Mums and Dads who are living in the states with young(ish) kids?
May 6th 2003, 8:59 pm
#1
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Mums and Dads who are living in the states with young(ish) kids?
Hi,
As you may have noticed, my son posted a message on here last night (lower down on the forum). Prior to this we had been having a chat about the pros and cons of moving to the states. As you can see from his message, I've not convinced him!!! LOL
I am wondering if there are any parents with children out there who have had a similar reaction? (please don't tell me I'm the only one !). I know he will get on great and love it once we're there, but I can't stand the thought of him dreading it until then - I really want it to be a happy subject.
Any tips, or possible if there are any similar aged children with words of encouragement, I'd love to hear... maybe you could send a private message? Thanks ever so.
(pity there isn't a kid forum - would have been ideal)
As you may have noticed, my son posted a message on here last night (lower down on the forum). Prior to this we had been having a chat about the pros and cons of moving to the states. As you can see from his message, I've not convinced him!!! LOL
I am wondering if there are any parents with children out there who have had a similar reaction? (please don't tell me I'm the only one !). I know he will get on great and love it once we're there, but I can't stand the thought of him dreading it until then - I really want it to be a happy subject.
Any tips, or possible if there are any similar aged children with words of encouragement, I'd love to hear... maybe you could send a private message? Thanks ever so.
(pity there isn't a kid forum - would have been ideal)
May 7th 2003, 1:31 pm
#2
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Location: Bletchley, UK
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Hi 'whatever',
Had to laugh at your handle - as a parent of a 13 year old and 15 year old I hear that word a lot!
My kids were 11 (boy) and 13 (girl) when I re-located from Bournemouth to Texas. To be honest my son loved the idea from the start but my daughter hated the thought.
The transition day was one Friday in the UK we all went out to our favourite Indian in Dorset and had a family conference. We all basically talked it over frankly, laid down the options (we either had to move with my job to Slough or consider re-locating to Texas - long story) and my wife and I made it clear to the children that basically they had the veto on this (and we meant it).
It was amazing, when put in that way the children suddenly aged by 10 years (only temporarily of course!) and we all discussed it rationally. Two hours later EVERYONE was excited at the thought and the children were making plans etc.
Now, we look back in amazement that there was ever any doubt. The children (not really 'children' any more) are completely different people, so much more 'rounded' and 'take life as it comes' kind of thing. My son switches seemlessly from a British to Texan accent. My daughter takes her driving permit test this weekend. Basically they love it out here.
So. my advice, for what it's worth is to really INVOLVE your kids in the decision making process. Make them realize that they are one of the main reasons you are considering this. Give them either a veto or a solemn promise that, if they really hate it, you'll find a way to come back. Because, let's face it, if they really DID hate it you wouldn't want to stay anyway, would you?
Trust me, whatever happens, they'll never look back. Point out to them that, in years to come, if they choose, they will be both British and American citizens - and so will their children.
Sorry about the length of the post - kind of brought it all back!
Andy.
Had to laugh at your handle - as a parent of a 13 year old and 15 year old I hear that word a lot!
My kids were 11 (boy) and 13 (girl) when I re-located from Bournemouth to Texas. To be honest my son loved the idea from the start but my daughter hated the thought.
The transition day was one Friday in the UK we all went out to our favourite Indian in Dorset and had a family conference. We all basically talked it over frankly, laid down the options (we either had to move with my job to Slough or consider re-locating to Texas - long story) and my wife and I made it clear to the children that basically they had the veto on this (and we meant it).
It was amazing, when put in that way the children suddenly aged by 10 years (only temporarily of course!) and we all discussed it rationally. Two hours later EVERYONE was excited at the thought and the children were making plans etc.
Now, we look back in amazement that there was ever any doubt. The children (not really 'children' any more) are completely different people, so much more 'rounded' and 'take life as it comes' kind of thing. My son switches seemlessly from a British to Texan accent. My daughter takes her driving permit test this weekend. Basically they love it out here.
So. my advice, for what it's worth is to really INVOLVE your kids in the decision making process. Make them realize that they are one of the main reasons you are considering this. Give them either a veto or a solemn promise that, if they really hate it, you'll find a way to come back. Because, let's face it, if they really DID hate it you wouldn't want to stay anyway, would you?
Trust me, whatever happens, they'll never look back. Point out to them that, in years to come, if they choose, they will be both British and American citizens - and so will their children.
Sorry about the length of the post - kind of brought it all back!
Andy.
