Noah

Old Oct 17th 2005, 7:56 pm
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Default Noah

In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now
living in the United States, and said, "Once again,
the earth has become wicked and over-populated and I
see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark
and save two of every living thing along with a few
good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have six
months to build the Ark before I will start the
unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights".

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah
weeping in his yard....but no ark.

"Noah", He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where
is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "But things have
changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing
with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler
system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the
neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my
yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to
go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.

Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond
be posted for the future costs of moving power lines
and other overhead obstructions, to clear the
passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I argued that
the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear
nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on
cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl.
I tried to convince the environmentalists
that I needed the wood to save the owls. But no go!

When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an
animal rights group.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals
against their will. As well, they argued the
accommodation was too restrictive and it was cruel and
inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until
they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your
proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human
Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed
to hire for my building crew.

Also, the trades unions say I can't use my sons. They
insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark
building experience.

To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets,
claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally
with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least ten
years for me to finish this Ark.."

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine,
and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean, you're
not going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."
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