Thank You
Jun 10th 2004, 12:53 pm
#1
Through the square window
Thread Starter
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 2,723
Thank You
[This is a bit of a long one. I ask for your indulgence.]
Last November my Mother died and because of our circumstances (we had just moved here and are still struggling to get started) I could not fly back for the funeral.
I was estranged from her but we did meet up, she was introduced to my wife and I pretty much said goodbye before we emigrated.
When I heard of her passing it did affect me though and I didn't know how to deal with it. So I posted on these forums telling people what had happend and asked them how they dealt with something like this when you were 3000 miles away. Strange way grieving but this was the way I did it.
The replies I got from people and their stories of what they did helped me. But something that amazed me even more was those who PM'd me to offer their condolences and even to lend me the money to fly back.
I was absolutly amazed and your kind words and even more with the extremely generous gestures.
As I mentioned I wasn't close to my Mother so I wasn't going to fly anyway, but reading of people's willingness to help out someone who was a total strangers was outstanding.
Then last week my Father died...
It was different this time.
My Dad had M/S [Multiple Sclerosis] which is a muscle wasting disease of which there is no cure.
(Montel Williams is the most famous of people to have it.)
He has (sorry I keep typing has, you will understand why) had M/S for as long as I can remember. I have very distant memories of him walking and he used to be a referee.
But when the M/S was diagnosed my parents separated.
For more than 20 years he was wheelchair bound and had a house and facilites adapted for him. In the last few years because of the M/S he could only move his head but had a device that enabled him to answer and open the front door, to use the phone, the TV, the video, the DVD and the hi-fi system. All by just clicking a button with his chin.
So for the last twenty years or so I have been living my life for him. I travelled and saw places because he couldn't.
Everything I did. I did for him.
I phoned him from every part of the world and told him of my adventures and sent photographs and things back from where ever I was. (Including a genuine Russian hat from Moscow)
We had sent photographs of us here in NC and I was getting around to doing some more (but never actually getting it done - most of you will know what I mean) when my Step-Mother called.
We still couldn't afford it. We are still struggling here, but this time it wasn't a question of if I could go, it was of when I could go.
There was never a discussion about it.
But as mentioned our finances are really bad and we are using our saving to pay the rent where we live.
We had no choice but to use the saving to pay for the flight, but something that hurt me was that my wife (Danielle) could not fly over with me. She could have done, but it would have left us destitute. Danielle loved my Father like her own. He cared for her and rang her when I was at work just to have a chat. He welcomed her into this disfunctional "family" without any reservations.
It hurt when I left her at the airport and when I had to spend 7 days away from her. (The first time we had been apart since getting married.)
The flight was arranged last minute - the Friday before the Memorial day weekend, but my travel agent came through.
I had little spending money for the week, but a good friend of mine let me stay at hers in Liverpool for the week.
When things like this happen you find out who your true friends are.
And I found out that I have friends here.
Again it was total strangers and their gestures again amazed me.
I think that Manc bloke
had told some people about my situation and they had a whip-round. A few days ago I checked on the forums and had a PM from him telling me that he had sent some money via PayPal and got my postal address for others.
So finally I get to my point -
To everyone who took the time and thought of me (don't know why, I don't deserve it !) to everyone who helped me out.
Thank You.
I will be sending a PM to each of you individually as well.
To those of you who have just joined these forums - It is a baptism of fire at first, but this is a fantastic place and once you get to know people you will make good friends here.
People who will be there for you if you ever need it.
I'll upload a picture of my Dad later on for everyone to see.
It is important to me that everyone sees him and knows his name.
He didn't do anything heroic or brave.
He was just my Dad.
Last November my Mother died and because of our circumstances (we had just moved here and are still struggling to get started) I could not fly back for the funeral.
I was estranged from her but we did meet up, she was introduced to my wife and I pretty much said goodbye before we emigrated.
When I heard of her passing it did affect me though and I didn't know how to deal with it. So I posted on these forums telling people what had happend and asked them how they dealt with something like this when you were 3000 miles away. Strange way grieving but this was the way I did it.