May 14th 2003, 6:15 pm
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Hi Andy,
Really enjoyed your reply - thanks for sharing. I had my son sit with me and read it and told him that we were like you and that if he HATED it there, we would not stay.
Well, in the last week his attitude has totally transformed... My husband and I can hardly believe the turnaround. He has had many replied to his post too and now can not wait to go!! It seems that using this site has really helped him see the bigger picture.
I think he has come to realise that it is not easy or possible for everyone to go to the USA and realises his priviledged position. Also, we set him up with an e-mail account so he can talk to his friends, wherever he may be (ahh yes... how DID we cope before e-mail?!)
Thanks again Andy - fingers crossed that our interview goes alright
Really enjoyed your reply - thanks for sharing. I had my son sit with me and read it and told him that we were like you and that if he HATED it there, we would not stay.
Well, in the last week his attitude has totally transformed... My husband and I can hardly believe the turnaround. He has had many replied to his post too and now can not wait to go!! It seems that using this site has really helped him see the bigger picture.
I think he has come to realise that it is not easy or possible for everyone to go to the USA and realises his priviledged position. Also, we set him up with an e-mail account so he can talk to his friends, wherever he may be (ahh yes... how DID we cope before e-mail?!)
Thanks again Andy - fingers crossed that our interview goes alright
May 16th 2003, 12:09 am
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Whatever I have no personel exsperiance, my grew up here so knows nothing else. My son likes UK, but would not want to live there.
From people I have met, who came with teenage/young children at first it all seems strange, 6 months, they love it. Can't get enough. Especilly 16 year olds driving cars. Swimming pools etc.
Reg. Frank R.
From people I have met, who came with teenage/young children at first it all seems strange, 6 months, they love it. Can't get enough. Especilly 16 year olds driving cars. Swimming pools etc.
Reg. Frank R.
May 18th 2003, 3:10 am
#5
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We had an FA Cup final party today and our friends who moved here from Southampton in November brought there 3 kids 15, 13 and 3.
The good news is the 15 year old loves it, she has settled (after a tough start) and is an honors student (she probably wore the T shirt today). She is happy and doesn't want to go back to England for any of the summer holidays (she also likes the fact they have 3 whole months of in the summer!)
The bad news is the 13 year old doesn't like it, he hasn't settled well and will be kept behind next year (if you don't pass the year in America you sit it all again). This is not because he is stupid but because he has found it tough to settle and hasn't applied himself because he is unhappy. He is now even unhappier as he will be a whole year older than everyone else in his class next year.
What can I say, some kids adapt and some find it hard to adapt. Just don't expect because you think it is the land of milk of honey that they will too!
Good Luck
Patrick
The good news is the 15 year old loves it, she has settled (after a tough start) and is an honors student (she probably wore the T shirt today). She is happy and doesn't want to go back to England for any of the summer holidays (she also likes the fact they have 3 whole months of in the summer!)
The bad news is the 13 year old doesn't like it, he hasn't settled well and will be kept behind next year (if you don't pass the year in America you sit it all again). This is not because he is stupid but because he has found it tough to settle and hasn't applied himself because he is unhappy. He is now even unhappier as he will be a whole year older than everyone else in his class next year.
What can I say, some kids adapt and some find it hard to adapt. Just don't expect because you think it is the land of milk of honey that they will too!
Good Luck
Patrick
May 18th 2003, 10:34 pm
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Patrick,
Thanks for your reply.
I have no preconceptions about the USA and have never thought of it as the land of milk and honey. This is a very old fashioned term. In today's world, there is no such place.
It is interesting what you say about the school process. I think it is excellent that the US work on a strict gradient scale. As a devoted parent, we would ensure that our child would get full support whilst entering and settling into a foreign school system, it is the least my Husband and I can do.
I have had many good experiences from living in the USA and the UK as a child and as an adult. I have also had 'not so good' experiences from living in the USA and the UK.
It does not matter where you are located, whether it be England, Australia, USA or the Moon - you will not like everything but by being positive and ready to 'experience everything', you will never be unhappy.
My son is 11 and has drawn conclusions based on pure postulation. He imagine's life 'without' and not life with, simply because he has no experience. Reading the replies on this forum and other Internet sites has helped him imagine things in a way he couldn't have otherwise.
We have have some good hearty discussions since my original post and it boils down to security. We know that no matter what, we are a family and the most important thing is that we are together, wherever that may be, wouldn't you agree?
Thanks for your reply.
