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Worried and feeling uncertain about moving to US? How did you deal with these?

Worried and feeling uncertain about moving to US? How did you deal with these?

Old May 13th 2019, 4:39 pm
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Default Re: Worried and feeling uncertain about moving to US? How did you deal with thes

Originally Posted by park99 View Post
For those of you who took the courage and made the move, how did you convince yourself it's the right move? I guess I need some confidence and help to put things into perspective.
Thanks !
Life is too short for what if. Better to give things a go and come home again if things don’t work out - at least you’ll have tried and had experiences you wouldn’t have otherwise had. When you’re old and feeble, you don’t want to be looking back at your life regretting opportunities missed.

this isn’t a one way trip to Mars, it’s a move to another English speaking Western country. Not to say there aren’t differences and culture shock, but overall, the risks are broadly the same as in Europe.

if you are still feeling risk averse, make it a priority to have an emergency sum of money set aside for repatriation costs back to the U.K. That way, if the move doesn’t work out for you, you have the choice to stay or go.
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Old May 13th 2019, 4:45 pm
  #17  
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Default Re: Worried and feeling uncertain about moving to US? How did you deal with thes

Originally Posted by civilservant View Post
I think Boiler actually makes a good point - do you worry about knife crime in the UK? If not, gun violence is really no more prevalent in the US when considering the comparable populations of the UK and the US.
We'll need to agree to differ on this one
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Old May 13th 2019, 4:46 pm
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Default Re: Worried and feeling uncertain about moving to US? How did you deal with thes

I spent more time looking over my shoulder for rogue transit vans mounting the pavement last time I was in London than worrying about being shot out here.
Leaving friends and family is definitely the toughest part. I’m quite a hard nosed SOB, but when I go home, or when friends and family come out to visit, the homesickness knocks me for six for a good week or so (and that’s with me loving it out here with no plans as yet to return home).
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Old May 13th 2019, 4:48 pm
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Default Re: Worried and feeling uncertain about moving to US? How did you deal with thes

Originally Posted by spouse of scouse View Post
We'll need to agree to differ on this one


Are you saying that knife crime isn't a problem in the UK?

Do you have any experience of living in the US to enable you to refute the comparison that Bolier made and CS and I concurred with? Or are you just relying on "media reports"?
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Old May 13th 2019, 5:56 pm
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Default Re: Worried and feeling uncertain about moving to US? How did you deal with thes

Most people will never be involved in a shooting, its not something the average person sits and worries about.

Mass shootings (using the definition as 4 more people injured or killed. Make up less than 1% of all shootings.

Chance of dying in a mass shooting is about 1 in 110,154 which is about the same as being killed by a dog.

Chance of dying by heart disease or cancer 1 in 6

1 in 95 dying by self harm

Chance of dying in a car accident 1 in 113

1 in 63,225 of being killed by bees, hornets or wasps

1 in 3,461 of dying by choking.

1 in 127 of dying by a fall

1 in 9,821 from air and space accident

There is a 1 in 370 from assault by a firearm, but I wonder if criminal on criminal was removed what it would move to.

1 in 1,188 chance of dying by unintentional drowning.

https://www.nsc.org/work-safety/tool...ry-facts/chart

https://www.healthline.com/health-ne...ss-shootings#3

https://www.sandiegouniontribune.com...324-story.html

Gun violence is most certainly an issue, but a fairly decent amount of shootings are criminals killing criminals.


"Keep in mind these odds are statistical averages over the entire U.S. population and do not necessarily reflect the chances of death for a particular person from a particular external cause. Odds of dying are affected by an individual’s activities, occupation, and where he or she lives and drives, among other things."

Last edited by Jsmth321; May 13th 2019 at 6:01 pm.
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Old May 13th 2019, 5:58 pm
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Default Re: Worried and feeling uncertain about moving to US? How did you deal with thes

Originally Posted by civilservant View Post
and the reality is you are far more likely to die in a car wreck then you are being shot by a stranger.
Isn't that the truth. When I'm walking the dog I'm far more worried about being run over, the way the idiots drive here. Don't think about getting shot.

