scrubbedexpat099

Usually the problem is men who do not change.

Lion in Winter

I beg to differ, although I take your point about "I love you, your're perfect, now change"..

Men who change suddenly once they, in their view, "possess" you or feel tied down (ie possessed by you), and start with abusive behaviour that they never showed before, have, um, issues. And it's a classic pattern. It doesn't end well.

WEBlue

I totally agree. It's usually a matter of control. Marriage should have nothing to do with control, but unfortunately for some spouses (not only men) it does.

Lion in Winter

Yep. Need for control, or fear of being controlled, fed by immense personal insecurity.

Run, don't walk, from these people.

HighCountry

Some would say that depression can be useful in helping us to see problems and do something about them. It think it affects most of us at some point.

Moving to a new country (and sticking it out) requires a certain strength of character (or is that stubbornness?). You also have to be prepared to adapt and embrace at least some of the differences you'll encounter.

WEBlue

I agree. (I think I may have said so something similar in an earlier page of this interminable thread.) The trouble is while some degree of depression can be a normal part of life's ups & downs, too much depression can disable one's ability to function. Sometimes too much depression actively *prevents* people from seeing how to solve problems.

Or just liking the new country. Both liking the new country and being stubborn can help too . . . .

rochester jane

Thanks for all the great replys and support. I,m now back with my friends and family in the UK. I have no regrets about doing this move. I am now laughing and feel I belong again. Just need to find a job and a place to live and I will be on the mend.

Jerseygirl

Thanks for the update Jane. I'm pleased you feel happier now you're back home. All the very best to you.

rochester jane

Cheers xxxxxx