sue1973

Hi
We moved to LA 2 months ago for my husband's job on a two year assignment. We sold our home in the uk as renting it didn't appeal, and it wasn't feasible to leave it empty for long periods. We are renting here, and I feel rootless and am desperately homesick. I miss my family and friends so much. Our youngest son has severe special needs, and I feel I've lost my support network totally.
I know it's early days, but please let me know I'm not alone and things will get better

anotherlimey

I think the two month period is the worst.

Maybe you can did other mom's who have kids with special needs too. You might find some relatable people.

Dorothy

I can't say that things will get better, but it will get easier. 2 months is about the time I started to feel homesick when we moved to Australia. The initial "honeymoon" period has worn off somewhat, and day to day life has set in.

Is there a mom's and tots group near you that you can join? Or maybe a British club you can go to so you don't feel so "fish out of water"?

BEVS

You are not alone. If you have BE you will never be alone .
Many of us get the wretched homesick thing. I wish it were not so but it is something that can suddenly hit you & then stay with you until suddenly one day you realise it has passed. That does not mean it will get you again but it will not always be with you

A couple of months is very early days and I am not surprised you feel a fish out of water.

As Dorothy says,even though you feel a bit rotten , see if you can find a group to join so at least you are meeting people.

Have a hug from me.

Octang Frye

It'll get better. Meet people, get out of the 'ouse.

Jerseygirl

I do agree with this. I too felt homesick...very homesick after about 2 months. It took me many years to come to terms with it.

Pulaski

I fear that the very fact that you are here on a two year limited assignment means that you are already in "countdown mode", counting the remaining days until you can go "home". Therefore I fear that the homesickness might not go away as the others have predicted.

petitefrancaise

I'm so sorry, I've been really homesick at various times too. Being the carer of a special needs child is really, really tough too. And, you have lost your support network. I find action, getting busy is helpful. Make a list of all the places you want to visit, the parks, the beaches, the mountains, the cities, the restaurants and put them on the calendar. Book your flights home for christmas, it's almost 3 months to go which is meant to be the best time to book long haul flights. it will give you something to look forward to.

I know how hard looking after a special needs child is - I worked with special needs kids in France and it's hard. Can you get some help looking after them? Someone to take your kid for the morning or afternoon? Phone a pediatrician's practice and ask if they know of any resources like support groups.

Look on meetup.com or FB for any Brit groups in the area. It's amazing how warm beer , terrible greasy fish and chips and awful jokes will cheer you up.

We all go through it. I go to wholefoods and spend a small fortune on french goodies when I get homesick ( although I'm british, I don't miss British food much).

Big hugs
xxx

Chesten

Just wanted to send you a virtual hug Sue1973.

I can only imagine how particularly tough and potentially isolating your particular situation must be.

You've been given great advice already. Daft as this might sound, I just wondered if another option/ source for anticipation might be visitors out to you? Is anyone planning to come? Or, could you fully or partly sub someone to visit? Might be a way to get some help (and some time off for you time/ date night etc). More than that, I was thinking how trips home inevitably get you anticipating things back in U.K. whereas planning to show guests around gets you more immersed in the US.

Obvs as PF says, you can do that also by planning family trips and places you want to see.

I'm in month seven. At the risk of sounding melodramatic ive found the homesickness a bit like a kind of grief. For me at least, the sharp, stabbing part of it has passed and now waves wash over me sometimes but it's not a problem. Some things (family birthdays for example) I know will be hard but I'm mentally prepared for them. But a post on FB or a photo or a reference on TV can catch me off guard and leave me feeling quite homesick and cast adrift somewhere I hadn't planned on being. But, it passes and I make myself list things I do like and things I could do / see here that I couldn't at home.

Keep posting. You're not alone xxx

Jack8602

+1

As others have said, would your friends / family visit you?

petitefrancaise

2 years' contract = 2 years of holiday!! The kids have to go to school and OH to work but with no pressure on you to find a job, you can actually go out and do the fun stuff. I'm assuming it's also a pretty well paid deal too so the money is there.

Research into employee relocations has shown time after time that having a trip home about 6 months into the contract is an ideal timing. Any sooner and you don't get over the homesickness, much longer and the whole thing feels like a drag. It gives you something to look forward to in those first few difficult months and employees that get this trip home at 6 months have a much more succesful assignment. They are much less likely to cut the contract short or fail to renew if asked. It's a winner all round.

But first, if your child is not at school, then get some help. You need the time off.

Jerseygirl

I certainly looked forward to my trips home...but when I got back to the US I felt even more depressed. Same with visitors...when they had gone back everything seemed to empty.

After 3 years I decided the best thing to do was to sell our UK house which I used for trips home and not visit...but concentrate on life in the US instead of dreaming about my old life. At that point I didn't go back to the UK for around 6 years. I found it did help but I still got down from time to time.

Pulaski

malch

+1

Yes, meet people and do fun stuff. Otherwise, it's like going on a two week vacation and never leaving your hotel room. Except that in your case, it's two years!

Use this as an opportunity to pursue something that wouldn't have been possible otherwise. Maybe reignite an old interest or start a new one? Maybe volunteer with a church, charity, non-profit or whatever that you find appealing?

Nutmegger

That is what I would usually say, but the OP is a caregiver for a special needs child. OP, I’d suggest looking for an organization for families in similar circumstances— perhaps your pediatrician may be able to steer you in the right direction — and make connections with local people who understand what you are dealing with and can give support. Hopefully that might have the added benefit of helping to integrate you into your new community. Good luck!