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Socialising in LA

Socialising in LA

Old Jul 10th 2013, 7:10 pm
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Default Socialising in LA

Hey everyone, I've been in LA for over a year now and am really struggling to meet people I have anything in common with. The few friends I have made are more on the acquaintance side of things and not really offering any kind of support network like I had in the UK.

The annoying thing is I am a very sociable person so not having reliable people around really sucks. Is this just an LA thing? Besides the obvious of joining more clubs/societies anyone got any advice?
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Old Jul 10th 2013, 7:14 pm
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Default Re: Socialising in LA

Yeah, I hear the Cajuns can be fairly insular, and New Orleans has plenty of shady areas where hanging out can be dangerous.
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Old Jul 10th 2013, 7:16 pm
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Default Re: Socialising in LA

Originally Posted by ned1983 View Post
Hey everyone, I've been in LA for over a year now and am really struggling to meet people I have anything in common with. The few friends I have made are more on the acquaintance side of things and not really offering any kind of support network like I had in the UK.

The annoying thing is I am a very sociable person so not having reliable people around really sucks. Is this just an LA thing? Besides the obvious of joining more clubs/societies anyone got any advice?
Lots of people seem to struggle with this when they come to America. I found LA particularly bad, we spent 3 years there and I have 2 genuine friends from that time, and 1 of them is English.

Since moving to No Cal, I have found it slightly easier to make friends, although again, most of my social life is with English people.

The only advise I can offer is to try and put yourself out more. I find this very difficult, as I think it comes across as needy. I have met people at mutual friends' parties who I have got on really well with, but you feel a real idiot saying 'I'm fairly new here and don't know many people, would you like to meet up for a drink at some point' I think it often works, especially if it's with ex-pats or other Americans who have moved from out of state (as they can relate.)
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Old Jul 10th 2013, 7:29 pm
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Default Re: Socialising in LA

Ooops, forgot LA is Louisiana as well as Los Angeles! :P Thanks anyway Pulaski!

Nicky, that I think is part of the problem, when I moved here it was for my partner, so her friends became my friends. Then when we split up they are mostly (and rightly) her friends again, or in the middle ground where they cant show favour either way!

I've met a lot of cool people who I can maybe hang-out with, but being English I am not that good at just "hanging out" it seems to be a very american pastime.

I think I may just need to suck up my pride and start asking people out on friend-dates haha!
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Old Jul 10th 2013, 9:25 pm
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Default Re: Socialising in LA

Originally Posted by ned1983 View Post
Hey everyone, I've been in LA for over a year now and am really struggling to meet people I have anything in common with. The few friends I have made are more on the acquaintance side of things and not really offering any kind of support network like I had in the UK.

The annoying thing is I am a very sociable person so not having reliable people around really sucks. Is this just an LA thing? Besides the obvious of joining more clubs/societies anyone got any advice?
Fortunately we knew some people here when we arrived and have made some friends reasonably quickly (both Yanks and Limeys!).

I would suggest (cliché time) doing some night classes or joining a club that matches your hobbies.

If you are younger and you do sports - join a softball team or similar. There are also lots of soccer (hate using that word) or cricket clubs in LA.

I joined the LA Spurs fan club and met some people through that and go to matches (though not as much as I used to) at pubs like the Kings Head in Studio City (a decent venue).

If you play golf you can just turn up at some of the courses and you'll pick up a game and might be able to meet people that way.

I've also made some good friends at work and we hang out now and again (because we have some external shared interests)

Where, in L.A., are you located?

Just remembered: join the Brits In L.A. Facebook group: they get together all the time. They are mostly luvvies but they do a lot of social stuff - seem like a good bunch of people.

Last edited by markwm; Jul 10th 2013 at 9:28 pm.
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Old Jul 10th 2013, 9:40 pm
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Default Re: Socialising in LA

We are spoiled in our youth because we make all our friends at school, from our streets, friends of friends et cetera. Even now in my 30s, 95% of my mates back home are from secondary school. I don't keep in touch with anyone from uni or work, which is a shame because I had a bunch of good ones, but that was before Arsebook and constant texting and before I regularly used email or even a mobile so there you go.

That being said, now as adults we find ourselves back to square one in the US, without that network of built in friends we get in our youth (which our American counterparts got out here in theirs.)

Markwm's idea is the best. Use your interests and find a group to meet people in based on that. You might never make the kinds of mates you did at school but we're also not 15 anymore and things change as we get older. Shared interests will at least strengthen any connection.
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Old Jul 10th 2013, 9:43 pm
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Default Re: Socialising in LA

LA is really tough. I don't think most people want friends as such.

The only thing you can do is try a sport or something, as suggested.
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Old Jul 10th 2013, 9:52 pm
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Default Re: Socialising in LA

Originally Posted by Sally Redux View Post
LA is really tough. I don't think most people want friends as such.
I've just not found that at all!
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Old Jul 10th 2013, 9:59 pm
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Default Re: Socialising in LA

Originally Posted by markwm View Post
I've just not found that at all!
Most of the friends I have made as an adult, have been through my daughter, neighbors with kids similar ages, people working at the school or nursery, and then parents of my daughters' friends.

I found LA very strange in the fact that people with kids do not seem to want to make friends through their kids. Once I moved to No Cal, again, most of my friends are coming through my daughter.

