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Urgent question about wife who bailed out

Urgent question about wife who bailed out

Old Sep 13th 2016, 2:09 am
  #46  
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Default Re: Urgent question about wife who bailed out

I'd definitely speak to either/both solicitor and CAB about getting the child benefit transferred to a new account in just your name. If she's abandoned the children, the Child Benefit will not be wanting the money going to her. This won't be a new situation for them, there'll be some system in place to organise this.
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Old Sep 13th 2016, 6:02 pm
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Default Re: Urgent question about wife who bailed out

Quite an extreme case of hybristophilia. The Daily Mail loves these stories. And funnily enough it's often Texas prisoners too.

Here's another one http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2677286/British-mother-abandons-three-children-marry-violent-prisoner-met-online-impressed-honesty.html

Do you want her back? I wouldn't after all this. He will get bored of her very soon. She was a nice distraction while he was in prison and probably was sending him money to keep him in honey buns and coffee while he was inside. He was probably saying the same in letters to other girls around the world too. She is fascinated by his bad boy image abd probably feels like she's hit the jackpot with her American "boyfriend" and her new life. He will be lucky to get a job at McDonald's making minimum wage if he's been inside for 17 years so she won't be eating steak for long. She will soon realise that not everyone in Texas lives like a charcter from Dallas.

I would look into getting the child benefit and child tax credits paid to you not her. They are for your children. Call DWP and explain that she has abandoned the family - whereabouts unknown but believed to be overseas - you don't need to go into the sordid details. Just keep it factual. Explain you are now left with the children and you need that money so that you can feed and clothe them. Getting revenge by having her deported or something won't put food on the table but I think you realise that now.
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Old Sep 13th 2016, 6:38 pm
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Default Re: Urgent question about wife who bailed out

Originally Posted by Twinkle0927
Quite an extreme case of hybristophilia. The Daily Mail loves these stories. And funnily enough it's often Texas prisoners too.

Here's another one British mother Jennifer Butler abandons children to marry prisoner she met online | Daily Mail Online

Do you want her back? I wouldn't after all this. He will get bored of her very soon. She was a nice distraction while he was in prison and probably was sending him money to keep him in honey buns and coffee while he was inside. He was probably saying the same in letters to other girls around the world too. She is fascinated by his bad boy image abd probably feels like she's hit the jackpot with her American "boyfriend" and her new life. He will be lucky to get a job at McDonald's making minimum wage if he's been inside for 17 years so she won't be eating steak for long. She will soon realise that not everyone in Texas lives like a charcter from Dallas.

I would look into getting the child benefit and child tax credits paid to you not her. They are for your children. Call DWP and explain that she has abandoned the family - whereabouts unknown but believed to be overseas - you don't need to go into the sordid details. Just keep it factual. Explain you are now left with the children and you need that money so that you can feed and clothe them. Getting revenge by having her deported or something won't put food on the table but I think you realise that now.

Pretty much sums up my thoughts now
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Old Sep 13th 2016, 10:59 pm
  #49  
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Default Re: Urgent question about wife who bailed out

Originally Posted by Twinkle0927
She was a nice distraction while he was in prison and probably was sending him money to keep him in honey buns and coffee while he was inside.
Are honey buns any good? They look terrible on the boxes.
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Old Sep 13th 2016, 11:05 pm
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Default Re: Urgent question about wife who bailed out

Originally Posted by mrken30
Are honey buns any good? They look terrible on the boxes.
I imagine they are even worse than they look.
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Old Sep 13th 2016, 11:51 pm
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Default Re: Urgent question about wife who bailed out

Originally Posted by Twinkle0927
I imagine they are even worse than they look.
Apparently a honey bun bacon cheeseburger is a thing. That would be good in parts.
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Old Sep 14th 2016, 12:58 am
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Default Re: Urgent question about wife who bailed out

Originally Posted by robin1234
Apparently a honey bun bacon cheeseburger is a thing. That would be good in parts.
I'll take your word for it. I think I'd prefer a curate's egg.
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Old Sep 14th 2016, 12:00 pm
  #53  
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Default Re: Urgent question about wife who bailed out

Originally Posted by Pulaski
I'll take your word for it. I think I'd prefer a curate's egg.
I was thinking of that, but at least the honey bun bacon cheeseburger, you could identify the good parts visually.
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Old Sep 14th 2016, 4:30 pm
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Default Re: Urgent question about wife who bailed out

Been to see a lawyer. She suggested, first thing is the get the children protected. Keep their passports safe, notify local police who can issue a port alert to prevent them being removed from country. She also reminded me I am in a far better position than my wife is. I have the children, a house, a job and family. She has no job, little if any income and a potentially very unstable ex-con as her lover!

Anyway, seen the police. All has now been done. Now to focus on what's best for me and the kids.

Had to photocopy the letters I discovered which wasn't very pleasant as I have not looked at them for two weeks now. Noticed one where he praises my wife for managing to save £750 into savings by siphoning off child benefits and selling some jewellry for their new lives

Last edited by maritimesbob; Sep 14th 2016 at 4:33 pm.
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Old Sep 14th 2016, 4:32 pm
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Default Re: Urgent question about wife who bailed out

Originally Posted by maritimesbob
Been to see a lawyer. She suggested, first thing is the get the children protected. Keep their passports safe, notify local police who can issue a port alert to prevent them being removed from country.

