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Worried and feeling uncertain about moving to US? How did you deal with these?

Worried and feeling uncertain about moving to US? How did you deal with these?

Old May 12th 2019, 8:06 pm
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Default Worried and feeling uncertain about moving to US? How did you deal with these?

Thanks very much for all of your replies for my previous post regarding the possible move to CA.
Now when things are getting more real, I start feeling itchy. I am worried about:
  • the safety in US, gun violence in particular; school shooting
  • the youth problem, drugs...
  • no security net to fall back on...
  • leaving friends and well settled familiar life behind; I am not sure how long it will take for us to build same level of community and comfort in CA...
  • This might be odd, but I start missing Europe terribly already. I really enjoy visiting Europe and it's so easy when you are in UK. There won't be the same level of culture and history to explore in US. I am gonna miss all these.
For those of you who took the courage and made the move, how did you convince yourself it's the right move? I guess I need some confidence and help to put things into perspective.
Thanks !

Last edited by park99; May 12th 2019 at 9:14 pm.
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Old May 12th 2019, 11:34 pm
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Default Re: Worried and feeling uncertain about moving to US? How did you deal with thes

Originally Posted by park99 View Post
Thanks very much for all of your replies for my previous post regarding the possible move to CA.
Now when things are getting more real, I start feeling itchy. I am worried about:
  • the safety in US, gun violence in particular; school shooting
  • the youth problem, drugs...
  • no security net to fall back on...
  • leaving friends and well settled familiar life behind; I am not sure how long it will take for us to build same level of community and comfort in CA...
  • This might be odd, but I start missing Europe terribly already. I really enjoy visiting Europe and it's so easy when you are in UK. There won't be the same level of culture and history to explore in US. I am gonna miss all these.
For those of you who took the courage and made the move, how did you convince yourself it's the right move? I guess I need some confidence and help to put things into perspective.
Thanks !

OK, I'll bite. Bad things can happen anywhere in the world; none of us has any control over that. There's something horrible happening somewhere every day of the year.

Of course there is history and culture in the US. It's just a different history, which doesn't make it any less interesting. The US has world-class museums, operas, ballets, etc. in city after city across the country.

And like many on BE, I didn't have to "convince myself" to move -- I wanted to!
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Old May 13th 2019, 12:28 am
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Default Re: Worried and feeling uncertain about moving to US? How did you deal with thes

The biggest change a Brit will face is no security net. You make it by your own hard work and effort and to most Brits that is a real culture shock. Not having the possibility of government handouts as a bail out is quite scary. Americans have a different mind set and will work at whatever and more than one job if necessary.

Failure here hurts a lot more, but success has greater rewards.
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Old May 13th 2019, 12:42 am
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Default Re: Worried and feeling uncertain about moving to US? How did you deal with thes

My opinion is stop over thinking. It's normal to panic a bit when any big change happens in your life.
Look at it as a temporary experience and try to enjoy the adventure. It may be you want to stay forever, who knows! There will be blips, there will be anxiety but there will also be fun times, new experiences, new friends.
Just try and look at the positives and take it day by day. Lots of us have had the same fears but have worked through it.
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Old May 13th 2019, 2:46 am
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Default Re: Worried and feeling uncertain about moving to US? How did you deal with thes

Found the pros outweighed the con. Made the decision to start married life in the USA rather than the UK.
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Old May 13th 2019, 3:08 am
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Default Re: Worried and feeling uncertain about moving to US? How did you deal with thes

Park99 Violence can happen anywhere in the world look at London and what’s going on with violent crime, we are in Texas we don’t give gun crime a second thought, as for family and friends iMessage is fantastic for face to face calls it does help.
If you are having these doubts maybe you need to ask yourself is this right for you.
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Old May 13th 2019, 3:20 am
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Default Re: Worried and feeling uncertain about moving to US? How did you deal with thes

Originally Posted by lansbury View Post
The biggest change a Brit will face is no security net. You make it by your own hard work and effort and to most Brits that is a real culture shock. Not having the possibility of government handouts as a bail out is quite scary. Americans have a different mind set and will work at whatever and more than one job if necessary.

Failure here hurts a lot more, but success has greater rewards.


I agree with this.
Originally Posted by Sugarmooma View Post
My opinion is stop over thinking. It's normal to panic a bit when any big change happens in your life.
Look at it as a temporary experience and try to enjoy the adventure. It may be you want to stay forever, who knows! There will be blips, there will be anxiety but there will also be fun times, new experiences, new friends.
Just try and look at the positives and take it day by day. Lots of us have had the same fears but have worked through it.
And this.
Originally Posted by tom169 View Post
Found the pros outweighed the con. Made the decision to start married life in the USA rather than the UK.
And this.

