Rete

In taking a break from the household chores that never seem to end, I took to reading this morning posts. As a long time member of the NG, it is heartening to see so many of the couples who struggled through the separations and INS process achieve their dreams and marry and find happiness. It was great to see over the years so many who have married and have married successfully expand and grow into families of their own.

Many of the foreign spouses have gotten good paying, secure positions within the fabric of corporate America. They have become, in no small part, a valuable part of American society, not just financially, but because of their contributions to their communities.

Today's posts from Grinch and Ian are just two of the many success stories I've seen over the last three odd years. Ian and Jim and I started the INS trip around the same time and he and Shelia have done well. Grinch and his lovely Grinchess have found happiness in the rural setting of their state and are now going to be giving jobs to others when they build their new home. Andy, EPRA, LisaToDo, Amy and so many others are adding bi-national citizens to our country.

There have been some sad stories of marriages that failed. For whatever the reason the failure, at least one, if not both, partners entered into the marriage with hopes of a lifetime of togetherness. Not all dreams are achieved. Don't let a marriage's demise make you feel that you are a failure and prevent you from reaching out and perhaps loving one day again.

We've also seen two who have lost children in tragic circumstances. There is little to ease the pain of loss and only time, love and memories can make the acceptance bearable.

On a more personal note, Jim and I are talking of separating. For us the differences are many and age and rigidity of attitudes make compromise difficult. Dissatisfaction in lifestyle, living conditions, employment unavailability and the like have made Jim very unhappy here in the States. His participation in the Guard is the only place where he feels he is appreciated and accepted. Both he and I know that he would have these same problems were he still in Canada but at least there, it would be his country and not a foreign one that was causing the strife.

So to one and all, my congratulations on coming the distance and finding your dreams.

Rita

Grinch

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Thank you for your kind words Rita. As you know I spent a long time in the Air Force
as did Jim. I found the Transition pretty hard too. Anyone that has spent most of
there working life in the military will understand what I mean. The transition to
civilian life let alone a new country can be a bitch. I was lucky with employment and
despite taking a low starting position I was able to move up the ladder fairly
quickly. Had I not been able to do this I might have not been so happy. I wish you
both the best in the future. I am sure what will be will be.

Grinch Cockroach

Onigiri

On your personal note, good luck to you and your alien. I would really like to see
the day when a USC can have the procedure to sponsor one or two aliens per lifetime
on a I-864 with no conditions such as marriage to the sponsor for a length of time or
having to live with the sponsor. Marriage or other personal goings on could then be
private arrangements.

Perdue

Rita, I am saddened to hear that you and Jim may be separating. Marriage can be a difficult road, especially when it combines two strong personalities. Throwing in cultural differences doesn't make it any easier, either. I hope that both you and Jim find happiness and peace.

Perdue

Harry

Rita,
I'm very sorry to hear you guys may be seperating. I really hope things work out for the best for the two of you.

-Harry

Ranjini

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Rita, I don't want to believe this!! Have you considered moving to Canada with Jim
for awhile? Or is it too big a move to make? Ken and I are an older couple too and I
just can't imagine this happening to us. We are too commited to each other and I
can't see a life without Ken. Nor I believe can Ken, without me. I had imagined it
was the same with the two of you. At the same time, I can imagine Ken feeling the
same way Jim does, under similar circumstances, if he had moved to Sri Lanka. Please
don't give up. You have both sacrificed so much to be together. And believe me, you
are going to miss him, and he you. It isn't easy to face such a loss at our age. How
will you cope?? Ranjini

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Dianemartin

I know I am only new to the group but felt compelled to reply, reading the first bit
I thought what lovely person then when I got to the second bit I thought how very
sad. Just wanted to let you know my thoughts are with you and I wish you luck no
matter what!!

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Catz

Rete,

My heart goes out to you and Jim. It's just not right to have a sad ending to such a
long and uphill struggle. Carl and I wish you the best in whatever outcomes occurs.
We send our love, support and a few hugs thrown in as well.

Hang in there, baby!

-Catz

On Sat, 18 Aug 2001 15:14:08 GMT, Rete <[email protected]> wrote:

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Jonathan_atc

Whoa, I am speechless. Having been through a marriage that didn't work out before, I
know many things contribute. I am sorry that neither of you found the happiness you
sought in marriage. Please know that you will be in our thoughts and prayers tonight,
Rita. Please keep us posted. Again, I am sorry this is how things are working out.

--
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Andy Platt

I'm sorry to hear this Rita. Obviously you have not hidden the dissatisfaction that
Jim has living in the US. I have to say from seeing others that this tends to be the
sign of a bigger dissatisfaction - as you point out he will probably have the same
issues back up North. I hope that whatever happens you end up happy in the long run.

Andy.

--
I'm not really here - it's just your warped imagination.

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ms_bhon

Rita-
Sorry to hear your sad news. My husband has been here only 2-1/2 months, and I can sense his diffulculties in "adjusting" already, and this is somebody who in addition to the UK, has called Egypt and Holland home.

I know he'll feel a bit better once all this work/finding a job/EAD stuff gets sorted out, but still, the possiblity exsits that he may still be somewhat unhappy here, even if he is happy to be with me.

We made a kind of a deal when we decided to go the route we did. We decided we would try living in the US for about two years (about until the AOS interview). If, at that time, he wants to move back to England, I have agreed to move back with him. I'd get rid of some and ship the rest of our stuff, and start over in the UK. (which I actually really like, if only it weren't so expensive). After 34 years on my own (the age when I met him), I have decided being with him is my most important priority- whatever it takes.

Quite often easier said than done, and I can appreciate how torn you must feel about now. Canada, tho- I have 2 (seperate) friends who emigrated there (to Toronto- to work in film), just because they really like the place and the quality of life there. Have you considered living in Canada, yourself ? Or perhaps as you stated, there are bigger issues here than just homesickness on your husbands part.

In any case, I am saddened to hear your news, and hope that the two of you can somehow come to a compromise.
Hang in there, and keep your mind open- a solution just may come to you...
Good luck to you both,
Beth

Shelley

Rita- I was so sad to read your post. Transition is the hardest part of life -
sometimes things out of our control ruin the best situations. I wish you both the
best and hope for happiness in your future. Take Care. Shelley

Steve & Lisa

Rita,

Saying "I'm sorry to hear this" won't ease your troubled soul at this time, but I
will say it. I am so very sorry to have read this. Of all the couples on the NG, you
are probably the last I'd expect to see a post such as this. I know with Steve being
from the UK, and both of us middle aged, at times the differences in personalities as
well as cultures have made it a struggle.

I suppose I found out recently how strong our relationship has gotten when I
miscarried our baby. We found out via ultrasound the pregnancy wasn't viable, and had
to wait to miscarry. When we didn't, I went into hospital for a D&C. The doctor told
Steve he could just drop me off, go back to work and pick me up later. He looked at
her like she was nuts stating he knew he could be of no help physically, but wanted
to be there for me, felt I needed him. (I did). We had a big job scheduled that we
could not cancel, so he left for work at 5am two days in a row to be sure to finish
in time for the procedure that Friday afternoon. He was knackered, but took care of
me that night and all weekend. And was very patient with me throughout my hormonal
UPS and DOWNS. (LOL that wasn't easy.)

We hope you both will find peace in which ever road you decide to take and you'll
both be in our thoughts and prayers........

Lisa

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