Jerseygirl

Exactly you need money and good insurance. The problem is both can run out...then where does that leave you?

md95065

With the oldest kids currently being 14 and 15 it probably also won't be that long before the issue of college tuition fees comes up ...

stockhall

Firstly my children concerned have mild to moderate learning difficulties and are not handicapped and just need extra time to complete work not exactly a life limiting condition now is it.

I am pretty sure that a wage of $197000 dollars is enough a year (no joke) and husband has minimal expenditure with no food or accommodation costs. He works away to get these sorts of earnings and it is only this much as he is in kabul. I would be more worried about his safety on a day to day basis so petty issues that have been mentioned don't bother me. So I think financially we will be just fine. Not to mention I can add to that in a few years.

I have found some of your replies very belittling.

I am not stupid and I know college is not a cheap option and despite this I really hope they get into the best schools they can and not ones we can just afford. Life finds a way of sorting things out.

I joined this forum not for snide comments.

A handful of people here have been civil.

I have always wanted to visit the states so many things on my bucket list involve places and experiences found there. Exploring that vast country with such varied landscape and population is something I am truly looking forward to.

Petitefrancaise celiacs is a tough one for a kid indeed.

stockhall

Pretty much boiler yes. But when you have always wanted to go there and have been thinking of moving sticks for a couple of years and looking abroad. When the opportunity comes up that it looks possible then why wouldn't you jump on the chance

stockhall

Bob thankfully none of mine do sports yet. They don't really get it. The only one i am keen on as many of them doing is swimming and that requires a minimal cost of swim hat and goggles.

stockhall

Oh and buyjng a nice house in a 2000pm range gives us enough scope for good schools, neighbourhood, lots of space and enough disposable income to cover insurance, utilities, food, once a week cleaners, gardeners and activities with lots left over and you never know enough to cover the costs of peadiatric excess and maybe dare i say it have another child. Shock horror I have said I may burden myself with more children.

Sorry if i sound flippant there but I believe that unless god forbid something happens to my husband and the green card doesn't work then I should be able to believe in my capabilities of bringing up children in a different society and culture but ask for a bit of advice from people I believed to be qualified to help as they are there and have experienced it.

Don't forget you were new there once you learned. I will learn either slowly or quickly. I have taken on the constrictive advice and head the warnings.

Have a great day.

md95065

As you have discovered, the advice and opinions that you get on a public forum are not necessarily the ones that you want to hear.

Most people here are, believe it or not, genuinely trying to help but the quality and relevance of the information that you get is directly related to how much relevant background information you provide. Yes, a salary of $197k should be more than sufficient, but you only just mentioned that particular fact and, in the absence of that information it was not unreasonable for people to assume that it could have been considerably less. The majority of people who come here asking for advice are much less well informed than you claim to be. Assuming that you are, indeed, the exception to the rule I am sure that you will do just fine (although I still cannot understand why, especially considering that you appear to be reasonably well off, you don't seem to think that it is worth the time and/or money to at least visit the U.S. before committing to moving here).

... and we haven't even touched on the delicate issue of your views on politics, religion, abortion and gun ownership - all of which may be significant in how comfortable you will feel about living in even the most liberal part of Texas, but I'm sure that you will have fun discovering all of those things once you are here.

Anyway, good luck with whatever you eventually decide to do.

stockhall

One i don't have the time to jet off across the Atlantic and would have to go with kids and can't justify spending that much money on flights and accommodation when we really wouldn't be able to properly research the area with children in tow as like every child would find such recon rather boring.

I don't mind many of the replies even the negative ones putting me in my place so to speak and i understand trying to help but replies that attack my personal situation is not on. I should not have had to disclose income but felt it necessary.

I am very liberal and have open views on all of those subjects only dodgy subject are guns. I am not going to allow one in my house at all but if you want to that is your perogative and legal right. Politics is messed up here anyway and bloody glad to be getting away from that whenever.

Thank you for the good luck.

Elvira

Where to start indeed...

How do your children feel about the move? Because that will be a key factor.

We thought we had all our ducks in a row. Wonderful, well paid job for my husband. Sunny California. Lovely college town - safe, friendly, apple-pie.

We knew the US intimately (we thought...), having spent 2-3 months there each year for 10 years prior to our permanent move.

To go into everything that went wrong would take forever. One day I shall write a book. Suffice to say that now, 14 years later, I have a 30-year-old son who is only just beginning to recover from all the $h1t that happened to him as a result of us thinking we knew better when we moved. His brothers are doing 'okay-ish' but, having been the closest friends you can imagine, are now living on different sides of the pond. None of them know where they truely belong.

These were just 3 boys, all of them healthy and highly intelligent. And yet it all went so horribly wrong. At one point it looked like our marriage would not survive all the drama. What do you do if one is as happy as a pig in .... and the other ends up desperately homesick? Despite the fact that I was all for the move and, as I said, we - unlike many - faced no practical difficulties in our move. Nothing - not all the research in the world - can quite prepare you for the realities of such a relocation.

So you may end up like PetiteFrancaise........ - or like me. Or just getting along, treading water, making the best of it...... - the spectrum of experiences of British Expats is vast. You will not know until you try. The question is: is it worth the risk? If your motivation for this move boils down to having more living space, I'd think again.

And do listen to your children.

NB: £197k will not go anywhere near as far as you'd think. Be prepared for the increase in your SoL to be more moderate than you expect. And Standard-of-Living does not equal Quality-of-Life...

stockhall

I appreciate your frank honest opinion.

