Sally Simpson

To slaphead: I think that you are missing the whole point of the forum, which is to share experiences, be they good or bad. People gain huge support from others on here & it is not usually all negative, far from it.
Perhaps you see what you want to? & if it is all so unpalatable to you, why continue to read it? Just as we are free to choose which country we live in, you are free not to visit the forum!

Sally Redux

Saying everything is great when it isn't, for you, can feel like madness.

This site has saved my sanity.

BadgeIsBack

Let's be honest - most expats don't....most are as bad as any other.

That's seeing both sides..

BadgeIsBack

Put like that, agreed. Perhaps there should be a seperate forum for people unhappy - surely there are hundreds out there(!) Relationships Unhappy, CrapTV United....PoorJobProspects..

BadgeIsBack

From what I have read of his early posts, he was quite clear to point out that he was not entirely anti-UK - he even listed the downsides of the Australian experience.

Happy for people to gripe and whinge - happy for BE to provide the mechanism - infact - (a sort of compromise!) but it's true that people need to stop blaming Australia and look at themselves, or their choices. It may be that for the time being things are out of their control - but probably not as bad as they seem.

slapphead_otool

No no no, I am trying to learn here. I don’t have any references.
But I am interested in this “emotional processing”. I tried googling “emotional processing as a therapeutic tool” but can’t seem to find much.

I don’t suppose you have references do you?

I am very keen on researching this subject, and would welcome your assistance.

Pollyana

But as pointed out earlier by kporte, very few actually blame Australia for the way they feel. Even when some of us dislike the country or elements of life here its unusual to find someone who actually blames it for their problems.
I have no intention of blaming Australia for the fact I am stuck in it. And I know if I was desperate enough I could just up sticks and leave, but I also know that if I went home to no job, no money and nowhere to live, I would pretty soon be as depressed with life back home as I am with life here right now. Nothing to do with the country, just circumstances. I blame myself for the fact I am "stuck" here - not Australia, not my ex-husband, not fate in general, but myself. I have put myself in a position professionally which would not translate easily to the UK (there aren't many cyclones there!), I haven't saved up cash in case I ever wanted to leave, and I have never bought property here so have no source of funds there.
I've suffered from appalling health problems here, mental and physical, and its been a very tiring six-year roller coaster.
But blame the country for it? No, I don't, and I'm sure most people feel the same.

Pollyana

Too right. Without this site, and the people Ive met through it, I'm sure I'd be dangling from a tree somewhere on the end of a rope.

Grayling

Yes....I have hundreds.......it is my job.

Just google 'emotional processing'....if you are being genuine.

Although I doubt if you are particularly interested.

Also try googling 'hypocritical' so that you can start to understand your own attitude on this site.

BadgeIsBack

Ok - but that is not how it comes across for many. For example, every time the citizenship question comes up, you say very staunchly "No thanks" and coupled with your experience it does come across as if you want to somehow reject something.

You and others say things like "As little as possible", "No way", whenever the 'Australian question' comes up in various guises. It's clear there is a rejection of sorts. If your only problem was a failed relationship then you'd be happy to remain here. (Bit silly of course - it's only natural that you get back as soon as possible cos that is where you came from).

To be fair, though, you have said yourself that Australia has rejected you, rather than the other way around which is honest, and interesting. It's possible that the way you get treated in Kmart security searches reveals itself in your body langauge and that gets picked up on...self-fulfilling phrophecy - who knows..(!)

Reading many other posts from many other people - there is no question that people blame Australia (and initally the UK) for their problems. Read the MBTTUK forum and people get very vocal about it - they are quite disturbed by it in some cases. Even back in the UK they are still really, quite angry - the most bizarre cases are the ones where they are no better than the people they criticise. I'm sure there is no accident that the more ignorant, the more naive, ill-equipped, blinkered, limited they are, the more they dislike Australia themselves, and the angrier they are.

Ppersonally I would never have any argument with anyone discussing their problems. But very few of it is complete country agnostic. Of course it is likely that expats and migrants will react in this way, but it's still not Australia's fault.

slapphead_otool

Its a free world Sally, or is BE some sort of “fit in with our negative views of Australia or clear off” society?

Let me give you two short stories:
In the early 1970s I dated a Mauritian Indian girl called Saadia. She had moved to the UK after the anti Indian riots in 68, became an unmarried mother, and spent her time complaining about England. She hated the country she was living in with a vengeance. Not just the English weather, in her mind English people were stupid and rude, our laws was crazy (she was driving around without a licence and had been arrested several times), our buses and trains were useless, etc etc etc.

I dumped her in the end, because I was incensed by this stupid bloody woman who having taken up residency in my country spent all of her time complaining about it. I realised later in life that she missed her idyllic lifestyle in Mauritius, even though it was unsafe for her to live there. My parting words to her included “ungrateful bitch”.

Later in life I was working in France, and came across the “Pied Noir” or black foot. These were the one million French men and women who after having lived for generations in Algeria had been forced to relocate to France in 1964. Every single one I ever met complained bitterly about France. For generations they had thought France was some utopia. Suddenly they were pulled out of big houses with servants and relocated to bedsits in small French cities.

I had several pied noir friends, and I liked them, but Jesus, they complained about France! Nothing was any good to hear them talk. Once again I thought they were bloody ungrateful to their hosts.


Both Saadia and the Pied Noir had something in common. They had been forced to relocate. But the BE people who are unhappy here were not forced, and yet I hear exactly the same lack of gratitude.

ElizabethR

Of course it is therapeutic. I do not have to give "evidence" as you put it. The op is worried about his wife. He as been here 3 weeks, surely to say how your feeling and that your confused may give you some help just by people talking to you about how "they see it", 3 weeks is not enough time and I for one wish that years ago we had the internet and a forum to chat.
On another note, people chat about how wonderful etc and use the forum to meet other British people. Is that wrong?

BadgeIsBack

Let's get this clear - despite the wrist wrangling of 'post counters' who seem to keep a tally of the numbers, the Barbie and Australian forums have always welcomed all opinions - but expect to have discussion on points that arise - like the notion of blaming a country for misfortune which to me, and maybe only me, is sort of seperate from the age-old good vs bad debate....I get bored with those, prefer the detail...

It's only the MBTUK forum that rejects most anti-UK posts - far more angrily and in quite summary fashion too.

BadgeIsBack

Slappy, I've always been of the impression that talking about bad stuff is very important.

Blaming a country is poor form.

The two will clash...

Grayling

....and the barbie which rejects anti-Australia posts....also in an angry fashion