Tale of two returnees.
Apr 11th 2013, 8:43 pm
#1
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 260
Tale of two returnees.
The tale of two returnees or expats.
Returnee One
Just started new job, love it.
Kids have made loads of friends at school.
Lovely seeing family and friends, loads of socializing.
Renting nice house, looking to buy soon.
Neighbours very friendly.
Its snowing, fab haven't see snow in so long, kids playing out now.
I'm so glad we came.
Returnee Two
Still looking for work, out of work 6 months now.
Kids, not settling at all, they hate it here.
Family can't even be bothered with us, friends have moved on.
Renting tiny place, no room for the family.
Neighbours from hell, next door.
Its bl***y snowing, I'm sick of it. Kids stuck in
We've made the biggest mistake coming here.
There are so many factors that effect our happiness, some in our control and some not.
From my point of view as being overseas, I have more positives (on paper) than negatives in the new country but it only takes one big negative for it to cloud the whole experience.
Mine is my DD has not settled and wishes everyday she was at home, which means I haven't settled and my husbands job is always messing him around with return to the UK dates from a year later to maybe 6 months early.
Just wondered what has made the move easier or hard for people?
Returnee One
Just started new job, love it.
Kids have made loads of friends at school.
Lovely seeing family and friends, loads of socializing.
Renting nice house, looking to buy soon.
Neighbours very friendly.
Its snowing, fab haven't see snow in so long, kids playing out now.
I'm so glad we came.
Returnee Two
Still looking for work, out of work 6 months now.
Kids, not settling at all, they hate it here.
Family can't even be bothered with us, friends have moved on.
Renting tiny place, no room for the family.
Neighbours from hell, next door.
Its bl***y snowing, I'm sick of it. Kids stuck in
We've made the biggest mistake coming here.
There are so many factors that effect our happiness, some in our control and some not.
From my point of view as being overseas, I have more positives (on paper) than negatives in the new country but it only takes one big negative for it to cloud the whole experience.
Mine is my DD has not settled and wishes everyday she was at home, which means I haven't settled and my husbands job is always messing him around with return to the UK dates from a year later to maybe 6 months early.
Just wondered what has made the move easier or hard for people?
Apr 12th 2013, 12:37 am
#2
Firetrak
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 577
Re: Tale of two returnees.
I'm generally confused and perhaps others are regarding what you mean entirely with all the examples, plus what does DD mean?
Regarding the question at the end, not thinking about what you left behind and seeing this new chapter in your lives as something totally new and unexplored helps a lot i think. Also having the knowledge and ability to go back from where you arrived from if possible within a certain timeframe could help. But I also think that could lead to one foot in the old place, which is a bad idea, speaking from experience.
Regarding the question at the end, not thinking about what you left behind and seeing this new chapter in your lives as something totally new and unexplored helps a lot i think. Also having the knowledge and ability to go back from where you arrived from if possible within a certain timeframe could help. But I also think that could lead to one foot in the old place, which is a bad idea, speaking from experience.
Apr 12th 2013, 6:25 am
#3
.
Joined: Jun 2010
Location: Peterborough, Cambridgeshire
Posts: 2,744
Re: Tale of two returnees.
DD means Dear Daughter
Apr 12th 2013, 6:35 am
#5
Forum Regular
Joined: Oct 2010
Location: Beautiful Garden Route of South Africa, hoping to return to equally beautiful Kent soon!
Posts: 125
Re: Tale of two returnees.
DD = Dear Daughter
DS = Dear Son
DH = Dear Husband
OH = Other Half
I hope to God that we will fall into the first category. Thing is, you will never know in advance, will you?
DS = Dear Son
DH = Dear Husband
OH = Other Half
I hope to God that we will fall into the first category. Thing is, you will never know in advance, will you?
Apr 12th 2013, 10:13 am
#6
Finally Home!
Joined: Mar 2010
Location: Used to be New York, now North Yorkshire
Posts: 3,610
Re: Tale of two returnees.
