BEVS

I quite like the word 'wassock'. I find it incredibly satisfying to say for some reason & now frequently use it to describe the new wassocky people on the other side of our boundary.

Cannot remember when I first heard it at all but it was not commonplace down my neck of the SW England woods.

old.sparkles

And in a similar vein 'Plonker' - few of those around

Pollyana

Been trying to remember where we were living when I picked that one up, and I think it was when we were in the Midlands, Pillock was more common when we moved south again I love both of them, often used to use them to baffle Australians

Definitely agree with that one!

Finknottle

Sorry, but far toooooo many of those around!

BEVS

Oh yes! Plonker and Pillock. I am sorted !
Wassocks ; Plonkers & Pillocks abound just over the boundary line. Such rich pickings..

BEVS

--- and just this morning I heard the term Wally. Doesn't have as much punch though

Chocolate eclair

I was introduced to the word wazzock by my eldest brother back in about 1975. I assumed he picked it up at his Grammar School in Prescot. He referred to someone as being a stony-eyed wazzock and the phrase has stuck with me ever since. Im not sure if your 'wassock' is pronounced the same as wazzock.
I think I first heard plonker and dickhead watching Jasper Carrot. Tosser or tosspot, also pillock was certainly popular in the northwest of England. I like 'Prick' because it's succinct.
I can't think why 'fig' would come from a swear word, nor berk. That just means someone's an idiot.
I think that Gordon's reading too much in to stuff.

Gordon Barlow

Try Googling "berk etymology". Then Google "etymology" itself, which gives the meaning as "the study of the origins of words". It's a bother, I know, but it's really not as hard as you think it is.
Still on written English and its apparent difficulty... I didn't say "fig" comes from a swear word, Chocky; I implied that it might have the same origin as one. "Comes from" and "might have the same origin as" - according to most books about the English language - don't have the same meaning.
As for the pronunciation of "berk", somewhere on the 'net it has been suggested that berek-rhymes-with-work is a Cockney thing. Check it out.

BEVS

I first heard plonker during an episode of Only Fools and Horses. I will use tosspot.

My excuse is that we have been under a lot of duress from those over the boundary fence these past 4 years. I have descended into being a potty mouth old boot.

old.sparkles

The dickheads over the fence have definitely earned some derogatory words.

Pollyana

Plus the fact that most of us just call people a pillock/wazzuck/plonker etc, we don't stop and look up the origin of the word before using it, we've used it for 50 odd years, why stop now

Rainydaze

The thread makes me realise how some milder swear words are dying out, like dipstick. I don’t hear that often anymore, and definitely not in Aus.

I like git. Very straight to the point.

Dorothy

I would think "berk" came from Cockney rhyming slang. Berkley Hunt, (use your imagination) got shortened to Berkley then just berk.

I love swear words. I bought some custom fabric with beautiful peach coloured flowers all over it and in black cursive writing many F*** sayings. I think my favourite ones are "I'm a ray of F****ing sunshine" or F***ity F**** F****, which are both written on the pockets of the yoga pants I sewed. I was using them for pyjamas, but I do pottery on a Wednesday night and I thought it would be easier to just point to the most appropriate phrase on my pants than actually swear out loud.

Pollyana

I've really had to rein myself in since I got home; 20 years of working in an environment where even high level meeting were punctuated with the worst swear words at every possible opportunity clearly rubbed off on me, and took a good few weeks of seriously hard work to teach myself to only swear as the exception rather than the rule. Had to be done though or I'd have been slung out of interviews double-quick!

Chocolate eclair

You certainly have had very stressful times with your neighbours over a long period of time, so I'd just go with whatever comes into your head.
After the 18 months of stress with our Gulf Harbour neighbour, the one who is a friend of Hannah and Brian Tamaki. I resorted to using "Scunthorpe" as a warning word to the OH so that we could retreat to a place of safety!!