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Stay in UK or Go back to Walnut?

View Poll Results: Stay in the UK or Go back to Walnut?
Stay in UK
53.33%
Go back to Walnut
46.67%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 15. You may not vote on this poll

Stay in UK or Go back to Walnut?

Old Dec 7th 2022, 12:03 am
  #1  
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Default Stay in UK or Go back to Walnut?

Moving from UK to Walnut Creek?

Lived in WC for 5yrs and left in 2019 just after having children. Burnt out and scared that family’s nowhere near. Gone back to the UK but totally regretted it leaving WC. But COVID made sure we stayed longer in the UK.

Fast forward 2022, OH reached out to previous work and they want him back. Now that the offer is here, we seem to be hesitating… Like it makes sense to stay here, lucky with house and financially free, kids school’s fine and all fell into place after hard two years. But afraid will regret if we say no to the job offer and our second chance… Everyone here seems to be asking why we would like to go back? It’s both weighing us down.. Advice? Stay or go?

If we go, need to sell house and start all over again… But at least not starting from zero…

Thanks all in advance.
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Old Dec 7th 2022, 12:35 pm
  #2  
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Default Re: Stay in UK or Go back to Walnut?

Seems like a case of the grass is always greener on the other side. Having lived here once you know enough to determine if it is right for you without asking others. Unless you really want to come back, I would stay where you are. There are pros and cons of life over here versus life in the UK but you sound indecisive, and no matter which country you live in you will always be looking back at what you are missing out on in the other country, so why go through the expense, stress and hassle of another major move.
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Old Dec 7th 2022, 1:17 pm
  #3  
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Default Re: Stay in UK or Go back to Walnut?

Originally Posted by Glasgow Girl
Seems like a case of the grass is always greener on the other side. Having lived here once you know enough to determine if it is right for you without asking others. Unless you really want to come back, I would stay where you are. There are pros and cons of life over here versus life in the UK but you sound indecisive, and no matter which country you live in you will always be looking back at what you are missing out on in the other country, so why go through the expense, stress and hassle of another major move.
Agreed. If you have to ask strangers on the Internet to make up your mind for you, the message is definitely, "Don't do it!"
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Old Dec 7th 2022, 1:22 pm
  #4  
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Default Re: Stay in UK or Go back to Walnut?

I'd agree with Glasgow Girl and sounds like you will always regret something. Apart from that, how secure is the job and do you have a guarantee that they will always offer him employment?
I've just seen plenty of colleagues who were laid off in the US and before that they made people believe it's all perfect. Of course If you are financially free, you could maybe add another option and buy a holiday home in Europe where you can replicate Walnut Creek and have the best of both worlds. You'd probably pay 700K for a crappy detached house in Walnut Creek with high HOA fees. For 200K you could buy a nice villa near the med and would never be far from family.

Last edited by Moses2013; Dec 7th 2022 at 1:25 pm.
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Old Dec 7th 2022, 2:36 pm
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Default Re: Stay in UK or Go back to Walnut?

I'm going to play the contrarian card .... if everything was perfect for you in the UK, the job offer would have gone straight in the bin and you wouldn't be here posting on BE.

So I'm going assume that your return to the UK didn't live up to expectations, and therefore I say, "take the offer"!
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Old Dec 7th 2022, 2:53 pm
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Default Re: Stay in UK or Go back to Walnut?

Originally Posted by Pulaski
I'm going to play the contrarian card .... if everything was perfect for you in the UK, the job offer would have gone straight in the bin and you wouldn't be here posting on BE.

So I'm going assume that your return to the UK didn't live up to expectations, and therefore I say, "take the offer"!
True, then again if everything was perfect why did they leave in the first place (Burnt out and scared that family’s nowhere near). Would be interesting to know what type of job it is and that might help make the decision easier. Morgan Stanley laid off staff now and they fear a potential US recession, that's never a good sign. The problem when you start a new job now is that you could be the first out the door. But If they are also financially secure in the US, a recession won't be an issue.
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Old Dec 7th 2022, 3:20 pm
  #7  
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Default Re: Stay in UK or Go back to Walnut?

Originally Posted by Pulaski
I'm going to play the contrarian card .... if everything was perfect for you in the UK, the job offer would have gone straight in the bin and you wouldn't be here posting on BE.

So I'm going assume that your return to the UK didn't live up to expectations, and therefore I say, "take the offer"!
On the other hand, he asked his former employer. They didn’t reach out to him. The idea of going back to a former employer is potentially disappointing; rose-tinted glasses, new role may not be as rewarding as it sounded on paper, etc. Colleagues you valued may have moved on to other jobs. Etc.
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Old Dec 7th 2022, 3:43 pm
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Default Re: Stay in UK or Go back to Walnut?

Originally Posted by robin1234
On the other hand, he asked his former employer. They didn’t reach out to him. ....
OK, a fair point, but the very fact that he reached out to a previous employer tells us a lot about how things are going for them in the UK.
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Old Dec 7th 2022, 4:41 pm
  #9  
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Default Re: Stay in UK or Go back to Walnut?

