Dimsie

I wonder how long it has taken those of you who married a US citizen, and inherited a new family circle here, to really feel integrated and at home with them all.

I'm gradually feeling better about most things, except the heat, but still feeling like something of an outsider amongst a rather large family still bothers me.

I'm not used to a big family, I was an only child and have no kids myself, and no remaining close relatives in the UK. My husband on the other hand has 4 offspring all adults and 3 with kids of their own. It's not that I don't like them - I do. They are all very nice people. And yet, I still feel displaced.

Did it take you years, months or weeks ?

Pimpbot

It took just a matter of hours for me, because they all made me feel so welcome from the outset. It helped that my two brother in laws and I shared some mutual interests.

WarriorLife

Dimsie, I've been here a few months now and still don't feel truly at home. I left behind a family that is of similar size and structure to my wife's family here in the US. I love my family dearly and it includes grandparents, younger siblings and a very close best friend.

My wife's family are very different to mine. There is a great deal more emphasis on materialism, competition and a lot of inter-family bitches and arguments. Less favours, less kindness. The kind of people who will always expect something in return for a good deed.

Back in the UK, my family's attitude has always been "As long as you and your wife are together...and happy...thats all that matters, even if you live on the streets". The US 'family' however are very hard to please and seem to measure humanity in dollars.

I feel somedays that I swapped diamonds for dirt, but outside the family unit I am beginning to feel at home. I believe home is where you lay your hat.

Hang in there, and it will fall into place in due time.

doctor scrumpy

I was told that anyone insane enough to want to join the Memsahib's family must be insane enough to get in. Was made welcome from the moment I landed.

rincewind

It took me a couple of hours to fit in and then a matter of days for it all to fall apart.

In-laws are a nightmare and accuse me of doing things I haven't done. I'm blamed daily for my wife's previous divorce and the ongoing custody battle, accused of driving through father-in-law's plants (thought about it, never did it), been threatened with a rifle by father-in-law (that was a pretty funny day for me) and other ongoing issues.

I'm the scape goat for everyone's failures here. No-one admits to their own screw-ups.

But I don't care. In a few years time, this will be all rather funny. Especially at the open casket viewing

Bob

Never really bothered me about family, close to my mother, but my brother use to live in Austria, and my sister is a stewardess/flight attendant, whatever, so she wasn't around much.

Family here is great though, get on really well...even with most of the extended family, which is bloomin' massive *lol*

doctor scrumpy

Actually make that we were welcomed the moment we arrived, my pooch being part of the family & he gets on famoulsy with her pooch like they are both 2 year olds. T

Dimsie

Thanks for all your replies - they fall into 2 distinct groups, don't they!



Warrior Life and Rincewind have more to grumble about that I do, and that's a shame.....hope things improve (and before the casket stage rincewind )

I accept that the way I feel at present with regard to the new family is probably more due to my own shortcomings than theirs. It's nice to know how others have found things though, and I'm really glad so many have had such a positive experience and are happy.

Dimsie

Thanks Warrior Life - that's a very kind thought ! It's OK though, I'm a big girl and used to reading these boards.

rincewind

Hope not. I have a cracking speech all planned

It's a shame though. I would have preferred us all getting along. But you really have to meet these people. I couldn't possibly explain what they are like. It's something that has to be witnessed first hand and you'll be reaching for a gun in about an hour.

I think I may ask Ray to come up and vist

Manc

I have to say, my in-laws are fantastic. and consider me part of the fabric now.

WarriorLife

It's all cool. The thought that each new day brings me closer to the eventual death of my in-laws....that's what gets me out of bed each morning and ready to face the day ahead.

I like to turn a negative into a positive

ladylisa

Is the issue your new family or could it be that you are feeling exposed as your not used to having family around? Would you feel more settled if it was just you and your partner? If so that could happen to you had your new in laws been in the UK. What I'm trying to say is how much of you not feeling settled is the country and how much is it about extra family?

btw; If the in laws are nice then hopefully in time you will get so used to having them around that they will give an extra dimension to your life.

Pimpbot

Oh get over yourself. She asked a question and we answered. Did you want us to lie?. Next time I'll read the guidelines, so I can be as miserable as you've been. Geez

rincewind

Are you me???