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Recently moved, struggling with change

Recently moved, struggling with change

Old Nov 6th 2017, 4:01 am
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Default Recently moved, struggling with change

Hi all,

I moved to WI three months ago, my job is intense and I was looking for some advice.

I find myself coming home at night, crashing on the sofa and at times, drinking excessively. I’m concerned that this may become the norm for someone with an extremely limited social circle such as myself, and extremely concerned that alcohol may become a coping mechanism.

Has anyone else encountered this issue? What did you do to stop this?

TIA,

Rob

Last edited by sharprc; Nov 6th 2017 at 4:04 am. Reason: Title change
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Old Nov 6th 2017, 4:28 am
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Default Re: Recently moved, struggling with change

I found when I first moved here that the lack of friends and a social life really hit hard.

My wife works and goes to school, and she has friends of her own which I am friendly with but I wouldn't spend time with them without my wife there.

When I finally got my work authorization and found a job I found myself doing something similar. Getting home from work, eating dinner, showering and heading straight to bed pretty much. I've made some friends through work who I see occasionally outside of work but not often. The best thing I did was join a Thursday night 7-a-side football ("soccer") league down in Denver. I've made some good friends there and I also go to a Arsenal bar downtown on game days and they've also been people I now spend time with outside of work.

Try and branch out a bit, you haven't said you've tried anything socially to try and help the problem but hopefully my experience may help you a little.
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Old Nov 6th 2017, 2:07 pm
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Default Re: Recently moved, struggling with change

Originally Posted by sharprc View Post
Hi all,

I moved to WI three months ago, my job is intense and I was looking for some advice.

I find myself coming home at night, crashing on the sofa and at times, drinking excessively. I’m concerned that this may become the norm for someone with an extremely limited social circle such as myself, and extremely concerned that alcohol may become a coping mechanism.

Has anyone else encountered this issue? What did you do to stop this?

TIA,

Rob
Seems like you've gotten yourself into a 'rut', you must do the following to be happy. The problem with alcohol is that it stops you from doing other things, it is not just the time drinking but also the hangover effects etc

Quit the alcohol altogether
Use your newfound evening time to better yourself and find a new job

Or go back to the UK if that will get you out of the rut?


What did you move to the USA for? To be miserable ? Hell no!
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Old Nov 6th 2017, 2:47 pm
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Default Re: Recently moved, struggling with change

I was in a similar boat.

Day went like this:

Wake up, work, go home, drink, eat crap, sleep. Did that for about 3 or 4 weeks.

As BenK91 says, try and branch out and meet new people. I started skydiving and met a group of amazing people and made some great friends through that. Also at work i'm fortunate that i get on with people outside the office and regularly go to different places.

Are you single? If so you'll have zero problems meeting people with the British accent.
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Old Nov 6th 2017, 2:48 pm
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Default Re: Recently moved, struggling with change

Originally Posted by britinusa777777755 View Post
Use your newfound evening time to better yourself and find a new job
He can't, he's on an L1 visa
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Old Nov 6th 2017, 3:04 pm
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Default Re: Recently moved, struggling with change

Originally Posted by sharprc View Post
Hi all,

I moved to WI three months ago, my job is intense and I was looking for some advice.

I find myself coming home at night, crashing on the sofa and at times, drinking excessively. I’m concerned that this may become the norm for someone with an extremely limited social circle such as myself, and extremely concerned that alcohol may become a coping mechanism.

Has anyone else encountered this issue? What did you do to stop this?

TIA,

Rob
Look back at your own initial posts -- you were so psyched about wanting to come to the US, talking about eventually getting a green card, etc. You may have now encountered the reality of working life in the US, but take yourself back in time. You didn't come here to lie around the house getting loaded. Join a gym, a reading group, work with a charity that fixes up old folks' houses -- DO SOMETHING! It's in your hands to make the most of this move, you're the only one who can get yourself off the couch and involved in your new community. Whatever it is that you enjoy doing, find a like-minded group and go and do it. Good luck!
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Old Nov 6th 2017, 3:23 pm
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Default Re: Recently moved, struggling with change

Good luck, OP. For a while after moving I didn't know people outside my family - and from the sounds of it you don't have any family here. Since then I've found friendship in coworkers and neighbors. Any hobbies you have? Around here at least there seems to be a club for just about anything - including British people.
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Old Nov 6th 2017, 3:51 pm
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Default Re: Recently moved, struggling with change

I'm not an expat but have moved states from the NE to the deep south and faced much the same. The last person in the world to be a churchgoer, I became one down here merely for the socialization. There aren't any meet-up groups here or book clubs or walking clubs or senior centers outside of those provided as adult daycare centers. Church is the only place to effectively meet others and find a common activity.

The only one to stop you from bending your elbow is you. Nothing wrong in having a few at a local bar or pub so rather than drinking alone, why not ask a coworker to join you for a drink after work or find a trendy spot and go it alone and talk to people. If you lack a social life, it is usually because you don't put yourself out enough to find one. Go for it.
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Old Nov 6th 2017, 11:37 pm
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Default Re: Recently moved, struggling with change

Are you a man type person or women-kin?
How old are you? Your story resonates with me.

Could you join a sport and social league? Played floor-hockey, soaker, softball etc. Good way to meet people. I also played with an ex-pats (field) hockey club. That was fun.

Then there's dancing. I learned two-step in Houston, and then Lindy Hop, Charleston and Balboa in Denver. Great way to meet people socially.

Of course, I still drink like an alcoholic fish 20 years later.

Dancing is very cool because it's social (you interact with people, you touch people - humans need this - in a non-creepy way.)
When you have a good dance conversation with someone, all your synapses fire and you're like, more! More!
Plus you get the cardio benefits.
But because of my crushing social anxiety, I have to drink several martinis over the course of an evening.

Last edited by Octang Frye; Nov 6th 2017 at 11:40 pm.
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Old Nov 13th 2017, 1:25 am
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Default Re: Recently moved, struggling with change

Try the "meet up" website for your area, myself and my wife moved to Montana from the UK and this social tool has really helped us connect with people.
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Old Nov 13th 2017, 9:46 pm
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Default Re: Recently moved, struggling with change

^Another vote for Meet Up.

I moved here about two and a half months ago and my story is similar to yours, though the difference is I was moving here to live with my girlfriend. I've spent the last two months going hell-for-leather building IKEA and setting the apartment up. She's also a fabulous cook and we've been eating home cooked meals to keep costs down.

I've had the odd bad day for no good reason which I count as homesickness - I have reached out to some Meet Up groups but so far haven't done anything about it.

I strongly advise meeting up with some others - maybe an ex-pat group for a taste of home mixed with a local group to balance it out (and so you're not always wishing for home).
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