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Off Topic: Are you religious/spitirual/is there a God?

Off Topic: Are you religious/spitirual/is there a God?

Old Nov 18th 2005, 1:41 am
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Unhappy Off Topic: Are you religious/spitirual/is there a God?

... I just want to let out and scream!!! Ok, now that I've finished that, heres my story...

Hello friends,

Some of you will recall that mid-2005, I was trying to head back to the UK, as my sister had cancer. I spent 2 days with her, and then she passed away. She was only 42, the first born to my parents. She was diagnosed at the end of October 2004.

This Tuesday (2 weeks into Nov 2005), my father was diagnosed with cancer - Myeloma... I just cannot believe it! Non of my family can. Its a different type of cancer to what my sister had, and neither is it hereditary. But its just driving me crazy thinking about it. I accept the fact that it has happened, but its hard accepting the fact that its happend just as we were beginning to get back to normal. Mum had only last weekend started to go out again, and get her life back on track.

So - what do I do? My brother phoned me and told me over the phone, I told him that we have been through it before, and we know what it involves and what we need to do. I feel as if I have become a machine, just going through the motions, even though I am here in the USA.

I don't know what to say to my family. All I can do is search the internet and provide them with further information, call them and speak to them on the phone. I was planning to go back to the UK for 2 weeks in December, but now my brother and Mother are telling me not to book anything yet! Mum may be going for a hysterectomy in January... So, they may need me back home then for a few weeks.

What can I say to them? I am just so lost for words. Its as if everything has been sucked out of me, and I am tired of repeating about its karma/fate...

Thanks for reading.

Dee

Last edited by DEE_UK; Nov 18th 2005 at 1:44 am.
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Old Nov 18th 2005, 2:09 am
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Default Re: Off Topic: Are you religious/spitirual/is there a God?

Oh honey, I don't know what else to say to you, stay strong. Is there any way you can go home for a few months and spend time with your family?
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Old Nov 18th 2005, 2:50 am
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Default Re: Off Topic: Are you religious/spitirual/is there a God?

Not a lot I can say apart from you have my sympathies.

In answer to you (rhetorical?) questions: No/no/and I beleive not. If theres a God then everything is pre-ordained, so nothing we do makes a difference ergo we have no free will and no hope. Whereas I beleive we can make a difference through our actions and nothing is fixed until it happens. There is always hope.
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Old Nov 18th 2005, 2:08 pm
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Default Re: Off Topic: Are you religious/spitirual/is there a God?

Yes, I am religious/spiritual & I do believe there is a God. It's so hard to understand & accept the things that happen to us in this life. Just yesterday I found out about a boy I knew had passed away, he was only 16 & it made me so upset. You have to be strong & you can't let this bring you down. Just try to be there for your mother as much as you can, I understand that this is very hard on you, but from the way you describe things, your mother is finding it harder to deal with, so I think the best thing to do is be her pillar of strength, it's pretty much all you can do.

Life is so unfair sometimes & I am very sorry that you are all going through this. I hope your father really shows the cancer what for & kicks it's arse so it never comes near your family ever again!
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Old Nov 18th 2005, 2:22 pm
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Default Re: Off Topic: Are you religious/spitirual/is there a God?

Originally Posted by Partystar
Yes, I am religious/spiritual & I do believe there is a God. It's so hard to understand & accept the things that happen to us in this life. Just yesterday I found out about a boy I knew had passed away, he was only 16 & it made me so upset. You have to be strong & you can't let this bring you down. Just try to be there for your mother as much as you can, I understand that this is very hard on you, but from the way you describe things, your mother is finding it harder to deal with, so I think the best thing to do is be her pillar of strength, it's pretty much all you can do.

Life is so unfair sometimes & I am very sorry that you are all going through this. I hope your father really shows the cancer what for & kicks it's arse so it never comes near your family ever again!

While I understand and respect your belief surely sometimes things do just happen? There is no real reason other than they happen. Does everything really have to have a reason?

Birth, life, death are all part of the natural way of things for everything. Nothing can last forever and without death their can be no new life.
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Old Nov 18th 2005, 2:47 pm
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Default Re: Off Topic: Are you religious/spitirual/is there a God?

Originally Posted by DEE_UK
... I just want to let out and scream!!! Ok, now that I've finished that, heres my story...

Hello friends,

Some of you will recall that mid-2005, I was trying to head back to the UK, as my sister had cancer. I spent 2 days with her, and then she passed away. She was only 42, the first born to my parents. She was diagnosed at the end of October 2004.

