franki

It's nice to hear about other kids coping well. I'm pretty sure my daughter will be fine once settled. It's just hard at first. She will have lots of cousins there which I know will be very helpful.

franki

Yes, we definitely need more of those "up" days. I'm having trouble starting the whole process too. Luckily, my husband has been doing jobs around the house, preparing it for sale. I am kind of drifting. I really want to be back there no later than next June. I wish we'd done it this year though. It seems best to do it at the end of the school year, now my daughter will have to go to school here another year. Every day, she's becoming more American and I think it's just going to get harder for her. I keep wishing we would win the lottery, I'm sure it would make things a lot easier.

Always21

I know how you feel. I actually adore Baltimore and could just walk around the city for hours, taking photographs. However, like you, I don't connect with the people, and a great city can't make up for being separated from my family. And the majority of suburbanite Americans hate Baltimore anyway, so the thing I like is another reason why I don't fit in!

I also stay quiet and hate answering the phone. I have to anser it at work, but at home I let my wife answer it, or screen the calls if she's out! I was always shy growing up and thought that being around my wife would help me become more confident. The opposite has happened; I let her do the talking for me! When I was talking to the lady in the UK about the job yesterday morning it sounded SO good to hear that accent! I want to just be able to be myself again.

I have been in the same job here for four years and I can honestly say I won't miss any of my co-workers. I worked for two years in the UK and have co-workers that became great friends and that I will be meeting up with once I get back. I won't have to explain my jokes around them like I do here.

Anyway, I'm not throwing myself a pity party... just letting you know that I know how you feel! I really hope my wife doesn't end up feeling like this in the UK. She stays home with the kids though so at least she doesn't have to worry about fitting in at work.

goldie

It is so refreshing to read posts like these. Every time I get those feelings that I just don't want to be here, I log on and reading these posts really does help to make me realise I'm not alone.

I really do envy those couples though who can agree on where they want to be. The ideal solution for me would be to live in Europe but it isn't necessarily that easy when your other half and children want to stay here forever and you don't. Then this takes away the choice of where you want to live. The only drastic action would be to divorce but I really love my hubs and would hate to break up the family, but they've become so Americanised and I can't see them ever moving anywhere else. Thus it isn't always that easy. I would enjoy the experience here more if I knew it wasn't forever, but my two seem stuck here for good!

By the way, I'm not saying this is a bad place (the weather for one is amazingly glorious and warm!!) but I do really miss Europe where all the action, culture and history is and I feel like I'm living in a retirement zone!!

Elvira

(sigh)

So true!

Mercedes

Sorry about your mum , my uncle has pancreatic cancer, I saw him before I flew back out the other day, mainly because I won't be going back for a few weeks and wasn't sure if he will be there when I do nor was he. Out of all my uncles he always was my favourite, and he looked so healthy not so many months ago and I thought he would be the one who would be around for a few years yet. Funny thing about life you just don't know. But he's on morphine and still in pain, so I hope for his sake that he doesn't suffer for too long.

If you have your Citzenship, why not go back for a while you can put your stuff in storage, which I did, and go from there. I didn't want to ship everything back with the cost and then re ship it back if I went back.



I'm north of Marbella, south Spain, but more in the mountains in a spanish community. Only foreigner here and none of my neighbours speak English, so have plenty of practice in trying to improve my pigeon spanish. But they are great neighbours and often invite me around for Sunday lunch with their famiies.

I'm only 35-40 minutes away from the airport so I commute quite easily from here, most of my work is overseas now, but I also occasionally do some down here for companies in Europe and the States. Flights are quite reasonable nowadays and my partner can leave from his house in UK the same time as me and arrive at airport the same time, and flying seems to be much cheaper than train fares. So nowadays I use the plane like the train and when I go to the UK I keep some clothes there so I don't even pack...just jump on the plane and jump off, and I never take anything more than I can carry on the plane anyway. Can't stand hanging around airports so usually arrive just before the gates close.

