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Losing a Parent

Losing a Parent

Old Mar 10th 2006, 7:46 pm
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Default Losing a Parent

Hi,

How many of you out there have experienced this or have it as your major fear?
Its been just over 14 months since my Dad died.
It was dec 2004 and i managed to get home the day before to be with them.
He was at home and Mum and i were holding his hands as he took his last breath.
He had Mesothelioma ( Rare form of Lung Cancer due to Asbestos )
He was only 66 yrs old.It can take 30 - 40 years for this terrible disease to show up.
Originally Doc's gave him a couple of months. He had some Radiation and some of the disease removed. It bought him some more time.But its a fatal cancer.
They said maybe 7 months plus or less. This was in Dec 2002.
But Dad was a fighter and so very brave. He showed them and defied their odds.Lasted for 2 years and 2 months from first being diagnosed.
I dont want to go on and on and bore you all silly.
Its just another thing we may cope with while being here.
And if any of you are going through this right now. My heart goes out to you.
No matter how old we are its so very hard to lose a parent.
Im thankful he saw me married etc.
A special man , that i miss so very much each and every day.

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Old Mar 10th 2006, 7:52 pm
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Default Re: Losing a Parent

My deepest sympathy on the passing of your father.

I was blessed enough to be in the UK when my Dad died. It's been almost 30 years ago now, but I still miss him every day. Time may not totally heal, but it softens the edges.
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Old Mar 10th 2006, 7:56 pm
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Smile Re: Losing a Parent

Originally Posted by TaffyinOK
My deepest sympathy on the passing of your father.

I was blessed enough to be in the UK when my Dad died. It's been almost 30 years ago now, but I still miss him every day. Time may not totally heal, but it softens the edges.

Thanks for that.

I know time is a healer.
I dont thing we ever get over it no matter how long it is.
We just get more used to it. You have to i guess otherwise it would drive you nuts.
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Old Mar 10th 2006, 8:05 pm
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Default Re: Losing a Parent

It is never easy and you never get over it entirely, especially around occasions which were important family days for everyone.

My mom passed when she was 64 and I was 42. I had just enough time to run into the emergency room and hold her hand and tell her I loved her and she died. Its been 16 years and still we miss her but the pain is less and we remember her without tears.

My significant other died in my arms at the age of 57 while we waited for the ambulance. It has been 14 years and still I think of him daily and stay in close touch with his family.



Originally Posted by unicorndreams
Hi,

How many of you out there have experienced this or have it as your major fear?
Its been just over 14 months since my Dad died.
It was dec 2004 and i managed to get home the day before to be with them.
He was at home and Mum and i were holding his hands as he took his last breath.
He had Mesothelioma ( Rare form of Lung Cancer due to Asbestos )
He was only 66 yrs old.It can take 30 - 40 years for this terrible disease to show up.
Originally Doc's gave him a couple of months. He had some Radiation and some of the disease removed. It bought him some more time.But its a fatal cancer.
They said maybe 7 months plus or less. This was in Dec 2002.
But Dad was a fighter and so very brave. He showed them and defied their odds.Lasted for 2 years and 2 months from first being diagnosed.
I dont want to go on and on and bore you all silly.
Its just another thing we may cope with while being here.
And if any of you are going through this right now. My heart goes out to you.
No matter how old we are its so very hard to lose a parent.
Im thankful he saw me married etc.
A special man , that i miss so very much each and every day.

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Old Mar 10th 2006, 8:06 pm
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Default Re: Losing a Parent

Originally Posted by unicorndreams
Thanks for that.

I know time is a healer.
I dont thing we ever get over it no matter how long it is.
We just get more used to it. You have to i guess otherwise it would drive you nuts.
Hi, really sorry to hear about your Dad, thats a horrible cancer and 66 is too young.
I haven't lost a parent yet and hope it is a long time before I have to face going through the pain of their passing.
I have however lost a close friend to suicide and the greif that is all-consuming and searing I can relate to.
I do have to say I don't buy into that old saying that time heals all wounds. I think time heals nothing, you heal yourself. My mother in law lost her parents 20 years ago and hit the bottle to cope with it. All these years later, because she didn't allow herself to go through the pain and feel it, the grief is still as fresh for her as if they died yesterday. A lot of people are limited in their ability to cope with difficult emotions.
You sound as though you have coped remarkably well and my hats off to you.
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Old Mar 10th 2006, 8:10 pm
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Default Re: Losing a Parent

