ironporer

Maybe it has been said already but have you considered what will be needed just to move? Either you and your husband are indeed very young and naive, or maybe he doesn't really intend to do what he says (Sorry, I always see the worst in young irresponsible men).

Here is a list just ofof what came to me in 5 minutes...I am sure there are mistakes, but it gives you a general idea of how many "pennies" he will have to save.

Airline tickets 4 x $1000 $4,000.00
1st/last month rent 2 x $750 $1,500.00
2 visas for Mom/daughter 2 x $1000 $2,000.00
Gas/Elec/Phone/Cable deposit4 x $100 $400.00
total $7,900.00

Didn't register the kids birth at the embassy in London? add $100 each
Passports for kids? $105 each here in the US...add $210.


Got a car already? If not add $5000-$10,000 for a used beater minivan. And $100/month for insurance. Kids Carseats? Add $50 each.

Didn't register the kids birth at the embassy in London? add $100 each
Passports for kids? $105 each here in the US...add $210.

Seems like you need about $15,000-$20,000 just to get here legally, have a house/apt., and a vehicle.


I think you- as the adult in the relationship, need to take off the rose colored glasses and take stock of what the situation really is. If he is commited it will not take long to prove it- hischecks arriving in the mail will tell you how long it really is going to take (2+ years IMO- if he is a hard working/saving SOB... 2 to 4 months if not) to get back together.

Savanna

I couldn't ask him to join in this discussion meauxna, because I know how it would end, with him getting banned from the forum.. he'd take huge offense to what ppl are saying.. two words- he's Italian.

anuny, its really not like that. He hasn't spent anytime with his friends over there, thats the last thing on his mind, every spare second he has is spent with us on the webcams.. he even gets up at 5 am so he's there for the kids wakening up, his heart is in the right place, although his methods aren't.

As I explained to him last night, all my life I have gotten myself into situations because of my lack of sense, and im sick of it. Take the settlement for eg, I tried with that and he was havin none of it, we screwed up.. I should have been more forth right and he should have gotten his finger out and done a bit research- I'm not screwing up this time to be left in a mess again.

He keeps saying have faith in me, it means a lot to him, but I can't.. I can't be as unrealistic as that, not when my kids are involved. His aunt told him last night that she is going to get donations going and help raise the 3000 for the visas and AoS.. but I had to be the buzz killer again and explain that it's still not enough.. what about when we get there? he accuses me of bringing his moral and positivity down, but I cant just sit, nod my head and put all my faith in him because he has let me down before, more than once and I do put it down to his age.

I told him there is no way Im even going to think about coming over unless he has a permanent job, then he says things like I'll get one when u guys get here! *counts to 10* he hasn't even sat down and did a financial plan.

He's trying to wing this and it just isn't the sort of situation u can do that with, I've been winging my way through life up until now thats why I am, where I am.

Now im just worried my husband will stumble across this site, he'd go mad at me for discussing all this.. he'd take huge offense to all this, he's really touchy about me listening to strangers, rather than him.. think it hurts his feelings and makes him feel less of a man or something, but if he would come back down to earth for a second, he'd see that it's sound and realistic advice.

Thanks btw, u guys have helped give my sense a little push in the right direction, otherwise I'd prolly headin in the wrong direction, story of my life.

ian-mstm

So far, I have stayed out of this thread (much to the relief of the moderators, no doubt! ) but this comment has caused me to post.

If your husband finds out, then one of two things will likely happen... he will either yell at you via webcam - and you can simply walk away or turn off your computer; or he will get on a plane and return to yell at you face to face - and you two will, if nothing else, be together.

If he is adamant about staying in the US but refuses to sort things out without you being there, and if you are adamant about not going to the US until he sorts things out ahead of time... then I'm afraid you are both at a standoff and headed towards separation.

If that isn't what you both want, then one of you needs to be more flexible. I understand why you want things sorted ahead of time, and I fully support your position. It is far easier for him to acquiesce to your wishes. Perhaps what he needs, loathe though you may be to reduce this to an ultimatum, is you to introduce the "D" word into the equation - and tell him that if he isn't willing to get things sorted out ahead of time that you and the children are quite content to remain where you are!

Okay... I'm stepping back now.

