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Marriage problems, can I divorce him here?

Marriage problems, can I divorce him here?

Old May 4th 2008, 12:56 pm
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Default Re: Marriage problems, can I divorce him here?

Originally Posted by JAMZ View Post
Okay this may sound crazy, but can someone put me staight on this. We got married in England (both are british citizens) in 1989. We moved here to California in 1993 and have been having marrital problems for the past couple of years. He threatened me with, I can't divorce him here because the US do not recognize our marriage because we didn't marry here. I would have to go back to UK to divorce him and if I do that he will ignore my request and tell me to f**k off. Surely he's talking through is a**. Where do I stand here? Can anyone help?
I know a man who can help you ! ..... Contact 'Fat Tony' aka 'Tone the knife' in the yellow pages as Tony's pizza, Broadway, The Bronx, NY
Tell him Vito sent you
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Old May 4th 2008, 3:01 pm
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Default Re: Marriage problems, can I divorce him here?

Originally Posted by SarahInTX View Post
Not sure if this is a BIG help, but 20+ years ago I divorced my husband (we were married in the UK and at the time living in Iowa). We had green cards. It made no difference to my status, and in fact my green card had my married name on it for as long as I had it. (I just got citizenship a couple of years ago.)

We had no kids. That's a whole different can of worms.
I had a similar situation, similar time line. Had two kids involved. The settlement re the kids was that I could not move kids out of state without other parent written permission.
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Old May 5th 2008, 5:55 pm
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Default Re: Marriage problems, can I divorce him here?

I also understand from the other thread that the husband is on board.
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Old May 5th 2008, 6:22 pm
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Default Re: Marriage problems, can I divorce him here?

Originally Posted by JAMZ View Post
Okay this may sound crazy, but can someone put me staight on this. We got married in England (both are british citizens) in 1989. We moved here to California in 1993 and have been having marrital problems for the past couple of years. He threatened me with, I can't divorce him here because the US do not recognize our marriage because we didn't marry here. I would have to go back to UK to divorce him and if I do that he will ignore my request and tell me to f**k off. Surely he's talking through is a**. Where do I stand here? Can anyone help?
Based on your other posts, have you considered that this is his way of saying "I don't want to divorce you! Don't leave!"?

Of course you can divorce here regardless of where you married. Is it the right choice? Maybe it's something you two could work out with a third party, and find a mutually agreeable solution.
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Old May 5th 2008, 6:50 pm
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Default Re: Marriage problems, can I divorce him here?

From what I have read it sounded more like he was saying you can go but don't expect any cash from me.
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Old May 5th 2008, 7:09 pm
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Default Re: Marriage problems, can I divorce him here?

Originally Posted by chicagojlo View Post
From what I have read it sounded more like he was saying you can go but don't expect any cash from me.
Not really his decision to make, though.
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Old May 5th 2008, 7:11 pm
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Default Re: Marriage problems, can I divorce him here?

That's why he was trying the whole 'you can't divorce me here' thinking she wouldn't investigate.
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Old May 5th 2008, 8:02 pm
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Default Re: Marriage problems, can I divorce him here?

Originally Posted by JAMZ View Post
Okay this may sound crazy, but can someone put me staight on this. We got married in England (both are british citizens) in 1989. We moved here to California in 1993 and have been having marrital problems for the past couple of years. He threatened me with, I can't divorce him here because the US do not recognize our marriage because we didn't marry here. I would have to go back to UK to divorce him and if I do that he will ignore my request and tell me to f**k off. Surely he's talking through is a**. Where do I stand here? Can anyone help?
Hi:

He is shoveling a lot of "BS" at you.

Validity of marriage -- valid if valid under the law of the place of celebration.

Jurisdiction for dissolution of marriage -- by the law of the RESIDENCE of EITHER spouse.

In your case, it seems that ONLY California will have jurisdiction -- and California will PRESUME the UK marriage is valid.

These rules are well established -- and forgetting dissolution of marriage for a moment, they often come up in Probate.
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Old May 5th 2008, 9:53 pm
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Default Re: Marriage problems, can I divorce him here?

Thanks everyone. I kind of thought he was dishing out s**t. He is very controlling sometimes (actually most of the time). I suppose that hasn't been a problem in our marriage until now. I agree I think he is saying he doesn't want us to go, but I wish he could say it in a better way.
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Old May 5th 2008, 10:14 pm
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Default Re: Marriage problems, can I divorce him here?

Men eh?
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Old May 6th 2008, 6:29 am
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Default Re: Marriage problems, can I divorce him here?

Two other comments:- California won't let you take the children out of state during the divorce process without either your husband's or the court's permission. And if your husband wishes to share custody of your children, don't assume that the court will grant you permission for you to leave the country with them on a full-time basis.
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Old May 7th 2008, 5:06 am
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Default Re: Marriage problems, can I divorce him here?

Originally Posted by Giantaxe View Post
Two other comments:- California won't let you take the children out of state during the divorce process without either your husband's or the court's permission. And if your husband wishes to share custody of your children, don't assume that the court will grant you permission for you to leave the country with them on a full-time basis.
Giantaxe is correct to a point, courts will look to the residence of the children, the father and mother and are supposed to look for the best interests of all. Normally courts will expect everyone to remain in the area with the children while the court decides who has custody of the children. Taking the children from the area complicates things for the court and is frowned upon.

There are also some complications in just taking the children back to the UK to obtain a divorce there. Most states, including California have what are called "custodial interference" laws. Basically these laws make it an offense to take children intending on preventing the other spouse from seeing them. This is a different issue than getting a divorce and then asking the court for permission to move back to the UK with them. Getting permission to move may or may not be difficult depending on the judge, status and age of the children, etc. You really do need to talk to a local California lawyer about the divorce.

Others encouraged you to become a US citizen. This is a good idea. Once a US citizen, they can't revoke your right to live in the US absent fraud in the application process. Many people don't realise it but the US can revoke green cards and deport people for relatively minor offenses, including drink driving, if the laws in the state you are in are worded in certain ways. Admittedly, the immigration authorities have bigger problems to deal with than the odd Brit with a problem drinking, but why take the risk? One more factor to consider, when we looked into things several years ago, we learned the US assesses different estate taxes on citizens than non-citizens. Not a particularly nice subject, but something that could eventually impact your children.

I'm guessing your kids were born in the US. You should obtain UK passports for them. Even if they consider themselves Americans, the UK passport could open doors for them later in life.
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Old May 7th 2008, 6:27 am
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Default Re: Marriage problems, can I divorce him here?

I have been in your position. My ex and I married in the UK, we then divorced in MN.

I can't stress enough how important it is to obtain your citizenship. I know when I went through my divorce I believe it worked to my advantage being a USC stating that I wanted to take our children to the UK to live. CA will have juristiction in your case as the children are seen as habitually resident there and any decisions must be made there.

If I were you I would shop around for a lawyer - specifically divorce. I don't beleive that you need to have a divorce and immigration lawyer as your immigration status appears straight forward. In my case I went for a free consultation with 3 different lawyers so by the end of it I was able to put together my own divorce and custody agreement. I would also say educate yourself as much as you can on divorce laws in CA. Go to the local courthouse and obtain a DIY divorce pack.

Luckily in the end I was able to get my ex to agree to allow my to take our children to the UK which was outlined in our divorce agreement. He pays a reduced amount of child support to factor into the costs of airfare etc.

Have you asked your husband to see a divorce mediator with you? It may help trying to resolve your potential divorce issues. Feel free to PM me.
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