The things that have made it easy for me:
The stuff that's not really in my control:
Not having to find work as I work for myself
Not being broke
Having friends and family welcome us back
Not having any kids to worry about (not saying it's necessarily good not to have kids, but it does mean that stress isn't there for me).
Husband is just as happy as I am back here (this is a huge relief).
Never had a great social circle in America, so no one much to leave behind
The stuff I've made happen:
Constantly making a real effort to connect with friends as they have busy lives now and we've been gone a long time. I work much harder at it than they do and I'm OK with that.
Carefully researching where we wanted to live rather than just going back 'home'
Planning, planning, planning - especially things like banking and credit so that we experienced very few problems in this area when we arrived back.
Getting out to enjoy the country every chance we get. (This means not slothing round at home but spending weekends and summer evenings out and about sightseeing or just walking and going to shows and concerts whenever we can.)
Not getting hung up on the things that aren't as good here as they were in America (not that there are many!)
Going out and doing things no matter what the weather.
Never looking back or considering that 'this is only temporary and we can go back if we want.' I think it's important to make the commitment and then get on with it.
Above all else, I think the secret to our success is a lot of careful thought about what makes us happy, and a very realistic approach to what life back here would be like. We spent so much time analyzing and in the end we realized that everything we needed and wanted was in England, not America. That's not true for everyone else.
If you live in California and love being out in the sunshine, for example, don't kid yourself that the weather won't be really hard to deal with. If you have a spouse who really doesn't want to return, but you do and he/she has agreed for your sake, be aware that this may cause real issues. And if financial security and stability is important to you, but coming home means giving that up, think very carefully about what you're doing.
I hope this helps
The stuff that's not really in my control:
Not having to find work as I work for myself
Not being broke
Having friends and family welcome us back
Not having any kids to worry about (not saying it's necessarily good not to have kids, but it does mean that stress isn't there for me).
Husband is just as happy as I am back here (this is a huge relief).
Never had a great social circle in America, so no one much to leave behind
The stuff I've made happen:
Constantly making a real effort to connect with friends as they have busy lives now and we've been gone a long time. I work much harder at it than they do and I'm OK with that.
Carefully researching where we wanted to live rather than just going back 'home'
Planning, planning, planning - especially things like banking and credit so that we experienced very few problems in this area when we arrived back.
Getting out to enjoy the country every chance we get. (This means not slothing round at home but spending weekends and summer evenings out and about sightseeing or just walking and going to shows and concerts whenever we can.)
Not getting hung up on the things that aren't as good here as they were in America (not that there are many!)
Going out and doing things no matter what the weather.
Never looking back or considering that 'this is only temporary and we can go back if we want.' I think it's important to make the commitment and then get on with it.
Above all else, I think the secret to our success is a lot of careful thought about what makes us happy, and a very realistic approach to what life back here would be like. We spent so much time analyzing and in the end we realized that everything we needed and wanted was in England, not America. That's not true for everyone else.
If you live in California and love being out in the sunshine, for example, don't kid yourself that the weather won't be really hard to deal with. If you have a spouse who really doesn't want to return, but you do and he/she has agreed for your sake, be aware that this may cause real issues. And if financial security and stability is important to you, but coming home means giving that up, think very carefully about what you're doing.
I hope this helps
Apr 12th 2013, 5:10 pm
#7
Firetrak
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 577
Re: Tale of two returnees.
Apr 12th 2013, 5:13 pm
#8
Firetrak
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 577
Re: Tale of two returnees.
The things that have made it easy for me:
The stuff that's not really in my control:
Not having to find work as I work for myself
Not being broke
Having friends and family welcome us back
Not having any kids to worry about (not saying it's necessarily good not to have kids, but it does mean that stress isn't there for me).
Husband is just as happy as I am back here (this is a huge relief).
Never had a great social circle in America, so no one much to leave behind
The stuff I've made happen:
Constantly making a real effort to connect with friends as they have busy lives now and we've been gone a long time. I work much harder at it than they do and I'm OK with that.
Carefully researching where we wanted to live rather than just going back 'home'
Planning, planning, planning - especially things like banking and credit so that we experienced very few problems in this area when we arrived back.