Ian

Englishtart

You have been given a lot of sage advice from the members here in your thread, I can imagine how stressful this whole situation is for you. You really do have to think about your kids though, is your hubby really understanding how worried you are? I know what you mean about his getting upset with you listening to strangers, he is your husband, he thinks he knows what is best for you and his family. Unfortunately, he isn't thinking long term (you are)

I'm confused about your comment that his Aunt is starting donations for you? I thought you said she was the one with 'the money'? If she can't afford to pay the $3k, how can she afford to pay for you guys to get settled and help you out until you can afford to pay your own way? Ian is right, you need to give hubby a push, it's not easy I know, but you are where you need to be, where your kids need to be, now it's time for hubby to get back there and be where you need him to be. Maybe if you can all get more financially secure in the UK, you can revisit the idea of moving in the future. Good luck sweety, you are going to have to be the tough one

Nutmegger

Now I'm getting really worried for you Savanna -- reading between the lines of what you say about his attitude, it sounds as if getting you onto his "territory," where you have nothing but him to rely on, on is a means of controlling you. Please don't let yourself become the victim of abusive behavior -- these kinds of mind games can lead to worse.

Mummy in the foothills

I read the same thing. Get you here, take control, no going back even if it's not working. You want to leave do it without the kids as they are his kind of situation.
Sorry he doesn't sound very mature.

meauxna

Good morning everyone.
As you can see, this is a somewhat unusual thread. I appreciate everyone keeping it specifically on the topic of how Savanna and her family can reunite. Please mark what she noted about how her husband would feel if he read this, and bear that in mind when you post.
We don't know him, and we should be careful about characterizing who he is, without knowing him.

Savanna, ironporer's financial estimate is very close from what I can see. I know you think your husband might get upset, but you two must do that sort of financial analysis to make sure you go down the right track.

Englishtart

[QUOTE=meauxna;8769493]Good morning everyone.
As you can see, this is a somewhat unusual thread. I appreciate everyone keeping it specifically on the topic of how Savanna and her family can reunite. Please mark what she noted about how her husband would feel if he read this, and bear that in mind when you post.
We don't know him, and we should be careful about characterizing who he is, without knowing him. QUOTE]

Very true. Savanna obviously loves her husband, it can't be easy for her to read us strangers jumping to conclusions about his motives etc.

It's a very tough situation, I hope it can be resolved in a way that keeps everyone happy and secure. The children have to be their first priority though.

Bluegrass Lass

Savannah we can understand the heartache and the stress this whole immigration problem places on both your shoulders. However, it sounds like your husbands' continued insistence on 'winging it' is going to cause you both even more hardship. His (seeming) willful ignorance of the US immigration processes will not bring you bliss - it will only bring more heartache and stress.

Neither you, nor he, want to be faced with wrath of USCIS if you do not go through the correct steps of immigrating - it will only add to your stress. You could wind up being banned from the US long-term or even potentially forever. And if your children (except for the oldest) are in the US, then you could wind up being banned from seeing the kids as you wouldn't be able to legally take them with you back to the UK (unless hubby allowed it). That potential consequence should not be taken lightly.

It is not our goal to scare the living daylights out of you, but we like to make sure people are aware of the consequences of their immigration actions. The more mistakes are made, the more difficult and more expensive it is to fix them.

Not to sound like a judgmental b*tch, but your husband sounds like he would be one of the types of folks that we get on here that we categorize as "don't like what they are told, so they just get pissed off". Please tell your husband that he cannot afford to get angry about this, and he needs to instead do research and gain all the information he needs to understand the process. It has nothing to do with you not having faith in him, and everything to do with following the laws of how to immigrate.

A lot of us here know what it's like to be separated by an ocean, facing a lengthy & convoluted bureaucratic process. However, please don't rush things - both of you do the research and come to terms with the reality of the situation, then figure out what path to take to reunite your family.

ironporer

I hope we didn't scare the poor girl off...she kida reminded me of Guinevere.

Englishman in Eugene

Savanna is probably due to give birth any day now, if the baby hasn't already been born, so spare a thought, prayer or sacrifice a goat for her depending on your particular schick.

For the overall situation, I hope the husband mans up and goes back to the UK to support his family financially and emotionally, despite his distaste for the country, because it doesn't look like they're ever close to the money required to make even getting to the US possible, let alone supporting themselves there on a daily basis on one unskilled and unreliable income.

rculater

Yes, I was wondering how Savanna was doing - post back when your able too..

Nicole5446

Not sure about her state of choice, but there should be emergency cash aid available (heard of welfare?), and governments are generally more lenient when children are involved. Here in CA she could get food stamps, WIC and cash aid...you don't even have to be a citizen for some programs.

Nicole5446

I DO hope she stayed in the UK for the birth...otherwise she would have been looking at a $30,000+ bill here! I managed to get Medic-aid when I arrived in the US from my UK visit, so my delivery was absolutely free, but I think you have to have a social sec. number to get it.

Bluegrass Lass

This is heavily state dependent. There are more liberal states that apparently do have more aid available, but not all do. For example, I've never heard of anyone in my state that received cash help - and I know a few women that could have used that kind of help. All states use different standards as far as who qualifies for some programs - and some states are not always friendly to new immigrants.