Well, I'm not sure about the car painting industry, but there are plenty of cars that seem to have dents in them. I don't know about the standard of education here, but sending them to the local schools may not be so bad. There seems to be plenty of educated spanish people around who speak more than one language.

I do like the lifestyle and the Spanish people, I tend to hang out in Spanish places and keep away from the expats generally. But in your case your husband may get work from them. I live in a detached house on quarter of an acre with sea and valley views, and I take my laptop often down the beach at the moment and do any work there. When I'm here providing I have comms and reachable, it doesn't matter, and the phone number is in the UK so it finds me. So no one ever really knows where I am...... And the great thing is I can take my German Shepherd to half the cafes and resturants I go to, so she gets to enjoy the beach whilst I'm working, although she is so gorgeous everyone wants to say hello to her, lol. Are you tempted yet?

If you go back give it ago, you can always go back to the UK if things don't work out, you would probably rent when you first went back to Uk so not much difference, and living costs here are certainly alot less. I also like it because it is quite cosmopolitan with others from Europe here and I'm also accessible to the other cities if I want a change. Just do some market research by contacting the English Car companies down here for your hubby and see what the possibilities are for him. There are enough expats that you can get away with not speaking Spanish if you're worried about that. I've met loads of people who can't speak spanish and seem to survive. When I came down here I had never been to Spain before I just arrived in my car my suitcase and laptop, and went from there. But its also how I arrived in Australia, one sports bag and me. As said I like to travel light, so if it doesn't work out a) doesn't cost a fortune to leave and my stuff can always find me later. I always thought I would end up in Italy when I lived in Oz but I opted for Spain, more because I couldnt' speak any languages and thought it may be easier in the first instance and not be so isolating. The one good thing though that the world is getting smaller and it is easier to live in other countries now.

Jansz

Yes, wouldn't winning the lottery make it easier. Although funnily enough I have spent weeks reading these posts and felt it helped, but suddenly talking to people on here has seemed to make me feel better.

I have suddenly found some up and go. I have decided to take the advice of all of the property programs and spend a little money to sell quickly and for best price. After all I will need all the money I can get with the move to UK. I have been slowly spring cleaning, washing walls, cleaning capets and windows, but I cant do it all on my own so I decided to get someone in to make the garden look wonderful and I need to replace some blinds, organised to get quotes next week and today I have bought some light fitting I wanted to replace. I feel so much better and that I am really getting somewhere at last. Thanks to your post and feeling I wanted to answer.

I am glad you have your husband to start doing things on the house while you are drifting, I know how that feels, but once things start happening I am sure it will feel differently. Even when I have a spurt of activity I seem to go back to drifting again, til the next spurt! Hope I can keep this one going a bit.

I am sure from what other posters say, your daughter will be fine, but I can imagine what an extra worry that is. Where abouts in the UK do you plan to go to?

Jansz

[/QUOTE]

Trouble is when you go to another country and you like many things of that country which you can't get at "home" it doesn't help. I missed things from Australia when I was in Uk and the friends I had made there and vise versa when I was in Australia. By doing it the way I have, and it may not be for everyone, I have filled in some of those voids. Also I made myself buy a house and got a dog which made me root myself somewhere, I still travel alot with my job so that scratches that itch, but I found it has settled me much better than I was before. As said I have created some of the things I missed from Australia in my life, so that also has helped. Maybe you could write the pros and cons of each of the life you would have in UK and the life you have where you are. Then think of trying to achieve it to get many of the pros back in your life. Australia was the first country I had ever lived in besides UK, now I have lived in others and feel there is more to explore and experience. I now don't know whether I would go back to Australia as maybe because I have done that and rather remember my memories from it. I found I couldn't also settle in UK, because again I had moved on (besides I hated the weather) and changed to the person I had left. Life is always changing and often our needs are too. Two years ago I nearly died in an operation and it also made me look at my life and make the changes I wanted to in it. So if you were told you only had a couple of years to live, what would you change in it, what is really important to you. Live life as if your'e on a time frame and you will enjoy it more, rather than exist. You are in another country so enjoy it while your'e there, you may in the future not have the opportunity of going back if you leave, and its better not to have "Oh I wish I had done....."[/QUOTE]

