Chesten

So we're here in TN for our house hunting/ recce trip. In fact we've been here nearly a week and fly home tonight.

I am so anxious and really don't know if I want to go ahead with the relocation. Is it normal to get such a reaction even before the big move?

There's lots I do like: love downtown Knoxville, the countryside, the friendliness of people. We might have found a great nursery for our toddler. But I'm not sure I've found where I fit in (I'm on the dependent H4 to my husband's H1B if you recall). I think the trip has highlighted how we want slightly different things out of the move.

Will this sense of anxiety pass?

Sorry if this seems insensitive to people v keen to move.

Wintersong

Your feelings of anxiety are absolutely normal - after all, you're about to make a huge change to your life!

I studied psychology at uni and I distinctly remember completing a questionnaire about stress during my course. A house move ranked below only death of a spouse or other loved one when it came to creating stress, and that's not even considering the international aspect.

H4 can be a very isolating visa, particularly when you have a small child. You need to go into this with your eyes wide open in that regard. You're going to be very stressed, and you're going to feel very alone. I'm not saying this to scare you or put you off, but so that you are able to recognise your feelings when they occur. Your husband will be busy at work, and will be meeting and interacting with people on a daily basis and he's unlikely to understand why you're not as excited about it all as he is unless you explain it to him.

The UK and the US are alike in many ways, but there will still be a culture shock, and it will primarily fall on you. It can be very simple things, such as not knowing which brands to buy and which to avoid in the supermarket, and it can be bigger things, such as not knowing how the local government works and who to call if you have a problem.

Again, I don't want to put you off - it's an amazing opportunity that isn't available to many, and I'd encourage you to embrace it and make the most of it. But go easy on yourself if you find it difficult and stressful for a while. We're here if you ever feel you need to vent.

One last thing - even if you're not socially gregarious by nature, I'd recommend that you search out and join local groups. Whatever it is you're interested in, whether it's a hobby, or exercise, or a mom's group... it will really help you to have that social contact and start making a group of good friends as soon as you can. If one group isn't working for you and you don't feel you connect with the people there, join another, and keep going until you find your social niche.

ian-mstm

Ian

livinginnyc

Moving countries is a pretty significant thing for anyone to do, so I'd say it's only natural to get some degree of anxiety pre-move, there are alot of moving parts and it is life changing.

Echoing what Wintersong has said, there will be a culture shock in various areas of daily life, but you'd be surprised at how quickly you adapt to it - seriously (I mean, drive thru-banks and all - because I want to get out cash, drink coffee and handle large machinery simultaneously).

As Wintersong again has said, take a look at social media/online for meetups for people new to the area (immigrants or just people moving cross-country) or simply groups that follow a similar interest so that you can comfortably meet people in the area.

Give it time and the anxiety.etc will give way as you find your groove again

tom169

Great post, Wintersong!

I would look up on Facebook for local groups - you may be surprised. I found one with a couple hundred British people here in my city.

Most large supermarkets I've found stock a British section so you can get some treats from home.

Services exist online to watch TV from back home too.

Good luck!

sherbert

Totally normal: imagine the stress you'd feel if you were simply moving to another town and then quadruple it to cater for the fact you're moving your family halfway around the world.

H4 is a difficult visa but you can make the best of it if you try. With a child, I do not think you will be isolated if you are able to get out and about (your own transport is essential: you will need your own car) and join in with mothers' groups and kids' activities. There will be countless other parents around you who are at home with their children and most likely other people on H4 visas to get in touch with.

As others say, it takes a long time to adjust. Things work very differently here and admin and processes are sometimes mindblowingly frustrating. I think, after 2.5 years, I'm finally settled and used to the US so expect a long adjustment period.

lizzyq

You already have been offered good advice in this thread. Looking, briefly, at the wikipedia entry on Knoxville I saw that it is home to a good sized university. If our experience here in State College (home to Penn State University) is anything to go by, a university town is likely to be less insular than small town USA and you will probably find other foreigners by sheer chance. We ran into an English guy at our son's high school rock ensemble concert purely because we were talking as we walked in and immediately noticed each other's accent. There is also an international women's welcome club here in town that I have been invited to but I never remember before the monthly meeting happens, Knoxville may have something similar.

dj6372

I would imagine its terrifying in some ways! Some of us had it easy, we already had American spouses to rely on.


