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Weather the storm, stay positive

Weather the storm, stay positive

Old May 4th 2017, 10:39 am
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Default Weather the storm, stay positive

I understand it’s absolutely normal to have mood swing before the move. I would like to imagine it happened to most of you guys, so I’m not alone.
Yesterday, I was writing the notice to my daughter’s school to inform them officially that we are moving to US in June. All of the sudden, I have got so scared of the future.
International move is not new for me, I came to England to study 15 years ago. I’m convinced I will be ok after all.
I don’t think I m a selfish person but can’t help to think what does my future hold for me.
My husband will be at work, maybe we will never see him again until the weekend, if we are lucky!
My kids will be in school, and hopefully make new friends in no time.
Me, What am I going to do? No job, no friends.
Across the globe, people dream of a better life abroad. I’m sure our move will create a better future for my family.

Maybe I should order my favourite kebab tonight, it will help me to stay positive!
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Old May 4th 2017, 11:24 am
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Default Re: Weather the storm, stay positive

Check out meetup.com and see if there is an Expat group in the area where you live, the one in my area does get togethers a couple of times a month for various things - it's a good resource.

Is there a reason you can't look for a job, even part time? Certainly the socialization that comes with working somewhere would do you good for acclimatizing - sitting in the house will not.

It'll be ok!

Last edited by civilservant; May 4th 2017 at 11:59 am.
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Old May 4th 2017, 11:44 am
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Default Re: Weather the storm, stay positive

Kids at school and a spouse working all week is common in the UK too. So I'm assuming for you there will be no change there.

Overall I agree with what civilservant has said. The majority of my friends in the US are now through work - one of them is a British expat.
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Old May 4th 2017, 11:59 am
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Default Re: Weather the storm, stay positive

Originally Posted by S.Susan View Post
I understand it’s absolutely normal to have mood swing before the move. I would like to imagine it happened to most of you guys, so I’m not alone.
Yesterday, I was writing the notice to my daughter’s school to inform them officially that we are moving to US in June. All of the sudden, I have got so scared of the future.
International move is not new for me, I came to England to study 15 years ago. I’m convinced I will be ok after all.
I don’t think I m a selfish person but can’t help to think what does my future hold for me.
My husband will be at work, maybe we will never see him again until the weekend, if we are lucky!
My kids will be in school, and hopefully make new friends in no time.
Me, What am I going to do? No job, no friends.
Across the globe, people dream of a better life abroad. I’m sure our move will create a better future for my family.

Maybe I should order my favourite kebab tonight, it will help me to stay positive!
Your panic is normal, so don't fret about thinking you are not the same as the rest of us.
Fear of the unknown and not knowing what is in store for you is common.

Where are you headed to?? It might help to give you some suggestions of how to cope with your new life.
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Old May 4th 2017, 12:32 pm
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Default Re: Weather the storm, stay positive

I had this huge cold feet thing after our recce visit. I was worried mostly about how I'd fit in. Loss of identity. The H4 status did it for me in particular though other things too. I've found the reality to be better than my fears though admittedly we are still at the beginning phase and being busy with administrative stuff and house hunting has helped. My kids are not yet school age although it's just the baby with me in the morning.
If we hadn't moved I'd be doing KIT days by now and negotiating my return to work. Ah well, I guess life is always throwing up the unexpected.

Anyway I feel for you but the advice above about meet ups seems sound and you are saying the right things. It seems like you can see the positive too. I should imagine though, even though you've moved before, this one with your family IS a bigger deal. We're here for you.
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Old May 4th 2017, 1:50 pm
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Default Re: Weather the storm, stay positive

Originally Posted by S.Susan View Post
My husband will be at work, maybe we will never see him again until the weekend, if we are lucky!
My kids will be in school, and hopefully make new friends in no time.
Me, What am I going to do? No job, no friends.
What do you like to do? Read? Garden? Work out? Don't limit yourself to looking for other ex-pats -- Americans are a friendly bunch and if you make the effort to join a local group with an interest similar to your own you will soon find yourself enjoying life. Local libraries usually have a lot of varied programs and just the schools alone will probably offer so many opportunities to volunteer that you will meet a lot of people. Put yourself out there, and good things will happen! Good luck.
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Old May 4th 2017, 1:54 pm
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Default Re: Weather the storm, stay positive

Originally Posted by S.Susan View Post
I understand it’s absolutely normal to have mood swing before the move. I would like to imagine it happened to most of you guys, so I’m not alone.
Yesterday, I was writing the notice to my daughter’s school to inform them officially that we are moving to US in June. All of the sudden, I have got so scared of the future.
International move is not new for me, I came to England to study 15 years ago. I’m convinced I will be ok after all.
I don’t think I m a selfish person but can’t help to think what does my future hold for me.
My husband will be at work, maybe we will never see him again until the weekend, if we are lucky!
My kids will be in school, and hopefully make new friends in no time.
Me, What am I going to do? No job, no friends.
Across the globe, people dream of a better life abroad. I’m sure our move will create a better future for my family.