Getting out to enjoy the country every chance we get. (This means not slothing round at home but spending weekends and summer evenings out and about sightseeing or just walking and going to shows and concerts whenever we can.)
Not getting hung up on the things that aren't as good here as they were in America (not that there are many!)
Going out and doing things no matter what the weather.
Never looking back or considering that 'this is only temporary and we can go back if we want.' I think it's important to make the commitment and then get on with it.
Above all else, I think the secret to our success is a lot of careful thought about what makes us happy, and a very realistic approach to what life back here would be like. We spent so much time analyzing and in the end we realized that everything we needed and wanted was in England, not America. That's not true for everyone else.
If you live in California and love being out in the sunshine, for example, don't kid yourself that the weather won't be really hard to deal with. If you have a spouse who really doesn't want to return, but you do and he/she has agreed for your sake, be aware that this may cause real issues. And if financial security and stability is important to you, but coming home means giving that up, think very carefully about what you're doing.
I hope this helps
The stuff that's not really in my control:
Not having to find work as I work for myself
Not being broke
Having friends and family welcome us back
Not having any kids to worry about (not saying it's necessarily good not to have kids, but it does mean that stress isn't there for me).
Husband is just as happy as I am back here (this is a huge relief).
Never had a great social circle in America, so no one much to leave behind
The stuff I've made happen:
Constantly making a real effort to connect with friends as they have busy lives now and we've been gone a long time. I work much harder at it than they do and I'm OK with that.
Carefully researching where we wanted to live rather than just going back 'home'
Planning, planning, planning - especially things like banking and credit so that we experienced very few problems in this area when we arrived back.
Getting out to enjoy the country every chance we get. (This means not slothing round at home but spending weekends and summer evenings out and about sightseeing or just walking and going to shows and concerts whenever we can.)
Not getting hung up on the things that aren't as good here as they were in America (not that there are many!)
Going out and doing things no matter what the weather.
Never looking back or considering that 'this is only temporary and we can go back if we want.' I think it's important to make the commitment and then get on with it.
Above all else, I think the secret to our success is a lot of careful thought about what makes us happy, and a very realistic approach to what life back here would be like. We spent so much time analyzing and in the end we realized that everything we needed and wanted was in England, not America. That's not true for everyone else.
If you live in California and love being out in the sunshine, for example, don't kid yourself that the weather won't be really hard to deal with. If you have a spouse who really doesn't want to return, but you do and he/she has agreed for your sake, be aware that this may cause real issues. And if financial security and stability is important to you, but coming home means giving that up, think very carefully about what you're doing.
I hope this helps
Apr 12th 2013, 5:53 pm
#9
Yorkshire Lass
Joined: Feb 2013
Location: West Yorkshire
Posts: 1,416
Re: Tale of two returnees.
The things that have made it easy for me:
The stuff that's not really in my control:
Not having to find work as I work for myself
Not being broke
Having friends and family welcome us back
Not having any kids to worry about (not saying it's necessarily good not to have kids, but it does mean that stress isn't there for me).
Husband is just as happy as I am back here (this is a huge relief).
Never had a great social circle in America, so no one much to leave behind
The stuff I've made happen:
Constantly making a real effort to connect with friends as they have busy lives now and we've been gone a long time. I work much harder at it than they do and I'm OK with that.
Carefully researching where we wanted to live rather than just going back 'home'
Planning, planning, planning - especially things like banking and credit so that we experienced very few problems in this area when we arrived back.
Getting out to enjoy the country every chance we get. (This means not slothing round at home but spending weekends and summer evenings out and about sightseeing or just walking and going to shows and concerts whenever we can.)
Not getting hung up on the things that aren't as good here as they were in America (not that there are many!)
Going out and doing things no matter what the weather.
Never looking back or considering that 'this is only temporary and we can go back if we want.' I think it's important to make the commitment and then get on with it.
Above all else, I think the secret to our success is a lot of careful thought about what makes us happy, and a very realistic approach to what life back here would be like. We spent so much time analyzing and in the end we realized that everything we needed and wanted was in England, not America. That's not true for everyone else.
