Workplace Drama - What would you do?
May 7th 2010, 1:24 am
#1
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Workplace Drama - What would you do?
Hi all,
I can't talk to anyone at the office about this, so asking all of you sounds like a good idea. Please bare with me.
My husband is a manager in a department where I work. He has a few reports but is a lower-level manager. He has been talked to about managing a larger group in the future - not a definite but he's been talked to about this new responsibility in the future. Tonight he went out with a vendor and this department, and after the vendor left he asked the group how things were going. He's a more senior individual in the group and thought it would be good to touch base, after all, he knows that workload has been heavy, etc. He got far more than he bargained for.
Several months ago it became public knowledge (within the department anyway, as well as among senior management, but not among the wider company) that the current manager of this department (let's call him Kevin) was having an affair with one of his employees (let's call her Mary). It became public knowledge because Mary's husband became suspicious and hired a private detective who caught them in the act. Both sets of spouses were then aware of the affair and while I'm sure homelife wasn't pleasant, things were aired, supposedly the affair was over and that was that.
Well Mary has recently moved to another department. It sounds like, however, that things are far from over and that they may be meeting during work hours. Mary was recently missing from her desk for about 4 hours and her new manager wondered where she was. My husband learned that Kevin suspected that one of his current employees (let's call him John) had said something to tip off the fact that Mary was missing. He apparently pulled John into a conference room and said "I'm not going anywhere". He threatened to fire John.
Let's make this even more complicated ... we've known "Kevin" for years. My husband for 15, me for 10. We've always considered him a friend ... but if this is true, this is so beyond acceptable I can't even express it. Oh, and did I mention that Kevin is my husband's boss?
Senior management up to the President of the company is aware of the affair. Kevin tried to resign on two prior occasions because of it (let's face it, sleeping with one of your direct reports is a BAD idea) and his resignation was not accepted. To say that he's a subject expert would be an understatement, and I suspect that everyone was hoping that these two could resolve their situation and things would die down.
As I type this, my husband is dealing with a department unloading about the problems that the ongoing affair is causing. He's really beside himself. No matter what, bad things are going to come of this.
What, on earth, would you do in this situation? Feel free to ask questions. If you're confused I'm not surprised. This is like a bloody soap opera. To say it's unprofessional is the understatement of the year.
Thanks in advance.
I can't talk to anyone at the office about this, so asking all of you sounds like a good idea. Please bare with me.
My husband is a manager in a department where I work. He has a few reports but is a lower-level manager. He has been talked to about managing a larger group in the future - not a definite but he's been talked to about this new responsibility in the future. Tonight he went out with a vendor and this department, and after the vendor left he asked the group how things were going. He's a more senior individual in the group and thought it would be good to touch base, after all, he knows that workload has been heavy, etc. He got far more than he bargained for.
Several months ago it became public knowledge (within the department anyway, as well as among senior management, but not among the wider company) that the current manager of this department (let's call him Kevin) was having an affair with one of his employees (let's call her Mary). It became public knowledge because Mary's husband became suspicious and hired a private detective who caught them in the act. Both sets of spouses were then aware of the affair and while I'm sure homelife wasn't pleasant, things were aired, supposedly the affair was over and that was that.
Well Mary has recently moved to another department. It sounds like, however, that things are far from over and that they may be meeting during work hours. Mary was recently missing from her desk for about 4 hours and her new manager wondered where she was. My husband learned that Kevin suspected that one of his current employees (let's call him John) had said something to tip off the fact that Mary was missing. He apparently pulled John into a conference room and said "I'm not going anywhere". He threatened to fire John.
Let's make this even more complicated ... we've known "Kevin" for years. My husband for 15, me for 10. We've always considered him a friend ... but if this is true, this is so beyond acceptable I can't even express it. Oh, and did I mention that Kevin is my husband's boss?
Senior management up to the President of the company is aware of the affair. Kevin tried to resign on two prior occasions because of it (let's face it, sleeping with one of your direct reports is a BAD idea) and his resignation was not accepted. To say that he's a subject expert would be an understatement, and I suspect that everyone was hoping that these two could resolve their situation and things would die down.
As I type this, my husband is dealing with a department unloading about the problems that the ongoing affair is causing. He's really beside himself. No matter what, bad things are going to come of this.
What, on earth, would you do in this situation? Feel free to ask questions. If you're confused I'm not surprised. This is like a bloody soap opera. To say it's unprofessional is the understatement of the year.
Thanks in advance.
May 7th 2010, 2:03 am
#2
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Re: Workplace Drama - What would you do?
OMG...what a nightmare!!
I think I got all of it in the right order, but not sure what to say.
Is there anyone other than "Kevin" who your husband could go and express his concerns too?? HR? Kevin's boss?? At least then when the sh*t hits the fan your hubby has covered his @ss.