I would make one comment about your concerns about guns and shootings, the media rarely the point that is painfully obvious to those with their feet on the ground in the US, that shootings in the US are heavily compartmentalized both geographically and ethnically. While geographic and ethnic compartmentalizations significantly overlap ("black neighborhoods" and "Hispanic neighborhoods" are very much a reality), I make the point that they are separate because even when shootings spill over from one geographic compartment into another, the shootings often remain ethnically segregated. In short, the risk of being shot to most Americans in low crime areas, is very low, and not one that I spend much time even thinking about, much less worrying about. To which I would add the footnote: there is a significant exception of being shot by a family member or acquaintance.

Last edited by Pulaski; May 13th 2019 at 3:51 am.
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Old May 13th 2019, 3:30 pm
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Default Re: Worried and feeling uncertain about moving to US? How did you deal with thes

I agree with the above - bad things happen to good people all the time, and the reality is you are far more likely to die in a car wreck then you are being shot by a stranger. The whole 'gun' thing is overblown (says he as a multiple gun owner) since it is very likely that most of the people you will interact are likely to be 'responsible' gun owners.

Pulaski makes an excellent point (as always)
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Old May 13th 2019, 3:36 pm
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Default Re: Worried and feeling uncertain about moving to US? How did you deal with thes

Originally Posted by civilservant View Post
I agree with the above - bad things happen to good people all the time, and the reality is you are far more likely to die in a car wreck then you are being shot by a stranger. The whole 'gun' thing is overblown (says he as a multiple gun owner) since it is very likely that most of the people you will interact are likely to be 'responsible' gun owners.

Pulaski makes an excellent point (as always)
Thank you.

I should have noted that, for all practical purposes, I am not a gun owner (I have a 20-gauge single shot shotgun, that I bought for dealing with copperheads and have only ever fired three times), so I am not writing as a defensive gun owner.
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Old May 13th 2019, 3:55 pm
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Default Re: Worried and feeling uncertain about moving to US? How did you deal with thes

Begs the question how you feel about knife crime in the UK, obviously many other aspects of what is happening in the Uk could be focused on.
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Old May 13th 2019, 4:03 pm
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Default Re: Worried and feeling uncertain about moving to US? How did you deal with thes

Originally Posted by Boiler View Post
Begs the question how you feel about knife crime in the UK, obviously many other aspects of what is happening in the Uk could be focused on.

The OP's moving to the US so is asking questions about the US. What's the UK got to do with that?
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Old May 13th 2019, 4:12 pm
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Default Re: Worried and feeling uncertain about moving to US? How did you deal with thes

Originally Posted by spouse of scouse View Post

The OP's moving to the US so is asking questions about the US. What's the UK got to do with that?
I assume the OP was going from Media reports, i was just showing the reverse.
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Old May 13th 2019, 4:13 pm
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Default Re: Worried and feeling uncertain about moving to US? How did you deal with thes

Originally Posted by spouse of scouse View Post

The OP's moving to the US so is asking questions about the US. What's the UK got to do with that?
I think Boiler actually makes a good point - do you worry about knife crime in the UK? If not, gun violence is really no more prevalent in the US when considering the comparable populations of the UK and the US.
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Old May 13th 2019, 4:25 pm
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Default Re: Worried and feeling uncertain about moving to US? How did you deal with thes

Originally Posted by civilservant View Post
I think Boiler actually makes a good point - do you worry about knife crime in the UK? If not, gun violence is really no more prevalent in the US when considering the comparable populations of the UK and the US.
I agree, with you, that Boiler makes a valid and pertinent point.
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Old May 13th 2019, 4:31 pm
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Default Re: Worried and feeling uncertain about moving to US? How did you deal with thes

On to another of Park99's questions - "youth and drugs". I doubt that is much different from the UK, except to the extent that some states have legalized marijuana, so in those states drugs have become an overt issue, not a covert one.

Drugs, as an issue are, exactly as per the UK, highly compartmentalized - if you don't partake then the availability if illegal narcotics has very little impact on life in the US. That said drugs are certainly widely available, if you want them.

In fact the previously discussed (Above) issue of guns means that petty burglary to fund a drug habit is not even this issue it is in the UK, because most would-be burglars know that if they break into a home there is a pretty good chance that they will be shot by the homeowner.
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