TruBrit

Rules to Enter Texas:


Applies to each person as they enter Texas.
Learn & remember:
East Coast and California-types pay particular attention!

1. Pull your droopy pants up.
You look like an idiot.

2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road."
I drive a pickup truck because I want to.
No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

3. There are cattle & oil wells.
That's what they smell like to you.
They smell like money to us.
Get over it.
Don't like it?
I-20 and I-10 go east and west, I-35 goes north and south.
Pick one.

4. So you have a $60,000 car.
We're impressed.
We have $250,000 cotton strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

5. So every person in every pickup waves.
It's called being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand.
You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish.
You really want sushi & caviar?
It's available at the corner bait shop.

8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season.
It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

9. We open doors for women.
That is applied to all women, regardless of age.

10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu.
Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Picante Sauce.
Oh, yeah..! .. We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... It AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
Chili was born and bred in San Antonio.... and real chili never met a tomato!

12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

13. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

14. Yeah, we have golf courses.
But ! don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.

15. Colleges? Try Texas, Texas A&M or Texas Tech.
They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.

16. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines, than any other state, so "Don't Mess with Texas". If you do, it will get you whipped by the best.

17. Always remember what our great governor Sam Houston once said:

"Texas can make it without the United States,
but the United States can't make it without Texas."

lolly

Good one

TruBrit

morning lolly...yeah just a bit of fun...hope you are having such a lovely warm sunny weekend as we are here....just done my daily aquarobics and now off for a walk in the park before catching starbucks on the way back....roast beef ready to go in the oven...hmmmmm love coming in the house and smelling the roast cooking....have a great day

lolly

Hello weather is wonderful !!! hit 100 on Friday and the humidity was nothing compared to Florida.
We went to HOA get together yesterday !! had to drag my OH there wont say by his hair as he doesnt have any lol. It was a get together (be bloody nosey) for the new people who have moved in, they seem to be a nice bunch of people. But I declined the offer to go walking with them at 5.30 AM !!!
Enjoy your roast

TruBrit

just wait lolly and enjoy coz the humidity will follow

Jerseygirl

Morning TruBrit. Blue skies and sunny here today, at least its not snowing like yesterday. Made me feel real hungry talking about that roast.

TruBrit

morning jersey and pleased the sun made it your way ...seems it's listening to me for once ...have a great day oh and yeah roast beef, home made yorkshire's however no spuds just fresh veg..and a drizzle of gravy not forgetting the horseradish sauce

Jerseygirl

I'll be right over. I'll bring my cossie and a bottle of bubbly.

dbj1000

...unlike me, in my denim overalls and cowboy hat.

Me, I'll drive as drunk as a skunk and spit tobacco juice out the window. I don't drive over 50 on the freeway because all those other cars make driving difficult with double vision.

The smell of shit and oil are the smell of money... for the Lexus-driving bankers and oil barons who used to live in Dallas but moved to LA to mix with the stars. Now the Texas countryside smells of poverty, and it's the locals who mostly use I-20, I-10 and I-35 to get out of state if they can.

...or we used to, until the bank foreclosed on our farms. Oh, and all any good Texan now aspires to is to drive a $60,000 car, and since it's our God-given right to be rich at all costs, we'll just lease one.

Bullshit. It's called being friendly if you're a) white b) drive a pickup and c) are drunk too.

Cellphones are only for use when you're in your pickup, driving with you feet on the wheel at 28mph in the fast lane of the I-75. Don't ask where my other hand is, boy.

...unless you're dining with us and you're richer than us. In that case, we'll take you to one of the thousands of bad sushi restaurants in Texas and bore your ear off about how worldly and sophisticated us Texans are now, how we eat 10lbs of sushi for breakfast and how the biggest sushi in the world is made in Texas. Then we'll go home and barf up all that raw foreign fish.

Religion and guns. I'll give'em this one. Sounds about right.

...but not of race. Don't expect any doors to be held for you if you're a different color... or religion... or have a funny accent. Or if we're in a hurry. Or drunk. Or both.

Something to be proud of! Well done. We'll all be drooling vegetables together when they "discover" the Mad Cow disease that's been in our cattle for the last 20 years.

Yeah! And when you have an aneurism at the table, we'll God-damn eat you too! Now shut up and finish that cow on your plate!

...and she'd better like Crystal Meth too, 'cos that's all the fun to be had in this here house, and we're just cookin' up another batch in the barn out back.

...sports....zzzzz

...unlike my 1500 horsepower Bass boat, which just stuns the fish long enough for us to drop a hood down their throat and reel 'em in. And we just live for golf... if you're asking and you're richer than us.

...if they're as drunk as us behind the wheel, and haven't moved to the big city for good to get away from the stench of cowshit and oil.

...what can I say?... poor kids out in Iraq aren't likely to be picking fights with anyone when they're home in Texas, that's for sure.

The question is what "it" is, and whether anyone wants "it".

I love living in Texas, I really do. Texas just needs to get over the fact that it wants to be California, but tells the world that's what it despises most.

Big D

Big Karma for that one when i dish it out a bit more!!!! We are still laughing our arses off - cheers!!

TruBrit

i'm still waiting.....y'all come on now

Jerseygirl

Wait up, I'm coming.

AdobePinon

Who's Texas? Does he want to move to Florida?

TruBrit

lol don't think so....haha now go back to

syllk

The rules didn't say "Must come from California", so I figured I'm safe. But then again, I'm from Scunthorpe, so I figure my days are numbered...