I have no preconceptions about the USA and have never thought of it as the land of milk and honey. This is a very old fashioned term. In today's world, there is no such place.
It is interesting what you say about the school process. I think it is excellent that the US work on a strict gradient scale. As a devoted parent, we would ensure that our child would get full support whilst entering and settling into a foreign school system, it is the least my Husband and I can do.
I have had many good experiences from living in the USA and the UK as a child and as an adult. I have also had 'not so good' experiences from living in the USA and the UK.
It does not matter where you are located, whether it be England, Australia, USA or the Moon - you will not like everything but by being positive and ready to 'experience everything', you will never be unhappy.
My son is 11 and has drawn conclusions based on pure postulation. He imagine's life 'without' and not life with, simply because he has no experience. Reading the replies on this forum and other Internet sites has helped him imagine things in a way he couldn't have otherwise.
We have have some good hearty discussions since my original post and it boils down to security. We know that no matter what, we are a family and the most important thing is that we are together, wherever that may be, wouldn't you agree?
May 19th 2003, 12:51 am
#7
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Originally posted by whatever
Patrick,
Thanks for your reply.
I have no preconceptions about the USA and have never thought of it as the land of milk and honey. This is a very old fashioned term. In today's world, there is no such place.
It is interesting what you say about the school process. I think it is excellent that the US work on a strict gradient scale. As a devoted parent, we would ensure that our child would get full support whilst entering and settling into a foreign school system, it is the least my Husband and I can do.
I have had many good experiences from living in the USA and the UK as a child and as an adult. I have also had 'not so good' experiences from living in the USA and the UK.
It does not matter where you are located, whether it be England, Australia, USA or the Moon - you will not like everything but by being positive and ready to 'experience everything', you will never be unhappy.
My son is 11 and has drawn conclusions based on pure postulation. He imagine's life 'without' and not life with, simply because he has no experience. Reading the replies on this forum and other Internet sites has helped him imagine things in a way he couldn't have otherwise.
We have have some good hearty discussions since my original post and it boils down to security. We know that no matter what, we are a family and the most important thing is that we are together, wherever that may be, wouldn't you agree?
Patrick,
Thanks for your reply.
I have no preconceptions about the USA and have never thought of it as the land of milk and honey. This is a very old fashioned term. In today's world, there is no such place.
It is interesting what you say about the school process. I think it is excellent that the US work on a strict gradient scale. As a devoted parent, we would ensure that our child would get full support whilst entering and settling into a foreign school system, it is the least my Husband and I can do.
I have had many good experiences from living in the USA and the UK as a child and as an adult. I have also had 'not so good' experiences from living in the USA and the UK.
It does not matter where you are located, whether it be England, Australia, USA or the Moon - you will not like everything but by being positive and ready to 'experience everything', you will never be unhappy.
My son is 11 and has drawn conclusions based on pure postulation. He imagine's life 'without' and not life with, simply because he has no experience. Reading the replies on this forum and other Internet sites has helped him imagine things in a way he couldn't have otherwise.
We have have some good hearty discussions since my original post and it boils down to security. We know that no matter what, we are a family and the most important thing is that we are together, wherever that may be, wouldn't you agree?
I remember when I was a teenager moving from Blackpool to Preston and the trouble I had settling in and that is only 25 miles.
I wish you and your family all the luck in the world
Patrick
May 19th 2003, 4:48 am
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We forgive you Patrick, which sort of Ass is that? Horses or otherwise.
Reg. Frank R.
Hope you all enjoyed another day in Paradise.
Reg. Frank R.
Hope you all enjoyed another day in Paradise.
May 27th 2003, 8:37 pm
#9
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 52
Re: Mums and Dads who are living in the states with young(ish) kids?
Hi Whatever
We moved over here 8 years ago when my kids were 7 + 4. To be honest, the move did not effect them much, and now they are as godd as being American. However, my wife went through 6 months of hell. Not knowing anybody and not being able to work, ment that she spent all of her time shopping (which was hell for me!!!) Once the six months were up she seemed much more settled. We have sinced helped a number of Brits settle in. I would say that the move is much harder on the Mums than the kids.
Good luck
We moved over here 8 years ago when my kids were 7 + 4. To be honest, the move did not effect them much, and now they are as godd as being American. However, my wife went through 6 months of hell. Not knowing anybody and not being able to work, ment that she spent all of her time shopping (which was hell for me!!!) Once the six months were up she seemed much more settled. We have sinced helped a number of Brits settle in. I would say that the move is much harder on the Mums than the kids.