The replies I got from people and their stories of what they did helped me. But something that amazed me even more was those who PM'd me to offer their condolences and even to lend me the money to fly back.
I was absolutly amazed and your kind words and even more with the extremely generous gestures.
As I mentioned I wasn't close to my Mother so I wasn't going to fly anyway, but reading of people's willingness to help out someone who was a total strangers was outstanding.
Then last week my Father died...
It was different this time.
My Dad had M/S [Multiple Sclerosis] which is a muscle wasting disease of which there is no cure.
(Montel Williams is the most famous of people to have it.)
He has (sorry I keep typing has, you will understand why) had M/S for as long as I can remember. I have very distant memories of him walking and he used to be a referee.
But when the M/S was diagnosed my parents separated.
For more than 20 years he was wheelchair bound and had a house and facilites adapted for him. In the last few years because of the M/S he could only move his head but had a device that enabled him to answer and open the front door, to use the phone, the TV, the video, the DVD and the hi-fi system. All by just clicking a button with his chin.
So for the last twenty years or so I have been living my life for him. I travelled and saw places because he couldn't.
Everything I did. I did for him.
I phoned him from every part of the world and told him of my adventures and sent photographs and things back from where ever I was. (Including a genuine Russian hat from Moscow)
We had sent photographs of us here in NC and I was getting around to doing some more (but never actually getting it done - most of you will know what I mean) when my Step-Mother called.
We still couldn't afford it. We are still struggling here, but this time it wasn't a question of if I could go, it was of when I could go.
There was never a discussion about it.
But as mentioned our finances are really bad and we are using our saving to pay the rent where we live.
We had no choice but to use the saving to pay for the flight, but something that hurt me was that my wife (Danielle) could not fly over with me. She could have done, but it would have left us destitute. Danielle loved my Father like her own. He cared for her and rang her when I was at work just to have a chat. He welcomed her into this disfunctional "family" without any reservations.
It hurt when I left her at the airport and when I had to spend 7 days away from her. (The first time we had been apart since getting married.)
The flight was arranged last minute - the Friday before the Memorial day weekend, but my travel agent came through.
I had little spending money for the week, but a good friend of mine let me stay at hers in Liverpool for the week.
When things like this happen you find out who your true friends are.
And I found out that I have friends here.
Again it was total strangers and their gestures again amazed me.
I think that Manc bloke
had told some people about my situation and they had a whip-round. A few days ago I checked on the forums and had a PM from him telling me that he had sent some money via PayPal and got my postal address for others.So finally I get to my point -
To everyone who took the time and thought of me (don't know why, I don't deserve it !) to everyone who helped me out.
Thank You.
I will be sending a PM to each of you individually as well.
To those of you who have just joined these forums - It is a baptism of fire at first, but this is a fantastic place and once you get to know people you will make good friends here.
People who will be there for you if you ever need it.
I'll upload a picture of my Dad later on for everyone to see.
It is important to me that everyone sees him and knows his name.
He didn't do anything heroic or brave.
He was just my Dad.
Jun 10th 2004, 2:07 pm
#2
@matthewb76
Joined: Jul 2003
Location: Missouri
Posts: 21,886
So apart from the erm....sad reason to go back to UK, how was the rest of your trip? I mean after not being back for such a time how did you find the place?
Jun 10th 2004, 4:44 pm
#3
British/Irish(ish) Duncs
Joined: Jan 2003
Location: Cambridge MA, via Mississippi and Belfast Northern Ireland.
Posts: 700
Webbie
I am sorry to hear of your loss. Whilst its not quite so bad my mum was diagnosed with cancer at christmas and becuase we are broke i couldnt get back to see her when she went into hospital. Its hard to be distant from loved ones at times like that. So sorry again and you have my sympathy.
On the other point. There are lots of very good people on here and that why i always keep coming back as well
best wishes and hang in there.
