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When does it get easier? Unhappy in Michigan.

When does it get easier? Unhappy in Michigan.

Old May 1st 2016, 5:44 pm
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Default Re: When does it get easier? Unhappy in Michigan.

Hi, I have lived in west Virginia for 14 years now, I am from east London, people here still think I am from Australia, I even had one person ask if I were German. It took about a year before I made real friends, you should look online for other English people in your area, you will be surprised how many there are, I have found many that live within ten miles from me. You well soon get to love it here, trust me. Eddie. SNIP
Originally Posted by elspethUK
Roughly two months ago we relocated from Leeds to suburban Michigan, USA for dh's work. He is happy at his job here, and it is a good position, but me and my daughter are not nearly as happy. P is almost 15. She was open to moving but now that she is here asks daily to go back home.

She is a second year/sophomore in high school here. When she started all the girls in her class thought she was Australian (we get that a lot, must be a northern accent thing). When they found out she is English they all asked her whether or not she knows Cara Delevigne or the Queen. She says she feels like a zoo animal and there is nothing to do for fun here. Most of the teenagers here go to the mall or sport for fun. She spends hours on the phone with her friends in Leeds and I'm worried that this is what's stopping her from opening up to making friends at school. Younger daughter on the other hand made up a bunch of nonsense about being related to Kate Middleton and living in a castle, which I found out later and she has since dropped her story. She has adjusted much better and can now imitate a perfect American accent, although apparently everyone at school is jealous of her accent.

As for me, I miss home much more than expected. I imagine if we were somewhere like San Francisco or New York the transition might be easier but so many of the things we love about home is not available here. It's only a 2-3 year position and if it were just me, I would wait it out but I'm concerned about older daughter, I've never seen her this unhappy. I am considering going home at this point, which dh is open to but really enjoys his job

First of all do people mistake your accents for Australian all the time? (Is it just a northerner thing? because I think Australian accents sound more American than English) How long did it take you to adjust and find friends? How long did it take your teenagers to adjust?

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Old May 12th 2016, 1:21 am
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Default Re: When does it get easier? Unhappy in Michigan.

Originally Posted by elspethUK
First of all do people mistake your accents for Australian all the time? (Is it just a northerner thing? because I think Australian accents sound more American than English) How long did it take you to adjust and find friends? How long did it take your teenagers to adjust?
I've been here almost 12 years, and I get asked constantly if I am from Australia. I am rarely asked if I am from England. On the other hand, most of the Australians and New Zealanders I know get asked if they are from Britain quite often.

As for the homesickness, 12 years in and I still have it, despite finding the love of my life, getting married, having two kids, buying a house. In fact after 9 years I sold our house while my hubby was away for work and when he came back I told him that now we had no financial ties he could move me back to England. That was when we discovered that me being the Brit and a stay at home mother, and him being the breadwinner but American, it was not so easy to get home. Sure, my action was rash, but I was so homesick, you can't even imagine! To me, it wasn't rash, it was the only answer I could see. I am still homesick, and now in a better position to get a visa, but it's still darn hard, and probably not likely to happen, cos I realized, that as homesick as I am for England, I also have a home in Colorado. I don't feel like I fully belong in either, but I miss both.
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Old May 12th 2016, 4:18 pm
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Default Re: When does it get easier? Unhappy in Michigan.

I'm having a similar issue. We just moved to Denver from New York. My fiancee is from NJ, and hates it here and just wants to go back to New York. We moved for my job, we bought a property, really jumped in with both feet assuming we'd love the outdoor lifestyle, but we're 5 months in and it's not getting easier at all. I feel it's a bit of a catch 22 where she feels lonely so spends all her time talking to friends at home, but then by doing that she hasnt really made an effort to fit in. I don't exactly love it here, but the job opportunity was great, and the quality of life is great, it's just pretty boring here. Not sure what advice I can give to the OP, other than just try and be relentlessly optimistic, and try and find a social group, as hard as that can be.

As for the accent, I've had Australian loads of times, and I'm from London. My friends girlfriend in New York has a very heavy Leeds accent, and most Americans just have no idea whatsoever where she's from!
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Old May 12th 2016, 7:17 pm
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Default Re: When does it get easier? Unhappy in Michigan.

I've lived here for nearly 50 years, I can't say I've ever had any desire to go back. Where I lived in the UK was always a bit of S'hole and it's even worse today. I prefer. Warm climate anyway, ideally I.d live In France or Italy. As far as Being thought of as Ausrraiian, it doesn't bother me at all.

