Brownsugarccf

Hi
I'm new to this forum and thought i'd come on here for advice from people who have had similar experiences to me with a long distance relationship and deciding the next step.

Me
UK citizen with all my family close by. Renting. Not much savings. Lots of friends. Educated to GCSE level only so no degree.

My partner
US citizen, not much family, has a daughter but prepared to move to UK down the line. Not much savings, no degree but in a great job and been employed there for over 10 years. Job security.

So, my predicament it this. We've been together 2 years, relationship obviously hard work and costing a lot in travel. I had never wanted to move there initially but given his job and that i'm not that happy in mine, it would be more sensible for me to go there much as he loves the UK.

I wouldn't be desirable to sponsor to work over there even short term on a visa, not have I the option through work or finances to have a few months out there to try it.

I understand if we marry, this would make things a bit easier than work sponsorship but what if I get there and hate it, get home sick and i sell up all my possessions so have nothing to come back to? I'd have to sell up with me currently renting down the line to fund the move.

I know he's more opportunity in the UK, which would certainly mean moving cities and away from my family anyway but the reassurance I know i can get to my parents if they get ill etc is a bit more bearable as I can always afford to get home in a crisis.

Has anyone bit the bullet recently and have any advice? I love him very much and i am prepared to go, and i know its likely to take time to plan so i'm considering this now so we can put a plan in place for our future!

Thanks
X

Speedwell

Do you make enough to sponsor a spouse to the UK? The minimum annual pay to qualify is currently 22,400 GBP for a spouse with a child. Here's a decent to-the-point writeup: http://www.hg.org/article.asp?id=30370

civilservant

Both Speedwell and I are married to foreign spouses, and I'm making the move to the US in August having just been granted my visa.

Ultimately, one of you has to take the plunge - I know it means leaving everything behind, and thats difficult, but, to be perfectly blunt, if you're not wanting to do that in fear of it not working out then you really shouldn't be talking about marriage either.

I have no doubts about my wife, and so I am not worried about how things will go.

Brownsugarccf

Thank you. I earn enough for that, his daughter would be staying in the US with her mother if we go down that route. I do have limited savings from saving for a house prior to meeting him too but not substantial. I think the other consideration is, i rent a one bed flat here so need to buy a house or find a larger place. Over there his rented condo is big enough for me. But i'd want to buy a place together wherever we end up. I know US tend to rent more from what i can gather.

lansbury

As this is a British Expats forum it sort of implies that for one reason or another most of us have bitten the bullet and left the UK for a "new" life overseas.

Brownsugarccf

Hi, i have no doubts at all about the relationship. I think i'm worried about the shock to the system and what kind of work I could get not having a degree as my sales job although not great is above average pay here.

My Mum hasn't been well so I just worry that I can't just 'nip' back in a flash if I need to!

How long did your visa take to organise and what route did you opt to go for?
Have you work lined up or can you not do that until you get there?

civilservant

I wont lie, the lack of a degree is a huge hindrance, and were you to move I would recommend that you go back into school as soon as possible to gain one. the US, far more than the UK, is all about your grades and how far you've got.

I myself do not have a degree either, I landed an excellent job after college and so never bothered, but I am now rather ruing that decision and have every intention of pursuing a law degree. I have no work lined up, and do not expect in the short term to be able to acquire anything other than a low wage basic job such as a Gas Station or Server of some description. Luckily, the other half has a decent income - so we aren't going to be 'hand to mouth' while I look a pursuing at new career.

You are correct that it is very expensive, and often impractical, to pop back in the event of a bereavement or similar. Unfortunately this is another of the downsides of being an expat - you have to accept sometimes you will not be there.

I married my Wife and returned to the UK alone - we have just been approved for a CR1 (Spouse) visa.

Brownsugarccf

Congratulations on your marriage! Exciting times ahead for you now.

I'm already looking at study options in the UK as we speak to get a bit more qualified in something. We are looking at our plans over the next 2 years and are due a big talk when i'm next over to Ohio in August.

His job is well paid but my savings won't last long and after moving costs (yet to research!) i know I need to save more and continue as we are a while longer.

I'd always need to work, but as you say, would be prepared to do anything initially. My plan is to save as much as i can for the next year or so, sell as many excess possessions as I can and make sure we plan it properly. It'll take as long as it takes as we want to be together.

He is still happy to look to come here but I feel so selfish as his job is excellent and secure.

Speedwell

To be honest my husband and I wanted to live in the UK, but a promised job transfer for me was "unpromised" shortly after we became engaged. It didn't affect our wanting to be together... as we said, we'd live on the moon if it was the only place we could live together... but we had really had our hearts set on Aberdeen and we were disappointed. Not to say it can never happen! But I have the good job and he's from a part of the UK where good-enough jobs are just not available. The move to the UK wasn't going to happen.

Brownsugarccf

His company is global so in an ideal world they could accommodate him here at some point but i'm sure they have plenty of UK qualified people which is why nothing has come up to date. Money is a major factor which is a shame, but i was interested to know how long the visa applications take as although i'm preparing for something 2 years away maybe..should i be doing more now in anticipation to make me more eligible?

civilservant

We got married in October 2011, but thanks

If you get married and then file for the visa (CR1) then it'll take around 10 months to process. The alternative is to get a visa to allow you to marry in the US, then remain and adjust status (K1). This takes around 8 months to process.

Brownsugarccf

I looked at that fiancé visa, 90 days isn't long to plan a wedding and if i didn't have my family and rather demanding friends there they'd never forgive me! I'd marry at a drive thru with Elvis to be with him lol!

Brownsugarccf

I also want to add my concerns about US healthcare. I have imflammatory bowel disease which to date has been ok, no operations thankfully. But how do UK citizens access the healthcare until all visas are in place and even afterwards? Just a visit to a GP for repeat prescriptions sounds very different over there.

Mummy in the foothills

If he has as you said "I know he's more opportunity in the UK, which would certainly mean moving cities and away from my family anyway but the reassurance I know i can get to my parents if they get ill etc is a bit more bearable as I can always afford to get home in a crisis. " Why not start in UK with him moving there if you already are earning enough. Then once settled and earning and saving, and able to take your time, decide if moving together to the US is something you want to do.
I only say this way as moving to UK seems to be getting harder for women who marry non EU spouses due to the financial aspect. especially if after a couple of kids and not working for a while you both do try to move to UK, you won't have that £18,000 + a year job to sponser him, but going UK to US in the future he can find a lower paying job and have family help with sponsoring you. (UK doesn't do the co-sponser thing)
Have him do some reading on www.uk-yankee.com

Brownsugarccf

My short term plan is to broach the subject of an unpaid month off work. Longer ideally but highly unlikely. The week and 2 week trips to date I know isn't seeing the real daily life aspect as we do 'holiday' activities most days which we wouldn't be able afford living together! Its quite quiet where he is so I want to experience driving out there too this year. I do love it there, but given i'd only have him there i need to make sure i can drive, can manage day to day when he's left me to my own devices and manage money less like a holiday. I wish i could afford to bugger off for 90 days on the ESTA but i wouldn't have a job to come back to!