Michael

It depends. Initially my ex and I had an agreement that we would share the cost of their education until they got a bachelors degree and then if they wanted to get a post graduate degree, they were on their own. When my son got his bachelors degree in philosophy and decided that was worthless, he had to spend another 3 years to get his real bachelors degree. My ex stated that we fulfilled our agreement and he'll have to pay his own costs but I had plenty of money and supported him though the second bachelors degree and his masters degree.

However I have many relatives that couldn't afford to pay for their kids college costs and I know others that would rather spend their money on very expensive toys for themselves.

kodokan

Well, we got ours for free (or near enough, I think hubby and I had a couple of thou of debt between us, paid off in a matter of months after graduating in the early 90s). So it seems only fair to pass it on, within workable limits (we're not doing anything into 6-figures or subsidizing some extravagant brand name lifestyle choice). We've had some great life breaks, and the kids have been extremely amiable about the country moves that've made hubby's current generous income possible, and worked hard and uncomplainingly across multiple school systems/ educational languages, so we'd like to share the benefits. The difference between paying for (reasonable) college and not, is hubby being able to retire in his early or mid-50s, so it's a fair trade to start the kids off without something equating to a second mortgage.

Most parents would do the same in similar circumstances, I think. I appreciate it's completely different if there's a lot less money sloshing around and harder choices to be made between college and a retirement above a cat food level; sensible retirement savings should always come first.

augigi

Fair enough, I guess I just thought it was a "nice to do" thing rather than expected as it seemed.

robin1234

Exactly. When I went to university in England in 1969, there were no fees (or minimal) and the government paid me a generous grant to cover living expenses (going to the cinema and the pub on a daily basis, for instance.). We then dragged our uncomplaining kids to America at a young age, and put pressure on them to attend four year college. One chose to go to state school (total notional cost, approx $100,000) the other chose to go to a private liberal arts college (total notional cost, approx $260,000.). They should be responsible for those costs? No.

In our case, we were 56 years old when our youngest graduated college. Coincidentally, that year we paid off our mortgage. Gave us a few working years to both contribute the IRS legal max into our retirement accounts.

Bluegrass Lass

Playing devil's advocate by asking why shouldn't they be responsible for the cost? In your case, it sounds like both your children selected to attend very pricey universities. I myself attended a state uni for 7 years to get my masters in engineering and racked up around $56k in student loans that are all my responsibility to pay back. Rather than put the financial pressure on my folks to cough up money (which wouldn't have happened anyways) for tuition, I went down the FAFSA loan route (no private or co-signed loans).

I don't know, maybe it's just me, but some kind of expectation that parents are the ones to cough up tuition & living expenses when they are hitting close to their retirement years is unreasonable - and selfish of children to expect to happen. Of course I feel hindered by the loans still hanging around my neck (and will for the next 15-20ish years), but I can only imagine how much more pressure or guilt I would feel if my education costs affected either of my parents future financial needs.

HartleyHare

The key thing is that when you came to the US your children were a young age, so I guess this gave you time to save towards meeting the costs.

In our case, having only just come to the US at almost 50, it's just not possible to scrimp together the amount of money required to fund college in the US in just 5 years. There's absolutely no way I would want that amount of pressure hanging over my hubby, especially as it was not a situation that we have ever planned for. Paying our daughters living costs while at university, yes; but funding the whole shebang, no.

NatashaB

I think you're right to say they shouldn't 'expect' it. I would be very annoyed if my child or stepchild came to me with their hand out expecting me to fund them through college. In a lot of posters cases, though, they moved here part-way through their child's life and therefore didn't have as much time to save/plan for college as your average American parent (or even in some cases, don't satisfy the in-state or even US student residency requirements and have to pay international fees).

I always assumed that my stepdaughter would go to university in the UK, where, although the fees are getting higher, the system is still relatively fair with regards to student loans and you only pay back a percentage of what you earn. We would have helped her, but she still would have been fine without it. Then we moved here, and had potentially only 8 years to figure out how to fund her higher education. My son, meanwhile, was born here shortly afterwards, and we've been saving to his college fund since birth. Putting aside a much smaller amount for him each month will still appreciate into a decent amount in 18 years. I hope we can at least fund their tuition costs, if not their living costs, but I can see how much more difficult it is when you only have a few years instead of a full 18 years to plan for it.

ottotheboar

We have four in a row 17,18,19 and 20 did the Virginia 529 plan.
One ended up getting at full ride in Army ROTC.

In state is usually cheaper, some states will grant in state status to non residents, South Carolina is one where North Carolina does not.

Sally Redux

The max FAFSA loan my son can get is $7,500 and he works 20 hours a week at $8 an hour. That is not enough to fully fund himself, and as others have said, we brought him here and put him in that situation.

sir_eccles

Ah, forgot about that option. A friend of mine had a full ride through undergrad and medical school both at Northwestern (a very not cheap university) thanks to the Navy. She still owes them a year or two of service but then she could retire on full pension.

kodokan

We've always known we were paying for our kids though, even in the UK; I think our oldest was about 3 or 4 when tuition fees were announced. So college costing $80-100k was always on the cards. We're budgeting in-state for 4 years; they'll have to chip in for choosing somewhere else, or if they faff about and take more than 4 years.

What wasn't factored in, of course, was college costing $250k+. But I don't imagine the 'average' American parent really has this stuffed away by 18 anyway, do they?! Because that's a spooky large number if you compound it over 30 or 40 years at a historical 7% - I'd be inclined to advise them to skip anything other than basic community/ in-state college, and retire in their 40s instead!

robin1234

Yes, and as I mentioned in an earlier post, my career choice in America, where I got a degree in librarianship and then a faculty position in a university was informed by the idea of getting tuition benefits from my employer for my children's future undergrad costs. Hard to quantify it exactly, but it probably was a total benefit of at least $120,000.

NatashaB

The thing that worries me about the US, though, is that the loans are not as flexible as they are in the UK. I have no issue with a child having to pay X% of their income once they hit a certain threshold, knowing that if they lose their job or take a giant pay cut, the payments will stop or be reviewed in line with your new income. That doesn't seem to be the case with student loans here, though, which are treated and pursued the same way as any other debt.

HartleyHare

I know, but that still saw you having to fund over 200k. I feel faint just thinking about it!

robin1234

I don't know the proportion, but very few (except foreign students) are full pays in the sense that they actually pay the $65,000 in cash each year. In addition to federal loans, private loans, scholarships of various types, there are all sorts of obscure discounts applied.

This is one reason why it is hard for me to quantify how much my college employer's tuition benefits were worth to me. My son was subsidised by my employer to the tune of (say) $20,000 a year. But if he hadn't got that, he would have got more in discounts and scholarships from the college he went to.