Either that, or invite Kevin over for a couple o beers and have a chat to him, but you moght feel that that could back fire on you both?
I think I got all of it in the right order, but not sure what to say.
Is there anyone other than "Kevin" who your husband could go and express his concerns too?? HR? Kevin's boss?? At least then when the sh*t hits the fan your hubby has covered his @ss.
Either that, or invite Kevin over for a couple o beers and have a chat to him, but you moght feel that that could back fire on you both?
May 7th 2010, 2:13 am
#3
Joined: Oct 2006
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Re: Workplace Drama - What would you do?
Better then Desperate House Wifes and never trust a guy called Kevin 
May 7th 2010, 2:21 am
#4
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Re: Workplace Drama - What would you do?
Senior management are aware of the situation and don't want to get rid of Kevin. Therefore I would say safest to keep out of it.
May 7th 2010, 2:27 am
#5
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Re: Workplace Drama - What would you do?
But do senior management realise how much it's upsetting everyone else? They might change their tune if they did?
May 7th 2010, 2:43 am
#6
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Re: Workplace Drama - What would you do?
Call me stupid, I would report his a$$.
May 7th 2010, 2:43 am
#7
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May 7th 2010, 2:47 am
#8
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Re: Workplace Drama - What would you do?
OMG...what a nightmare!!
I think I got all of it in the right order, but not sure what to say.
Is there anyone other than "Kevin" who your husband could go and express his concerns too?? HR? Kevin's boss?? At least then when the sh*t hits the fan your hubby has covered his @ss.
Either that, or invite Kevin over for a couple o beers and have a chat to him, but you moght feel that that could back fire on you both?
I think I got all of it in the right order, but not sure what to say.
Is there anyone other than "Kevin" who your husband could go and express his concerns too?? HR? Kevin's boss?? At least then when the sh*t hits the fan your hubby has covered his @ss.
Either that, or invite Kevin over for a couple o beers and have a chat to him, but you moght feel that that could back fire on you both?
My Dad made an insightful comment. My company has a lot of technical experts in management roles, but that doesn't make them good managers. My Dad thinks John should go directly to HR and keep my husband out of it. I remember from manager training that if someone confides in you that something that's not okay is happening at work (sexual harassment, hostile work envt., etc.) that legally you have an obligation to report it.
Call me old-fashioned. I believe people should be able to go to work, do their job, and go home. None of this crap.
May 7th 2010, 3:03 am
#9
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Re: Workplace Drama - What would you do?
He could go to HR I guess, imagine the storm that would cause. I wouldn't trust Kevin's boss ... he's frequently absent to the bar during work hours, etc. himself. Sad, but true.
My Dad made an insightful comment. My company has a lot of technical experts in management roles, but that doesn't make them good managers. My Dad thinks John should go directly to HR and keep my husband out of it. I remember from manager training that if someone confides in you that something that's not okay is happening at work (sexual harassment, hostile work envt., etc.) that legally you have an obligation to report it.
Call me old-fashioned. I believe people should be able to go to work, do their job, and go home. None of this crap.
My Dad made an insightful comment. My company has a lot of technical experts in management roles, but that doesn't make them good managers. My Dad thinks John should go directly to HR and keep my husband out of it. I remember from manager training that if someone confides in you that something that's not okay is happening at work (sexual harassment, hostile work envt., etc.) that legally you have an obligation to report it.
Call me old-fashioned. I believe people should be able to go to work, do their job, and go home. None of this crap.
May 7th 2010, 3:25 am
#10
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Re: Workplace Drama - What would you do?
Just advise HR that there are problems brewing that are affecting morale of people he works with, but that it isn't his position to go into details.
He covers his back, doesn't drop anyone else in it and frankly, not worth the ball ache of getting further involved.
He covers his back, doesn't drop anyone else in it and frankly, not worth the ball ache of getting further involved.
May 7th 2010, 3:36 am
#11
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Re: Workplace Drama - What would you do?
Hi all,
I can't talk to anyone at the office about this, so asking all of you sounds like a good idea. Please bare with me.
My husband is a manager in a department where I work. He has a few reports but is a lower-level manager. He has been talked to about managing a larger group in the future - not a definite but he's been talked to about this new responsibility in the future. Tonight he went out with a vendor and this department, and after the vendor left he asked the group how things were going. He's a more senior individual in the group and thought it would be good to touch base, after all, he knows that workload has been heavy, etc. He got far more than he bargained for.
Several months ago it became public knowledge (within the department anyway, as well as among senior management, but not among the wider company) that the current manager of this department (let's call him Kevin) was having an affair with one of his employees (let's call her Mary). It became public knowledge because Mary's husband became suspicious and hired a private detective who caught them in the act. Both sets of spouses were then aware of the affair and while I'm sure homelife wasn't pleasant, things were aired, supposedly the affair was over and that was that.
