Claire784

I agree, unfortunately.

Claire784

No, it would be a great if my husband could do that though.

Thanks for everyone who responded. I really appreciate the advice. It is nice to know I'm not alone in feeling this way and there are others who are going or have been through the same thing.

Bob

Hell, being made as the outsider could happen regardless of the religion, MIL has been living in Maine for 30 years and she's still an outsider as she's originally from MA

It's all about finding something central, so most of the churches might not fit the bill, but there might be one out there that's less closed minded.

YMCA might be a good place to check out.

At the end of the day though, if you really are in the thick of the bible belt, there's not much you can do to get away from it if it isn't your thing, doesn't mean you can't find a compromise and make do

avanutria

Hi Claire, yes, send me your email address and your town name if you are comfortable with that, and I'll pass it along to my friends in the SLC area. I can't guarantee that they will be able to meet up with you if you live far away from them, but they're good people and I think they will want to help if they can.

Gingerert

I lost my job when I was six months pregnant, and two months later my preemie, special needs child arrived. I was stuck at home with a tiny, demanding newborn, no job, a brand-new mortgage, and no family close by to help me out - mine were back in the UK and my OH's were nine hours away by car. I was absolutely miserable.

I started seeing a therapist when he was a year old and she diagnosed me with PPD. That's a long time to be clinically depressed! Then, when he was eighteen months, I went back to work. At first it was full time, which was too much for both him and me (he has many, many medical appointments and I was having to take too much time off to go to them all), but back in May I went to two days a week. From December it will be three days a week and my son is now two-and-a-half.

My point (and I promise there is one ) is that your health and sanity are FAR MORE IMPORTANT than looking solely at finances. I highly, highly recommend looking for a daycare that will take your children one or two days a week, and then getting yourself a part-time job. It doesn't have to be retail or restaurant, either - I work as an editor for a massive pharmaceutical company. There are employers out there who will work with you and be flexible, I promise. You just have to search for them.

I feel so much better these days. My week has structure and meaning - Mon, Tues I take care of Little O; Wed, Thurs, Fri I go to work. I feel challenged as both a Mama and as an employee, and while the cost of daycare is *nearly* as much as I bring in, it is completely and utterly worth it.

Don't forget too, that daycare costs do not automatically come out of YOUR paycheck. It is a shared household expense, just like the mortgage and the groceries - 50% from your salary, 50% from your husband's. If you look at it like that, suddenly the financial aspect seems far more appealing. You aren't responsible for funding it entirely by yourself, and your husband has to accept responsibility for taking care of your children during the week too - albeit financially, rather than in person. You are not their sole caretaker and you do not have to stay at home if it's making you miserable.

I wish you luck, and I really hope things look up for you soon.

keaki80

Hi Clare,
I just saw your post and you are certainly not alone. This site is a bit of a crutch for me as my homesickness goes in waves and bursts. I agree with most of the posters in that keeping busy and occupied definitely stops me from dwelling too much; but having said that, my sister left a couple of weeks ago after a 3-week holiday here and I went to pieces.
There are so many things that you can miss - and so many of those for me, are family.. the get-togethers and the support groups, the friendships that you can't make overnight.
BUT - there will come a time when you may find yourself like ukintexas said when you arrive back here after a trip home, you will realise there were things you missed from here while you were away - and things you may well be glad to get back to.
Around here there seems so much for mothers and kids to do; we are in a big estate and there are families everywhere. My neighbour would have you introduced in a shot to so many people! We are the odd ones because we don't have young kids - so I'm sure the area also makes a difference.

My sister once told me to try and not think of all the things I don't have, but concentrate on all I do have. It's not easy, but when I did that, it did help.

Don't give up on the Church, either. Churches here aren't like back home. We have found one that is like a huge social event. There are support groups within our Church that cover everything - and I'm sure there are many like it around. AND most of them have creches. Even if you don't consider yourself "a believer/Churchgoer" that is definitely worth a shot. There will be a lot of really nice people there.

