Moving Back to US - Would you do it now?
 

I lived in California for 7 years then moved to Europe 5 years ago. My OH (not American) is desperate to move back. Life in California was good. We earned a lot, we had no kids, we lived in a safe, affluent little town and enjoyed life.

We moved back to Europe because I wanted to be nearer family, and because my OH's company offered him a transfer. Life here is fine for me, but my OH feels trapped back in his old home country. He feels like he took a massive step backwards. Committed financial suicide (it's true: we lost a lot of money as a result of moving).

But now we have a 2 year old. If it was just me, I'd make the move to basically save our marriage.

My OH has a chronic illness that he thinks will be treated better in the US (using employee health insurance). And he thinks moving there will open many more doors for him in his career (true) and give our child many more opportunities (true - but in my mind the negatives cancel them out).

I have so many concerns about the state of the US right now and just living there in general with a child: the constant worry about guns, and predators, and all the chemicals and additives in the food, the standard of education in public schools, the cost of living/childcare/healthcare, the distance from family and ageing parents, the drug problems, the homeless epidemic (I lived in the Bay Area previously - terrible problem), the religious and anti vax nutters ... the political situation...

Am I reading too many clickbait articles about ICE, Epstein, T-rump, crystal meth, kidnappings, school shootings? I was in Orlando/Miami a couple of months ago and things felt fine, tbh, but I was in touristy areas.

Those of you with small kids, tell me, are you constantly on edge, more than you think you would be in the UK, northern Europe etc? Are you happy with the education system (public)? Would you move there now with your toddler if you were in my position.

[And before anyone asks: we are GC holders with reentry permits that expire in August.Yes we've filed taxes every year. OH wants to go back to CA. I am very hesitant because of the timezone (my team is in Europe) so somewhere on the East Coast is probably a compromise. A little wave to all the old mods that used to censor me wholeheartedly all those years ago :p]

Re: Moving Back to US - Would you do it now?
 

If you are following the news, why on earth would you want to subject yourself to the current insanity?

Re: Moving Back to US - Would you do it now?
 

Could be a last chance if you LPR status is about to expire? Who knows if you'd ever get a visa to US again.

Very job dependent I'd say.

Re: Moving Back to US - Would you do it now?
 

Yes, that's the issue - it's now or never. And I'm kind of OK with never but my OH is very not OK with it. Job - mine would hopefully transfer (fully remote company, large staff body in US and people are moving around the world often). OH is very specialized in a niche tech area and would probably find work easily.

Re: Moving Back to US - Would you do it now?
 

Exactly. My OH has a romanticised idea of how things are. He doesn't understand that things have changed vastly since Covid and the orange gibbon. He doesn't read the news. He doesn't understand how different life would be living there with a child.

Re: Moving Back to US - Would you do it now?
 

Definitely do not romanticize and please keep up to date with events. The New York Times recently ran an interesting piece about how the US can feel like two parallel universes. For most, life goes on: work, school, little league etc. And then there are government thugs murdering citizens on the street. Those lawless thugs are Trump's Wehrmacht. I bet your government doesn't do that. Family keeps me here but I have thought of leaving. But I have been here so long I have chosen to stay and fight. But coming in now? Would you feel like you are condoning the actions of the government? Does this current version of the US deserve your skills? Will it get better or worse? I have cried at what's going on here.

Re: Moving Back to US - Would you do it now?
 

I have no doubt that your OH loves your child and wants the best for them. To help him engage with the experience of education for children as young as 3, maybe show him this article and ask him to reflect on it.

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-44411208

Re: Moving Back to US - Would you do it now?
 

Besides the orange idiot and his proclamations that there is no such thing as global warming, and his rollbacks on environmental protections, there is RFK Jr. decimating the public health sector with his anti-vaccine bias -- measles is back and killing children -- and ICE running rampant, executing US citizens and snatching up and incarcerating children. Why come here when you don't have to? The atmosphere is not pleasant. It will take decades to sort out this mess.

Re: Moving Back to US - Would you do it now?
 

And this is exactly the reason why every bone in my body says no, no, no....

Re: Moving Back to US - Would you do it now?
 

A lot of food for thought in this thread, but since the OP has a two year old, I’d focus in on the safety, health and security of young children. Measles, just one example. There was a good article in the Atlantic a couple of days ago, titled “How Measles will Kill Your Children” or similar. Some it kills during the course of the disease, through pneumonia or similar. Others it kills several years later, through progressive brain damage and dementia. (Most make a full recovery from measles.)

Then, school shootings and other random violence.

Re: Moving Back to US - Would you do it now?
 

As a mother and a grandmother, I double checked and you can still have your children vaccinated against childhood diseases such as measles, mumps, etc. and would still urge my family to do so. As for school shootings there were 233 shootings in 2025 out of 115171 schools. Of course, one shooting is one too many. As for Trump, he is not president for life (unless it is a short life) and the position will be taken over by someone else in the next election.

Re: Moving Back to US - Would you do it now?
 

Obviously, you can choose to vaccinate your children. But what about infants and babies contracting measles and other contagious diseases before the recommended minimum age of vaccination? In the Atlantic article I referred to, the child who eventually died of progressive brain damage and dementia as a result of measles was just a few months old when he contracted the disease as a result of contact with unvaccinated older children.

Re: Moving Back to US - Would you do it now?
 

Discussed what living is like, currently, in the US this morning with hubby. While the Trump madness is local and world news, from a day to day perspective our lives have not changed; but then we are now retired.
We hate what Trump is doing, from his authoritarianism, cronyism and, lets face it, corruption - but to date this has not materially affected our lives here, and so, from that aspect, unless you are going to, seriously, worry daily about Trump and his actions, you may find life here not so different.
However, when you lived in the US 5 years ago, you lived in California, both worked and were childless - and that is the life your husband is remembering.
You say that you would likely compromise (if you HAD to move back) and move to the East Coast - would this scratch your husband's itch? What are his job prospects like on the East Coast?
Education and the state of US schools has always concerned me - long before Trump came into office. Private schooling might be something you need to budget for.

Re: Moving Back to US - Would you do it now?
 

Don’t do it.

Re: Moving Back to US - Would you do it now?
 

Would I be correct in assuming that your child is not a US citizen or current green card holder? If so, is there not a bit of a wait for them to get a green card, would that mean leaving them with relatives in Europe while you guys apply for their paperwork?