Well Mary has recently moved to another department. It sounds like, however, that things are far from over and that they may be meeting during work hours. Mary was recently missing from her desk for about 4 hours and her new manager wondered where she was. My husband learned that Kevin suspected that one of his current employees (let's call him John) had said something to tip off the fact that Mary was missing. He apparently pulled John into a conference room and said "I'm not going anywhere". He threatened to fire John.
Let's make this even more complicated ... we've known "Kevin" for years. My husband for 15, me for 10. We've always considered him a friend ... but if this is true, this is so beyond acceptable I can't even express it. Oh, and did I mention that Kevin is my husband's boss?
Senior management up to the President of the company is aware of the affair. Kevin tried to resign on two prior occasions because of it (let's face it, sleeping with one of your direct reports is a BAD idea) and his resignation was not accepted. To say that he's a subject expert would be an understatement, and I suspect that everyone was hoping that these two could resolve their situation and things would die down.
As I type this, my husband is dealing with a department unloading about the problems that the ongoing affair is causing. He's really beside himself. No matter what, bad things are going to come of this.
What, on earth, would you do in this situation? Feel free to ask questions. If you're confused I'm not surprised. This is like a bloody soap opera. To say it's unprofessional is the understatement of the year.
Thanks in advance.
I can't talk to anyone at the office about this, so asking all of you sounds like a good idea. Please bare with me.
My husband is a manager in a department where I work. He has a few reports but is a lower-level manager. He has been talked to about managing a larger group in the future - not a definite but he's been talked to about this new responsibility in the future. Tonight he went out with a vendor and this department, and after the vendor left he asked the group how things were going. He's a more senior individual in the group and thought it would be good to touch base, after all, he knows that workload has been heavy, etc. He got far more than he bargained for.
Several months ago it became public knowledge (within the department anyway, as well as among senior management, but not among the wider company) that the current manager of this department (let's call him Kevin) was having an affair with one of his employees (let's call her Mary). It became public knowledge because Mary's husband became suspicious and hired a private detective who caught them in the act. Both sets of spouses were then aware of the affair and while I'm sure homelife wasn't pleasant, things were aired, supposedly the affair was over and that was that.
Well Mary has recently moved to another department. It sounds like, however, that things are far from over and that they may be meeting during work hours. Mary was recently missing from her desk for about 4 hours and her new manager wondered where she was. My husband learned that Kevin suspected that one of his current employees (let's call him John) had said something to tip off the fact that Mary was missing. He apparently pulled John into a conference room and said "I'm not going anywhere". He threatened to fire John.
Let's make this even more complicated ... we've known "Kevin" for years. My husband for 15, me for 10. We've always considered him a friend ... but if this is true, this is so beyond acceptable I can't even express it. Oh, and did I mention that Kevin is my husband's boss?
Senior management up to the President of the company is aware of the affair. Kevin tried to resign on two prior occasions because of it (let's face it, sleeping with one of your direct reports is a BAD idea) and his resignation was not accepted. To say that he's a subject expert would be an understatement, and I suspect that everyone was hoping that these two could resolve their situation and things would die down.
As I type this, my husband is dealing with a department unloading about the problems that the ongoing affair is causing. He's really beside himself. No matter what, bad things are going to come of this.
What, on earth, would you do in this situation? Feel free to ask questions. If you're confused I'm not surprised. This is like a bloody soap opera. To say it's unprofessional is the understatement of the year.
Thanks in advance.
May 7th 2010, 3:46 am
#12
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Re: Workplace Drama - What would you do?
My Dad thinks John should go directly to HR and keep my husband out of it. I remember from manager training that if someone confides in you that something that's not okay is happening at work (sexual harassment, hostile work envt., etc.) that legally you have an obligation to report it.
You are not old-fashioned at all. I am a mid level manager myself, and what you describe would not be tolerated where I work. People have a right to work in a non-hostile environment. Office politics is one thing, but what Kevin did to John is unacceptable.
May 7th 2010, 3:52 am
#13
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Re: Workplace Drama - What would you do?
Just learned that John has gone to HR, twice. It could be that they are working on something he's not aware of.
My husband got home. The members of the dept. were all upset. The girls were crying. Apparently they are looking for other jobs.
My husband got home. The members of the dept. were all upset. The girls were crying. Apparently they are looking for other jobs.
May 7th 2010, 3:58 am
#14
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Re: Workplace Drama - What would you do?
Your husband should report what he is aware of to HR and leave it at that.
May 7th 2010, 4:01 am
#15
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Re: Workplace Drama - What would you do?
This is a tough one. If John confided directly to your husband, as a manager, he has no choice but to go to HR. If he does not, he could be exposing the company and himself legally. If John did not confide directly to your husband and it is all hearsay then I'm not sure what he should do. Maybe have a discreet talk with HR to tip them off about the rumors and let them run with it. That way his a$$ is covered, and HR does not have to disclose who tipped them off.