MoshiMoshi

Fair enough. But on every single internet forum, people get grumpy when new arrivals don't do any kind of search before asking questions. The subtext is: 'my time is too precious to be spent ploughing through previous posts; your time is not too precious to be spent answering the same questions over and over'.

I feel a huge disconnect here between the perception and realities of US immigration. 'Pursue a dream', 'make a jump', 'pitfalls, obstacles and drawbacks': all this evokes the classic dream of coming to America. This is a place for new starts, where a decent, hard-working person can make a better life for himself and his family, and where the hardest part is gathering enough courage to make the crossing and steeling yourself for beginning again with nothing in your pocket but... etc etc.

This dream has very little relevance to the modern realities of US immigration. One of the hardest things for other people to understand is that America doesn't have open doors for decent, hardworking people who want better lives for their families. That moment has been and gone. The practical realities are that immigration here is niche-led: family, marriage, specialist skills.

Insomuch as there's an 'average' person on this site, it's not someone who's decided 'I shall move to the USA: make it happen'. A lot of people have American partners, or have been offered American transfers or jobs. When new people join in similar circumstances, has anyone here ever 'gone to great lengths' to put these people off? No, don't get married to an American! Don't accept that transfer! We are hogging the American dream all to ourselves!

Most British people aren't eligible to immigrate to the States, at least not in a straightforward, immediate fashion. Most British people don't realize this. The idea of the American dream pervades.

And so people get scammed, or make bad choices: overstay the VWP... pay a visa agent... apply for loads of jobs where visa sponsorship simply isn't going to happen... accept jobs from well-meaning Americans who have no idea about visas... buy a house in the sun so they can live there... buy Detroit property with guaranteed rental returns so they can build a business there... accept jobs from companies that take advantage of people desperate to immigrate... invest in a business that provides a visa with no long-term security and where your kids will 'age out'... move over to be with an American spouse who thinks they can sort the visa out later (and end up in a completely vulnerable position: overstay status, no EAD, no money).

Letting people know their dreams are realistic isn't very 'nice', but it's a million times more helpful, in these situations, than 'just do it'. And I've seen a lot of posters spending time to explain the long-term, long-shot options to someone who has no immediate hopes of getting a visa.

dunroving

Basically, some newbies ask stupid questions and are lazy, and some respondents are up their own *rses and like belittling people.

But most of the time neither of these situations is the case so why get our panties in a wad worrying about the exceptions?

fatbrit

British expats who emigrate to Australia are quite different from those heading to the US. Until recently it was possible for most British families to start a new life in Australia, but this hasn't been the case for the US for many, many years. There is an element of pure volition for those choosing Australia that is not present with the majority of those who emigrate to the US, where force of circumstance (relationship with an American or career move) is the overriding factor. Simply put, for many who emigrated to America, America chose them rather than the other way round.

You have a relationship with an American, so you have a relatively straightforward path.

scrubbedexpat099

but do so respectfully and thoughtfully

I showed an appropriate amount of respect.

And I was very thoughtful about my use of the term, which seemed very appropriate.

materialcontroller

You are actually being sarcastic as well as disingenuous by twisting the wording of the rule to suit yourself. You're not big and you're not clever. In fact your attitude embodies all the worst attributes that the OP brought to light.

scrubbedexpat099

I am not twisting, just reading.

I am 6ft, admittedly many Americans can beat me in girth.

Clever, well I guess that is arguable and we may differ.

PS there is a thread going on in the Immigration Forum at the moment where the lady has been repeatedly told info she does not want to hear so keeps on coming back with variants.

materialcontroller

Yet more attempted sarcasm.

bivlover

"Dufus" is an acronym for "Dumb ugly f**ked up soldier". I don't really see how using that word, to describe a person on an internet forum you know next to nothing about, equates to showing respect. But then again, people are a diverse bunch and we all have different standards for ourselves, and for what we expect of others.

In any case, I wasn't specifically referring to what you said, Boiler - it was more a general plea for people to be respectful.

Look, to me it's perfectly simple. If one doesn't like what someone has posted, or finds it boring, or one is jaded by having the same conversation over and over again, JUST DON'T GET INVOLVED. Unless I missed something, participation in this forum is voluntary.

Let me put it another way. Say you move to a new town, and you try and meet your neighbours by going to community events and meetings. Many of them are friendly, but some of the more senior members shout at you and tell you not to say anything until you are fully familiar with all the town's byelaws and customs. They call you names and make you feel stupid every time you open your mouth. Kind of makes you regret moving there. That is often how this forum feels.

Ray

What nonsense ...In the US it would normally refer to a slow-witted or stupid person

so it was used correctly

bivlover

Perhaps you're right. I've heard both actually, but either way it's belittling and harsh.

Ray

Over the years you learn there are mainly two types of forum
there are the ones that are twee and sweet and all very nice

or as a report pointed out a few years back
the people on BE do not sugar coat ... if you want the truth its
the place to go ....

If you want to hear agreement with your point of view
go to ... DDDDDDDDDDD forum

people have a choice

Ja5on

I have noticed that certain people on here are very negative when it comes to people asking questions........Seriously if people don't have anything useful to say then I don't see why they even bother posting!

I got a lot of help from this forum when I went through my immigration process but it wasn't always helpful and there where parts of it that I completely ignored.

There seems to be a lot of people on here that don't like "bending the rules" Not even a little....Then they get on their high horse every time someone is going to do something immoral, or tell a little white lie to get married on a VWP......

Scott33

I too am one of those saddos who have spent a lot of time in the archives. Not only does the same question pop up every 2 weeks or so, but the same question about the same location.

I didn't discover this forum until I was post N400, so I really can't say I wouldn't have asked a silly question myself if the opportunity presented itself. However, I would like to think that any advice I was given collectively by a group of regular people (with no business to plug) would be pretty close to being factual. Perhaps brutally factual at times, but brutally factual and free .

It is frustrating seeing posters who won't take the advice onboard, and continue to repost variations of the same question. Either that or those who go in a huff and flame the forum when they are given news they don't want to hear. "Surely there must be a way into the US?" No, there mustn't.

Immigration has changed over the years, and I believe that anyone who comes on here saying they have been "planning to move to the US for (example) 2 years" - really can't have done any research if they neglect to mention health insurance, let alone the visa.

You simply can't compare moving to the US with [insert any other country here].

ljaw2002uk

It's easy for long time BE members to become frustrated or tired of the same old thing being asked day after day. But I think people forget that for most people asking questions, this is their first foray into the unknown.

If you don't have something constructive or helpful to say to the poster, then why not say nothing instead?

Everyone deserves respect and courtesy on BE. There is no excuse for rudeness and ignorance.

bivlover

Giving people facts and truth is one thing, and it's very welcome, as far as I'm concerned. Being rude to them is another thing entirely.