Cain0

Hi everyone,

I am going to start off by saying that I am not an ungrateful child who wants to move to the USA because I hate my country. I feel very grateful to have been born in the western world and to have a healthy body and a supportive family. My problem is that I can no longer identify with the mindset of my fellow countryman and I feel myself slipping into the dark road of depression because of it.

Here is my story:

I have just recently got back to the UK after living in the USA for 3 months and it is fair to say, that I am completely destroyed by the fact that I cannot be there and that I will probably never be able to live there. I love everything about the place, I love the people, the weather, the lifestyle. I know that it has its problems, but I feel that these problems can be looked over because of the positive mindset.

When I was in America, I had a social circle of around 30 people who were all incredibly friendly and helpful. I know that if I had a problem, they would help me out in a flash. It is fair to say that I have more American friends than British friends. I enjoyed going out into public, I enjoyed the friendliness and warmth that people give each other for no reason at all. I bought into the American way of seeing the bright side in every situation, no matter how bleak. I bought into hard work and respect for one another.

The respect that I received in America was like nothing I have ever experienced. In England, everyone (friends included) talk to me like absolute dirt for no reason, and i've constantly got to stick up for myself to stop myself from being trampled on. In America, people would be thoroughly interested in me and I would give them the respect back. Not once in 3 months did I have to stick up for myself. At first, I though people wanted something from me they were being so friendly, then I realized, its just the way they are. I get the impression, that in America, everyone tries to build each other up and work together. In England, people just try to knock each other down.

When I was in America, my life was on track. I has a social circle who I cared dearly for. I was incredibly driven to do well. I went to the gym 5 times a week and ate very healthily (ironically). I felt as though I was someone over there. My self esteem and confidence was through the roof. I loved life.

Then I come back to England, and I simply cannot assimilate back into the culture of my home country. I have been back for around a week and I am pretty severely depressed. I cry pretty much all the time (I never used to cry at all, I would go years and years without crying). I spend 10-13 hours a day browsing the internet doing things that remind me of America, whether it be talking to my American friends on Facebook, searching hopelessly for changes in the US immigration system so I can move there, or simply watching TV shows that display American culture.

I can no longer deal with the negative mentality and culture of British people, it completely crushes my spirit. The way people talk to one another, the completely respect-less culture. The way that people talk to each other like shit. The constant overcast skies. The binge drinking culture.

I said to myself that when I left America, I am going to keep this positive mindset throughout my life even when I get back to England. However, I can't keep it here. Everything to do with our culture is to make sure that people arn't allowed to be happy and that people with a positive outlook must be taken down a notch. This is what has happened to me.

I can't even hold a conversation with a British person anymore. I am no longer emotionally attracted to British girls (im a guy). I used to love talking to American girls because you can actually have a fun conversation and form an emotional connection with them. Trying to have a fun conversation with a British girl in her mid-20s is like trying to pull a dead elephant whilst swimming across the channel. Everyone has this attitude about them. A kind of arrogance veil that you have to wear because if you show your true personality, it is a sign of weakness and guess what, you need to be taken down a notch for it.

Anyone else had any similar experiences when moving back to the UK from the USA and has anyone got any suggestions on how I can get over this depressive slump I find myself in?

Thanks for any help, and sorry for being on such a downer.

civilservant

Move somewhere else in Europe?

Sally Redux

Looking at your past posts, you seem to have been struggling with this difficulty with England for years.

There must be plenty of options for a young person to get away and have fun in another country (which incidentally is not the same as living there permanently). I am not up-to-date, but something like BUNAC, working holiday in Australia, VSO, grape-picking or whatever.

SanDiegogirl

How do you spend 10-13 hours a day on the Internet? Don't you have a job - from your postings you are now 20.

Presume when you say you lived in the US for three months you were on vacation?

The best way to return to the US is to obtain skills/experience which will make you wanted by US employers.

I have a niece and nephew who love visiting the US. They are both here now - one on a soccer training course for three months, the other just sent over for experience by her UK based company. They both realise that if they want to live here permanently they need to have something to offer and stand out from the crowd.

Both are working to improve their working experience - so should you.

Cain0

Yes, I am currently doing Business Management at Manchester University and I am probably going to try to get a job at one of the big 4 after my degree (PwC, KPMG ect). I achieved a first degree in my first year and I am currently looking at work placements in the US for my third year. I currently do not have a part time job as I have just got back but I am looking for one. These feelings have probably been intensified since I got back by the fact I have had nothing to do, I am being forced to socialize with people who I don't like very much and my whole family is away on holiday so I am rather isolated.