This Tuesday (2 weeks into Nov 2005), my father was diagnosed with cancer - Myeloma... I just cannot believe it! Non of my family can. Its a different type of cancer to what my sister had, and neither is it hereditary. But its just driving me crazy thinking about it. I accept the fact that it has happened, but its hard accepting the fact that its happend just as we were beginning to get back to normal. Mum had only last weekend started to go out again, and get her life back on track.

So - what do I do? My brother phoned me and told me over the phone, I told him that we have been through it before, and we know what it involves and what we need to do. I feel as if I have become a machine, just going through the motions, even though I am here in the USA.

I don't know what to say to my family. All I can do is search the internet and provide them with further information, call them and speak to them on the phone. I was planning to go back to the UK for 2 weeks in December, but now my brother and Mother are telling me not to book anything yet! Mum may be going for a hysterectomy in January... So, they may need me back home then for a few weeks.

What can I say to them? I am just so lost for words. Its as if everything has been sucked out of me, and I am tired of repeating about its karma/fate...

Thanks for reading.

Dee

That's really rough, I'm so sorry, you sound like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. Sometimes there isn't anything you can do/say and I'm sure it's difficult being so far away. sending you some hugs.

Annette
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Old Nov 18th 2005, 2:47 pm
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Default Re: Off Topic: Are you religious/spitirual/is there a God?

I am so sorry for what you have been through and what you have to deal with now. Whether you believe in a greater power or not, it will not be easy, and it should not be easy to deal with. People always feel like bad things are happening specifically to them, but the reality is that 1 in 3 people will develop cancer eventually. Because we survive other ilnesses better than ever before, more people will get cancer.
If you want to do something practical to help from far away, the best thing you can do is become informed about Myeloma so that they don't have to explain everything to you, and you can understand what is going on. I used to do research on myeloma, and i can tell you that advances in treatment are constantly going on, so it can pay to be educated.

I can't tell you that my prayers are with you, because i am not religious, but i can tell you that I feel a great empathy with you due to my own experiences, and you will honestly be in my thoughts.

My warmest wishes for you and your family

tina
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Old Nov 18th 2005, 2:51 pm
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Default Re: Off Topic: Are you religious/spitirual/is there a God?

Originally Posted by Angry White Pyjamas
While I understand and respect your belief surely sometimes things do just happen? There is no real reason other than they happen. Does everything really have to have a reason?

Birth, life, death are all part of the natural way of things for everything. Nothing can last forever and without death their can be no new life.
I'm not sure you read my post properly, I didn't say there was a reason for everything. I agree with what you are saying. I'm confused now!
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Old Nov 18th 2005, 2:59 pm
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Default Re: Off Topic: Are you religious/spitirual/is there a God?

I don't believe and I dont think I ever really have. I can see why it all gets started. People need an explanation or a source of comfort or faith, and religion provides that. I also serves as a set of rules to live by, with the threat of hell for those who may stray. So, I can understand why people may need a religion, but its not for me. I can immediately think of three people close to me who died of cancer and I put those down to poor diet, long term exposure to carcinogenic chemicals and smoking. I don't think it was their "time". They chose to smoke or were unlucky enough to live near or have a job involving hazardous chemicals.
Dee, I can't think of any words of wisdom, except try to stay positive, both for yourself and those around you. Many cancer survivors have said that their attitude played a huge part in their recovery. Go home and be with them when you can, and enjoy that time.

Last edited by Chorlton; Nov 18th 2005 at 3:02 pm.
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Old Nov 18th 2005, 3:01 pm
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Default Re: Off Topic: Are you religious/spitirual/is there a God?

Originally Posted by Partystar
I'm not sure you read my post properly, I didn't say there was a reason for everything. I agree with what you are saying. I'm confused now!
Sorry I was just continuing my own ramblings and kind of fitted in your post to link to.
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Old Nov 18th 2005, 3:06 pm
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Default Re: Off Topic: Are you religious/spitirual/is there a God?

Originally Posted by Angry White Pyjamas
Sorry I was just continuing my own ramblings and kind of fitted in your post to link to.
Oh okay, no problem. I just got confused, it's easily done!!!
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Old Nov 18th 2005, 3:14 pm
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Default Re: Off Topic: Are you religious/spitirual/is there a God?

