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Only been here 3 weeks and very homesick! Sorry if this isn't the right area!

Only been here 3 weeks and very homesick! Sorry if this isn't the right area!

Old Aug 15th 2012, 12:53 am
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Default Only been here 3 weeks and very homesick! Sorry if this isn't the right area!

So yes, I am here in the Bay Area with my husband for 18 months for his job. I have been super excited about this for months, but now we're here, I think I'm in shock or something. We know one other couple, but that's it, so I'm feeling pretty lonely (having lived within 45 mins of my parents and sisters at home). To complicate matters a bit, I am 9 weeks pregnant with our first baby (not amazing timing, but having had trouble on that front for 2 years, no time is a bad time in our minds!).

So guess i am looking for tips on how on earth I can make friends, how you deal with homesickness, and just generally to chat to other ex pats really!

thanks for reading, and sorry if this is in the wrong section!
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Old Aug 15th 2012, 1:21 am
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Default Re: Only been here 3 weeks and very homesick! Sorry if this isn't the right area!


I think by 3 weeks in you've just got the unpacking done and then the panic hits. What do you like doing? You could check of meetup.com for groups that meet near you. I found this one;
http://www.meetup.com/brit-286/

I like having expat and USA friends. The expats I have met through friends of friends or through groups. I have met USA mums at moms clubs. If you start going to things like prenatal yoga or things like that, you'll meet quite a few folk.
Good luck!
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Old Aug 15th 2012, 1:25 am
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Default Re: Only been here 3 weeks and very homesick! Sorry if this isn't the right area!

Originally Posted by New-and-unsure View Post
So yes, I am here in the Bay Area with my husband for 18 months for his job. I have been super excited about this for months, but now we're here, I think I'm in shock or something. We know one other couple, but that's it, so I'm feeling pretty lonely (having lived within 45 mins of my parents and sisters at home). To complicate matters a bit, I am 9 weeks pregnant with our first baby (not amazing timing, but having had trouble on that front for 2 years, no time is a bad time in our minds!).

So guess i am looking for tips on how on earth I can make friends, how you deal with homesickness, and just generally to chat to other ex pats really!

thanks for reading, and sorry if this is in the wrong section!
If you are here temporarily, then you don't really need to worry. If you don't like it that much, you will be going back before you know it. Having a new baby will a) keep you occupied and b) give you an opportunity to meet people once the baby is born and you take him/her to parks and so forth or join groups for mums and stuff.

Where in Hampshire are you from? My sister lives in Winchester and I'm there every Christmas.
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Old Aug 15th 2012, 1:33 am
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Default Re: Only been here 3 weeks and very homesick! Sorry if this isn't the right area!

Originally Posted by New-and-unsure View Post
So yes, I am here in the Bay Area with my husband for 18 months for his job. I have been super excited about this for months, but now we're here, I think I'm in shock or something. We know one other couple, but that's it, so I'm feeling pretty lonely (having lived within 45 mins of my parents and sisters at home). To complicate matters a bit, I am 9 weeks pregnant with our first baby (not amazing timing, but having had trouble on that front for 2 years, no time is a bad time in our minds!).

So guess i am looking for tips on how on earth I can make friends, how you deal with homesickness, and just generally to chat to other ex pats really!

thanks for reading, and sorry if this is in the wrong section!
Get Skype set up, it cuts down the miles, if you can get them at the other end to do it too, but you having a baby might be enough incentive for them to sort it out.
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Old Aug 15th 2012, 1:52 am
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Default Re: Only been here 3 weeks and very homesick! Sorry if this isn't the right area!

Originally Posted by kimilseung View Post
Get Skype set up, it cuts down the miles, if you can get them at the other end to do it too, but you having a baby might be enough incentive for them to sort it out.
Great idea. Skype is good - it makes a big difference being able to see people.
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Old Aug 15th 2012, 1:58 am
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Default Re: Only been here 3 weeks and very homesick! Sorry if this isn't the right area!

Congrats on the pregnancy! As Lion says, you can relax and enjoy it as a temporary situation. Good luck and we are here for a chat anytime!
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Old Aug 15th 2012, 1:59 am
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Default Re: Only been here 3 weeks and very homesick! Sorry if this isn't the right area!

Originally Posted by New-and-unsure View Post
So yes, I am here in the Bay Area with my husband for 18 months for his job. I have been super excited about this for months, but now we're here, I think I'm in shock or something. We know one other couple, but that's it, so I'm feeling pretty lonely (having lived within 45 mins of my parents and sisters at home). To complicate matters a bit, I am 9 weeks pregnant with our first baby (not amazing timing, but having had trouble on that front for 2 years, no time is a bad time in our minds!).

So guess i am looking for tips on how on earth I can make friends, how you deal with homesickness, and just generally to chat to other ex pats really!

thanks for reading, and sorry if this is in the wrong section!
It's certainly hard and to be honest I didn't think it got too much easier until I'd been here about a year! Although I did get used to not being around my family.
Take a look at www.meetup.com you might find some groups that take your interest there.
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Old Aug 15th 2012, 2:05 am
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Default Re: Only been here 3 weeks and very homesick! Sorry if this isn't the right area!

And if you're going to have to be a bit lonely, it's much better to be a bit lonely in San Francisco, than, say, the town of Oblong, Illinois, pop. 1,466. Yes, it's a real place.
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Old Aug 15th 2012, 2:55 am
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Default Re: Only been here 3 weeks and very homesick! Sorry if this isn't the right area!

Congrats on the baby!

And yes, time will go very quickly.

