sdp

If this is the wrong forum then i shall move it, if im told where to post it to.

Anyway i am resident in the USA my son is here too. We are both UK citizens. His father is welsh and is resident/uk citizen living in wales. First off my child has a degenerative disability and spends alot time in a wheelchair. The father in the UK has never paid any child support since we moved here in 2001, and has no intention of doing so. I recently found out there is a reciprocation order between our state and the UK for child support so i could claim. When i called his father today (usually we talk now and then) i told him about this order and also told him that i would prefer not to do this through the courts, if we could come to some agreement that he would send me some money each month for child support which he has promised to do since we moved here but never got anything. Anyway he yelled at me and told me to go ahead with the courts, he doesnt have any money and in return he would saddle with with the debts from our last marriage. Yes i do have debts in the UK of my own and i am gradually paying them off even though it will take me about 10 years, although i have been led to believe that as i am a resident here in the states i am not under any legal obligation to do so, is this correct? Anyway...can he do this? making threats because i want him to support his son? Part of the problem i think is that he has another family now, he has remarried he has 3 kids of his new wifes (not his) and they seem to get everything that they want and his natural son very little if anything.

If i ever did go back to the UK could i be detained or whatever for past debt and not allowed to visit or be returned to the US? Is it possible that i could cut his phone access to my son, or get my now husband to adopt him? My exhusband genuinely doesn't seem to care for him, doesnt call him unless its convienient. Is there anyway i can change my sons last name to his stepfathers name without his permission? What are my rights? What can I do?

Thanks guys.

sibsie

The Child Support Agency in the UK would be the people to contact, they have an online calculator for working out how much you would be entitled to. http://www.csa.gov.uk/

Ultimately though, I think you're going to need legal advice.

Good luck.

tony_2003

So you have moved to another country and want to remove this guy from your childs life, even so far as changing the kids name...but still expect him to contribute to the childs maintainance? If I were him I wouldnt pay you a penny either!

sibsie

You came in on a K1 so you must have set something up with your ex about child support and access etc at the time?

sdp

As to one of the above comments regarding name changes i want to know if this is an option in the future it has not been discussed.

Sibsi,
I lived with my exhusband for 2 years prior to moving here. He was always full of promises and i believed him Access was on the basis that as i was staying with him for those two years that we would take alternate years and he said that he would fly over in 2001 at christmas as it would technically be his turn (i moved here in Oct 2001) He didnt bother to come, said he couldn't be bothered to come, even though it was one of the conditions of access laid out in the divorce agreement. As for child support he was always promising to pay something and it was in the divorce agreement that he would pay when he could. I had no say in the divorce papers as i was here on a visit at the time(long story)abusive etc, very long story. So i was pretty much forced to sign them and agree to his conditions and to send them back to the UK to his lawyer.

rincewind

If he's re-married with 3 kids then the likelyhood is you wouldn't get very much anyways. Family circumstances are taken into consideration when calculating child support.

Be careful with going through the courts. It will be costly and you may end up destoying his new life. It's unfair to do so even though you guys didn't work out.

Before all the soccer moms jump on me for this post, I just hate it when someone claims they have a big debt and then expect the man they used to be with to pay for it all.

When my ex and I split, she claimed she wanted independence. She didn't want a man paying for everything for her so she left me, took my daughter and started her knew life claiming she wanted nothing from me. We verballu agreed that I would keep the house. Then, when it all went tits up, I was the one with threatening letters from her solicitors and was forced to sell my home so she could get half, blow it all and then hound me for more.

Nice show of independence.

Now I'm not against child support. Far from it. But there are cases when it should be payed and cases where it shouldn't. Adults should be a little more grown up and stop dragging sh*t through the legal system and work it out themselves. That goes for men and women.

Interesting though, if you do persue child support, will you allow visitation?? Will you be an adult and share the flight costs 50/50 or is that his responsibility too??

sdp

Flight costs would be shared it would have to be 50/50 although he would expect me to pay for all of it as he has done in the past on anything including flights (which haven't happened as i couldn't afford it)or anything else that our son needs. The problem is that he nows expects me to pay for all of it, even if he did contribute. He wants to get rid of any financial responsibility toward his son and yet still wants to see him, talk to him and be part of his life that way, but doesn't want to care for him in any other way. Hospital bills are a part of my life (my child has a disability) he doesn't want any part of that either, even though he has the same disability himself.

Manc

you took your kid away from the NHS, you pay for his hospital bills.

Galon

Welp, as the husband that SDP is married to, I feel I should point some things out...

1) I a grateful the support that she gets on this forum but....

2) Tony, if you read closely, it asks about changing the name, I dont notice it says we did. And how can we expect him to contribute, we havent gotten a thing to start with.

3)Gee Manc, nice attitude. Thats why she left the UK in the first place.....

Just because a guy is only involved in a small way in making a baby, it doesnt eliminate the responsibility. I pay child support on 3 children and take care of my step son as well.

scrubbedexpat099

I will leave it to Manc to respond, but he has payed for his son's healthcare, presumably he is paying NI contributions. So I can see why then expecting to pay US Private Healthcare is not on, but then he is not paying anything anyway which of course is not right.

A friends of my Wife's had a similar situation, hubby upped and left paid nothing for her sons despite cout order, x years later she is notified that he died and put an attachment on his Estate.

New family were not that happy, but she got the money, her by now grown up Sons told her that it was all hers, she had earnt it many times over bringing them up on her own.

Manc

bingo, it's a nice attitude indeed, your wife wants her cake and to eat it too.

Galon

Not so.

I support ,y step son, the ex does not.

I provide for his health care, the ex does not.

My wife would like for him to contribute something to the child's care and well being besides the occasional phone call.

This is not unreasonable.

I personally believe if he doesnt want to pay and he cant be bothered to make an effort to come see his son or do anything else, then I should adopt him and end any problem right there.

If the ex wants to get off his backside and something, I welcome it. I want my stepson to have a solid foundation to his family. Not one that is willy-nilly. There is no "cake and eat it too". All of this is an effort to provide everything that a child needs. Nothing more nothing less...

Manc

I have not commented on the child support aspect of things as the ex should pay something.............

but to say he doesn't provide his health care is rubbish. The ex pays his NI contributions which would provide medical coverage in the UK, from which the child was moved from that environment by yourselves.

I think my ascertainment of the situation is this, the only reasonable steps you should take if you want the ex spouse to support the child is to move back to the UK. Judgements will be easier to enforce through the CSA and Medical coverage shall not be a problem.

tony_2003

I never said you did...
"and want to remove this guy from your childs life, even so far as changing the kids name"

Manc is right. However, how about the childs old man pays the healthcare costs equivelint to what they are in Britain? So doing a quick calculation, I can come up with the sum of $0000000.

Galon

In all fairness the ex doesnt contribute at all, he is on disability. We are trying to work out a fair agreement. But that doesnt entitle him to all the time he wants and no support, that is a true case of "having his cake and eating it too".


And as far as going back to the uk for healthcare, they (the nhs) didnt even want to diagnose his condition, when they did they made it hard as hell to get any help. The final straw was before they came over here was that my stepson's care giver in school gave him a right bollocking because with him leaving she would lose her job. I am sorry I spend a total of 2 years in the UK and I love it, but the health care leaves a lot to be desired....

Healthcare costs might be high over here, but at least I know what I am paying for.