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Old May 13th 2019, 5:59 pm
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Default Re: Worried and feeling uncertain about moving to US? How did you deal with thes

Originally Posted by park99 View Post
For those of you who took the courage and made the move, how did you convince yourself it's the right move? I guess I need some confidence and help to put things into perspective.
Thanks !
The way I saw it, even if we hated the move and ultimately returned to the UK, i would still have preferred that than not going at all.

So it was an easy decision from that perspective, I felt like we had nothing to lose.
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Old May 13th 2019, 6:16 pm
  #23  
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Default Re: Worried and feeling uncertain about moving to US? How did you deal with thes

What is your situation? Married? Chilruns? If so, how old. What hobbies do you have? What do you like to do?
Where would you be living?
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Old May 13th 2019, 7:20 pm
  #24  
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Default Re: Worried and feeling uncertain about moving to US? How did you deal with thes

There is a 1:1 chance of dying - living is a risk with a 100% chance of not surviving.

Do research - is gun violence an "issue" - yes, are you likely to be impacted by it - not if you avoid high risk locations. Some people have referenced Knife crime, and while I would argue it is not as big a problem in the UK as guns in the USA, that doesn't negate the point - you probably don't get paralysed by worry in the UK and you shouldn't in the USA by guns. BUT - it could have some impact on your life. As an example - my daughter had a couple of school lock downs due to credible threats and they have to have training, so both our children are aware. I suppose, that could be seen as a negative when weighing up the quality of life discussion around where to live - for us, the balance is still in the worth it column.

Also, California on it's own is huge, let alone the USA. Some locations may well be far safer than you experience today.

Probably the riskiest thing is the "safety net" - something that may well weigh heaviest in any decision. Someone mentioned the difference that brings in culture - and I would agree it does change things, I'm not sure it is better, I am not sure it is worse - it creates some real oddities, but for now, part of the fun is experiencing them. Ask me again if I am crippled in an accident or struck down by a nasty disease. We have had to use the Healthcare services, and they were pretty impressive, a bit like BUPA running the NHS. However, they made my eyes water and even with decent coverage eat into savings (f you manage to have any). I would happily pay more in taxes to get the NHS :-) BUT, again, the balance is still in the live in the USA experience column.
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Old May 13th 2019, 10:23 pm
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Default Re: Worried and feeling uncertain about moving to US? How did you deal with thes

I would make one comment about your concerns about guns and shootings, the media rarely the point that is painfully obvious to those with their feet on the ground in the US, that shootings in the US are heavily compartmentalized both geographically and ethnically. While geographic and ethnic compartmentalizations significantly overlap ("black neighborhoods" and "Hispanic neighborhoods" are very much a reality), I make the point that they are separate because even when shootings spill over from one geographic compartment into another, the shootings often remain ethnically segregated. In short, the risk of being shot to most Americans in low crime areas, is very low, and not one that I spend much time even thinking about, much less worrying about. To which I would add the footnote: there is a significant exception of being shot by a family member or acquaintance.
What if park99 is black or another race and would feel more comfortable in a neighborhood that reflected their own background, and that neighborhood did have a higher crime rate related to shootings? That would be relevant to moving here.

Last edited by Bob; May 13th 2019 at 10:39 pm. Reason: quote fix
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Old May 13th 2019, 10:32 pm
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Default Re: Worried and feeling uncertain about moving to US? How did you deal with thes

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Originally Posted by Psyman View Post
What if park99 is black or another race and would feel more comfortable in a neighborhood that reflected their own background, and that neighborhood did have a higher crime rate related to shootings? That would be relevant to moving here.
You are correct, and I plead guilty to not thinking of that possibility.
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Old May 13th 2019, 10:46 pm
  #27  
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Default Re: Worried and feeling uncertain about moving to US? How did you deal with thes

Originally Posted by Pulaski View Post
On to another of Park99's questions - "youth and drugs". I doubt that is much different from the UK, except to the extent that some states have legalized marijuana, so in those states drugs have become an overt issue, not a covert one.

Drugs, as an issue are, exactly as per the UK, highly compartmentalized - if you don't partake then the availability if illegal narcotics has very little impact on life in the US. That said drugs are certainly widely available, if you want them.