Maybe I should order my favourite kebab tonight, it will help me to stay positive!
Try gardening clubs, amateur theatrics, town hall meetings, town historical societies. That's how Americans make friends when they move. Also, sometimes a neighbor can make a great friend, depending on where you live. I do think only hanging out with fellow ex-pats sometimes contributes to feeling alienated in America.
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Old May 4th 2017, 2:43 pm
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Default Re: Weather the storm, stay positive

Originally Posted by S.Susan View Post
Me, What am I going to do? No job, no friends.
Across the globe, people dream of a better life abroad. I’m sure our move will create a better future for my family.
I was in the same boat - husband at work, kids in school, me unable to work (O-3 visa). I joined a daytime ten pin bowling league at the local alley and go to a quilting group every week. Until more things filled in my schedule I also went to a knitting group at the local library. If you have a hobby look for groups in your new area that cater to it.

Also as you have young children I am sure you will meet other parents through them.

You will find yourself busy doing lots of other settling in: finding the right, in-network, family doctor, deciding which supermarkets and other food shops suit your family & your budget, discovering parks, play areas, the library, good places to eat, finding your way around etc etc

Good luck and don't be afraid to ask questions on here!
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Old May 4th 2017, 2:56 pm
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Default Re: Weather the storm, stay positive

You will be surprised how many people you will meet through your kids' school. I agree with what the others have said: join groups and do voluntary work. Many people in the USA are from somewhere else, whether it's from another country or a faraway state. If you're open to meeting new people and make the effort, you will definitely be rewarded.
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Old May 4th 2017, 3:57 pm
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Default Re: Weather the storm, stay positive

It's absolutely normal to have these concerns, but try not to stress yourself out: you'll be fine! You have a child entering preschool - unless you're a super-shy person, you shouldn't find it at all difficult to strike up friendships with the other parents at the school. Suggest park play dates and take it from there!

There are also plenty of volunteer opportunities in the Bay Area so if you have a few hours to spare while your son is in preschool, offer your services in an area you're interested in and meet like-minded people that way.

If you're still heading to Dublin area, I'm just half an hour north up 680 - give me a shout
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Old May 4th 2017, 5:50 pm
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Default Re: Weather the storm, stay positive

I am in the same boat, we also move out next month to NJ. Hubby starts work straight away and young son will start school in Sept and apart from going to the US Open in NYC in sept (dream come true for me!!), l have no clue what l am going to do with myself and to be honest it scares me too.
The summer will be great, l know that but after that l need to find a routine and friends. I love someone's suggestion of joining a bowling league, l am dreadful but love playing it so will definitely give that a go!! I had a wobble last week when the visas came through but l am just focusing on the positive and the fact it is (almost!) a money can't buy opportunity.
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Old May 4th 2017, 6:46 pm
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Default Re: Weather the storm, stay positive

Originally Posted by S.Susan View Post
Me, What am I going to do? No job, no friends.
You're right. It is going to be completely shit. AND to top it off, you're going to be surrounded by both Americans and their abhorrent 'culture' (and the middle lane hogging).
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Old May 4th 2017, 6:53 pm
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Default Re: Weather the storm, stay positive

Originally Posted by Ecto17 View Post
I am in the same boat, we also move out next month to NJ.
Gawd. New Jersey. I have to go there every couple of months. Literally a horrid place. Also, everyone has an Italian surname.
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Old May 4th 2017, 6:58 pm
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Default Re: Weather the storm, stay positive

Originally Posted by hungryhorace View Post
You're right. It is going to be completely shit. AND to top it off, you're going to be surrounded by both Americans and their abhorrent 'culture' (and the middle lane hogging).
Originally Posted by hungryhorace View Post
Gawd. New Jersey. I have to go there every couple of months. Literally a horrid place. Also, everyone has an Italian surname.

Think of it this way, OP, at least you are getting away from Brits like HH!
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Old May 4th 2017, 7:00 pm
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Default Re: Weather the storm, stay positive

Originally Posted by Nutmegger View Post
Think of it this way, OP, at least you are getting away from Brits like HH!
But they won't be. I'm in the US!
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