Wht you have sounds terrific! I originally thought of going to France as I have always wanted to live there for a while, but my French is pretty mediocre and I would need to work. Then I realised that I really wanted to go back to England, see all the things I havent seen and enjoy all the things I have missed and when I have had my fill I would be quite happy to move on to france or somewhere and get the best of both worlds, but this time not quite so far away!

You are lucky that you can work as you do and commute back to UK, I dont think I could get that sort of job and anyway would have no one to look after my dogs. But it sounds like a fabulous life.

franki

Thanks. It is good to know that it's not just me. I also hate answering the phone. I was lucky enough to get on well with my co-workers. I haven't worked for a while though, since I had my son so I've become more isolated, which is making the lack of confidence worse. It's hard to get out of the rut.

Where will you be going to in UK?

Always21

I do get on with my co-workers... just won't particularly miss them!

We will be staying with my family in Surrey to begin with and then moving wherever we can afford... which isn't many places!

Mercedes

You are lucky that you can work as you do and commute back to UK, I dont think I could get that sort of job and anyway would have no one to look after my dogs. But it sounds like a fabulous life.[/QUOTE]

It wasn't luck, I made it happen. I changed industries slightly and then adapted it to the life I wanted. It certainly wasn't easy as I had entered a very male dominated and chavaunistic industry. However, some of those who were not very supportive in the beginning are now in business with me. I started a company with one of them, and in a couple of years we are one of the leaders in our industry. I adapt the life I want around my work. My business partner lives in the UK, as so does my personal partner. He flies to see me if he misses me, and I catch up with him when I'm in the Uk... Perfect relationship... The GS was a rescue dog, in Spain they gas them every week, so her future wasn't looking too good. She is much happier and healthy and she has to adapt to my schedule. I spent time finding a kennel that she was happy in, when I was away and she spends any other time with me. People comment on how happy she looks and she has become confident in the time I've had her as she was terrified of everything when I took her in. The kennels have also done her good as she has become more socialable with other dogs whereas before she wanted to eat everything with 4 legs.... it is much easier taking her out in public without tables and chairs going flying as she charges after some walking rat which is meant to be a dog and wants it for dinner... I have also got her a passport and will drive back with her on some of my commutes, unless I can find someone with a private jet that I can take her in the cabin with me......still working on that one... But I'm thinking of adopting another rescue dog that they can't home, so she can have a pal.

I don't have "can't" in my vocab, it makes life more fun in working around challenges in making things happen. One thing that pissed me off when I returned back to UK. "You can't do that.....or why do you want do that or go there.....it won't work, if it was a good idea everyone else would be doing it or I can't do that because....." I think we are all responsible for our own lives and happiness and only we can do something about it if it doesn't meet our expectations. I often see too many people blame everyone else for their unhappiness or circumstances, yet they often have the power to make the changes in making their lives more happy with using a bit more imagination. My mother is a prime example of that, she always wanted to live abroad, wasn't happy with my Father and prays for the day he pops his cloggs so she can be Free. Yet she has been independent financially all her life, and could have made those changes if she had wanted to, except she has made herself too dependent on others. If she had left him years ago, moved overseas she may have spent most of her adult life happier and had the life she had wanted. But she didn't, and consequently will probably die a unhappy woman, because thats how she is and others have also paid the price of her unhappiness. Unhappy people are not fun to be around, in fact they are bloody depressing........If I wanted to be around them I would have become a funeral director.... so consequently avoid any that are. Its also something to think about for those who are finding it hard in making friends in a new country, people want to be around happy people, if your'e not and moaning all the time, potential new friends will avoid you like the plague....which consequently makes you even more depressed and lonier. a vicious circle. . people always warm to a smile and happy people and want to be your friend. Thats been my experience anyway....if I feel low I stay in and watch a movie, in public I smile and bounce around...amazing how many strangers smile back and often come over and talk....

