Gumtree there is often free stuff and there may be other websites where people give away furniture. I know when we were leaving UK in 2002 I so wished there was a site like that because we had to pay people to collect a perfectly good lounge suite and beds etc to take to the tip when we decided to let our property unfurnished!

lf1

EM. Re your accommodation, have you considered house sitting? While it might not be a permanent solution for you, at least you could get away from your current situation, even if just for a temporary period of time. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you will find a better spot.

dfrbrowne

I have been here in Florida 6 months, 4th January we moved over.

I can't remember a lot of happy days in those six months despite the fact that we have a big house (too big I think) and a swimming pool.

Don't get me wrong the pool is great and the kids love it but to me it s just not home and I am just not happy.

We came on a career move for my wife, I am self employed and still able to do bits of work for my UK customers but its me at home all day and me dropping off and picking up the kids. I should be appreciating this time and this place but most of the time I am thinking of home.

I don't help myself by watching UK TV or listening to UK radio!

Reading through these sorts of post of people returning after many years I already know that I want to return within a few years. I am homesick a lot of the time, I find people here are very shallow, even the kids who are "friends" of my kids, they have no real bonds like they do when they make friends in England.

Last week I had organised a facetime call for my son to speak to his friend in england who was having a sleepover party for his birthday, my son was able to chat with 6 of his old school friends while showing them his dives and jumps into the pool. In conversation a while afterwards returning to england came up, I said, "you know, if we go back to england there will be no swimming pool, what would you rather have, your own swimming pool or being with your friends?"

Being with my friends was he straight answer.

And little things just keep going wrong, things I could cope with easily in England really get me down over here:

Our Ac broke down and we had a flood, it took me three call outs to get it fixed.
My daughter broke her arm at school and has just had her cast off, the reaction we get from people is surprise that we are not suing the school, it never entered our heads?
My two sons are over for the summer, I wanted a table tennis table set up for them.
Ordered from Walmart at end of May, first delivery there were broken parts so sent it back.
2nd delivery didn't even take it off the lorry the package was so damaged, so order cancelled and no table tennis table yet.
I bought a motorbike that had to go back after two weeks, its taken a month for them to fix it under warranty.

And now the pool pump seems to be broken, its just one thing after another and it all mounts up to get you down!

Luckily I still have my brit sense of humour!

TheLonestarBrit

Glad to see this posted because I'm in a similar situation. I've lived in Texas 8.5 years. Moved over in 2006 as my fiance was Texan and wanted to move back to be closer to his family. We never did end up close to his family, but went where we could find work for him. We divorced in 2013 and I'm now living out here alone. For a while I wanted to stay because I had issues about being ashamed the marriage didn't work, but I've now come to the realization that I need to move back to be closer to family. My original reason for moving to the USA is no longer valid and right now I think I would be better off moving back to the UK.

I do have a good job right now in Texas, but life is more than just having a good job. I feel a little homesick, and despite having a lot of friends, I still feel like an outsider.

I've applied for a couple of jobs back in the UK in the hopes I can find something to move into directly, but I'm at the point now where I am going to move even if I don't have a job.

I do have US Citizenship now (I maintained dual nationality), so there's always the option of returning one day, possibly. But I'm glad i'm not the only one thinking of returning to the UK!

morayeel

I am also going to return this year.. I have been in the U.S for many years and I am really struggling to survive. I would rather be poor in the U.K than poor over here !! I work 2 jobs and my car is about to break down. When I move back I am moving to a town where there is bus service and most everything is in walking distance.

windsong

Similar situation here. I moved over with my mother many years ago. She has been deceased many years. I also married here and got divorced here. All that happened a long, long time ago and I am still here. I always yearned to go back but didn't see how I could possibly make such a huge move by myself. I didn't find this forum until four years ago but finding it helped me realize I need to go home and that my feelings of not belonging here are real were shared by many expats.

Like you I had a wonderful job here for many years and stayed because of the job and because I was in a rut. Looking back, I should have left then.

I don't have family in the UK any more but I do have some friends over there who will sort of watch out for me. Even so, it is a very nerve-wracking move after so many years in the US but "I can do this!". If only I had done it years ago, it wouldn't be so nerve-wracking. To give up a life and everything you own in one country and move to another country, albeit your own, is not easy, so do it sooner rather than later because it gets more difficult the longer you leave it.

Don't ignore those feelings in your gut that tell you that you want to go back. Those feelings are real.

moggi1964

EnglishMaple, check out Freecycle if you find the need for some furniture. I have used it in the US for incoming (furniture/skis/almost had a gorgeous piano but couldn't get it in the house) and outgoing stuff and it has been rewarding.

Freecycle.org UK

Orangepants

Totally agree with this. I left straight after university in the 90s and I visit the UK regularly so I don't miss anything about it** and therefore don't have any feelings of misplaced nostalgia. I had to go to London for work in 2008 for 2 month periods over a year and it made me really appreciate where I am now. I have several friends who moved back and are now wondering if they made the right decision. At the same time - it can be the right thing for a lot of people. In some ways I wish I did miss it, I know my family would be happier!

**Apart from Battenberg and chocolate