Re job - OH is going back to the same company. He does the same job in the UK. Smaller practice in the UK, bigger in the US. He works longer hours overall during the year in the UK (hard to plan his holidays) and more seasonally required in the US - some months he can let his hair down. Promotion options - wait for an opening in UK, business case in the US.

We’ve got a 4bed 2bath house in the UK which per our research should be able to fetch us almost same specs in Walnut. The kids do free school here but will probably be in a private school when we go to WC. Danville next door is a lot better in free schools but we like Walnut. OH commute would be better too in WC.

We returned to the UK thinking/ half expecting that since we’re closer to OH family that the kids would have some relationship with them but in reality if we didn’t visit them/ they couldn’t even drive 15mins to come see the kids. Maybe they don’t want to impose… Emotional blackmail then (grandkids away) and emotional blackmail now (we’re taking the kids away).

We both think that living in an island clipped our free spirit. Everything is how it was and the mindset is quite traditional. And we really liked Walnut being progressive. It’s very safe where we are - leave car door open overnight safe but we also didn’t feel unsafe in Walnut.

Lifestyle wise - we always want to go away on holiday when on island. Not much to do when it’s windy and raining outside. Going out to eat at 5pm with the kids isn’t an option as restaurants seem to only open at 6pm onwards for dinner. We were probably spoilt in Walnut…

I’m scared that I’m looking so far away that my needs and wants are actually right in front of me.

Last edited by Sg2022; Dec 7th 2022 at 4:44 pm.
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Old Dec 7th 2022, 5:05 pm
  #10  
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Default Re: Stay in UK or Go back to Walnut?

Are you going to return to WC on another visa? L1 or H visa ....

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Old Dec 7th 2022, 5:05 pm
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Default Re: Stay in UK or Go back to Walnut?

Are you going to return to WC on another visa? L1 or H visa ....

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Old Dec 7th 2022, 5:24 pm
  #12  
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Default Re: Stay in UK or Go back to Walnut?

Yes we’re going to return on visa. We started the green card last time but pulled out last minute cos we left. This time IF we’re going, the GC is going to be in process straight away…
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Old Dec 7th 2022, 5:39 pm
  #13  
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Default Re: Stay in UK or Go back to Walnut?

Originally Posted by Sg2022
Re job - OH is going back to the same company. He does the same job in the UK. Smaller practice in the UK, bigger in the US. He works longer hours overall during the year in the UK (hard to plan his holidays) and more seasonally required in the US - some months he can let his hair down. Promotion options - wait for an opening in UK, business case in the US.

We’ve got a 4bed 2bath house in the UK which per our research should be able to fetch us almost same specs in Walnut. The kids do free school here but will probably be in a private school when we go to WC. Danville next door is a lot better in free schools but we like Walnut. OH commute would be better too in WC.

We returned to the UK thinking/ half expecting that since we’re closer to OH family that the kids would have some relationship with them but in reality if we didn’t visit them/ they couldn’t even drive 15mins to come see the kids. Maybe they don’t want to impose… Emotional blackmail then (grandkids away) and emotional blackmail now (we’re taking the kids away).

We both think that living in an island clipped our free spirit. Everything is how it was and the mindset is quite traditional. And we really liked Walnut being progressive. It’s very safe where we are - leave car door open overnight safe but we also didn’t feel unsafe in Walnut.

Lifestyle wise - we always want to go away on holiday when on island. Not much to do when it’s windy and raining outside. Going out to eat at 5pm with the kids isn’t an option as restaurants seem to only open at 6pm onwards for dinner. We were probably spoilt in Walnut…

I’m scared that I’m looking so far away that my needs and wants are actually right in front of me.
To me it sounds like you already made your mind up and just want reassurance. Not in the UK or US, but I suppose Brexit and media didn't help either. If the working times are longer in the UK he could have also found a different job there and most of our US colleagues always complain that they have longer working hours and fewer holidays compared to those working in Europe. Good luck with your move🤞.
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Old Dec 7th 2022, 7:01 pm
  #14  
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Default Re: Stay in UK or Go back to Walnut?

Originally Posted by Nutmegger
Agreed. If you have to ask strangers on the Internet to make up your mind for you, the message is definitely, "Don't do it!"
I think OP is asking here as BE is a kind of "safe space" many of us have had similar doubts and decisions to make, though possibly not more than once, and we are not emotionally involved one way or the other. However we will play devil's advocate and ask the type of questions that may help OP and spouse think more objectively about the whys and wherefores of this 3rd transatlantic move. I'm more generally in tune with Pulaski's answer rather than "if you have doubts don't do it" as it is perfectly natural to have doubts and this time the USA is known rather than a rose-tinted unknown.
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Old Dec 7th 2022, 9:24 pm
  #15  
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Default Re: Stay in UK or Go back to Walnut?

Appreciate all the comments. Thank you. Really wanted an objective opinion. The dilemma is real…

We didn’t have any doubts about moving until we started speaking with friends and family. At one point we were made to feel ungrateful for wishing that we wanted to go back/ why do we want to go back esp after COVID and all news. We feel they’re just waiting to say “I told you so”…
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