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What would you do eh!

What would you do eh!

Old Sep 9th 2002, 12:34 am
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Default What would you do eh!

Well, to make a long story short, I met a Wonderful girl of couse on the the net who lives in Canada. She has an adopted 9 year old daughter who is autistic. Im well aware of the laws and how everyone favors Visas and such. We are not blind to the fact, yes we met online and have not met in person yet. This has been going on for 9 months now. Yes, we have discussed marriage and such, but the last thing we want to do is disrupt this precious little girls life too much.

So my question to you, yes we have discussed marriage, and yes she is coming here soon, with the child, for aslong as she can. If things do work out, do we just wait for the 60 day rule, it will be longer though, prob 6 months. Or do we send mom and child back to canada and work on visas and poiblility of disrupting the childs life 3 times versus only once.

Were really not lieing when she comes here, were not planning on getting married, just want to see how we work out together. lots of feedback would be nice.

Thanks, Richard
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Old Sep 9th 2002, 12:38 am
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Default Re: What would you do eh!

You might want to see if you actually get on in the flesh and whether you can function as a family unit before you do anything more involved. What works on the internet doesn't always work in real life.

Just a thought.
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Old Sep 9th 2002, 12:39 am
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Default Re: What would you do eh!

Originally posted by RJHayes000:
You might want to see if you actually get on in the flesh and whether you can function as a family unit before you do anything more involved. What works on the internet doesn't always work in real life.

Just a thought.

Exactly, thats why she is coming here for an exteded visit.
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Old Sep 9th 2002, 12:47 am
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Default Re: What would you do eh!

Originally posted by RJHayes000:
You might want to see if you actually get on in the flesh and whether you can function as a family unit before you do anything more involved. What works on the internet doesn't always work in real life.

Just a thought.
I understand the adult issues here. They are real and should not be discounted. However, adults aside, you are talking about uprooting a child who has a physical condition that requires continual medical monitoring and medication. Unless she is well off, the cost of insurance to cover this child will be out of sight especially since the condition is pre-existing. Also Canadian health insurance will not cover her in this country if it is learned that the mother has given up her home, job, etc. in Canada. My in-laws tell me that in Florida there is an arrangement whereby if a Canadian is vacationing there for the winter months and they need medical care (they are senior citizens btw) medicaid (is that the one for seniors?) pays the medical bills and then bills the Canadian health care system for reimbursement. Do not know if this works for non-senior citizens.

You can, of course, do what you plan on doing but she CANNOT bring any of her household items with her and only a reasonable amount of luggage for a trip of no more than what INS considers a six month vacation. Also she might be asked to show funds to finance this trip for that length of time.

I truly don't want to put a damper on love, but with the child, especially, you are courting a problem at the POE.

Rete
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Old Sep 9th 2002, 12:49 am
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Default Re: What would you do eh!

Originally posted by Frigger:



Exactly, thats why she is coming here for an exteded visit.

So shouldn't you wait until she's been for the visit before you decide if you're going to get married at all ?

Also, one visit of 60 days does seem a little short time-wise to base a marriage proposal and a fundamental change in your life upon.

It does kind of already sound like you've already decided what you are going to do though.
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Old Sep 9th 2002, 12:54 am
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Default Re: What would you do eh!

Originally posted by Rete:


I understand the adult issues here. They are real and should not be discounted. However, adults aside, you are talking about uprooting a child who has a physical condition that requires continual medical monitoring and medication. Unless she is well off, the cost of insurance to cover this child will be out of sight especially since the condition is pre-existing. Also Canadian health insurance will not cover her in this country if it is learned that the mother has given up her home, job, etc. in Canada. My in-laws tell me that in Florida there is an arrangement whereby if a Canadian is vacationing there for the winter months and they need medical care (they are senior citizens btw) medicaid (is that the one for seniors?) pays the medical bills and then bills the Canadian health care system for reimbursement. Do not know if this works for non-senior citizens.

You can, of course, do what you plan on doing but she CANNOT bring any of her household items with her and only a reasonable amount of luggage for a trip of no more than what INS considers a six month vacation. Also she might be asked to show funds to finance this trip for that length of time.

I truly don't want to put a damper on love, but with the child, especially, you are courting a problem at the POE.

Rete
Well, to get more detailed, the little girl is mildly autistic, she goes to normal schools and all. She has seen doctors, they wanted to put her on ritilan, thank god mom said no.

Were well aware, that she can only bring clothes enough for a visit, and letters from boss are not a problem, and she has prrof of funds in the bank to support herself on the trip.