In fact the previously discussed (Above) issue of guns means that petty burglary to fund a drug habit is not even this issue it is in the UK, because most would-be burglars know that if they break into a home there is a pretty good chance that they will be shot by the homeowner.
A twist to this, where weed is legal in MA, because it's so much ball ache to get it and it's so expensive, most folks are still getting it illegally. The state is looking into how to tax illegal sellers for lost revenue, by coming up with different ways of licensing it.

As to the illicit drugs and home break ins, most tend to happen during the day, when most homes are empty. Porch pirating is huge and smash/grab jobs out of cars is the biggest issue, locally.

All that said, to the OP, depends why/how they're moving here. If there's a spouse, have a exit plan, even without a spouse, have a exit plan. Give it a year, don't like it, move else where if you can, give it another year, after a couple of years, you'll probably know if it's for you and you can make a better decision for yourself. It's worth giving it a go if you can and can leave again, as you'll always be wondering what if.

Is it better here? For some people it is. It isn't for everyone and some people are indifferent. It's the same shit, different bucket, with the same kind of grind as anywhere else, and it is what you can make of it.
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Old May 13th 2019, 10:49 pm
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Default Re: Worried and feeling uncertain about moving to US? How did you deal with thes

Hi park99, not sure if I've read your previous threads but what are the positives? Why are you moving? Do those positives outweigh the negatives going round your head?

I'm currently packing up to move to the US and, TBH, it would not be my first choice. In fact it's not - it will be our fourth continent and I'm very happy here in Sydney but my husband got made an offer he couldn't refuse (not just in terms of $$$). I'm always up for an adventure so off I go. Are you looking for a permanent move or is it more of a "posting"? I'm viewing ours with an open mind, especially as we only have a 2 year work permit for now. Could you do the same?

I also think Boiler has a valid point. You're focussing on negatives in the US that you'd ignore in the UK, they're just a fact of life. Everywhere is a bit scary when you don't know it. When we moved from ultra safe little Singapore to Sydney, I had a few no go areas that I now really enjoy. It just takes a while. OK the guns are a significant difference but I'm not thinking too much about those!

Do you have children? IME it's far easier to find a community with kids - you'll meet people on the school run, there will be sporting events, etc. And I say that as somebody without any who saw others build networks this way, but I had to work a bit harder. You kiss a few frogs but eventually find your people.

As for missing Europe - well you'll have new places to explore and, for most of us, the days of moving across the world never to return even for a visit, are past.

Start listing those positives.
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Old May 13th 2019, 10:55 pm
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Default Re: Worried and feeling uncertain about moving to US? How did you deal with thes

Originally Posted by Pulaski View Post
1
You are correct, and I plead guilty to not thinking of that possibility.
Not a problem, not trying to have a "gotcha" moment - just something that entered my mind.

Regarding history and culture, I wish more Europeans would open their eyes to what is here in those regards. Native Americans/First People were here many thousands of years before Europeans arrived. They may not have left loads of cathedrals and castles and cobbled streets (although check out Mesa Verde National Park if you're into buildings), but have plenty of history and culture to be explored. Some amazing rock art too if you take the time to get out in the great outdoors, especially in the western US. Also, the sheer amount of music, literature, art, cinema etc that has been generated from the US over the last 150 years particularly is pretty incredible. And "America" isn't just the US. From California, you're just a short hop to Mexico and on to Central America if you're looking for a "foreign" holiday.
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Old May 14th 2019, 2:44 pm
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Default Re: Worried and feeling uncertain about moving to US? How did you deal with thes

  • Safety: Big place with more people. In poor areas it is understandably worse. Like anything statistically low but kids will have to do lock down training which will be a shock to them.
  • Drugs: Drugs are in every country are they not.
  • No security net: Personal item to you. We never needed one in the UK.
  • Leaving friends: As non of mine will be on this forum. Our US friends are much better friends than our UK ones. Where we live we spend all our time on holidays, weekends and sharing parenting during the week. The key was to go all in. There is no 'can't be bothered'. As soon as you get stuck into the community everyone welcomes the exotic people living with them. Plus employment is very network heavy. If you ever change jobs having lots of contacts is important.
  • Europe: Choose your location carefully. The estate agent will treat you like a US person. Hey if we drive 15 mins this way look at the 9,000sqft house you can have. Only it's 30 mins from a shop and you have to drive everywhere. We found a part of town that was walk-able to shops, had coffee & bakerys etc and it fit perfectly to the transition.

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