Duncan
I am sorry to hear of your loss. Whilst its not quite so bad my mum was diagnosed with cancer at christmas and becuase we are broke i couldnt get back to see her when she went into hospital. Its hard to be distant from loved ones at times like that. So sorry again and you have my sympathy.
On the other point. There are lots of very good people on here and that why i always keep coming back as well
best wishes and hang in there.
Duncan
Last edited by manc1976; Jun 10th 2004 at 8:31 pm.
Jun 10th 2004, 5:04 pm
#4
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2003
Location: Arizona
Posts: 961
Re: Thank You
Originally posted by Webbie
[This is a bit of a long one. I ask for your indulgence.]
Last November my Mother died and because of our circumstances (we had just moved here and are still struggling to get started) I could not fly back for the funeral.
I was estranged from her but we did meet up, she was introduced to my wife and I pretty much said goodbye before we emigrated.
When I heard of her passing it did affect me though and I didn't know how to deal with it. So I posted on these forums telling people what had happend and asked them how they dealt with something like this when you were 3000 miles away. Strange way grieving but this was the way I did it.
The replies I got from people and their stories of what they did helped me. But something that amazed me even more was those who PM'd me to offer their condolences and even to lend me the money to fly back.
I was absolutly amazed and your kind words and even more with the extremely generous gestures.
As I mentioned I wasn't close to my Mother so I wasn't going to fly anyway, but reading of people's willingness to help out someone who was a total strangers was outstanding.
Then last week my Father died...
It was different this time.
My Dad had M/S [Multiple Sclerosis] which is a muscle wasting disease of which there is no cure.
(Montel Williams is the most famous of people to have it.)
He has (sorry I keep typing has, you will understand why) had M/S for as long as I can remember. I have very distant memories of him walking and he used to be a referee.
But when the M/S was diagnosed my parents separated.
For more than 20 years he was wheelchair bound and had a house and facilites adapted for him. In the last few years because of the M/S he could only move his head but had a device that enabled him to answer and open the front door, to use the phone, the TV, the video, the DVD and the hi-fi system. All by just clicking a button with his chin.
So for the last twenty years or so I have been living my life for him. I travelled and saw places because he couldn't.
Everything I did. I did for him.
I phoned him from every part of the world and told him of my adventures and sent photographs and things back from where ever I was. (Including a genuine Russian hat from Moscow)
We had sent photographs of us here in NC and I was getting around to doing some more (but never actually getting it done - most of you will know what I mean) when my Step-Mother called.
We still couldn't afford it. We are still struggling here, but this time it wasn't a question of if I could go, it was of when I could go.
There was never a discussion about it.
But as mentioned our finances are really bad and we are using our saving to pay the rent where we live.
We had no choice but to use the saving to pay for the flight, but something that hurt me was that my wife (Danielle) could not fly over with me. She could have done, but it would have left us destitute. Danielle loved my Father like her own. He cared for her and rang her when I was at work just to have a chat. He welcomed her into this disfunctional "family" without any reservations.
It hurt when I left her at the airport and when I had to spend 7 days away from her. (The first time we had been apart since getting married.)
The flight was arranged last minute - the Friday before the Memorial day weekend, but my travel agent came through.
I had little spending money for the week, but a good friend of mine let me stay at hers in Liverpool for the week.
When things like this happen you find out who your true friends are.
And I found out that I have friends here.
Again it was total strangers and their gestures again amazed me.
I think that Manc bloke had told some people about my situation and they had a whip-round. A few days ago I checked on the forums and had a PM from him telling me that he had sent some money via PayPal and got my postal address for others.
So finally I get to my point -
To everyone who took the time and thought of me (don't know why, I don't deserve it !) to everyone who helped me out.
Thank You.
I will be sending a PM to each of you individually as well.
To those of you who have just joined these forums - It is a baptism of fire at first, but this is a fantastic place and once you get to know people you will make good friends here.
People who will be there for you if you ever need it.
I'll upload a picture of my Dad later on for everyone to see.
It is important to me that everyone sees him and knows his name.
He didn't do anything heroic or brave.
He was just my Dad.