Well I've waffled on, but I've had a couple of people ring me today for a motivational talk so had to wake up, slap my face a couple of times and put my positive mode on....so still in it.

Anyway if you go back get down to France if you want to, don't worry about the dogs, you will probably have passports for them by them anyway, and France isn't that far from UK anyway so you can't them with you and you can get some French learning tapes on the long journey back to the UK, spend some time in the UK, still learning French in your spare time or classes and then when you get there you will be much better...There sorted... I'll pop in for a glass of wine on my way up through France and your dogs with have a Spanish travelling GS dog as a new friend...and possibly a English Labrador..

franki

Ye, I do feel very lucky to have such an accommodating husband. I think he would be happy to stay here but is willing to sacrifice his well paid job to make me happy. I'm very grateful, but also feel very guilty. I hate the thought of him having to work for peanuts especially as he is so good at his job.

You never know, maybe one day, your family will decide to venture out a bit.

Jansz

[/QUOTE]

It wasn't luck, I made it happen. Anyway if you go back get down to France if you want to, don't worry about the dogs, you will probably have passports for them by them anyway, and France isn't that far from UK anyway so you can't them with you and you can get some French learning tapes on the long journey back to the UK, spend some time in the UK, still learning French in your spare time or classes and then when you get there you will be much better...There sorted... I'll pop in for a glass of wine on my way up through France and your dogs with have a Spanish travelling GS dog as a new friend...and possibly a English Labrador..[/QUOTE]

Hi Great Post I agree with everything you say. I love to hear this sort of thing as it if how I feel about everything, which is how I ended up in Oz, how I have travelled the world and why I want to go back. Because actually I dont want to go "back" I want to move on a have a new adventure.

I do seem to have lost myself in the last few years, in a nutshell, relationship not working, wanting babies, getting too old so always ending in miscarriages, failed IVF's and eventually failed marriage to a nice man who wanted a different life and in the end there was nothing to hold us together. I am not wanting sympathy here, I am wanting to move on with my life and accept what will never be and have some more meaning and happiness in my life.

However the emotional stuff takes its toll and I have felt worn out, however I have picked myself up on the floor and am getting on with it, just lost confidence and energy. I agree about being happy around people etc etc, great advice.

I plan to go to UK, enjoy all of the things I want to , pick up my french, I went there earlier in the year and was quite impressed that I could still communicate. Would love to look at new things to do, like yourself, but feel I want to get to UK and do some different stuff first then work on the next step. I just wish that I could stop feeling so scared, yesterday I spent all day doing things on the house, feeling good, then all evening panicking if I am doing the right thing!

Love to see you on your way through from Spain sounds great, great idea about another dog two are good company. My dogs have always gone into good kennels to and actually really enjoy the little holiday if it is only for a few days, but put up with it for longer if necessary. The dogs already have passports, they were ready in April, so it is just me, but am trying to get myself organised.

Thanks for the motivation and reminding me of the can do attitude, for years I always said, "the world is my oyster, I can do anything I want to do", I still think it, but need to believe it a bit more again.

Mercedes

Hi Great Post I agree with everything you say. I love to hear this sort of thing as it if how I feel about everything, which is how I ended up in Oz, how I have travelled the world and why I want to go back. Because actually I dont want to go "back" I want to move on a have a new adventure.

I do seem to have lost myself in the last few years, in a nutshell, relationship not working, wanting babies, getting too old so always ending in miscarriages, failed IVF's and eventually failed marriage to a nice man who wanted a different life and in the end there was nothing to hold us together. I am not wanting sympathy here, I am wanting to move on with my life and accept what will never be and have some more meaning and happiness in my life.