All has now been done. Now to focus on what's best for me and the kids.

Had to photocopy the letters I discovered which wasn't very pleasant as I have not looked at them for two weeks now. Noticed one where he praises my wife for managing to save £750 into savings by siphoning off child benefits and selling some jewellry for their new lives
On the plus side that's good evidence to make sure the benefits are switched to your control.
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Old Sep 14th 2016, 4:36 pm
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Default Re: Urgent question about wife who bailed out

Originally Posted by maritimesbob
Been to see a lawyer. She suggested, first thing is the get the children protected. Keep their passports safe, notify local police who can issue a port alert to prevent them being removed from country. She also reminded me I am in a far better position than my wife is. I have the children, a house, a job and family. She has no job, little if any income and a potentially very unstable ex-con as her lover!

Anyway, seen the police. All has now been done. Now to focus on what's best for me and the kids.

Had to photocopy the letters I discovered which wasn't very pleasant as I have not looked at them for two weeks now. Noticed one where he praises my wife for managing to save £750 into savings by siphoning off child benefits and selling some jewellry for their new lives
This is a terrible situation but I hope you don't mind me asking - was she a good mother? How can she walk away from her children? She must have created some sort of crazy reality in her head to see this scenario going in any direction but down the toilet.
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Old Sep 14th 2016, 4:40 pm
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Default Re: Urgent question about wife who bailed out

Originally Posted by maritimesbob
Been to see a lawyer. She suggested, first thing is the get the children protected. Keep their passports safe, notify local police who can issue a port alert to prevent them being removed from country. She also reminded me I am in a far better position than my wife is. I have the children, a house, a job and family. She has no job, little if any income and a potentially very unstable ex-con as her lover!

Anyway, seen the police. All has now been done. Now to focus on what's best for me and the kids.

Had to photocopy the letters I discovered which wasn't very pleasant as I have not looked at them for two weeks now. Noticed one where he praises my wife for managing to save £750 into savings by siphoning off child benefits and selling some jewellry for their new lives
OK, that sounds like a very good start to protecting your children and yourself and getting things organized.
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Old Sep 14th 2016, 4:44 pm
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Default Re: Urgent question about wife who bailed out

She saved £750? That would have barely covered her flight there in August. That will soon be gone. Do you know what he was in prison for? 30-year sentence, I'm thinking robbery? If so, once the money's gone he will go back to the only way he knows how to get money. Although if he was 17 at the time he was a juvenile and for a juvenile to get 30 years on a first offence (or maybe it wasn't?) it must have been bad.

My husband has done time in state prison in the USA. Long before I met him. The tales he tells me of what went on behind the walls...

If he went in at 17, he has never lived independently as an adult. He's a child.
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Old Sep 14th 2016, 5:26 pm
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Default Re: Urgent question about wife who bailed out

It looks like you are doing the right things. This site may also help
Family Law Week: Practical Case Management of Child Abduction Cases


Prevention is better than cure
The REUNITE pack may be downloaded from the internet.

Self-help
Certain types of self help are legitimate to prevent abduction for a few days. If a client has a reasonable fear that abduction may occur you can properly advise the client that he or she may often:

Offer to place all passports reciprocally with solicitors.
Hide the passports of both the potential abductor and the child for a few days until you can get to court
Withhold contact until the matter comes to court
If necessary, go into hiding with the child for a few days;
Court
Consider applying under the Children Act 1989 in any court for:

a prohibited steps order;
an order for delivery up of passports;
an order restraining issue of passports;
an order restraining the other parent from removing a child from his/her residence
an interim residence order;
A bond for return of the child after contact;
The police may put in place a Port Alert although with the volume of traffic at air and channel ports these are of doubtful efficacy;

Passport Office
If an order has been made that a parent do deliver up passports and not apply for another for herself or the child, contact the Passport office at Peterborough (Telephone 0207 947 7194) stating that there is a court prohibition upon reissuing travel documents. see the Practice Direction of August 2003 with regard to communicating with the Passport office.
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Old Sep 14th 2016, 7:10 pm
  #60  
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Default Re: Urgent question about wife who bailed out

Originally Posted by maritimesbob
Been to see a lawyer. She suggested, first thing is the get the children protected. Keep their passports safe, notify local police who can issue a port alert to prevent them being removed from country. She also reminded me I am in a far better position than my wife is. I have the children, a house, a job and family. She has no job, little if any income and a potentially very unstable ex-con as her lover!

Anyway, seen the police. All has now been done. Now to focus on what's best for me and the kids.

Had to photocopy the letters I discovered which wasn't very pleasant as I have not looked at them for two weeks now. Noticed one where he praises my wife for managing to save £750 into savings by siphoning off child benefits and selling some jewellry for their new lives
You're doing everything right!
And doing it quickly.
She betrayed you and your children...but her victim you're not!
fwiw - the decisiveness with which you've acted and your level-headedness is impressive!
With regard to your kids...has she maintained any contact with them (phone or Skype) when you're not around (or even when you are)? Not meaning to be nosy...just hoping, for their protection, you discussed this with the lawyer.
Meanwhile...seems she's got 4 more days before she overstays her Visa. Happy Sunday (not making light of it...but frankly - it should be a relief once she does and further strengthen your position going forward)
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