englishgal

I know people might think Im crazy but ive relocated from the east coast of england where I had a great life, up to Glasgow for my boyfriend (who is great), and I just cant seem to settle. Its been a year now and Ive joined courses, classes and do as much as I can but I just cant seem to enjoy living here.

Has anyone else had a similar problem, what can I do to help the situation, and at what point does the unhappiness of living somewhere you dont like mean you should walk away from someone you love? we dont have any children (yet!) but I feel like I just cant imagine staying here forever!

any advice or similar thoughts most welcome, i feel like a fruitloop!!

Jerseygirl

Hello englishgal...welcome to BE.

I'm not sure which forum to direct you to as you're already living in the UK and don't seem to want to move overseas. As this forum is for welcoming new members to BE perhaps you could try reposting your questions in either The Rovers Return or The Lounge forums.

Good luck...I hope you can find someone who can help answer your questions.

bakedbean

Personally, I would have a chat with your boyfriend. You don't seem to have ties, at least not children. Maybe a move somewhere else? A new avenue for both of you?

One thing for sure, and you'll see a lot of postings on this forum, is that couples cannot always agree on where to live. I think we have all been through this at one time or another, and sometimes more than once

Hope everything works out for you and maybe you'll get some inspiration from some folks on BE. Try posting in one of the chit-chat areas of the forum. Jerseygirl mentioned two of them.

Sue

Hi english gal, welcome to BE.

Sorry you are feeling so down, it's certainly tough when one moves to join a loved one no matter where they live. You feel like you are starting all over again.

We do have lots of people like yourself here, so I'm sure you will be able to connect with others. I think Jerseygirl's suggestion of posting in our Moving back to the UK forum is a good one as we've often seen people posting there who one half of the couple wants to move back "home" and the other doesn't. Sometimes jobs and families means that it isn't always possible to up and move sticks, but just chatting with others who are going through the same thing helps a great deal.

Rosemary

You are definitely not a fruitloop.

Look at the whole thing and work out exactly what you are not happy about living there. What was particularly great about where you lived before? If you are both in work are you both happy in your sellected jobs? Do you both like your accommodation? Do you have separate friends or joint friends? Ask yourself loads of questions such as this and write it all down. Arrange a time when you can talk with your partner in peace and quiet, preferably when neither of you are in an off mood or too tired and be perfectly honest with each other about all the issues whilst not ending up in a row where you blame each other. Be calm, honest and let him know the effect it is having on you and ask him what he thinks that you can both do about the situation. Make sure that he knows how you feel about him or he may think that you are using the situation to dump him. Talking is the way forward, hope you manage to do this successfully and that you both are able to see each others point of view and can find a sollution to your problems.

Hope this has helped in some small way.

Sorry nearly forgot.....Welcome to BE.

Rosemary

dreadsoc

Hi Englishgal

Welcome to BE.

My heart really goes out to you. I know I ould find it very dificult to live somewhere I did not like. You definitely need to tell your man how you feel rather than keep it bottled up.
Also check out the chat forums in the UK section - I am sure there are others who are or have been in the same boat who you can chat with. You can even just have a rant if that's what you feel like doing !!

Good luck with everything

Dread - x

englishgal

Thanks guys you made me feel better already. We really are ina very difficult situation. Without going into the ins and outs he is in an incredibly niche career which he has had extensive education in and is on track to be very successful. To keep progressing the only option is to stay put or go abroad. I work in a more generic job and transferred with my existing emplyer up here. This has been very successful and I was quickly promoted and earn a lot more, so at least I have that. (and I do have options to transfer back/abroad etc. which i guess is very lucky) There are a few other english girls up here and to be hnonest every one of us has the same issues. Weather, culture, area etc.
I know Im not really an ex-pat but I totally feel that way, Ive lived abroad before but loved every second and never missed home. I guess because I know this is kind of 'forever' im freaking. We have just bought a new house in a lovely area and move in next week, rather than being in the city we will be in a large village so hopefully i can put some more roots down.

My boyf knows exactly how i feel as we have a very honest and open relationship and i cant hide how i feel from him there is no point! but i guess the harsh reality is we are stuck where we are for the forseeable future. I just wonder if anyone has any similar experiences, how long it takes to settle, how to help the process, at what point do you say right im stll not 'content' and pull the plug?!

its just so difficult. I totally take my hat off to people who move regularly for work etc!!

meauxna

Does this make englishgal an in-pat? What IS the term for this phenom anyway?


welcome englishgal.. the issues are the same; I know you'll find like-minded people here.

scrubbedexpat094

Welcome from me too Englishgal. It does take a while to settle anywhere & can feel incredibly lonely until you make friends & start to settle. Hopefully having your own place in a nice village will help you to establish yourselves.

Whilst it may feel like it's 'forever', it doesn't mean it has to be. Just take each day at a time. Thinking into the future makes me feel panicky, as I start feeling I'm trapped. I have weeks of feeling very homesick for England, which I eventually get through. But it is difficult & I understand were you are coming from.

It's great that you are able to talk so freely about this with your boyfriend. Bottling it up is the worst thing you can do.

Good luck hun & I'm thinking of you x

Jerseygirl

My first move was from Yorkshire to South Manchester. I was only 20 and was terribly homesick. I can laugh now because I only moved 40 miles away...a 1 hr journey by car but it was as if I'd moved to another country...the people seemed so different.