Good luck
Originally posted by whatever
Hi,
As you may have noticed, my son posted a message on here last night (lower down on the forum). Prior to this we had been having a chat about the pros and cons of moving to the states. As you can see from his message, I've not convinced him!!! LOL
I am wondering if there are any parents with children out there who have had a similar reaction? (please don't tell me I'm the only one !). I know he will get on great and love it once we're there, but I can't stand the thought of him dreading it until then - I really want it to be a happy subject.
Any tips, or possible if there are any similar aged children with words of encouragement, I'd love to hear... maybe you could send a private message? Thanks ever so.
(pity there isn't a kid forum - would have been ideal)
Hi,
As you may have noticed, my son posted a message on here last night (lower down on the forum). Prior to this we had been having a chat about the pros and cons of moving to the states. As you can see from his message, I've not convinced him!!! LOL
I am wondering if there are any parents with children out there who have had a similar reaction? (please don't tell me I'm the only one !). I know he will get on great and love it once we're there, but I can't stand the thought of him dreading it until then - I really want it to be a happy subject.
Any tips, or possible if there are any similar aged children with words of encouragement, I'd love to hear... maybe you could send a private message? Thanks ever so.
(pity there isn't a kid forum - would have been ideal)
May 27th 2003, 9:18 pm
#10
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Joined: Aug 2001
Location: Bletchley, UK
Posts: 216
Agree with that - it is much harder on the Mums (shouldn't that be Moms? ).
Of course when your kids are teenagers then the non-go-out-to-work spouse spends so much time playing taxi driver that you simply don't have the time to work in any case!!!
Andy.
).Of course when your kids are teenagers then the non-go-out-to-work spouse spends so much time playing taxi driver that you simply don't have the time to work in any case!!!
Andy.
Jun 1st 2003, 2:03 pm
#11
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Joined: Jun 2003
Location: Plymouth Devon UK
Posts: 45
Thank you...
reading your posts has helped me deal with my 11 year old daughter who will be moving with me when we relocate to Oregon to be with my fiance.
We are in the very early stages of the move... my fiance is currently waiting for his divorce to be finalised and as soon as this is done... after almost 2 years of planning... he will apply for the K-1...
my daughter has gone from being incredibly set against the move to being positively full on.. "lets get it over with i can't wait to be there.. i want to make new friends and go to a new school..."
its all quite scary really.. and although i am normally a calm and collected woman i am becoming increasingly concerned about whats to come... and i don't mean the relocating... its the whole visa process that scares me... i love this man more than life itself and if anything should happen to stop me going to live with him i really have no idea how i'd cope...
sorry.. i rambled... my apologies...
Bee
reading your posts has helped me deal with my 11 year old daughter who will be moving with me when we relocate to Oregon to be with my fiance.
We are in the very early stages of the move... my fiance is currently waiting for his divorce to be finalised and as soon as this is done... after almost 2 years of planning... he will apply for the K-1...
my daughter has gone from being incredibly set against the move to being positively full on.. "lets get it over with i can't wait to be there.. i want to make new friends and go to a new school..."
its all quite scary really.. and although i am normally a calm and collected woman i am becoming increasingly concerned about whats to come... and i don't mean the relocating... its the whole visa process that scares me... i love this man more than life itself and if anything should happen to stop me going to live with him i really have no idea how i'd cope...
sorry.. i rambled... my apologies...
Bee
Jun 2nd 2003, 8:34 am
#12
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Re: Mums and Dads who are living in the states with young(ish) kids?
Originally posted by hhmaker
Hi Whatever
We moved over here 8 years ago when my kids were 7 + 4. To be honest, the move did not effect them much, and now they are as godd as being American. However, my wife went through 6 months of hell. Not knowing anybody and not being able to work, ment that she spent all of her time shopping (which was hell for me!!!) Once the six months were up she seemed much more settled. We have sinced helped a number of Brits settle in. I would say that the move is much harder on the Mums than the kids.
Good luck
Hi Whatever
We moved over here 8 years ago when my kids were 7 + 4. To be honest, the move did not effect them much, and now they are as godd as being American. However, my wife went through 6 months of hell. Not knowing anybody and not being able to work, ment that she spent all of her time shopping (which was hell for me!!!) Once the six months were up she seemed much more settled. We have sinced helped a number of Brits settle in. I would say that the move is much harder on the Mums than the kids.
Good luck