Originally Posted by unicorndreams
Hi,

How many of you out there have experienced this or have it as your major fear?
Its been just over 14 months since my Dad died.
It was dec 2004 and i managed to get home the day before to be with them.
He was at home and Mum and i were holding his hands as he took his last breath.
He had Mesothelioma ( Rare form of Lung Cancer due to Asbestos )
He was only 66 yrs old.It can take 30 - 40 years for this terrible disease to show up.
Originally Doc's gave him a couple of months. He had some Radiation and some of the disease removed. It bought him some more time.But its a fatal cancer.
They said maybe 7 months plus or less. This was in Dec 2002.
But Dad was a fighter and so very brave. He showed them and defied their odds.Lasted for 2 years and 2 months from first being diagnosed.
I dont want to go on and on and bore you all silly.
Its just another thing we may cope with while being here.
And if any of you are going through this right now. My heart goes out to you.
No matter how old we are its so very hard to lose a parent.
Im thankful he saw me married etc.
A special man , that i miss so very much each and every day.

My deepest sympathy, I lost my mum to cancer aged 59 just after I'd had her first grandchild, my dad died 5 years later to cancer as others have said the pain never goes away but it certainly eases, I was lucky enough to still be at home when they both passed away so had precious time with them but there isn't a day goes by that I don't miss them.
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Old Mar 10th 2006, 8:12 pm
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Default Re: Losing a Parent

Originally Posted by unicorndreams
Hi,

How many of you out there have experienced this or have it as your major fear?
Its been just over 14 months since my Dad died.
It was dec 2004 and i managed to get home the day before to be with them.
He was at home and Mum and i were holding his hands as he took his last breath.
He had Mesothelioma ( Rare form of Lung Cancer due to Asbestos )
He was only 66 yrs old.It can take 30 - 40 years for this terrible disease to show up.
Originally Doc's gave him a couple of months. He had some Radiation and some of the disease removed. It bought him some more time.But its a fatal cancer.
They said maybe 7 months plus or less. This was in Dec 2002.
But Dad was a fighter and so very brave. He showed them and defied their odds.Lasted for 2 years and 2 months from first being diagnosed.
I dont want to go on and on and bore you all silly.
Its just another thing we may cope with while being here.
And if any of you are going through this right now. My heart goes out to you.
No matter how old we are its so very hard to lose a parent.
Im thankful he saw me married etc.
A special man , that i miss so very much each and every day.

I lost my grandad almost a year ago, not a parent but having lived with my grandparents until I was 4 and having been so very close, I always felt I had 2 dads.
I didn't get back in time to see him one last time, which makes me so sad but he knew I was on my way..
Personally in some respect I think it makes it easier being away from home, sometimes for a split I forget and do things that I'd love to tell him but then I remember.. If I was there and going to the house twice a week like I used to, I'd be faced with a constant reminder of the huge gap he's left behind, not sure how I'd cope with that.
I consider myself lucky that at 34 I've only lost one Grandparent although since my grandad died my grandma just isn't interested anymore in anything..she's just biding her time, I think she's hoping for it to be sooner rather than later, that's going to be a strange one when it happens because in some respect I know she can't wait to go and be with him again so maybe its not going to be so sad. Can you die from a broken heart? Because I think that's what it will be.
My other grandparents are also ill now, my grandad has been on dialysis for some time and is now very very frail but he's 87 so hasn't done bad, my only concern there is that if he goes soon, my grandma has early stage Alzheimers and I'm concerned that she won't be able to cope on her own, at 80, she looks no older than most 60 year olds and is very fit and healthy, she was still so active and independant, what an horrendous thing to happen to anyone, my mum says she getting worse daily, forgets things she did 5 minutes ago.
My parents are still in their very early 50's so I can't even comprehend how that be would be if anything happened, thinking about it, which I never really have before (because they're such young parents, I'm assuming I'll actually die before them, LOL) maybe I'd even have to consider not staying here, I just don't know, its an awful thought.
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Old Mar 10th 2006, 8:25 pm
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Default Re: Losing a Parent

I never had a great relationship with either of my parents and my grandparents raised me for many years. When my grandad died I felt a huge part of me was gone but over time it got easier, when my Nana died I felt like I wanted to die as well. I will miss her every single day for the rest of my life. I don't know that I will ever get over losing her but I know that my life is wonderful for having had her in it and that my daughter got to know her great grandma, I only wish my daughter would have a nana as wonderful as she was.
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Old Mar 10th 2006, 8:27 pm
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Default Re: Losing a Parent

I'm so sorry for your loss, I know it's hard without your loved one there to share with.