We're here for my job (almost 2 yrs now) and Mrs Harry The Spider has not been able to work in that time, though she can legally. I think to be fair there are times when time drags for her, and other times when it does go by more quickly.

We lived in Fareham just before coming here (we're in Phoenix), and before that in Andover and Stockbridge, so we know Hants very well!

This BE forum is an excellent place for nuttiness and support, which will help!

I wouldn't be surprised if 12 months down the road you're on here looking for help to extend your stay or get Green Cards - there is plenty that is not perfect with the US, and anywhere that you live - it is what it is and what you make of it... one upside is going to be the weather, though at times I do miss rain, cold and green - it's mostly dry, sandy coloured and 115'F at the moment here!!
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Old Aug 15th 2012, 3:04 am
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Default Re: Only been here 3 weeks and very homesick! Sorry if this isn't the right area!

Originally Posted by HarryTheSpider View Post

Stockbridge
Good butcher, great sausages.
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Old Aug 15th 2012, 3:10 am
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Default Re: Only been here 3 weeks and very homesick! Sorry if this isn't the right area!

Wow thank you all for your replies!! It really is comforting hearing from others. We're from Fleet in Hants, went to Uni at Surrey.

We've been skyping quite a lot to family and that has helped, although speaking to my Mum quite often sparks tears! But again thinking this may be largely hormones!

Think I just like to be reminded that it's temporary, although many people have said the same as you Harry the Spider - that after a year we'll be wanting to stay. Think I'm too much of a home girl for that, although wouldn't be surprised if the hubby tries to convince me.

Oh and thanks for the tips re meetup.com - I've joined! We're in near to San Jose and it looks like there are meetups there, so I shall have to go to one of those.

Hehe re sausages - we bought some pork sausages in Whole Foods last week which seemed to look like UK ones. I can confirm they tasted nothing like 'normal' sausages to me!!
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Old Aug 15th 2012, 3:19 am
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Default Re: Only been here 3 weeks and very homesick! Sorry if this isn't the right area!

Welcome to BE, good luck and congrats!

To add to meetup.com check out any local Facebook groups, there's bound to be a few that will interest and check out the local library, there'll probably be info on groups for new people in town or expectant/new mum type groups and your OB's waiting room should have loads of info on those type of groups too, so that should help you get out and meet folks.
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Old Aug 15th 2012, 3:28 am
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Default Re: Only been here 3 weeks and very homesick! Sorry if this isn't the right area!

Originally Posted by New-and-unsure View Post
Wow thank you all for your replies!! It really is comforting hearing from others. We're from Fleet in Hants, went to Uni at Surrey.

We've been skyping quite a lot to family and that has helped, although speaking to my Mum quite often sparks tears! But again thinking this may be largely hormones!

Think I just like to be reminded that it's temporary, although many people have said the same as you Harry the Spider - that after a year we'll be wanting to stay. Think I'm too much of a home girl for that, although wouldn't be surprised if the hubby tries to convince me.

Oh and thanks for the tips re meetup.com - I've joined! We're in near to San Jose and it looks like there are meetups there, so I shall have to go to one of those.

Hehe re sausages - we bought some pork sausages in Whole Foods last week which seemed to look like UK ones. I can confirm they tasted nothing like 'normal' sausages to me!!
So, just a tip, starting from the sausage thing. People from the UK often make the mistake of thinking that because we speak more or less the same language, the US will or should be a bit like the UK, just with a different accent. But it really, really isn't and a lot of adjustment problems stem from not understanding that. Comparing people and things to the UK equivalents just doesn't work and leads to permanent dissatisfaction. Consider this country as a foreign country and culture, just as though you had moved to France or Egypt or Hong Kong, and go at it from that point of view. Learn about their foods, their culture and customs (of which there are many, depending on where you are) and it will go a lot better. In your case, you haven't made a long term commitment, so enjoy your time here for what it is - and get the most out of getting to know a new place. San Francisco has a lot to offer, once you find your feet.

PS: Don't even bother with the bacon.
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Old Aug 15th 2012, 3:46 am
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Default Re: Only been here 3 weeks and very homesick! Sorry if this isn't the right area!

The shock is hard. It hits everyone about this time once the euphoria wears off and can go down a bit further if you aren't careful.

I think one thing I would recommend is GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. You are in a new city with many many things you probably don't like, but there are a few things you would like, if you could discover them. Try to experience a bit of your area and go and see some things. Explore--discover. Get away from staying in the house and thinking about how you miss everyone and try to do something.

I'd also second the advice about avoiding comparisons. You'll lose. The best memory of your life will always trump the worst reality you are facing. You're in a new place and are going to have to move forward with where you are. Better? No. Worse? No. Different.

Skype is good for connecting, but we found taking it to another level was even better. What we did was take an old computer and hook it up so that Skype is on permanently (i.e. it starts video whenever someone we pre-selected calls). We leave it on in the corner of the room and our parents can Skype in anytime of the day to our living / dining room and just watch the kids as if they were sitting next door. It's basically a 'virtual window' into our house that they can look through if they want. We can also walk past and see that they are online and just say a few words in passing (my mother-in-law skypes via her iPad while watching TV. Sometimes she's even online while napping). This eliminates the forced nature of conversations and allows our family back home to see things on a day-to-day basis. Not for everyone though.
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Old Aug 15th 2012, 4:13 am
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Default Re: Only been here 3 weeks and very homesick! Sorry if this isn't the right area!

Originally Posted by New-and-unsure View Post
.....near to San Jose.....
If you like soccer, The Earthquakes are having quite the good season this year.
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