I think we would have found it easier in LA if we hadn't had a school age kid. Socializing with interest groups was impossible, as I didn't get home from work until nearly 7pm and then had all the family jobs to deal with. Also, living in the 'burbs isn't exactly the hive of activity.
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Old Jul 10th 2013, 10:00 pm
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Default Re: Socialising in LA

We've been here nearly 3 years and despite trying through Cubs, Scouts, school, attending local events (new library openings, school board meetings, helping out at PTA events, etc), we've found people here VERY unwilling to commit to anything and not particularly willing just to be friends and chat.

We do do the occasional lunch/coffee/chat date with some others, but it is really very few-and-far compared to the social life we had in the UK (and we'd moved around a lot there) or in France.

Frankly, we find the locals (and most of those here are NOT USCs...) very insular, much more family/work orientated. We've also found that a lot of the socialising that does go on is in cliques that we just don't fit into.

We were invited to a neighbours for drinks - turned out that we were the only non-Russian speakers in their group of friends that they know (they've been here 22 years). We felt pretty isolated, but given their propensity to drink, as we were off our faces after about 2 glasses of brandy, it really didn't matter I have NEVER seen so much booze consumed at 3pm by 10 people.

Then we got invited to another neighbour who started quizzing us on our beliefs - we felt really uneasy, and the fact that they don't even acknowledge our presence when we walk past them these days probably means that they don't approve of us....
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Old Jul 10th 2013, 10:09 pm
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Default Re: Socialising in LA

Originally Posted by N1cky View Post
Also, living in the 'burbs isn't exactly the hive of activity.
Yeah I think that's part of it. But then again, no-one at my husbands workplace appears to socialize.
Originally Posted by dlake02 View Post
We've been here nearly 3 years and despite trying through Cubs, Scouts, school, attending local events (new library openings, school board meetings, helping out at PTA events, etc), we've found people here VERY unwilling to commit to anything and not particularly willing just to be friends and chat.

We do do the occasional lunch/coffee/chat date with some others, but it is really very few-and-far compared to the social life we had in the UK (and we'd moved around a lot there) or in France.

Frankly, we find the locals (and most of those here are NOT USCs...) very insular, much more family/work orientated. We've also found that a lot of the socialising that does go on is in cliques that we just don't fit into.

We were invited to a neighbours for drinks - turned out that we were the only non-Russian speakers in their group of friends that they know (they've been here 22 years). We felt pretty isolated, but given their propensity to drink, as we were off our faces after about 2 glasses of brandy, it really didn't matter I have NEVER seen so much booze consumed at 3pm by 10 people.

Then we got invited to another neighbour who started quizzing us on our beliefs - we felt really uneasy, and the fact that they don't even acknowledge our presence when we walk past them these days probably means that they don't approve of us....
I find people maybe socialize within their own communities/family groups. Church is a bigger factor. But people don't seem that interested in building friendships with eachother (ie not just me) - it's all very ephemeral, get what you can out of it and then move on. At least that's my observation.
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Old Jul 10th 2013, 10:16 pm
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Default Re: Socialising in LA

Originally Posted by Sally Redux View Post
Yeah I think that's part of it. But then again, no-one at my husbands workplace appears to socialize.

Hubby's workplace in LA was quite sociable, but most of them were much younger, and nearly everyone had moved in out of state. It's the same where he works now. Although, I'm not sure he would call any of them 'friends', but he's not the most sociable person himself and has no interest in making friends
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Old Jul 10th 2013, 10:16 pm
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Default Re: Socialising in LA

Originally Posted by Sally Redux View Post
I find people maybe socialize within their own communities/family groups. Church is a bigger factor. But people don't seem that interested in building friendships with eachother (ie not just me) - it's all very ephemeral, get what you can out of it and then move on. At least that's my observation.
Yep - highly selfish and short-term attitude to life, IMvHO.

Church is much, much bigger here than we ever expected - that has been a real (and unpleasant) shock to us. We're living in dread of our son ever being asked about his church-going habits at Scouts - in theory, there is a "don't ask, don't tell" policy in place in California but we're hoping to get out before that is tested.... And there I was thinking it was 2013, not 1953.

It's a diverse mix of ethnicities, but it isn't really one country at all - it's about 150 that all happen to live in parallel silos, inhabit the same plot of land and have flags that look identical.
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Old Jul 10th 2013, 10:28 pm
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Default Re: Socialising in LA

Originally Posted by N1cky View Post
Hubby's workplace in LA was quite sociable, but most of them were much younger, and nearly everyone had moved in out of state. It's the same where he works now. Although, I'm not sure he would call any of them 'friends', but he's not the most sociable person himself and has no interest in making friends


Mine felt it was actually negatively affecting productivity and tried to institute a 'social hour', which is limping on but is seen as a penance by the others.
Originally Posted by dlake02 View Post
It's a diverse mix of ethnicities, but it isn't really one country at all - it's about 150 that all happen to live in parallel silos, inhabit the same plot of land and have flags that look identical.
Yes, I feel it's not as mixed as the UK by a long chalk.
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Old Jul 10th 2013, 10:43 pm
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Default Re: Socialising in LA

Originally Posted by dlake02 View Post

It's a diverse mix of ethnicities, but it isn't really one country at all - it's about 150 that all happen to live in parallel silos, inhabit the same plot of land and have flags that look identical.
Originally Posted by Sally Redux View Post



Yes, I feel it's not as mixed as the UK by a long chalk.
Which is bizarre, as I live around 5 miles from dlake and don't find this to be at all true.
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