I lost my first husband to cancer in 1987 (when I was only 27 and he was only 29). That taught me a lot about life and death, and an appreciation for each.

I lost my mother to a cancer we didn't even know she had, in May 2004. She was 81. My sister and I were there in the hospital with her, holding her hand, and made the decision to shut off the ventilator that was keeping her alive. It was a painful day.

I lost my dad to natural causes in January this year. He was 88. True to form, he kept us laughing even 5 hours before he died. Unfortunately, we thought he had a few more days, so my sister and I went home for a few hours to catch some sleep, and he slipped away from us while we were gone from his side. My thinking is perhaps he preferred it that way, so as to spare us watching him go. I was very close to my dad, and it's been very hard without him around.

My heart goes out to you.
Rene
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Old Mar 10th 2006, 8:38 pm
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Default Re: Losing a Parent

Originally Posted by woodsey
I lost my grandad almost a year ago, not a parent but having lived with my grandparents until I was 4 and having been so very close, I always felt I had 2 dads.
I didn't get back in time to see him one last time, which makes me so sad but he knew I was on my way..
Personally in some respect I think it makes it easier being away from home, sometimes for a split I forget and do things that I'd love to tell him but then I remember.. If I was there and going to the house twice a week like I used to, I'd be faced with a constant reminder of the huge gap he's left behind, not sure how I'd cope with that.
I consider myself lucky that at 34 I've only lost one Grandparent although since my grandad died my grandma just isn't interested anymore in anything..she's just biding her time, I think she's hoping for it to be sooner rather than later, that's going to be a strange one when it happens because in some respect I know she can't wait to go and be with him again so maybe its not going to be so sad. Can you die from a broken heart? Because I think that's what it will be.
My other grandparents are also ill now, my grandad has been on dialysis for some time and is now very very frail but he's 87 so hasn't done bad, my only concern there is that if he goes soon, my grandma has early stage Alzheimers and I'm concerned that she won't be able to cope on her own, at 80, she looks no older than most 60 year olds and is very fit and healthy, she was still so active and independant, what an horrendous thing to happen to anyone, my mum says she getting worse daily, forgets things she did 5 minutes ago.
My parents are still in their very early 50's so I can't even comprehend how that be would be if anything happened, thinking about it, which I never really have before (because they're such young parents, I'm assuming I'll actually die before them, LOL) maybe I'd even have to consider not staying here, I just don't know, its an awful thought.

My husband's grandma was more of a mother to him than his real mum, who nearly drank herself to death when he was kid and has been pissed for most of his life. So I know how devastating losing a grandparent can be, like you said its like having two mums/dads.
You are lucky though, I never met my grandad, and all the others died when I was a kid so I don't know what its like to have nice grandparents. I used to pretend that James Earl Jones was my grandpa when I was younger

I do think you can die of a broken heart btw, as my grandma lost her son and after that and apparently all she said about it was "My son is dead, my heart is broken." She died 18 months later.
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Old Mar 10th 2006, 8:42 pm
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Default Re: Losing a Parent

Originally Posted by unicorndreams
Hi,

How many of you out there have experienced this or have it as your major fear?
Its been just over 14 months since my Dad died.
It was dec 2004 and i managed to get home the day before to be with them.
He was at home and Mum and i were holding his hands as he took his last breath.
He had Mesothelioma ( Rare form of Lung Cancer due to Asbestos )
He was only 66 yrs old.It can take 30 - 40 years for this terrible disease to show up.
Originally Doc's gave him a couple of months. He had some Radiation and some of the disease removed. It bought him some more time.But its a fatal cancer.
They said maybe 7 months plus or less. This was in Dec 2002.
But Dad was a fighter and so very brave. He showed them and defied their odds.Lasted for 2 years and 2 months from first being diagnosed.
I dont want to go on and on and bore you all silly.
Its just another thing we may cope with while being here.
And if any of you are going through this right now. My heart goes out to you.
No matter how old we are its so very hard to lose a parent.
Im thankful he saw me married etc.
A special man , that i miss so very much each and every day.