[This is a bit of a long one. I ask for your indulgence.]
Last November my Mother died and because of our circumstances (we had just moved here and are still struggling to get started) I could not fly back for the funeral.
I was estranged from her but we did meet up, she was introduced to my wife and I pretty much said goodbye before we emigrated.
When I heard of her passing it did affect me though and I didn't know how to deal with it. So I posted on these forums telling people what had happend and asked them how they dealt with something like this when you were 3000 miles away. Strange way grieving but this was the way I did it.
The replies I got from people and their stories of what they did helped me. But something that amazed me even more was those who PM'd me to offer their condolences and even to lend me the money to fly back.
I was absolutly amazed and your kind words and even more with the extremely generous gestures.
As I mentioned I wasn't close to my Mother so I wasn't going to fly anyway, but reading of people's willingness to help out someone who was a total strangers was outstanding.
Then last week my Father died...
It was different this time.
My Dad had M/S [Multiple Sclerosis] which is a muscle wasting disease of which there is no cure.
(Montel Williams is the most famous of people to have it.)
He has (sorry I keep typing has, you will understand why) had M/S for as long as I can remember. I have very distant memories of him walking and he used to be a referee.
But when the M/S was diagnosed my parents separated.
For more than 20 years he was wheelchair bound and had a house and facilites adapted for him. In the last few years because of the M/S he could only move his head but had a device that enabled him to answer and open the front door, to use the phone, the TV, the video, the DVD and the hi-fi system. All by just clicking a button with his chin.
So for the last twenty years or so I have been living my life for him. I travelled and saw places because he couldn't.
Everything I did. I did for him.
I phoned him from every part of the world and told him of my adventures and sent photographs and things back from where ever I was. (Including a genuine Russian hat from Moscow)
We had sent photographs of us here in NC and I was getting around to doing some more (but never actually getting it done - most of you will know what I mean) when my Step-Mother called.
We still couldn't afford it. We are still struggling here, but this time it wasn't a question of if I could go, it was of when I could go.
There was never a discussion about it.
But as mentioned our finances are really bad and we are using our saving to pay the rent where we live.
We had no choice but to use the saving to pay for the flight, but something that hurt me was that my wife (Danielle) could not fly over with me. She could have done, but it would have left us destitute. Danielle loved my Father like her own. He cared for her and rang her when I was at work just to have a chat. He welcomed her into this disfunctional "family" without any reservations.
It hurt when I left her at the airport and when I had to spend 7 days away from her. (The first time we had been apart since getting married.)
The flight was arranged last minute - the Friday before the Memorial day weekend, but my travel agent came through.
I had little spending money for the week, but a good friend of mine let me stay at hers in Liverpool for the week.
When things like this happen you find out who your true friends are.
And I found out that I have friends here.
Again it was total strangers and their gestures again amazed me.
I think that Manc bloke
had told some people about my situation and they had a whip-round. A few days ago I checked on the forums and had a PM from him telling me that he had sent some money via PayPal and got my postal address for others.So finally I get to my point -
To everyone who took the time and thought of me (don't know why, I don't deserve it !) to everyone who helped me out.
Thank You.
I will be sending a PM to each of you individually as well.
To those of you who have just joined these forums - It is a baptism of fire at first, but this is a fantastic place and once you get to know people you will make good friends here.
People who will be there for you if you ever need it.
I'll upload a picture of my Dad later on for everyone to see.
It is important to me that everyone sees him and knows his name.
He didn't do anything heroic or brave.
He was just my Dad.
Jun 10th 2004, 5:42 pm
#5
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Mar 2003
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,296
Re: Thank You
Originally posted by effi
Sorry to hear about your dad, I know what it is like to be away from home when a loved one dies. Funny eh how people you don't know rally to help, I think it is a Brit thing. We are all over here in the same boat so to speak and there but for the Grace of God and all that. People never fail to amaze me. I have one Brit friend over here and all we have to do is call each other and say I need help and it is done, no matter what it is. It is nice to know that with everything else that is going on around us that all you have to do is reach out. Cudos to all who helped.