I'd advise anyone that wasn't happy here, would be go back, why would you stay somewhere you hate.
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Old May 12th 2016, 9:46 pm
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Default Re: When does it get easier? Unhappy in Michigan.

Originally Posted by johnwoo
I'd advise anyone that wasn't happy here, would be go back, why would you stay somewhere you hate.
Family, usually.

It's not always as easy as you suggest :/
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Old May 12th 2016, 11:59 pm
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Default Re: When does it get easier? Unhappy in Michigan.

Originally Posted by Bob
Family, usually.

It's not always as easy as you suggest :/
Easy enough I would think, you either deal with it and make the best of it and get to know something about the USA, or go back. I would have thought it would be a great experience for the children.
They are only over here for a short time after all. I know families that have been in similar situations, the children have adjusted to it and wouldn't want to go back.

As for being taken by ones accent for Australian . WTF I've had worse from Brits over my London accent, some posh birds giggling once because I dropped the H in Heather. No one is more snobby than the Brits over accents.

I guess I'm lucky in that I've only ever lived on the West Coast.

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Old May 13th 2016, 2:01 am
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Default Re: When does it get easier? Unhappy in Michigan.

Originally Posted by johnwoo
Easy enough I would think, you either deal with it and make the best of it and get to know something about the USA, or go back. I would have thought it would be a great experience for the children.
They are only over here for a short time after all. I know families that have been in similar situations, the children have adjusted to it and wouldn't want to go back.
Yeah, so not really easy then.

Deal with it or break the family apart.

Great solution. Really helpful.

Just because it works great for you, does not make it universal.

Some people just put up with it to be with family and are miserable but it's a sacrifice. Who are you to shit on their cheerio's when they want to have a moan about it on here.
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Old May 13th 2016, 3:53 am
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Default Re: When does it get easier? Unhappy in Michigan.

Originally Posted by Bob
Yeah, so not really easy then.

Deal with it or break the family apart.

Great solution. Really helpful.

Just because it works great for you, does not make it universal.

Some people just put up with it to be with family and are miserable but it's a sacrifice. Who are you to shit on their cheerio's when they want to have a moan about it on here.
Nothing worse than saying "if you don't like it go home". It is the most unhelpful advise ever!
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Old May 13th 2016, 4:29 am
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Default Re: When does it get easier? Unhappy in Michigan.

Originally Posted by Sugarmooma
Nothing worse than saying "if you don't like it go home". It is the most unhelpful advise ever!
You can sugar coat it any way you want. But in blunt language it comes down to deal with it or go back, those are the choices, plain and simple. Most people are saying deal with, but in more polite terms. I know plenty of people that have come here and moved back, some of them several times. Bob speaks of family, sometimes it's the Wife and some times it's the husband. If she's unhappy, he should return for her.
I hope this is a place where one can express ones point of view, whether it is popular or not. I've lived in this country long enough to have seen it all, generally if someone is unhappy here, moving back is the best solution, and works out for the best.
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Old May 13th 2016, 4:36 am
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Default Re: When does it get easier? Unhappy in Michigan.

Originally Posted by Bob
Yeah, so not really easy then.

Deal with it or break the family apart.

Great solution. Really helpful.

Just because it works great for you, does not make it universal.

Some people just put up with it to be with family and are miserable but it's a sacrifice. Who are you to shit on their cheerio's when they want to have a moan about it on here.
I didn't say it was easy, I put it in simple terms, do you have a third way?
Why should it break the family apart? Brits and others go back all the time, it doesn't break up the family. I fact I have never known where that has been the case. Ultimately it has to be dealt with, or just go on simmering below the surface.

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Old May 13th 2016, 4:45 am
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Default Re: When does it get easier? Unhappy in Michigan.

Originally Posted by johnwoo
You can sugar coat it any way you want. But in blunt language it comes down to deal with it or go back, those are the choices, plain and simple. Most people are saying deal with, but in more polite terms. I know plenty of people that have come here and moved back, some of them several times. Bob speaks of family, sometimes it's the Wife and some times it's the husband. If she's unhappy, he should return for her.
I hope this is a place where one can express ones point of view, whether it is popular or not. I've lived in this country long enough to have seen it all, generally if someone is unhappy here, moving back is the best solution, and works out for the best.
And as Bob said, easier said than done.