If you live in California and love being out in the sunshine, for example, don't kid yourself that the weather won't be really hard to deal with. If you have a spouse who really doesn't want to return, but you do and he/she has agreed for your sake, be aware that this may cause real issues. And if financial security and stability is important to you, but coming home means giving that up, think very carefully about what you're doing.
I hope this helps
The stuff that's not really in my control:
Not having to find work as I work for myself
Not being broke
Having friends and family welcome us back
Not having any kids to worry about (not saying it's necessarily good not to have kids, but it does mean that stress isn't there for me).
Husband is just as happy as I am back here (this is a huge relief).
Never had a great social circle in America, so no one much to leave behind
The stuff I've made happen:
Constantly making a real effort to connect with friends as they have busy lives now and we've been gone a long time. I work much harder at it than they do and I'm OK with that.
Carefully researching where we wanted to live rather than just going back 'home'
Planning, planning, planning - especially things like banking and credit so that we experienced very few problems in this area when we arrived back.
Getting out to enjoy the country every chance we get. (This means not slothing round at home but spending weekends and summer evenings out and about sightseeing or just walking and going to shows and concerts whenever we can.)
Not getting hung up on the things that aren't as good here as they were in America (not that there are many!)
Going out and doing things no matter what the weather.
Never looking back or considering that 'this is only temporary and we can go back if we want.' I think it's important to make the commitment and then get on with it.
Above all else, I think the secret to our success is a lot of careful thought about what makes us happy, and a very realistic approach to what life back here would be like. We spent so much time analyzing and in the end we realized that everything we needed and wanted was in England, not America. That's not true for everyone else.
If you live in California and love being out in the sunshine, for example, don't kid yourself that the weather won't be really hard to deal with. If you have a spouse who really doesn't want to return, but you do and he/she has agreed for your sake, be aware that this may cause real issues. And if financial security and stability is important to you, but coming home means giving that up, think very carefully about what you're doing.
I hope this helps
I agree also !
Great post !
Apr 12th 2013, 8:39 pm
#10
.
Joined: Jun 2010
Location: Peterborough, Cambridgeshire
Posts: 2,744
Re: Tale of two returnees.
Truly excellent post Sally. I've only quoted the parts that resonated with me the most but above all, an excellent well thought out honest post.
Apr 12th 2013, 9:18 pm
#11
BE Enthusiast
Joined: May 2012
Location: Nebraska by the Sea
Posts: 987
Re: Tale of two returnees.
The things that have made it easy for me:
The stuff that's not really in my control:
Not having to find work as I work for myself
Not being broke
Having friends and family welcome us back
Not having any kids to worry about (not saying it's necessarily good not to have kids, but it does mean that stress isn't there for me).
Husband is just as happy as I am back here (this is a huge relief).
Never had a great social circle in America, so no one much to leave behind
The stuff I've made happen:
Constantly making a real effort to connect with friends as they have busy lives now and we've been gone a long time. I work much harder at it than they do and I'm OK with that.
Carefully researching where we wanted to live rather than just going back 'home'
Planning, planning, planning - especially things like banking and credit so that we experienced very few problems in this area when we arrived back.
Getting out to enjoy the country every chance we get. (This means not slothing round at home but spending weekends and summer evenings out and about sightseeing or just walking and going to shows and concerts whenever we can.)
Not getting hung up on the things that aren't as good here as they were in America (not that there are many!)
Going out and doing things no matter what the weather.
Never looking back or considering that 'this is only temporary and we can go back if we want.' I think it's important to make the commitment and then get on with it.
Above all else, I think the secret to our success is a lot of careful thought about what makes us happy, and a very realistic approach to what life back here would be like. We spent so much time analyzing and in the end we realized that everything we needed and wanted was in England, not America. That's not true for everyone else.
If you live in California and love being out in the sunshine, for example, don't kid yourself that the weather won't be really hard to deal with. If you have a spouse who really doesn't want to return, but you do and he/she has agreed for your sake, be aware that this may cause real issues. And if financial security and stability is important to you, but coming home means giving that up, think very carefully about what you're doing.
