britex01

Hi, I'm a Brit who married a Texan gal in the UK a few years ago, but she has now returned to her Lone Star State. She spent three years in the UK but alas, she couldn't settle in the UK because she's an 'All American' gal and has two grown kids (early 20's) from her former marriage! ...

She nows wants me to uproot to the States - period... ... I've visited the States a few times, including Texas (DFW area) and its 'God Fearing' clean-living types that never seem to walk anywhere (except the Malls) and live constant air conditioning! Hell, I had to step out of one store to get warm again! Hospitality was good, in fact generous, however.

Do I move for 'love' ... .... (Jezzz...) or do I uproot in peril of my life? What's it like living in the States as opposed to visits? What's the fors and against? (my wife bulls**ts at anything, simply to get me there next year!). She's now thinking Tennessee!!

Perhaps I'm acting too cautious because of mature years, or just plain loco having met and married a Texan! ... ......

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Donations please: MadBrit Charity org. Safeguarding Against American Women.

Dan725

Well, sounds to me like if you want to stay married, off you trot

Welcome to the forum - the "Marriage Based Visas" subsection would be a good place to start...

penguinsix

It seems after moving advice the most commonly requested item here is marriage advice, and usually in a situation just like yours.

Of course, I don't have an easy answer for you as we don't know (don't want to know) all the particulars. I know full well how hard it is to adjust to the UK as an American, and I can also relate to the very real problems you are going to have adjusting to Texas, which is like its own little world sometime.

I would say some of your fears like god fearing Texans in cars and malls are valid, but in the end, not really that important. There will be far greater issues you will deal with than the locals, like being away from your family and friends and the culture you grew up with (and enjoy)? Finding work, friends, etc will be extremely daunting tasks (just read these messageboards).

I think you should point out to your wife that the problems she is having in the UK are more than likely similar to the problems you are going to have moving to the US. The complaints on this message board are often mirror images of the complaints your read on Talk Yankee, the US expats in the UK. It just goes with living far from home in a different culture.

I'm not the best to give advice on this because my wife and I are kind of professional expats and have a pretty good understanding on moving from one place or the other. I've followed her, she's followed me. We've even lived apart for a few months ('commuting' over the Atlantic every couple weeks is a bit insane).

You may want to sit down and talk through it with her. See what middle grounds might exist, talk about how this could be a temporary move, or discuss what will happen if you are as miserable in the US as she is in the UK (and demand a real answer from her as to that). Personally my belief is that if you get to the point that one partner is giving ultimatiums to the other, than it may already be too late. You'll need to both have some give and take, and if there is none to be had, then maybe you'll need to figure out something else...

Sorry I can't give you a perfect solution. Good luck with this difficult choice.

Bob

she not stick around to get UK citizenship? might make it a hassle if she doesn't settle back in the states.....as for you, there's plenty of threads about life and questions regarding texas that might be worth searching through and reading.

welcome to BE too

Tracym

First off, I'm just one of those yanks. And I have never lived in another country.

But I'm up in Illinois, and I'd pretty much consider Texas another country. I would personally not care to live there. Sorry, don't mean to offend the Texans on the board - but it isn't for anyone, and I would find it hard to adjust to Texas.

From the marital advice theory - she tried living in the UK, if you can - why not give the US a go? But it's a really big country, I would personally suspect that a different state would be easier for a Brit to adjust to.

As far as whether or not you discuss what'll happen if you don't like it beforehand - to me that would depend upon how much you'd give up to move to the US. If you could just go back if you want, I think I'd just give it a try without the "what-ifs". After a few (3-4?) years you could have citizenship, and the freedom to be in whichever country you want. If you're making a big sacrifice to come over here, then maybe you should have that discussion.

There are a lot of Brits who don't like it here - quite a few on the board. I've also met quite a few that do. I guess it depends upon the person. Apparently we have a more capitalist culture than the UK. Less time off work (vacation). There are lots of possibilities though.

There are plenty of places where you don't need air conditioning year round. Walking - nah, we don't do that, our legs are all gonna fall off. But you're welcome to if you like

Tennessee is pretty, and a more moderate climate than Texas (still hot in the summer though). Not sure about the culture. I don't know, let the Brits chime in here, but I wonder if the east coast or something might appeal more culturally.

Things to consider though - for her to bring you over will take some time (6 months to a year?) and she probably has to be able to financially sponsor you (plenty of info on the marriage-based forum). Also, you need to address the issue of health insurance, especially if you're "mature".

dukeynorton

Well I think you have had some excellent advice and I am not really in a position to talk about your relationship issues. Needless to say, I moved to Texas 7 months ago (is it that long already?) and I really like it here. I am probably younger than you but I am living apart from my fiancee, which is probably the hardest thing I have ever done for 100s of reasons. I would give my right arm to be with her right now and that is no exaggeration. I think that if you are happy together, it doesnt matter where you are but this is probably my youthful naivety showing up here.

The only reason we are doing this is for our future together and we have a very strict plan that means this will only ever be temporary (and she is in the US so commute is easy!). For you though, that doesnt sound like an option as it doesnt seem as if there is any discussion to be had!

Yes Texas is hard, but I think it slowly gets into you and as long as you are open minded, you will grow to love it. I would go for it.

Sally

Try not to burn all your bridges - try it out but keep a property in the UK, for example. Then you won't feel trapped if it doesn't suit you.

We have our own reverend on the board who could offer thoughts about the religious side

Silly Sod

She's your wife for god sake. Grow some cahoonas man and hop a flight. The worst that can happen is you will go mad with lonlyness and wish you were dead but hey.......live the dream ha ha.

Elvira

Can I have a glass of whatever you're having!

Sally

I do believe that's a maniacal laugh

Elvira

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14oM-FWmXBo



(give it a minute... )

Sally

He's giving that lute some grief

Jerseygirl

You Silly Sod that's what you did and now you're heading back to the UK.

surly

If he comes he has a home here, misery loves company.

His sig does not bode well though.

Rushman

Stay where you are. If you move you will regret it. Trust me...I do not lie.