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What to do???

What to do???

Old Apr 2nd 2013, 1:34 pm
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Default Re: What to do???

Originally Posted by Emma M
Thing is we didn't agree to it but have no proof, and we'll never get ourselves sorted out with this all on us now.
They both sound like perfect a$$holes. FIL is an alcoholic and MIL is codependent. Do not give them any money whatsoever over and above what you already agreed to. Force them to sue you. When they do, you and your husband both declare bankruptcy and get out from underneath them. In your current situation, I can't imagine that it'd be any worse than what you're already going through.

Meantime, try contacting some of the agencies in your area that help with domestic abuse... and don't for a moment think that you and your husband are not being abused! You may be able to find shelter and, again, get out from underneath them.

Ian
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Old Apr 2nd 2013, 3:28 pm
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Default Re: What to do???

Originally Posted by ian-mstm
They both sound like perfect a$$holes. FIL is an alcoholic and MIL is codependent. Do not give them any money whatsoever over and above what you already agreed to. Force them to sue you. When they do, you and your husband both declare bankruptcy and get out from underneath them. In your current situation, I can't imagine that it'd be any worse than what you're already going through.

Meantime, try contacting some of the agencies in your area that help with domestic abuse... and don't for a moment think that you and your husband are not being abused! You may be able to find shelter and, again, get out from underneath them.

Ian
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Old Apr 2nd 2013, 3:40 pm
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Default Re: What to do???

Originally Posted by Trixie_b
+1
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Old Apr 2nd 2013, 5:47 pm
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Default Re: What to do???

Just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear about this new development! Really feel for you.
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Old Apr 2nd 2013, 6:06 pm
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Default Re: What to do???

The I-864 obligates him to the government and to you, not the other way around.

I wonder - if he can demonstrate that he and your husband combined contributed more to your support than 125% of the poverty level, could he try to sue you for the excess? I don't think he could find a lawyer to take that case.

I wish you the best in finding a way out of your in-laws home and into one of your family's own.

Regards, JEff


Originally Posted by Emma M
My questions: is any money that my husband's father paid out for my support, as my joint sponsor, recoverable, even when we have not previously agreed to his support being on a "loan"?
Can he recover any money spent during supporting me alongside my husband and son, as in, is it 125% of the poverty level for the household size, or just me?
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Old Apr 2nd 2013, 6:14 pm
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Default Re: What to do???

Originally Posted by ian-mstm
They both sound like perfect a$$holes. FIL is an alcoholic and MIL is codependent. Do not give them any money whatsoever over and above what you already agreed to. Force them to sue you. When they do, you and your husband both declare bankruptcy and get out from underneath them. In your current situation, I can't imagine that it'd be any worse than what you're already going through.

Meantime, try contacting some of the agencies in your area that help with domestic abuse... and don't for a moment think that you and your husband are not being abused! You may be able to find shelter and, again, get out from underneath them.

Ian
You're exactly right in my opinion. Yes we will be doing something about this. It's getting a whole lot worse than we thought.
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Old Apr 2nd 2013, 6:18 pm
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Default Re: What to do???

Originally Posted by Emma M
Thing is we didn't agree to it but have no proof, and we'll never get ourselves sorted out with this all on us now.
Thing is, without it in writing, they also don't have proof either.
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Old Apr 3rd 2013, 2:40 am
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Smile Re: What to do???

Thanks everyone. It's been a bit of a rude awakening but I guess in a way I'm glad, because we know where we stand now. So we are going up the DMV tomorrow so I can get my learners permit, and we are looking around to rent somewhere asap.
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Old Apr 3rd 2013, 3:31 am
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Default Re: What to do???

Originally Posted by Emma M
Thanks everyone. It's been a bit of a rude awakening but I guess in a way I'm glad, because we know where we stand now. So we are going up the DMV tomorrow so I can get my learners permit, and we are looking around to rent somewhere asap.
Even if things are a little tough, I think you'll be better off moving out as soon as possible. Maybe initially you'll have to look for an evening job so that you and your husband can watch the baby without having child care expenses but if I were in your shoes, I'd trade that for the hell that you seem to be going though.

I wish you all the luck in the world because I think you deserve it.
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Old Apr 3rd 2013, 10:18 pm
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Default Re: What to do???

Emma,

Just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear what you're going through. I agree with the other posters that you need to mobilize and the heck out of there. It can't be healthy for your son.

If you could get your own place, could you think about starting a little home daycare? Make some extra money from home while your little one is small?
In my state at least if you can care for up to 4 or 5 children without needing a license. You could 'work' the crunchy, green, organic care which is in demand these days. You'd be popular with that accent of yours.

Just a suggestion of course.
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Old Apr 4th 2013, 2:59 am
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Default Re: What to do???

I got my learners permit today, no mean feat for some people but for me it's a huge thing! I'm 32 years old and it's about time I learned lol! I only got one wrong, I was expecting to get a couple more than that wrong because of the way the questions were worded. Then my husband took me out to the park for a practice
Time to start changing things I think
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Old Apr 4th 2013, 3:08 am
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Default Re: What to do???

Originally Posted by Michael
Even if things are a little tough, I think you'll be better off moving out as soon as possible. Maybe initially you'll have to look for an evening job so that you and your husband can watch the baby without having child care expenses but if I were in your shoes, I'd trade that for the hell that you seem to be going though.

I wish you all the luck in the world because I think you deserve it.
Aww thank you, I appreciate that. Thoughts and wishes in the right direction can move mountains
Yeah I'm waiting for him to get something more permanent and full time so I can work around his hours. He seems to be having a bit of a problem with finding a permanent full time job right now, and it's kicking his ego a bit, but he has a few good job interviews lined up so hopefully we can sort out working around each others hours, which will be even better when I can drive as I won't have to have him bring our son out at silly times to get me lol.
And I told him about the tax credit childcare thing, so we are going to look into that.
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Old Apr 4th 2013, 3:09 am
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Default Re: What to do???

Originally Posted by Emma M
I got my learners permit today, no mean feat for some people but for me it's a huge thing! I'm 32 years old and it's about time I learned lol! I only got one wrong, I was expecting to get a couple more than that wrong because of the way the questions were worded. Then my husband took me out to the park for a practice
Time to start changing things I think
Congratulations.

Step 1 complete.
Now on to step 2.
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Old Apr 4th 2013, 3:15 am
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Default Re: What to do???

Originally Posted by Montfan72
Emma,

Just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear what you're going through. I agree with the other posters that you need to mobilize and the heck out of there. It can't be healthy for your son.

If you could get your own place, could you think about starting a little home daycare? Make some extra money from home while your little one is small?
In my state at least if you can care for up to 4 or 5 children without needing a license. You could 'work' the crunchy, green, organic care which is in demand these days. You'd be popular with that accent of yours.

Just a suggestion of course.
I don't know about that lol, I would seriously have to think on it, but thank you for taking the time to offer a suggestion! I will look into what that would take though.
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Old Apr 4th 2013, 3:33 am
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Default Re: What to do???

Originally Posted by Emma M
I got my learners permit today, no mean feat for some people but for me it's a huge thing! I'm 32 years old and it's about time I learned lol! I only got one wrong, I was expecting to get a couple more than that wrong because of the way the questions were worded. Then my husband took me out to the park for a practice
Time to start changing things I think
Yay! Freedom...onwards and upwards.
Next stop, job and apartment?
Rooting for you...
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