Will bringing the child here for a Vacation be that big of a problem with all that proof that she might possibly going back to Canada?
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Old Sep 9th 2002, 12:58 am
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Default Re: What would you do eh!

Originally posted by RJHayes000:



So shouldn't you wait until she's been for the visit before you decide if you're going to get married at all ?

Also, one visit of 60 days does seem a little short time-wise to base a marriage proposal and a fundamental change in your life upon.

It does kind of already sound like you've already decided what you are going to do though.
Well, yes, i did mention the 60 day rule, but I also mentioned that she will be staying here for 6 months, and if im not mistaken, she can overstay her visit by another 180 days with out getting into any big harm. To be honest with you, yes I've made up my mind, but yet, we might possibly be at each others throats in a few months time. The issue here is regarding the child, im not using the child as an excuse to get around the visa proceedings.
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Old Sep 9th 2002, 1:43 am
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Default Re: What would you do eh!

Originally posted by Frigger:


Well, yes, i did mention the 60 day rule, but I also mentioned that she will be staying here for 6 months, and if im not mistaken, she can overstay her visit by another 180 days with out getting into any big harm. To be honest with you, yes I've made up my mind, but yet, we might possibly be at each others throats in a few months time. The issue here is regarding the child, im not using the child as an excuse to get around the visa proceedings.
Six months is a long time for a child not to be in school. How does she propose to do this legally? Can she just up and take the child out of the country and terminate her schooling? What if it doesn't work out? Does she return to Canada and the child loses a year of school because of Mom wanting to know if she can make it with some man in another country? Isn't there anyone she can live the child with while she visits you for a few weeks? Why didn't she come during the summer when school was out for the child? And if she is planning on being here for six months, how do you get a letter from an employer stating you are on a six month vacation?

What you are proposing is not what either of you are planning is it? You both are planning on marrying as soon as you think it is clear for you to do so. Bet she comes across the border with long form birth certificates, adoption papers, medical records for herself and her child, school records, etc.

Marrying while on a tourist visa and adjusting status is the most common method of adjustment in the INS files. You don't have to fear anything in that regard other than her lying at the POE and being caught. Good luck to the three of you.


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Old Sep 9th 2002, 2:24 am
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Default Re: What would you do eh!

Originally posted by Rete:


Six months is a long time for a child not to be in school. How does she propose to do this legally? Can she just up and take the child out of the country and terminate her schooling? What if it doesn't work out? Does she return to Canada and the child loses a year of school because of Mom wanting to know if she can make it with some man in another country? Isn't there anyone she can live the child with while she visits you for a few weeks? Why didn't she come during the summer when school was out for the child? And if she is planning on being here for six months, how do you get a letter from an employer stating you are on a six month vacation?

What you are proposing is not what either of you are planning is it? You both are planning on marrying as soon as you think it is clear for you to do so. Bet she comes across the border with long form birth certificates, adoption papers, medical records for herself and her child, school records, etc.

Marrying while on a tourist visa and adjusting status is the most common method of adjustment in the INS files. You don't have to fear anything in that regard other than her lying at the POE and being caught. Good luck to the three of you.


Rete
Yes, schooling is a worry to me, but she is 9 and has a mind of a 5 year old, has not developed any reading or writing skills to write home about, Mom feels 6 months/1 year really won't hurt her. If I have to get a tutor or get my sister who is a teacher to help, this is what I will do.

I must add, I do work for a large construction company in Chicago who has its own immigration lawyers due to the large abbount of hispanics and polish workers in the company.

Don't get me wrong, I would love to visit her, have her visit me, do the right thing and go the safe route through fiancee visas, but I can't disrupt this girls like like that, and no, how could I ask her to leave her daughter to stay with someone while she is in another country visiting, that just would't work. One she came from an abused family and mom is all she has now, and she has come a long way even in the 9 months that I've know them. I just want to do whats right for tthe child even if it means taking a big risk and perhaps bending the rules just a wee bit.
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Old Sep 9th 2002, 2:37 am
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Default Re: What would you do eh!

On Mon, 09 Sep 2002 00:47:16 +0000, Rete <[email protected]> wrote:


    ><snip> I understand the adult issues here. They are real and should not be
    >discounted. However, adults aside, you are talking about uprooting a child who has
    >a physical condition that requires continual medical monitoring and medication.
    >Unless she is well off, the cost of insurance to cover this child will be out of
    >sight especially since the condition is pre-existing.
<snip>

In some states it is illegal for a company to use the pre existing conditions as an
out for paying bills... In Missouri as long as you can show you have had medical
insurance, without gap of 30 days prior to the issue date of the new insurance they
have to cover pre existing conditions. If you are without insurance 31 days then the
pre existing conditions are not covered for 12 months. Then they are picked up. That
can be extremely expensive.