I hope this helps
The stuff that's not really in my control:
Not having to find work as I work for myself
Not being broke
Having friends and family welcome us back
Not having any kids to worry about (not saying it's necessarily good not to have kids, but it does mean that stress isn't there for me).
Husband is just as happy as I am back here (this is a huge relief).
Never had a great social circle in America, so no one much to leave behind
The stuff I've made happen:
Constantly making a real effort to connect with friends as they have busy lives now and we've been gone a long time. I work much harder at it than they do and I'm OK with that.
Carefully researching where we wanted to live rather than just going back 'home'
Planning, planning, planning - especially things like banking and credit so that we experienced very few problems in this area when we arrived back.
Getting out to enjoy the country every chance we get. (This means not slothing round at home but spending weekends and summer evenings out and about sightseeing or just walking and going to shows and concerts whenever we can.)
Not getting hung up on the things that aren't as good here as they were in America (not that there are many!)
Going out and doing things no matter what the weather.
Never looking back or considering that 'this is only temporary and we can go back if we want.' I think it's important to make the commitment and then get on with it.
Above all else, I think the secret to our success is a lot of careful thought about what makes us happy, and a very realistic approach to what life back here would be like. We spent so much time analyzing and in the end we realized that everything we needed and wanted was in England, not America. That's not true for everyone else.
If you live in California and love being out in the sunshine, for example, don't kid yourself that the weather won't be really hard to deal with. If you have a spouse who really doesn't want to return, but you do and he/she has agreed for your sake, be aware that this may cause real issues. And if financial security and stability is important to you, but coming home means giving that up, think very carefully about what you're doing.
I hope this helps
great post. Thank you. Especially that last paragraph. As you have inferred (I think) and others have said a little bit of financial stability really helps. That is how I am rationalizing my decision. Lots of visits for me in the future for a while.
Apr 12th 2013, 9:35 pm
#12
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 260
Re: Tale of two returnees.
The things that have made it easy for me:
The stuff that's not really in my control:
Not having to find work as I work for myself
Not being broke
Having friends and family welcome us back
Not having any kids to worry about (not saying it's necessarily good not to have kids, but it does mean that stress isn't there for me).
Husband is just as happy as I am back here (this is a huge relief).
Never had a great social circle in America, so no one much to leave behind
The stuff I've made happen:
Constantly making a real effort to connect with friends as they have busy lives now and we've been gone a long time. I work much harder at it than they do and I'm OK with that.
Carefully researching where we wanted to live rather than just going back 'home'
Planning, planning, planning - especially things like banking and credit so that we experienced very few problems in this area when we arrived back.
Getting out to enjoy the country every chance we get. (This means not slothing round at home but spending weekends and summer evenings out and about sightseeing or just walking and going to shows and concerts whenever we can.)
Not getting hung up on the things that aren't as good here as they were in America (not that there are many!)
Going out and doing things no matter what the weather.
Never looking back or considering that 'this is only temporary and we can go back if we want.' I think it's important to make the commitment and then get on with it.
Above all else, I think the secret to our success is a lot of careful thought about what makes us happy, and a very realistic approach to what life back here would be like. We spent so much time analyzing and in the end we realized that everything we needed and wanted was in England, not America. That's not true for everyone else.
If you live in California and love being out in the sunshine, for example, don't kid yourself that the weather won't be really hard to deal with. If you have a spouse who really doesn't want to return, but you do and he/she has agreed for your sake, be aware that this may cause real issues. And if financial security and stability is important to you, but coming home means giving that up, think very carefully about what you're doing.
I hope this helps
The stuff that's not really in my control:
Not having to find work as I work for myself
Not being broke
Having friends and family welcome us back
Not having any kids to worry about (not saying it's necessarily good not to have kids, but it does mean that stress isn't there for me).
Husband is just as happy as I am back here (this is a huge relief).