Moving often means you are here for a reason, often a job. Someone is unhappy, you all move back and you no longer have a job.

Moving also means one of you could be from one country, one from another. You might not settle, you are homesick but circumstances mean you can't just move back with your partner. You either break up or someone just has to put up with being somewhere you don't really want to be.

Being an ex-pat is not one size fits all. A bit of compassion can go a long way. May be you have been here so long you have forgotten some of the hardships that can happen in life when you start out in a new country.
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Old May 13th 2016, 4:56 am
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Default Re: When does it get easier? Unhappy in Michigan.

Originally Posted by Sugarmooma
And as Bob said, easier said than done.

Moving often means you are here for a reason, often a job. Someone is unhappy, you all move back and you no longer have a job.

Moving also means one of you could be from one country, one from another. You might not settle, you are homesick but circumstances mean you can't just move back with your partner. You either break up or someone just has to put up with being somewhere you don't really want to be.

Being an ex-pat is not one size fits all. A bit of compassion can go a long way. May be you have been here so long you have forgotten some of the hardships that can happen in life when you start out in a new country.
I've experienced hardships in my life that far outweigh homesickness. Both my wife and I have survived cancer, my wife had Ovarian cancer age 39, and went through hell as do many. My son had a near fatal motorcycle accident and it was touch and go for months and took years to near fully recover. My daughter as MS. We dealt with it.
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Old May 13th 2016, 5:07 am
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Default Re: When does it get easier? Unhappy in Michigan.

Originally Posted by johnwoo
You can sugar coat it any way you want. But in blunt language it comes down to deal with it or go back, those are the choices, plain and simple. Most people are saying deal with, but in more polite terms. I know plenty of people that have come here and moved back, some of them several times. Bob speaks of family, sometimes it's the Wife and some times it's the husband. If she's unhappy, he should return for her.
I hope this is a place where one can express ones point of view, whether it is popular or not. I've lived in this country long enough to have seen it all, generally if someone is unhappy here, moving back is the best solution, and works out for the best.
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy reading and contributing to this forum but I find if you go against the grain and you're new, you get ganged up upon and/or abused, there's lot of sarcasm, too, but then this is a forum of mostly Brits. You're spot on, btw

I've read the entirety of this thread and find myself questioning why on earth people are still homesick years after moving here, and those who have just arrived, try getting out there instead of running around making cups of tea and longing for overrated pork products. As for your kids, kids are kids because they're immature and can't make major decisions for themselves, nor appreciate things in the way adults can, such as moving to an amazing new country, for example. If you're wanting to move back to the UK just to appease a child who in years to come will look back on having grown up here as something to brag about, I worry for the type of parent you are and I don't say this to be unkind
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Old May 13th 2016, 5:29 am
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Default Re: When does it get easier? Unhappy in Michigan.

Originally Posted by themadpooper
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy reading and contributing to this forum but I find if you go against the grain and you're new, you get ganged up upon and/or abused, there's lot of sarcasm, too, but then this is a forum of mostly Brits. You're spot on, btw

I've read the entirety of this thread and find myself questioning why on earth people are still homesick years after moving here, and those who have just arrived, try getting out there instead of running around making cups of tea and longing for overrated pork products. As for your kids, kids are kids because they're immature and can't make major decisions for themselves, nor appreciate things in the way adults can, such as moving to an amazing new country, for example. If you're wanting to move back to the UK just to appease a child who in years to come will look back on having grown up here as something to brag about, I worry for the type of parent you are and I don't say this to be unkind
I just express my opinions, take it or leave it. I'm not trying to be offensive or confrontational. It's what I think. I know many people, close friends that have returned to the UK. It never has seemed to be a big deal, they don't like it they go back. As far as losing a job, the chances are your going to lose your job sooner or later. I've lost my job several times over the years, there's no such thing as job security any more. In life you do what you gotta do.

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Old May 13th 2016, 1:42 pm
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Default Re: When does it get easier? Unhappy in Michigan.

Originally Posted by Bob
Yeah, so not really easy then.

Deal with it or break the family apart.

Great solution. Really helpful.

Just because it works great for you, does not make it universal.

Some people just put up with it to be with family and are miserable but it's a sacrifice. Who are you to shit on their cheerio's when they want to have a moan about it on here.
Good post. I agree with every word of this.
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