dlake02

Yes - most of my American colleagues seem to live on IM. I've never really been a fan as it has meant a) having a PC on all the time and b) having Internet access. Given that everyone has had SMS-capable mobiles since the mid-90s if not before, it has been the best way to stay in-touch especially when traveling. I still have the Best Phone I Ever Owned - my Nokia 6310i - the keys are worn through texting...

Thanks for the link - I LOVE things like that.

I'm INTJ..... and the description of an INTJ does actually describe me perfectly. Interestingly, that personality type is one of the lowest in the US population.

We had a "what country do you most seem to empathise with" survey sent out by HR some time back. I came out as Swedish for "long-term planner" and "attitude to social provision."

Dan725

Plus the fact that most people these days carry smartphones with insta-email, SMS is becoming a thing of the past.

Bluegrass Lass

Personally, I don't like SMS because I'm limited to 140 characters. I would much rather use IM. Which my smartphone has. And as an FYI, no SMS hasn't been around since the mid-90s here. I didn't have my first cell phone until 1997. And it certainly didn't have SMS capability. The first I really heard of SMS was when I went to the UK in 2002. Before that, it was pretty much rare in the US.

md95065

Yes - I suspected that you were probably an INTJ

I think that the key to this really is:

1. trying to understand why other people behave the way that they do (if nothing else this will tend to make them more predictable)
2. figuring out which of those behaviors are things that you can live with and developing appropriate coping strategies
3. figuring out which things are sufficiently important to you that you really need other people to accommodate your needs and communicating that to them effectively

Easier said than done, of course.
... but I did give you a list ...

As I mentioned earlier I did find that understanding what was important to other people did help me a lot in dealing with some of the people that I worked with. It also gave me a vocabulary to use when explaining to them why my needs were sometimes different.

One of the classic INTJ vs INTP conflicts is that the INTJ typically wants to have everything planned well in advance.

I, on the other hand, (as typical INTP type) really need the flexibility of deferring decisions to (or sometimes just beyond) the last possible moment (because that way I will have more information on which to base my decision).

The same applies in my personal life - I hate having things planned in advance because then I start to have lots of constraints placed on what I can do - if I am having dinner with someone in 2 weeks time then that whole day starts to get messed up because I have to be at a particular place at a particular time - and, even worse, the whole week is constrained because I can't just decide that I want to fly to New York that week .... As a result I usually decide that I want to go out for dinner around the time that I start to feel hungry and I decide where to go once I am in the car driving there ...

ChocolateBabz

That is very interesting. My husband is inundated with e-mails, his 'sea of red' he calls his inbox. 90% of them marked urgent. The other 10% crap that can get trashed. He will actively ignore someone who e-mails every day 'reminding him' about their 'urgent' e-mail. His opinion is that if it's so bloody urgent they should have the courtesy so phone him.

Steerpike

No need to apologize - I'm comfortable with my career and how I operate. It may be worth considering my role and the nature of calls I get. I'm running the IT infrastructure group for a fast growing and very busy company; I spend a good deal of time (more than I prefer) in meetings; the majority of calls I get are either a) outside people trying to sell me something (recruiters, vendors, service providers, etc), or, b) inside people trying to get my assistance with an issue when they know we have a service desk, a ticketing system, and so on. When I do pick up the phone I almost invariably regret it, because I can't bring myself to be so rude as to tell them to F**k off or hang up - so once I pick it up, I find myself having to listen to their issue and then politely telling them the correct avenue to pursue ... please direct your inquiry to recruiting, please contact our (blah blah) with your great idea about saving me money on communications solutions ...

But regardless, phone calls are VERY intrusive, and I think the selfishness is on the caller. Why do YOU - the caller - assume I have nothing better to do at this particular moment in time than talk to you? If I do pick up the phone and talk to YOU, you are capturing almost 100% of my attention at a time when I am not expecting it. Compare that to Email or IM, where I can deal with you asynchronously while working on several other items.

And why do 'inside' people leave voicemails ... especially with complicated details (which then require me to dig out a pen and write shit down, compared to getting the info in an email wich can be accurately read). Or why do they call and say nothing other than, 'hey, please call me back ... ' - no inidication of why. Send an email with some brief details, let me get thinking about your issue, and perhaps give me a time and a number to call you back WHEN I HAVE the time.

As for SMS - I used to despise it. I'm finally getting to like it on my iPhone which has a decent keyboard, but under no circumstances on this earth would I ever use SMS in the 'old days' of 12-key phones. The reason I prefer IM to SMS is the sense of immediacy; I perceive (could be wrong here) that people expect a speedy response to SMS, while IM is a bit 'slower'.

Dude - or should I say, 'Sir' - I've been here 29 years and been very successful and very, very happy in my work - I've pretty much never had a bad day at work in 29 years (ok, not quite, but holy crap, I consider myself blessed in terms of my work life). I believe in one thing only - I show up for work and get shit done, and they pay me. Everything else is just "noise". Reviews, goals, performance plans, etc are a waste of time. If my company want to get rid of me tomorrow because they no longer like the color of my shirt, that's their perogative (we've just had a BIG ownership change and I'm fully expecting to be swept out with the wave of new people that are being brought in; I serve at their convenience).


