dlake02

That may be true of CA in general (and almost certainly in San Francisco), but we've found that NOT to be the case for the Valley.

In fact, the area seems to be very, very old-fashioned - wives stay at home and do the "home-making" bit; husbands are the go-getting type. This is not helped by the fact that there are a HELL of a lot of H1Bs where the spouse is not allowed to work, which means you get very traditional hubbie works/wife looks after kids arrangements.

Then the further south you go (Los Gatos, South Saratoga) you get the hubbie works to support the "ladies who lunch" lifestyle of the wife.....

We've found the attitudes towards two parents who both have their own careers about 20 years behind the UK, quite frankly.

N1cky

Having done a quick search on Meetup, I've found a stay at home dads group in Palo Alto with 199 members, they seem to have loads of events.

I really disagree with the stay at home mums thing while the man works. I do know lots of English women here who are in that position due to being on H visas, but I know loads of American Mums who work, as do their husbands.

dlake02

Yes - we couldn't believe it ! We had that for an after-school club as well. Plus our work-sponsored day care has that requirement for school-age kids.

That is a local BSA Council requirement. The other one is that you have to have certain level of accident insurance for your car, even if you are just driving your own son to/from a Cub Scouts event. But the BSA Council is very separate from the BSA HQ in many respects (thank goodness - they all appear to be slightly to the right of Attila-the-Hun).

My son had his Arrow of Light ceremony last night at Cubs - the pack was very good, but still no-where near as good as the UK. He has been along to a couple of Scouts meeting already, and it appears that as you say, it is far more normal - no parents, plenty of just ar*ing around, and no "advance" and "education" rammed down their throats....

dlake02

I just find is amazing and selfish in 2012 that partners aren't equal in all respects. Not the way we've ever lived our lives....

I made it perfectly clear to my employer that the only way I was moving was if my wife was treated as I would be - with an EAD. In fact you could say she has much more choice about who and where she works for than I do !

We don't know many "American" mums - most are H4s round here.

N1cky

BUT you don't have a choice what visa you come across on, if you qualify for a H that's what you are stuck with. Presumably you moved on an L? same as we did, you couldn't insist your wife had an EAD, it's not up to you or the company you work for.

dlake02

We told my company fair-and-square that my wife had to have the same status in the US to work as she has in the EU, that they had to sort out the entire EAD thing, and that if, for any reason it wasn't approved, the whole move would be canceled. We had it put in the transfer offer letter on a contractual basis.

I just find it very, very hard to understand why any couple would make a joint decision that would cause inequality in terms of status. We are equals in all things - we would not entertain living in a country that did not treat us as equals....

Vicky88

It's got nothing to do with inequality in status. My husband got the work permit not me because his company needed his skills not mine. Doesn't make me feel any of a lesser person in the marriage.

dlake02

If you're happy with that, that's great. I would not be if the tables were turned.......

N1cky

What you are saying is if you had been eligible for a H visa you would have decided not to move. It makes no difference what you wanted, it just happens that you qualifed for an L making it possible for your wife to work.

As to why some people move on a H visa, everyone has different reasons but thousands of people do it, both women and men. Some people have little choice, if both are out of work in the UK, others can earn far more with just 1 salary in the US than they can with 2 in the UK. This isn't really the thread to have this argument out though is it?

dlake02

Correct.

Not really :-) We're getting into US Immigration policy, and that is a whole other bucket of fish.

Sally Redux

So it was a company transfer - you wouldn't have been able to force the issue on H1b. You didn't change immigration law.

Nimco

Sorry few more qs - On another note how often do u get earthquake tremors? Does anyone worry about that?
What are typical working hours ? Various ref to 'long' hours but what does that look like? 10 hour days 12? More?!
finally - Do u get much social life thru work or do people keep themselves to themselves? What are the best sources of finding and making proper friends not just acquaintances ? Thanks!

N1cky

Only felt a couple of small quakes since moving here from LA, felt many more there. They can happen at any time and be any size. Prepared people have earthquake kits, this is very sensible. People don't really worry about them though.

Depends on what industry you work in. Both hubby and my official hours are 40 hours per week. In budget season I work around 60 hours per week. Hubby works in the games industry and it's not unusual for him to spend 4 weeks at a time working 14 hour days, and 8 hours on a weekend. He never works less than a 50 hour week, and that doesn't include all the nights and weekends he is answering emails on his phone.

Very little social life through work, people like to keep their private life private and don't go for a drink incase they say the wrong thing, and it's not seen as professional.

Good friends are hard to come by, I only have 2 good friends in 5 years in the US, 1 I met through here and the other through work. Both are sadly still in LA I also have a few English friends in the area, and a couple of people I have met through my daughters school.

Pombat

We haven't felt too many earthquake tremors here, but that could change anytime. The kids do regular earthquake drills at school.
OH works pretty long hours. He needs to liaise with people in Europe and Asia so it is not at all unusual for him to be on conference calls at 6am, work a full day and then be on more conference calls at 10pm. That seems to be a norm for many people here. The positive side is that on the rare occasions when he is not so busy he can take time back without claiming it as holiday.
No socialising at all through work. The teleconferencing adds to that problem as most of his colleagues are not actually geographically anywhere near us, and many of those who are nominally based here work from home so he's never set eyes on some of them!
We are very lucky to live in a great neighbourhood with a swim club that acts as the social centre for the area, and through that we have met most of our neighbours. Obviously we get on better with some than others, but it is nice to know almost everyone at least by sight. I was lucky that other mums at the kids' school were friendly and I have made some good friends there, but I know that is not the case for everyone.

dlake02

1) Tremor of some sort every day, but very, very minor. All the times the small ones happen, it's releasing stress in the faults.... At least, that's what everyone keeps saying !

2) Typical working hours - 60+ hours a week in IT. Remember the timezones - often on conf calls at odd hours of day and night. I have a good time-off allowance, but a LOT of people don't take their time off in case it is seen as "not loyal to the company." A lot of insecurity here.

3) Social Life ? What's THAT ? People are VERY private - it is even rare to be given a lift by someone for a work "do." We have 2 local friends - interestingly both families that have lived outside the US for substantial amounts of time. Family is everything - the birth rate is much higher here than most of Western Europe; especially so in the Bay Area, so family is more all-encompassing than it has become in the UK, France, Germany, Netherlands, etc.

4) Remember that the area is very expensive and people live long distances away, so even though most people will have a "cube" or office in the Happy Valley, a large number will work from home most of the time. This is especially true on Mondays, Fridays, hot-days, wet days, anything near a public holiday, etc, not that I'm suggesting any form of causality here....:-) I'm currently in my office with desk-space for around 250 people, and there are three others in today. Parking the car was A Dream this morning.