Do you know if working with one of the big 4 accounting firms will allow me to transfer over to the USA once I become a chartered accountant. I have a vision of where I want to be in 10 years time and I will work as hard as humanely possible to make this vision a reality.

citizenmarie

May I ask... Where exactly did you live in the USA? Were you in college? And where do you live now in England? There are vast cultural differences within each country. I know what it feels like to want to "find your tribe" but I wouldn't rule out an entire country, or all of Europe. It can be a matter of getting involved in the right school or job or other group activity/travel in order to rebuild a circle of friends. This can take time, patience, and exploration, but you can have a more fulfilling life. Hey, in your explorations you might end up marrying an American girl, you never know! And I've personally known a lots of people who come over to the US as students then get sponsored by a company and end up staying. Where there's a will there's a way

Oh just posted as you were writing you are in Manchester... That does explain the reverse culture shock!

Sally Redux

Because no-one has ever been mean in America

BunnyGirl

To steal Pulaski's line: have you thought about internet dating? Marriage to a USC is by far the easiest way of getting over there.

Cain0

You have basically read my mind. I was in Raleigh, NC.

I definitely had the feeling of "finding my tribe". I was around people who had the exact same thought process as me for the last 3 months (positive outlook/optimism). I find people in Northern England to be kind of friendly, but very vulgar and have little respect for anyone with a different outlook to them (negative outlook/pessimism). I find that English people bond over negativity and I no longer want to be negative about everything.

I am setting in place a 10 year plan to get into America. I do realise that I am lucky that I live in a country with Universities/Corporations that can make that possible.

I did write the OP in rage after coming home to an empty house after being talked to like crap for no reason by a complete dick head (but I suppose you get them everywhere haha).

kins

I felt much the same as you did after my first 8 month spell of living in the US. It was partly where I lived and the company I worked for that made it so much fun, but also I just felt like I'd found my people.

I wasn't as depressed when I got back but I did really struggle to recover.

I did end up really enjoying living in the UK but always wanted to leave at some point. We looked into moving to NZ or possible elsewhere in Europe, but as my husband is American it eventually was easiest to move back here.

I've had mixed experiences of America now (have lived in several more places and travelled round a lot) and my mental picture of America is probably now a lot more realistic, but I still love a lot of things about living here and feel like I'm in the place I want to stay for a long time.

It sounds like you've got a realistic plan - stick with it. In the meantime enjoy life, even if it is in the UK - there is a lot there to love.

Noorah101

What visa did you have that permitted you to live in the USA for 3 months, and why can you not use it again?

Rene

Cain0

Sorry, not fully 3 months, 87 days. I think that your allowed to be in the USA for 90 days without a visa. If not, I guess I just broke the law.

Noorah101

You are allowed to VISIT the USA for up to 90 days without a visa (Visa Waiver Program or VWP). If that's what you did, you were not LIVING in the USA as you stated. You were visiting.

You need to start putting together a 5 to 10 year plan. Did any of those nice girls you met on your vacation seem to want to keep in touch romantically?

Rene

Cain0

On the plus side, I do honestly think that I have more chance of getting an American wife than a British wife. I just seem to click with American women/people in general. I can effortlessly attract American girls whereas I literally have no clue what im doing with British girls. Its like the weirdest thing ever.

I am going to try to do my best to be happy here although, it seems as if there is always someone around the corner who is trying to counter-act that.

Just out of curiosity and I hope im not being nosy. How did you meet your husband and maintain your relationship in a different country? I will probably need to do that at some point because I want to meet an American girl, not just because it will let me live there, but because I am genuinely more attracted emotionally to American girls. (Just so everyone knows, im not at all one of those people who would marry a girl just for a green-card).

Cain0

I told most of the girls that I didn't want a girlfriend over there because I knew that i'd have to leave and not see them for another year. I might change that outlook when I visit next year haha.

What would you suggest should be included in the 5 year plan. Any professions in Business that will allow me to get into the company easier. Do you know if companies like KPMG allow their employees to transfer over to america? Also, im going into the career advice service at my University tomorrow and im going to try to find some internships in the USA which will hopefully lead to a job offer.