As others have said, SMS got off to a very bad start here; the carriers didn't inter-operate well, they charged a lot for messages, and forget it for international use (hard to believe I know but true). Even today, Verizon won't give us unlimited text messaging on our $30,000/month voice/data plan, which includes unlimited data on iPhones, etc. So while it may have some decent features now, it didn't deliver in the past, and so the populace have learned to use other tools.

Exactly.

I ignore 'urgent' markers in this context, and anyone who puts 'URGENT' or 'PLEASE READ' in their subject gets treated with the derision they deserve! We had one PM who sent out every frigging email with 'PLEASE READ' ... as if all her stuff was more important than everyone elses ...

dlake02

I genuinely find this very interesting, because it does seem to be quite common to work in this way here in CA, but not in the UK, less so in France, even less so in Germany.

Typically, we will book our next holiday on returning from our last - it gives us some structure to the year, some things to look forward to, work towards. Now this year, with the London Olympics, flights were starting to get booked-up in December if we wanted exact dates (and we needed exact dates to fit in primarily round school finishing times both here and in the UK). So we booked in November for July, and I'm glad I did because prices on the dates we wanted have gone up since then.....

We're planning our Thanksgiving getaway now - again, we're finding flights and hotels are already starting to fill up and prices sky-rocket. We don't have the luxury of traveling when we want - school always comes first; taking children out of school during term time is highly disruptive not just to them but to their classmates and the learning programme that teachers work hard to put in place and we would never do it.

Frankly, if we left it all to the last minute, we'd be paying three times more for the same holiday if there was any space left at all. Just as an example, CenterParcs at Christmas 2012 in Elveden Forest which we were thinking of doing with family this year is already fully booked. And that's in a recession !

Punctuality is of THE utmost importance to me. Sticking to commitments, delivering, ideally early, against deadlines, being early for meetings, phone calls, conference calls. Not much - just 5-10 minutes will do. All the usual things - if you have a meeting at 10 and a train that arrives at 9.50 and one that arrive at 9.35, taking the early one just in case the later one gets delayed. My grandfather (ex Police Superintendent) used to set his watch 15 minutes fast on purpose so that he was never late for anything.

RICH

Seems like what is being said is as much about "personality type" differences, as it is about "cultural" differences. Same solution. Understand the others' point of view, and stress will be minimized.

dlake02

To a point. I'm just wondering if the culture here favours different personality behaviours than in other countries. That's where this all started from..... !

I find that when I talk to colleagues here about planning visits, holidays, etc, they are ALL stunned that I'm thinking ahead that much. In the UK, it was perfectly normal to plan out ahead. For example, the Christmas holiday period in the UK is the time when most people with families plan/book their two week summer holiday. My brother (three kids under 8) has to book even further ahead as he has to take into account the other partners in his practice to make sure there is enough cover (only one GP away at a time - with 6 in the practice all wanting two weeks holiday in July/August as they all have school-age kids, there will always be a fight).

scrubbedexpat099

I used to be tied to a phone in the UK and as it was mainly Clients who would call I did not have the advantage of ignoring them.

I now get a lot of crap calls and my patience is wearing thin, especially when they call and ask for my by my Christian name...

I do not use my mobile much, only when I am not here, which is not very often and I will not take calls when driving. Most of my messages seem to be for Elizabeth who it appears has significant medical bills in collection.

scrubbedexpat099

I had to go to Boulder yesterday, the Turnpike was solid at 3pm heading into Denver.

Which seemed a bit early.

I have always played Squash, in the UK peak Period was 8pm by the time you got home etc.

In Boulder it was 5pm, the large Athletic Club was pretty empty by 8pm.

RICH

True, if you have kids there are additional considerations. Perhaps the others in your circle do not have kids?

dlake02

That's the weirdest thing - they ALL do....

Englishmum

However.....they're probably packed off to Summer camp for 2 months... OTOH many parents do actually book their kids in to the same camp for the following year as soon as Summer is over! It's because the parents don't actually get much time off for annual leave.

Our town is like a ghost town during the Summer as all the kids are away at camp. Many people in our town (and the surrounding ones) also have a second home at the Jersey Shore, the Catskill mountains in NY or the Poconos mountains in PA.

My friend works in NYC (fashion industry) and she says that between Memorial Day and Labor Day most people switch to Summer hours; ie. they knock off early on Fridays to head off to the coast or mountains - but they make the time up during the week. My spouse used to work in an office in Times Square but he never finished early on Fridays....but then again we don't have a vacation home/weekender...

RICH

I am planning to go back to UK next year in May for my parents 50th anniversary.

I have not considered telling my boss, and I have not booked a flight.

Am I un prepared?