Life is what you make of it. Nowhere and nothing is perfect and i am really sorry that you had such a rough time of it, it sounds really sad. Atm I am just plodding along. My eldest has no friends and is impatiently waiting to move. 14 year old is non plussed, highly intelligent and highly opinionated but a good laugh when in the mood. The next three are excited about the move and the 2 year old not old enough to have much of an opinion.

We could wait until the eldest two are 18 but they couldn't stay here for 3 more years that wouldn't be fair on them as well as me and the plan is hopefully get moving before gcses get hold too much to limit problems. Even with household income we could only go for £350,000 and wouldn't get more than a 4 bed realistically and at 18 you do not want to share it is not fair . What is the point of having spending power and not be able to do anything about it.

By moving there is giving the children what they need their own space, the chance to experience new lifestyles and cultures, new adventures before we get stuck here and hopefully make less uptight friends. Every decision I make I make for my kids and not for the easy way out. I don't care if I don't make friends, don't have any here. I do have one western Austin though.

Hopefully it will work. If it doesn't then I will take the blame. It is up to us to work as a team. You only have one life you need to take chances sometimes as you never know

jjmb

I would echo Elvira's sentiments. The first 10 yr were the toughest as our kids were 10,12 and 15 when we moved. We made the mistake of not doing a reccy visit (it wasn't actually offered as the company was desperate for DH to hear and it was only for 14 months )

My eldest daughter hated it here until suddenly romance hit. We had actively enquired about sending her back to a private boarding school up to that point. The school she ended up in was OK but not the best, so she was not tested to her limit. Also like PF's daughter, none of her work from her high school was graded with a GPA. If she had that, she most likely would have ended up in the 10%. That was over 12 yrs ago now so history and more schools are doing AP classes. It was a new idea then (in Texas at least). Didn't help she had a bad car accident just a week before her SAT where she lost 24 hrs of her life forever. Fortunately, she is a go getter and now at the age of 30 is doing well in her profession.

My son, the middle one, had a disastrous time and at one point, he was lucky not to be deported. We had to send him back to Europe (with the agreement of his parole officer) for about 8 months and even then we had to have a very good support system in place for him on his return. Fortunately, our health insurance included mental health issues, not every health plan does. Despite dropping out of university ( he has a high IQ but a low boredom threshold, texas history, English etc was not on his agenda. Anything to do with PC's he aced.) He is doing OK now and is married but I often think he would have done so much better in Scotland but who know.

My youngest daughter was the one who adapted the best and if you met her, you would think she was Texan. She is the one who wants to travel and maybe live in Europe one day.

Like Elvira, our marriage went through enormous strains because I was so unhappy especially when my son was going through his difficulties.

Yes, you are adaptable, you have a good income (as Elvira says you will be comfortable but when the unexpected hospital bill comes along, money will be tight) but I not seeing the consideration for the children in this equation. It maybe they are used to moving and there are many successful people in the US because their parents were service people who moved around constantly. Also what will be your position if your husband was killed in action in Kabul, do you know what your pension and health plan benefits will be. I think both my husband and I 's concern is our retirement and are saving as much as we can, now the kids are through college, as it is not cheap to be retired in the US.
However, think we have given you enough advice for you to chew on until you actually arrive and face some of the difficulties we have mentioned. The one thing about this group, we might be hard on people who are thinking of moving here but we have lived through all this. Once you are here, we will still be here to support you.

Pulaski

Epilepsy is a "learning difficulty".
We have one child, negligible medical expenses, no Texas property taxes, our vehicles are 12+ years old, and our last car loan was paid off in 2004. We have travelled out of the US just once in ten years, to the UK. I can absolutely guarantee that your $197,000 will not go anywhere near as far as you seem to think it will.

MoshiMoshi

The thing is, it's not just about the gun in your house. It's the guns in your kids' friends houses. And growing up in a culture where gun-ownership is not just tolerated but fiercely applauded. And the completely different way police and public interact when almost anyone could be armed.

I'm not saying 'don't go because of the guns'. But if you're moving permanently, with six kids, please don't expect to maintain an British life with better weather and more space. You can't cherry-pick which aspects of the culture will affect you and, especially, the kids. However enthused they are now, your teenage children are going to undergo some serious culture shock, whereas the younger ones will grow up thinking this is just normal. I assume the cost of transporting a family of eight means it's a permanent move and visits back to the UK will be unlikely.

And you haven't seen messed up politics until there's a mainstream politician on UK television talking, with a straight face, about his God-given mandate. How he's prayed for guidance, and received specific answers about Our Lord's preference for lower taxes, no healthcare, cheaper fuel, abstinence-only sex-ed, no abortions, and the right to own high-grade firearms.

stockhall

Thank you for the comments. I don't know how I am not putting the children and their needs into the equation. This move would be for them more than anything. My eldest is keen to move to Japan when older so if you like moving away from 'home ' now as a family is a stepping stone to her moving abroad on her own.

Why would they suffer if not leaving anything they cherish behind. They don't miss London (I know it is not the same ) as they didn't really have friends or family to miss. Family here would be quite happy to be flown over and continue to see once a year.

If my husband was killed (not in forces ) then where ever I am I would be up s#@% Creek without a paddle regardless of where I am. Husband is a saver so he would make sure that we would be looked after in such a situation. He is also in process of selling his house there so that could be our nest egg.

Not much more i can say on the issue.

Jerseygirl

You said guns are a dodgy subject and you wouldn't have one in your house. How do you feel about your children going to a friend's house where there are guns? My daughter's school sent letters out to all parents every year or so...reminding them that when their kids visit a friend's home to check with the parents that all guns are locked away safely. I lived in NJ...which is no where near as gun ho as Texas.