But please don't forget BE its a fantastic place for advice and assistance, the knowledge on here is fantastic.


Don't forget there are various forums that you can vent/bitch in when it all becomes WTF!!


My pet hate is the shite bacon!


You're amongst friends here.

ddsrph

[QUOTE=lizzyq;12162626]You already have been offered good advice in this thread. Looking, briefly, at the wikipedia entry on Knoxville I saw that it is home to a good sized university. If our experience here in State College (home to Penn State University) is anything to go by, a university town is likely to be less insular than small town USA and you will probably find other foreigners by sheer chance.

The university of Tennessee is a large university in a small city. The campus is 600 acres with over 28,000 students and 1700 faculty and have members from over 100 countries.

carcajou

Chesten, it is normal. The volume of things to do can seem overwhelming. Just moving house, it is easy to overlook just how much stuff you have accumulated until it comes time to box up every last piece of paper, and that when you get to the new house you need to make sure you have every utensil and pillow.

Is your move connected to the University of Tennessee? In American culture there is something called the "college town" which is when there is the combination of a small town and a large university - Knoxville is an example, Gainesville, Florida is an example, Columbia, Missouri is an example. Anyways the economy of these towns tends to run through these huge universities, and there can be a more diverse array of amenities (better / wider variety of restaurants, more entertainment, especially with sports, cheaper housing etc) as they cater to the university set - and quite often "college towns" are cheaper to live in for the same reason, a big portion of the market are youngsters still dependent on mom and dad.

Drawbacks are, these towns can tend to turn into ghost towns when the universities are on holiday, and employment options can be limited if you are not connected to the university. However, Knoxville is bigger than most "college towns" and so may be insulated from that to some degree.

Tennessee is underrated. Good luck there. Enjoy Waffle House.

Jensmate

Everything you are experiencing is absolutely normal. The previous posts have been spot on with their advice. I've found it helped to have a bit of the familiar during such a sea of change. In a new home, in a new city, in a new country it can help to have a bit of home at hand. I suggest finding the foreign or imported food section in your local market. That's where you'll find familiar if wildly overpriced British comfort foods: Marmite, PG Tips, Yorkshire tea, HobNobs, HP Sauce. A cuppa and a HobNob can go a long way in dispelling discomfort. If you don't find your usual brand, ask the store manager. S/he will usually make an effort to order what you want.
The bacon IS rubbish. Look for Canadian bacon, little circles of the fattest end of a rasher. Expensive, not quite the same but will suffice to dispel the occasional Jones for a bacon bap.
Best wishes for your move.

lizzyq

The locals here (town not gown) tend to draw a big breath of relief at the end of graduation week and very much enjoy having the place to themselves until mid August when the students return, and the research staff use this time to get on with their projects in peace. There are lots of summer activities not linked to the university and non-academic employment opportunities here too. IIRC during term time 75% of the population of the borough (we aren't even a city!) and local townships is under 25 years of age.

HDWill

Knoxville is indeed much larger than the stereotypical college town such as Urbana-Champaign, Illinois or Columbia, Missouri. It's a bit larger than where I live (Columbia, South Carolina). Here, many/most people have very little interaction most of the time with the university or the students unless they live near the campus or the areas with lots of student rentals.

Redwing

You don't really notice the difference in Knoxville whether UT is in school or not, although there is a big difference when there is football game ; traffic can be terrible. When our daughter was at UT, we used to go there much more than we do now, it always seemed to be crowded whether school was in or out.

Chesten

Sorry for my absence. I appreciate all the responses/ encouragement and wintersong especially thanks for the detailed tips.

We had delays and a missed connection on the flight home and two poorly boys so that was fun!

Meeting the surveyor for the shipping company on thurs and we move ASAP after that.

Still having the odd mini meltdown I guess linked to mixed feelings about the move but time to put my big girl pants on and get on with it.

Interesting to read about college towns and especially Knoxville by personal experience- hadn't remotely considered impact of uni or football games!