My Dad died last year totally out of the blue at 67. In some respects this has been less painful than a long illness and then the panic and rush home that Woodsey went through. He lived alone and was dead a few days before he was discovered (he used to ignore the phone and his neighbours on a regular basis ) I used to visit him every week so it would have been me rather than a policeman that found him. Clearing his house out was the worst thing ever and I wouldn't wish that on my worse enemy
My mum smokes 40 a day, eats appalling food and does not give a shit about anything even after a stroke 4 years ago - she will probably live to be 95
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Old Mar 10th 2006, 8:55 pm
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Default Re: Losing a Parent

It's things like this that put moving abroad into perspective...its' all those little things that you miss, and when someone close dies, it can take it out of you, or when it's anniversary of there death, my brother died four years ago, feb 28th, still seems weird not being able to plonk some flowers on his, or my fathers stone...just feel a little lost on those occasions I guess.
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Old Mar 10th 2006, 9:03 pm
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Default Re: Losing a Parent

Originally Posted by Bob
It's things like this that put moving abroad into perspective...its' all those little things that you miss, and when someone close dies, it can take it out of you, or when it's anniversary of there death, my brother died four years ago, feb 28th, still seems weird not being able to plonk some flowers on his, or my fathers stone...just feel a little lost on those occasions I guess.
I'm going back for the anniversary of my grandads death, he died 2 days before his birthday too, so I'm staying for that also as I know its going to be a tough time for everyone, especially my Gran..obviously I can't do that every year so I guess its going be weird for me in the future too not being there although my Grandads ashes are still wrapped up in his pyjamas on his old bed, my gran can't bear to part with them so we don't even have anywhere to go to put flowers..
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Old Mar 10th 2006, 9:07 pm
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Unhappy Re: Losing a Parent

Originally Posted by unicorndreams
Hi,

How many of you out there have experienced this or have it as your major fear?
Its been just over 14 months since my Dad died.
It was dec 2004 and i managed to get home the day before to be with them.
He was at home and Mum and i were holding his hands as he took his last breath.
He had Mesothelioma ( Rare form of Lung Cancer due to Asbestos )
He was only 66 yrs old.It can take 30 - 40 years for this terrible disease to show up.
Originally Doc's gave him a couple of months. He had some Radiation and some of the disease removed. It bought him some more time.But its a fatal cancer.
They said maybe 7 months plus or less. This was in Dec 2002.
But Dad was a fighter and so very brave. He showed them and defied their odds.Lasted for 2 years and 2 months from first being diagnosed.
I dont want to go on and on and bore you all silly.
Its just another thing we may cope with while being here.
And if any of you are going through this right now. My heart goes out to you.
No matter how old we are its so very hard to lose a parent.
Im thankful he saw me married etc.
A special man , that i miss so very much each and every day.

I'm sorry for your loss. Thanks for bringing this up because I think a lot of us worry that our older parents are so far away. I envy my friends back home who can pop round to their parents on a weekend. I am glad my sister lives close to my parents but I wish I could be near them too. Whenever one of them gets sick, I worry and wish I was there. This is one not so pleasant aspect of marrying a foreigner and emigrating.
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Old Mar 10th 2006, 9:07 pm
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Default Re: Losing a Parent

My deepest sympathies to all of you that have lost a loved one.

My father died of cancer just a couple of days after his 32nd birthday, I was 5 weeks old. In many ways I was lucky because I was so young I obviously had no knowledge of what was happening around me. My mother remarried a few years later to a wonderful man who has never treated me any differently than my younger half sister. He is my dad, the man that raised me, the man that loved me as if I was his own daughter. My parents are now in their 80's and it is so very difficult being so far away from them. They are now looking very frail and every time I leave to come home I wonder if it will be the last time I see them.
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