Never had a great social circle in America, so no one much to leave behind
The stuff I've made happen:
Constantly making a real effort to connect with friends as they have busy lives now and we've been gone a long time. I work much harder at it than they do and I'm OK with that.
Carefully researching where we wanted to live rather than just going back 'home'
Planning, planning, planning - especially things like banking and credit so that we experienced very few problems in this area when we arrived back.
Getting out to enjoy the country every chance we get. (This means not slothing round at home but spending weekends and summer evenings out and about sightseeing or just walking and going to shows and concerts whenever we can.)
Not getting hung up on the things that aren't as good here as they were in America (not that there are many!)
Going out and doing things no matter what the weather.
Never looking back or considering that 'this is only temporary and we can go back if we want.' I think it's important to make the commitment and then get on with it.
Above all else, I think the secret to our success is a lot of careful thought about what makes us happy, and a very realistic approach to what life back here would be like. We spent so much time analyzing and in the end we realized that everything we needed and wanted was in England, not America. That's not true for everyone else.
If you live in California and love being out in the sunshine, for example, don't kid yourself that the weather won't be really hard to deal with. If you have a spouse who really doesn't want to return, but you do and he/she has agreed for your sake, be aware that this may cause real issues. And if financial security and stability is important to you, but coming home means giving that up, think very carefully about what you're doing.
I hope this helps
I'm very lucky, in the fact, job, house and moving is already sorted, but the key for settling back in the UK for me, is my children settling and stability for the near future.
Knowing this has given me the chance to put steps in place to help my children with the move.
By the way, your new home is just beautiful, hope its all you dreamed of
Apr 12th 2013, 9:49 pm
#13
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 260
Re: Tale of two returnees.
I'm generally confused and perhaps others are regarding what you mean entirely with all the examples, plus what does DD mean?
Regarding the question at the end, not thinking about what you left behind and seeing this new chapter in your lives as something totally new and unexplored helps a lot i think. Also having the knowledge and ability to go back from where you arrived from if possible within a certain timeframe could help. But I also think that could lead to one foot in the old place, which is a bad idea, speaking from experience .
Regarding the question at the end, not thinking about what you left behind and seeing this new chapter in your lives as something totally new and unexplored helps a lot i think. Also having the knowledge and ability to go back from where you arrived from if possible within a certain timeframe could help. But I also think that could lead to one foot in the old place, which is a bad idea, speaking from experience .
Everyone considers the basics like job and housing, which are essential, but there are so many areas that effect our happiness, not just what country we are in.
I hoped it would help people to explore all the areas.
Apr 13th 2013, 4:10 pm
#14
Finally Home!
Joined: Mar 2010
Location: Used to be New York, now North Yorkshire
Posts: 3,610
Re: Tale of two returnees.
SUCH an important point. I've seen lots of posts along the lines of "I just want to find a place where I can finally be happy." Guess what, if you haven't been happy until now, changing countries isn't going to help.
Apr 13th 2013, 4:37 pm
#15
Joined: Feb 2006
Location: Red Deer, Alberta
Posts: 10,612
Re: Tale of two returnees.
Well said again Sally.
We are in the first stages of thinking seriously about returning - it's that or a different province, so we are really considering what we want from life and wether the places we are considering will meet those needs. For example my husband misses the classic North American car scene and drag racing that was a huge part of his life for 20 odd years, for him, its a big deal to be able to move somewhere where it will be replicated.
Although where we live right now means we have a big house on a couple of acres and we don't have to work so much to have the things we desire it doesnt actually mean our quality of life is better, it's a strange lesson to learn and realise and it does throw a bit of a curve ball into things.
We are in the first stages of thinking seriously about returning - it's that or a different province, so we are really considering what we want from life and wether the places we are considering will meet those needs. For example my husband misses the classic North American car scene and drag racing that was a huge part of his life for 20 odd years, for him, its a big deal to be able to move somewhere where it will be replicated.
Although where we live right now means we have a big house on a couple of acres and we don't have to work so much to have the things we desire it doesnt actually mean our quality of life is better, it's a strange lesson to learn and realise and it does throw a bit of a curve ball into things.