However the emotional stuff takes its toll and I have felt worn out, however I have picked myself up on the floor and am getting on with it, just lost confidence and energy. I agree about being happy around people etc etc, great advice.

I plan to go to UK, enjoy all of the things I want to , pick up my french, I went there earlier in the year and was quite impressed that I could still communicate. Would love to look at new things to do, like yourself, but feel I want to get to UK and do some different stuff first then work on the next step. I just wish that I could stop feeling so scared, yesterday I spent all day doing things on the house, feeling good, then all evening panicking if I am doing the right thing!

Love to see you on your way through from Spain sounds great, great idea about another dog two are good company. My dogs have always gone into good kennels to and actually really enjoy the little holiday if it is only for a few days, but put up with it for longer if necessary. The dogs already have passports, they were ready in April, so it is just me, but am trying to get myself organised.

Thanks for the motivation and reminding me of the can do attitude, for years I always said, "the world is my oyster, I can do anything I want to do", I still think it, but need to believe it a bit more again. [/QUOTE]

Okay, I've had the emotional stuff, and it doesn't help if you are around negative people questioning anything you do. Solution get rid of them, if they are in your life. I mean it. Someone must have made you feel like this, as you have achieved things in the past, and know you have. So Only surround yourself with positive people who care about you and are supportive in whatever you want to do. Negative people are too draining and depressing being around. If they don't add something to your life, whats the point in having them around you? The world is full of people out there and new friends to make. Okay you've run out of steam at the moment, emotional stuff does that to you. Write down all the things you have done in the past and achieved. Ring up friends who have known you for years and ask them to think of positive things you have done and achieved. You may find also some of them have been envious of you over the years, lol.

Unless you're 90 odd your'e not old....If babies aren't happening, link yourself up with an orphanage and spend some time with the kids there, or take them out. I've lost a kid and babies aren't happening either, its my solution to the problem. I've also placed kids with families overseas with families who love kids but are poor. So I help support them financially, and at least the kid grows up in a better lifestyle but in their own culture. It also give me an extended family when I visit... Just use that need to nurture somewhere else...plenty of kids and elderly people who don't have family who want to be adopted....I've adopted a few grannies over the years where their families can't be bothered with them... you'd be surprised how many elderly people spend xmas on their own....sad.

Another tip is look at old photos of you when you were travelling and think of what you did then. Relationships can move on, remember the good times not the bad then move on, there is a world full of men and someone will come along that wants the same things as you. In the meantime enjoy being on your own and experience more adventures and meeting new people and find yourself again. As said there is also a world full of strangers who are yet to become your friend. But make sure you only have positive people around you, otherwise stick to yourself. It is better to be alone than surrounded by people who get you down...I've just fired a couple of sub contractors because of that, moaning minnies....the atmosphe is so much nicer that they are not around...it's amazing how just one person can change an atmosphe in a room full of people and have a negative impact on everyone....

Life is too short to be unhappy, so get off your butt girl and go and have some fun....and adventure....you know you can do it..... And don't worry about all your stuff, I have the attitude if it doesn't fit in the car or my case it doesn't come with me, unless it has sentimental value, then I find away. Material things are always replaceable...and a good reason to get rid of memories and start a fresh....

So what are you waiting for. Do not panic (as she thinks of Dads army lol) use that fear in motivating yourself, your new life awaits.

Jansz

[

So what are you waiting for. Do not panic (as she thinks of Dads army lol) use that fear in motivating yourself, your new life awaits.[/QUOTE]

Hi Mercedes,

Thanks for all the motivation , you should do life coaching. I am not actually waiting for anything I know what I am going to do and I am on my way to making it happen, but it seems really hard and I seem so slow. Still I'll get there in the end.

Wish I didnt keep getting so scared though! :scared: need a few more