Originally Posted by Pollyana

The mention of sport was interesting - I met an Aussie lady in her 60s this evening, and one of the things we talked about was her grandchildren. She said that they used to go to sports clubs of various kinds, but now they don't like sport there is nothing for them to do. They now stay home and just watch TV becuase "they have got bored with sport" They live in southern Brisbane, btw.
I then told her about my sister's three kids - they aren't sporty either, but do drama, singing, music lessons, Brownies, chess club. She was amazed that there were clubs that weren't for sport.

Originally Posted by THEGREATIDIOT

I'm just going to mention a time about 5 years ago when I did 6 months work at a community house. The volunteers - women in their 60s, generally - were some of the most bitchy, boring people I've ever met in my life. I thought maybe it was just the age difference or something. Until I met one of the other volunteers, who was likewise in her 60s, but with whom we had a right laugh together. She, of course, was English.

To me that just said it all!

Originally Posted by TopCat3

Kiwichild, you have put into words so well what I have been feeling. You have explained it very well. In fact, I think you have tapped into something I hadn't realised at the very end of your post, about controlling the situation so nothing of depth is shared. I think it's also about controlling the situation so they are never left feeling "less than..." if something of depth is shared, if you know what I mean, you know, they always have to be the best, we have to be looking up to them and to Australia as the best and how we long to be "really" Australian, for them to feel comfortable. I have never felt totally accepted by most of them, and in 20 years of living here have only ever made two friendships that have been strong , bare my soul type friendships. Both of these are with women quite a bit older than I, (7-10 years) so they are in their 60s, and one is married to an English man. Both are strong, independent women, like me in that way, which is why perhaps we have common ground.

Thank you for both your posts KC, they really do reflect my personal situation.

For everyone else, I don't have 5 reasons why I feel like being in the UK (not returning to live, you note...) One thing I can say is that I feel very homesick and I think it is partly nostalgia for my younger days, rose-tinted etc, and another is the core values of the average Australian lifestyle, family /footie / the RSL club/ sport/ and the lack of value placed on academic and intellectual rigour. I would like to be able to spend large chunks of time there now and again, for my fix of whatever it is I need, then, who knows...?

Originally Posted by kiwi_child

Thanks for your comments Topcat3. I'm glad you could relate to what I wrote as at least you now know (if you didn't before) that there are others who feel the same.

I have come to the conclusion that it simply isn't worth the drama of wanting to be accepted by Australians. Migrants will never be in the "one of us " club here. And to be honest I don't care about their little aussie glee club. Life's more important and far too short for playing silly games and jumping hoops for approval.

If they want to believe OZ is the best country in the world and Australians the best people...let them. I've got more important people and things to focus on than to waste my time being delusional

Originally Posted by kiwi_child

Well I can only speak from my own experiences, but in general I have found Australians a very hard bunch to mix with and make/develop new friendships that actually go past more than a superficial level. I have also noted that others have equally found this to be the case.

Not feeling a 'sense of belonging' is a very disconcerting feeling. It is always ticking away in the background, and I think for a reason. It is telling us that where we are just isn't the right place for us. We can ignore it for so long, but eventually it will confront us and make us take action.

We need more than nice houses in good areas, big cars and pools. We need to connect with other human beings on a meaningful level. That level of interaction I just haven't found in OZ. I found it though, in my native NZ and when I was in the UK.

I'm not necessarily talking about the D&M's that 2 close friends share, but just the simple ability to genuinely be interested in and relax with others without mind games, agendas or other bullshit scenarios. Authenticity is a word that springs to mind... the ability to be open, relaxed, and yourself with others, and sadly I have seen little of that in Australia. Theirs always an agenda here, always a strategy of controlling the situation so nothing of depth is shared. Kinda sad I think.