mattbutt

Was watching the office the other day, David Brent was spouting some rubbish about a quote from Ian Botham and got me thinking about quotes.

So what is your favourtie quote?

Any quotes from TV, films, people even the pissed bloke down the pub.

dgsyd1

"He's not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy!"

Pimpbot

"Go ahead punk, make my day"

"You're a legend in your own mind"

"Mans got to know his limitations"

"Nothing wrong with shooting as long as the right people get shot!"

"Listen, punk. To me you're nothin' but dogshit, you understand? And a lot of things can happen to dogshit. It can be scraped up with a shovel off the ground. It can dry up and blow away in the wind. Or it can be stepped on and squashed. So take my advice and be careful where the dog shits ya!"

"Do you know the emergency phone number for San Francisco General? Well, why don't you call them right now and have them send down an ambulance. Tell them there's two sorry-looking assholes here with multiple contusions and various abrasions and broken bones"

"When a man is chasing a woman through an alley with a butcher's knife and a hard-on, I figure he isn't out collecting for the Red Cross!"

All from my favourite series of Clint Eastwood, Dirty Harry movies.

dudleydowg

What do you expect to see through a Torquay hotel bedroom window madam?

The hanging gardens of babylon?

A herd of wilderbeast gamboling majestically across the serengetti?

Jabba1

"I promise not to hurt you......but I can't speak for my bullets"

ducatiandy

Again David Brent " Do you think a boy will ever swim faster than a shark"

Alan Partridge" A HA"

dylan&helen

Memorable Quotes from Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998)

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Eddy: They're armed. Soap: Armed, armed with what? Eddie: Err, bad breath, colourful language, feather duster... what do you think they're gonna be armed with? Guns, you tit!
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Rory Breaker: If the milk turns out to be sour, I ain't the kinda pussy to drink it.
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Nick the Greek: I'll need a sample. Tom: Ahh, no can do I'm afraid. Nick the Greek: What's that? Some place near Katmandu? Meet me halfway mate.
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[Nick pulls out a wad of cash.] Eddy: Jesus Christ! You could choke a dozen donkeys on that, and you're haggling over one hundred pound? What do you do when you're not buying stereos, Nick, finance revolutions? Tom: Look it's all completely chicken soup. Nick the Greek: It's what? Tom: It's kosher. As Christmas. Nick the Greek: The Jews don't celebrate Christmas, Tom.
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Big Chris: It's been emotional.
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Tom: There's no money, there's no weed. It's all been replaced by a pile of corpses.
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Rory Breaker: If you hold back anything, I'll kill ya. If you bend the truth or I think your bending the truth, I'll kill ya. If you forget anything I'll kill ya. In fact, you're gonna have to work very hard to stay alive, Nick. Now do you understand everything I've said? Because if you don't, I'll kill ya.
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"Hatchet" Harry: I don't want to know who you use, as long as they're not complete muppets.
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Soap: A minute ago this was the safest job in the world. Now it's turning into a bad day in Bosnia.
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Winston: Charles, get the rifle out. We're being ****ed.
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Soap: Also, I think knives are a good idea. Big, ****-off shiny ones. Ones that look like they could skin a crocodile. You see, knives are good, because they don't make a lot of noise. The less noise they make, the more likely we are to use them. Shit 'em right up. Guns for show, knives for a pro.
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Barry the Baptist: ****ing northern monkeys! Lenny: I hate these southern fairies!
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Soap: OY! Keep your fingers out of my soup!
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Gary: Shotguns? What, like guns that fire shot? Barry the Baptist: Oh, you must be the brains of the operation. Yes, guns that fire shot.
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Barry the Baptist: If you don't want to be counting the fingers you haven't got, I suggest you get those guns. Quick!
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Winston: We grow copious amounts of ganja here, and you're carrying a wasted girl and a bag of fertilizer. You don't look like your average horti-****ing-culturalist.
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Hatchet Harry: You must be Tom. J.D.'s son. Tom: Yeah. You must be Harry. Sorry, didn't know your father. Hatchet Harry: Never mind, you'll meet him tonight if you keep that up.
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Plank:Ah! They shot me! Dog: Well, shoot em back! John: Jesus, Plank, couldn't you have got smokeless cartridges? I can't see a bloody thi-- Ah! I've been shot! Dog: Look, will everyone stop gettin' shot?
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Little Chris: ****in' hell John, do you always walk around with this in your pocket? Big Chris: Hey! You use language like that again son, you'll wish you hadn't!
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Big Chris: All right, son: roll them guns up, count the money, and put your seat belt on.

doctor scrumpy

My favourite is

Life's a bitch then you marry one. ( Or for the ladies Life's a bastard etc )

BritishInOhio

That is not David Brent, it's Gareth the assitant to the manager!

BritishInOhio

See my signiture for mine, Father Ted!

Trisha

We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of dreams.

Willy Wonka says it but it's from an Arthur O'Shaunnesy (I think that's spelt wrong) poem.

and, of course, these lyrics:

I walk these streets, a loaded six string on my back,
I play for keeps, ‘cause I might not make it back.
I been everywhere, still I’m standing tall,
I’ve seen a million faces, and I’ve rocked them all.

courtesy of Bon Jovi, the worst lyricists around.

Trisha

Patrick

Ride the horse in the direction that it's going.

In the fight between you and the world, back the world.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once!

Born Right the First Time

Religions change; beer and wine remain.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

Exercise daily. Eat wisely. Die anyway

You can’t ride two horses with one ass

Her breasts are like Mickey Mouse’s ears, no matter which way she turns they are still facing you

He is slicker than whale shit through an ice flow

That guy is so cool he pisses ice cubes

If I only had a little humility, I'd be perfect.

I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific

Feel Guilty for no reason, then your Catholic

I was going to change my shirt but changed my mind instead

Patrick

Always do right. That will gratify some of the people, and astonish the rest

If I owned both Texas and Hell, I'd rent out Texas and live in Hell.

Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

Q: Why don't the British make computers?
A: They couldn't figure out a way for them to leak oil.

Never judge a book by its movie

It is wrong to discriminate based on skin color, when there are so many other reasons to dislike someone

Line Dancing: Now you know what happens when cousins breed

I've learned that wherever I go, the world's worst drivers have followed me there

mattbutt

In interviews with UK journalists, he said: "I can understand people not liking war, if that's what they're there to protest. I don't like war."

A great quote from bush off the beeb today

robclews

On the same note I remember a quote from a soldier just before the first attack of Desert Storm.

'The war can't start yet.........Kate Adie isn't here'


Rob