A rule I am grateful for every time we change insurance because of my own health.

You need to make sure this child has coverage regardless of what you decide. She
needs to be able to get medical care when it is needed during the visit and if you
marry. Karryl
 
Old Sep 9th 2002, 4:16 pm
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Default Re: What would you do eh!

I'm an online love success story!

If you know, you know! That is just the way love goes! I knew the minute I met my
husband online. He was in UK, I in USA. We had to wait nearly a year until he could
save up the money to fly over to meet me in person, but we knew before we met that we
loved eachother.

He came over for 3 weeks, and I was just as madly in love with him in person as we
were online. Then we had to be apart a half a year until I graduated from University.
2 days after graduation I was on a flight to UK on a 6 month visa!
    

It was such a blissful time, and we knew we NEVER wanted to be apart again. We got
married a few months later and the rest is history.

We've been married 5 years now and our love is still going strong! I couldn't imagine
life without him!

Best of luck!!

PS, I didn't say the INS part was easy. We are still dealing with them, and he still
does not have his 10 yr greencard! arghh
 
Old Sep 11th 2002, 12:41 am
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Default Re: What would you do eh!

<damper><real life> if the issue is regarding the child, have either of you
considered what you will do if she brings the child with her for the first meeting,
and the child hates you? My last boyfriend I had before my husband was not really
into my kids, and they weren't too thrilled about him either. I would never have
moved down here and married my husband if we hadn't spent considerable time together
with my kids beforehand. My daughter was barely 4 the first time she met him, and
that same day decided SHE wanted to marry him. I took that as a very good sign, and
everything else aside, if my kids hadn't instantly loved him, I would still be a
single mom living in the honeymoon capital of the world. As much as I love my
husband, I put my kids first. You won't have much of a problem with INS as far as her
driving over and visiting, even with the child in the car, but you have to consider
how the child is going to feel about the whole thing; and if she is autistic, it may
be even harder to know how she genuinely feels about you, as well as taking a much
longer time to adjust to a new home, father figure, school, friends, etc. children
are resilient, but those children with disabilities such as hers have it that much
harder. </damper></real life>

--
Crazy Canuck married to a Dam Yankee Entered as Visitor 07/04/01 Married 08/25/01
Filed @ VSC-AOS, EAD, AP 01/07/02 1st NOA 02/06/02 2nd NOA 02/07/02 EAD approved
02/26/02 AP Approved 02/28/02 AOS appointment letter rec'd 03/07/02 Fingerprint
letter rec'd 03/07/02 AOS interview 04/02/02 AOS APPROVED 04/02/02!!! GC arrived in
mail 04/19/02 next step..removing conditions..April 2004

some helpful sites on the net: http://www.mindspring.com/~docsteen/visainfo/visainfo.htm
http://www.k1faq.com/faq_index.htm
http://www.geoc-
ities.com/immigration_helpsite/I-130/index.htm



"Frigger" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
    > Originally posted by RJHayes000:
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > So shouldn't you wait until she's been for the visit before you decide if you're
    > > going to get married at all ?
    > >
    > > Also, one visit of 60 days does seem a little short time-wise to base a marriage
    > > proposal and a fundamental change in your life upon.
    > >
    > > It does kind of already sound like you've already decided what you are going to
    > > do though.
    > Well, yes, i did mention the 60 day rule, but I also mentioned that she will be
    > staying here for 6 months, and if im not mistaken, she can overstay her visit by
    > another 180 days with out getting into any big harm. To be honest with you, yes
    > I've made up my mind, but yet, we might possibly be at each others throats in a few
    > months time. The issue here is regarding the child, im not using the child as an
    > excuse to get around the visa proceedings.
    > --
    > Posted via http://britishexpats.com
 
Old Sep 11th 2002, 3:02 am
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Default Re: What would you do eh!

I hope I can be of help here, I moved to the US to be with my fiance (now wife). She has an autistic son who is severly autistic, takes supernuthera, fluvoxamine, risperdal and a host of other meds. He is s dear little chap but extremely agressive and easily disturbed.

The reason that I moved to the US and my wife did not come to live with me in the UK, was that his autistic condition would mean that the change would be too much for him, indeed just the flight across for him would have been next to impossible.

I hope it works out for you, I really do, because I know what you are facing, and if I can be of any help please feel free to email me off of the forum
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