Originally Posted by Chorlton
I don't believe and I dont think I ever really have. I can see why it all gets started. People need an explanation or a source of comfort or faith, and religion provides that. I also serves as a set of rules to live by, with the threat of hell for those who may stray. So, I can understand why people may need a religion, but its not for me. I can immediately think of three people close to me who died of cancer and I put those down to poor diet, long term exposure to carcinogenic chemicals and smoking. I don't think it was their "time". They chose to smoke or were unlucky enough to live near or have a job involving hazardous chemicals.
Dee, I can't think of any words of wisdom, except try to stay positive, both for yourself and those around you. Many cancer survivors have said that their attitude played a huge part in their recovery. Go home and be with them when you can, and enjoy that time.
I agree and disagree. It makes it sound like everyone who got cancer deserved it in some way (although i'm sure that isn't what you intended to infer), but many times it is due to an underlying genetic problem, even with smoking -related cancer. That's why some people smoke until 100 and don't get lung cancer, whilst non-smokers can get it.

I agree that religion helps people deal with life and it fits everything into neat boxes. I also agree with AWP, and i think that we have to deal with what we are given, and take responsibility for our actions. On the other hand, IF people believe, it doesn't mean that they are wrong, and as long as they don't hurt anyone (and do take responsibility), i don't see why i should try to spoil what i consider their happy illusion.
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Old Nov 18th 2005, 3:26 pm
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Default Re: Off Topic: Are you religious/spitirual/is there a God?

Originally Posted by cutina
I agree and disagree. It makes it sound like everyone who got cancer deserved it in some way (although i'm sure that isn't what you intended to infer), but many times it is due to an underlying genetic problem, even with smoking -related cancer. That's why some people smoke until 100 and don't get lung cancer, whilst non-smokers can get it.

I agree that religion helps people deal with life and it fits everything into neat boxes. I also agree with AWP, and i think that we have to deal with what we are given, and take responsibility for our actions. On the other hand, IF people believe, it doesn't mean that they are wrong, and as long as they don't hurt anyone (and do take responsibility), i don't see why i should try to spoil what i consider their happy illusion.
I agree - I wouldn't go around telling everyone they're wrong, just as I don't expect to have people telling me I need to join their cult.
Of course, you are correct about the genetics, but in the cases I mentioned I have no idea if genetics was a factor. I was just going on what I knew about each person. I guess the point is that things you do in your life will affect you in some way, sooner or later (and you're right, I wouldn't try to place any blame).
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Old Nov 18th 2005, 7:39 pm
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Default Re: Off Topic: Are you religious/spitirual/is there a God?

Yes, yes, yes to answer your questions.

I grew up as a boy and didn't believe. I was afraid of ghosts though till I was 16 and suddenly stopped believing in ANYTHING.

I was an athiest and now I am a born again Christian about 5 years ago.

It is so sad to hear your story. It seems we get beaten up by Gods plans all the time. I do understand why people question God or even his existence. Heck, why doesn't he just show himself and make it easier on all of us...

A family of someone at our school recently lost their 14 year old son, one of my sons friends. His mother was driving the car he died in, she survived, he was their only child....

I know not why these things are in Gods plans but I certainly believe there is something we all do not understand, even Christians. I guess a fair argument is, if the plan is laid out already then how can we change it, that too is a mystery to me. I fear not dying, I also realise we are given a very short time on this earth compared with where we are in history... Does that help. I doubt it, this is a tough world and my belief in God helps me through it. It doesn't work for everyone but I wish it would.
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Old Nov 18th 2005, 7:49 pm
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Default Re: Off Topic: Are you religious/spitirual/is there a God?

Originally Posted by franc11s
Yes, yes, yes to answer your questions.

I grew up as a boy and didn't believe. I was afraid of ghosts though till I was 16 and suddenly stopped believing in ANYTHING.

I was an athiest and now I am a born again Christian about 5 years ago.

It is so sad to hear your story. It seems we get beaten up by Gods plans all the time. I do understand why people question God or even his existence. Heck, why doesn't he just show himself and make it easier on all of us...

A family of someone at our school recently lost their 14 year old son, one of my sons friends. His mother was driving the car he died in, she survived, he was their only child....

I know not why these things are in Gods plans but I certainly believe there is something we all do not understand, even Christians. I guess a fair argument is, if the plan is laid out already then how can we change it, that too is a mystery to me. I fear not dying, I also realise we are given a very short time on this earth compared with where we are in history... Does that help. I doubt it, this is a tough world and my belief in God helps me through it. It doesn't work for everyone but I wish it would.
Because it wouldn't be faith if he did!
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