In the meantime, good luck and PM me if you just need to vent.

Ash UK/US

I agree, I was really lonely when I moved here too, sure I had my family and friends on the other end off the phone or email but it never really filled the void of human contact.

Even when I first started work I had a hard time finding 'friends', it took a while but now that I have been there a while and people know me I have a nice little circle that I like to hang out with.

Maybe the OP could consider a evening/weekend job, it would be easier to find a high school/college student to look after your kids verses paying regular day care.

1chumly

Everyone that has posted on here has given good advice and I will second what they say. When I first moved to the US many years ago my ex was in the Air Force and we were sent to a small town in TX. There was nothing to do and after living in London, it was a huge culture shock. We lived there for 5 years and I swear I cried every day. I absolutely hated it (and the weather) and was very homesick. We then moved to Houston and that made all the difference. I still hated the weather but there was so much more to do and life improved drastically. My point is that things could be a lot better for you too in a different area. Even if you can't get back home right now, a different posting if possible in the future within the US could really help. You may still get homesick from time to time no matter where you are but it probably will not be so bad.

Having said all that, I just returned to Houston after a few years at home in the UK and I am homesick all over again and I knew I would be. I have never lost that yearning for home as long as I have lived here and I know I never will but it does become easier if you are in a place with things to do. I do whatever I can to lessen that dreadful homesickness. I don't watch English programs on the TV right now because I just end up bawling. It is still all too recent. Too many things English just make it worse for me so I avoid them and kind of bury my head in the sand! It works for me.

Keep your chin up and know that things can and will get better.

CAdreaming

Sorry you are feeling this way. I joined a group when I arrived - dont let the name put you off - its Daughters of the British Empire and I have met a wonderful group of women
They all have some connection to the UK -via an aunt, mother, granny, dad, uncle or cousin twice removed!!! Lots of the ladies moved to the US many years ago but still have family or retain links with the UK - they all speak with US accents which is really interesting but I can hear their Brit accents coming thro

It is a national charity group - they raise (actually I should say we as I am now part of the group!) money for various charities - local and state wide.
If you are interested PM me and I can try to find out a group where you are
best wishes

Claire784

Thanks again to everyone who has taken the time to reply to me. You've all been a big help. The weather here in Utah today is grey and cloudy and is very much reminding me of England, as it's always sunny here it seems! I need to keep reminding myself that I'm not here permanently. Even if we don't get to leave here for another 11 years, we're not stuck here and we can go back to the uk if we chose to once my husband gets out of the air force. Thanks again.

Nutmegger

I'm glad that something can give you some comfort, but I'm concerned that your children -- who I presume will be teenagers, or close, by that time -- will then be subjected to what you are feeling now! After 13 years in the states they will be so American -- they'll want to play baseball, not cricket, their education will be geared towards US colleges and jobs. They'll be thinking about one day attending the prom! In terms of immigration, you have "only" been here two years. Whatever kind of an age it's feeling to you right now, it's not that long. Please try some of the suggestions that the good folks on here have made, and look towards creating a life for yourself here, not just surviving until you can get away. Perhaps your children will thank you in 11 years time! Again, good luck.

keaki80

I think you make an excellent point about looking towards making a life here rather than counting down the years til she goes home; but playing Devils Advocate, there is another way of thinking. By having a thought that this won't be "forever" it will probably help her get through this rough patch until she finds friends and feels more "at home." In 11yrs so much can change that she may not want to return and, as you say, the kids will be more American than English!
When I first came here the thought that this will be it forever was impossible for me to comprehend. To be honest, I still can't get my head around the fact that family who I used to see weekly, I now see annually. It is a huge change and only the people on this site can comprehend it. My husband tries to, but you can't fully appreciate the feeling until you have been there.
I go in waves, but I do empathise with Clare, very much. I used to think if I had had my "child" here with me, (he stayed behind as he was in uni)
things would have been easier, but by Clare's posting, that obviously isn't the case.
There have been a lot of good points, though.. and for me, keeping busy is the best.