Sorry to hear about your dad, I know what it is like to be away from home when a loved one dies. Funny eh how people you don't know rally to help, I think it is a Brit thing. We are all over here in the same boat so to speak and there but for the Grace of God and all that. People never fail to amaze me. I have one Brit friend over here and all we have to do is call each other and say I need help and it is done, no matter what it is. It is nice to know that with everything else that is going on around us that all you have to do is reach out. Cudos to all who helped.
Webbie- I'm so sorry for your loss...hugss... I was in Africa when my Dad was diagnosed with cancer and they didn't tell me about it till they knew he was dying- I was on a flight home within hours of finding out as luckily money wasn't an issue, it would have been agony not to get home at that time. So thanks everyone who helped Webbie.
Jun 10th 2004, 6:11 pm
#6
Former Blonde
Joined: Nov 2003
Location: In a wibbly-wobbly world of my own
Posts: 1,380
Webbie, I'm glad to hear you made it. 
Take care and *hugs*
Tam
P.S. You've got a very good mate there.
Take care and *hugs*
Tam
P.S. You've got a very good mate there.
Jun 10th 2004, 7:28 pm
#7
Professional Mover
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Derry, NH Via Salem, NH via Ma, NC, ex Manchester, UK.
Posts: 670
My condolences on your loss Webbie.
Last edited by manc1976; Jun 10th 2004 at 8:32 pm.
Jun 10th 2004, 7:28 pm
#8
Through the square window
Thread Starter
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 2,723
Originally posted by manc1976
So apart from the erm....sad reason to go back to UK, how was the rest of your trip? I mean after not being back for such a time how did you find the place?
So apart from the erm....sad reason to go back to UK, how was the rest of your trip? I mean after not being back for such a time how did you find the place?
The one thing that struck me the most though was the roads.
I never drove in Britian and never thought about or noticed.
But then I came over here and learnt to drive and then coming back I noticed...it is a cliché but it is true.. how small the roads (and cars) are.
I was driven around and I couldn't believe how they could get their cars through these little spaces.
On the streets there were cars parked on either side of the road with only this bit up the middle to drive down.
Apart from the motorways I don't think I could drive around there.
Anyhoots...
Got a photo of me Dad.
Was taken about 10 years ago but he hasn't changed a bit.
A couple of grey hairs but pretty much the same.
JEFF WAITE
1946 - 2004
More information:
http://www.mssociety.org.uk/what_is_ms/index.html
Thank you all again.
Webbs.
Jun 10th 2004, 8:23 pm
#9
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 2,033
My condolences, Webbie. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Elaine
Elaine
Jun 10th 2004, 8:24 pm
#10
British/Irish(ish) Duncs
Joined: Jan 2003
Location: Cambridge MA, via Mississippi and Belfast Northern Ireland.
Posts: 700
Didnt mean it that way and its not appropriate here. Sorry.
no worries Duncs /IP
no worries Duncs /IP
Last edited by manc1976; Jun 10th 2004 at 8:33 pm.
Jun 11th 2004, 2:57 am
#11
Winter hyphenator
Joined: Jul 2002
Location: Ann Arbor, MI
Posts: 660
Sorry, Webbie, glad you managed to get back.
Jun 11th 2004, 3:05 am
#12
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: East Seaxe
Posts: 72,494
Your dad must have been a brave man. I'm sorry.
Jun 11th 2004, 3:46 am
#13
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 68,280
A great man I am sure ..with a great smile to remember..
Jun 11th 2004, 1:31 pm
#14
my arm aches
Joined: Jul 2003
Location: the warm waters of Florida
Posts: 2,289
Very sorry to hear the news Webbie.
I've only seen a picture of you once briefly, but you look like your dad.
I've only seen a picture of you once briefly, but you look like your dad.
Jun 11th 2004, 1:40 pm
#15
@matthewb76
Joined: Jul 2003
Location: Missouri
Posts: 21,886
Originally posted by ladyofthelake
but you look like your dad.
but you look like your dad.